Chapter 25
She’d forgotten how all-consuming, how overwhelming it was, being with Ben. Either that, or she’d pushed it out of her memory, determined to get on with her life, to embrace love, sex with another man. And sex with Duncan had been fine. Good, on occasions.
But with Ben … how could he create such an erotic thrill with only his mouth on her breast, his erection rubbing against her core? Yet from the hoarsely muttered words in her ear, the sounds he made, it was like he’d been the one receiving all the pleasure, despite the fact she could feel his erection hard against her thigh.
Mind still fuzzy with passion, she reached inside his shorts to curl her fingers around his heavy length, re-familiarising herself with his shape, his feel. Remembering how flipping big he was. ‘We haven’t achieved our objective.’
He groaned, his breath whispering across her ear on a hot exhale. ‘It’s not going to go down if you keep doing that.’
‘Condom?’ And no, that wasn’t a selfless request. The weight of him pushing into her hand, his big body taut with desire … memories she’d tried to bury flooded back. She wanted to feel him move inside her again. Wanted the mind-blowing passion that only he seemed able to elicit from her.
Sod oxytocin, she wanted sex.
With a shake of his head, he drew back, his face a fascinating mix of contrasts; agony and bliss, disbelief and amusement. ‘I was climbing an obstacle course.’
‘Good point.’ She gave him another long pull, and he grunted, dipping his head against her neck again. ‘I’m on the pill though, so we could still, you know?—’
‘No,’ he replied hoarsely. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I want to, more than you can possibly know, but if we have sex again, it won’t be a fast fuck in a garden shed.’
‘Summer house,’ she murmured, stroking him again, enjoying the heaviness of him, the way he pulsed in her hand. Hearing his tortured breaths.
‘Molly.’ His lids fluttered closed.
His voice was rough, his body as taut as a guitar string, and liquid heat rushed once more to her core. ‘Okay, then let me, you know, ease the pressure.’
He let out a strangled laugh. ‘You don’t need… It’s okay.’
‘It’s not okay.’ Reaching up, she kissed him, feeling her body respond again, her nipples tightening, her core clenching. ‘Please, I want to do this. I want to see your face as you come in my hand.’
‘Jesus Christ.’ She watched his struggle to regain control, but then his shoulders sagged in defeat and he pressed himself further into her grip. ‘Only if I can reciprocate.’
His hand disappeared into the front of her shorts, his fingers finding her so fast it was like they remembered the way. In an embarrassingly short time, he had her gasping again, her core tightening with pleasure, making remembering to keep stroking him increasingly difficult as he found just the perfect spot time and time again. ‘Holy shit, Ben.’ Arousal spiked and she cried out his name as another orgasm ripped through her.
With a quiet groan, he spilt into her hand.
‘Shit. Sorry.’ Swearing softly, he pulled away, his gaze dipping to the mess he’d made.
A muscle jumped in his jaw and in a flash the atmosphere in the little garden room turned from sensuous and intimate to cool and strained.
‘It’s fine.’ What had she done? ‘I can, you know, just wipe it on the grass.’
‘You shouldn’t need to … fuck.’ He tucked himself back inside his shorts, eyes still avoiding hers.
Embarrassment flooded through her and she dashed outside to clean up, tears pricking her eyes as she bent down. Clearly he was regretting it already. She was so stupid. Why had she encouraged him?
‘Hey.’ She felt his presence as he crouched down next to her, his gaze settling on her face before he exhaled a curse. ‘Come back inside. Please.’
Tugging her hand, he led her back into the summer house and sat down on the wicker sofa, lifting her onto his lap. ‘This is what I should have done.’ Carefully, like he was afraid she’d break, he pressed his lips to hers. Gone was the raw, mindless passion. This was tender, soft. A caress of her lips with his. ‘Are you okay?’
She nodded, still unable to meet his eyes. ‘Sorry if that wasn’t what you wanted?—’
‘I believe it was quite obvious it was exactly what I wanted. What I needed.’ He heaved in a breath, then feathered a kiss on the top of her head. ‘I’m the one who’s sorry. I reacted badly because I was … am annoyed with myself. I should have more control than that, but clearly around you, I don’t.’
‘I like that you don’t,’ she admitted, tucking her head onto his chest, finding the spot she’d always loved, where she could hear the steady pump of his heart. ‘We still work, don’t we?’
She felt his smile against her hair. ‘We do.’
‘But sexual compatibility was never our issue.’
‘Compatibility of any type was never a problem. I always enjoyed you, in bed and out.’ Another pause, and his hand shifted to stroke her hair. ‘We should talk,’ he murmured. ‘Not now, but?—’
‘Maybe before dinner?’ Was his hand stuck in her hair? Certainly it had stopped moving. ‘Definitely before we end up in another summer house.’
‘If there’s a next time, and I hope to God there will be, it will be in a bed.’ His hand shifted to smooth over the top of her legs. ‘Meanwhile it would help me if you didn’t wear those shorts again.’ Pleasure fizzed through her, yet before she had time to enjoy his comment, he was cursing under his breath. ‘Bollocks.’
She looked up and let out a yelp when she saw Natalie and the cameras heading their way. ‘Oh crap.’ Jumping off his lap, she patted at her hair. ‘Do I look okay? I mean, do I look like we’ve just been sitting here talking, not like I’ve had two orgasms.’
Hazel eyes surveyed her face, and his lips twitched. ‘You look gorgeous.’
‘Really?’ How was she supposed to protect her heart from him when he said things like that? And looked at her like he really meant what he was saying.
‘Really.’ He placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her gently towards to the door. Just as she was about to step outside, he bent and whispered. ‘Also like you’ve had two orgasms, and given me the best hand job I’ve had in three years.’
Her heart reared in her chest, bouncing against her ribs … why three years? Because that was the last time they were together? She couldn’t ask, because Natalie and Lauren were approaching fast, both with wide, knowing smiles on their faces.
* * *
Ben smoothed his hand down Molly’s arm until he found her wrist, then wrapped his fingers around hers.
He’d not been wrong, flushed cheeks, hair coming out of its ponytail, she looked gorgeous.
And like a walking advert for spontaneous, outdoor sex.
All he could think was thank God it was Lauren and not Rachel. He wasn’t sure he wanted to face his sister while he knew Molly’s hands still held traces of his cum.
Guilt wormed again in his gut. He couldn’t regret what happened, not when it had seemed easier to stop breathing than to stop holding her, touching her, exploding over her fingers. Still, the conversation they needed to have weighed heavily in his mind. The one he’d thrown out there to have later and she’d suggested having before dinner.
‘It looks like we’ve finally found the missing couple.’ Natalie’s voice boomed over at them. ‘And what, I wonder, have you two been up to?’
‘Ben wanted to show me?—’
‘Nothing.’
Natalie’s eyes swung between them, and a sly smile spread across her face. ‘Ladies first. What did Ben want to show you, Molly?’
Molly’s cheeks went from flushed to overripe tomato and she bit into her lip. ‘Err, he wanted to show me his … err, the…’
‘Some ideas I’ve had for her company name,’ he interrupted, half afraid in her flustered state she’d actually say the word cock.
Natalie looked taken aback, which probably explained why she didn’t ask him why he had to take Molly to a summer house to show her. ‘Is this the company you mentioned after the fete?’
‘Yes, that’s it.’ Molly glanced at him with such gratitude, it made his throat lock up. ‘I’m going to start a new business upcycling clothes. Ben’s been helping me as he’s kind of an expert in setting up companies, so for once I don’t mind taking notice of what he says.’ She let out the irrepressible grin he loved, and he hoped to God he’d prove as good at this as she thought. He couldn’t bear to disappoint her again.
He listened with half an ear while she babbled on about why upcycling was so important and how she’d started off with jackets but wanted to have a full range of clothes and accessories, because who didn’t want a handbag fused from three different types and colours of leather?
‘Umm, thanks Molly.’ Natalie interrupted the monologue, a wide smile fixed on her face. ‘Interesting as your new company sounds, we really came to ask you about the obstacle race.’
‘Ah, okay.’ Molly gave her a sheepish grin.
‘First, we wanted to congratulate you,’ Natalie continued. ‘Were you aware you two had the fastest time?’
‘Ooh, did we?’ Molly snuck him another grin. ‘We knew we’d beaten Duncan and Jasmine, but not that we’d come first. That should please Mr Competitive here.’
He stared back at her. ‘What pleases me is that winning means we’re unlikely to get split up.’
Her expression softened. ‘The game was about trust. You trusted me to guide you over the course without hurting you, and I trusted you to do the same.’
‘So you’re starting to trust Ben again?’ Natalie prompted.
Molly glanced his way and gave him a slow smile. ‘It looks that way, yes.’
He forced a smile, every muscle in his body tightening. This was all hurtling ahead way too fast. She was talking about trusting him again and he was holding back vital information which would make her question what on earth she was doing with him.
But going back to that time was torture, agonising. He wasn’t sure how to put it into words in a way that wouldn’t make her hate him. And when that happened, the viewers would see their relationship disintegrate and vote for them to be split up. His chance with her would be over.
She’d probably be put with Duncan. By the end of the show she could be married to the man.
His stomach cramped and he felt the beginnings of a cold sweat but if she noticed he was even quieter than usual as they walked back to the house, she didn’t say anything.
‘Hey, we were looking for you two,’ James called out as they passed the swimming pool. The man was stretched out on a lounger next to his new partner, Ella, his rangy body looking like it hadn’t seen any sun in years. ‘Rumours were, you’d gone off to shag.’
This was the last thing he needed. Pushing everything else to the back of his mind, Ben calmly reached for Molly’s hand. ‘You know what they say about rumours. They’re a projection of the person who started them.’
James laughed. ‘Well yeah, okay, you’ve got me there.’ He leant forward and winked at Molly. ‘Maybe I was imagining what I’d be doing if I went missing with you.’
‘Imagining is all you’ll be doing,’ he retorted, which only made James laugh harder.
‘Why were you looking for us?’ Molly asked.
‘We were planning a pool tournament before dinner and wondered if you guys were up for it?’
Molly glanced at him. ‘Oh, well, actually we were going to?—’
‘Sure,’ Ben interrupted. Disappointment flooded her face and shame rocked through him. He was being a coward.
‘Great, let’s meet at the bar in, what, twenty minutes?’ James grinned, seemingly oblivious to the tension he’d just created. ‘Maybe we’ll have another wager on it, like the one you guys did with Duncan.’ He chuckled. ‘He’s well pissed, by the way. Not sure he and Jasmine are talking now, after he basically blamed her for being useless. So, anyway, catch you in a bit.’
Molly was ominously silent as they made their way across the patio towards the house and he couldn’t think of a way to break it. He knew he should explain himself, but he didn’t have the words. Not yet. He needed more time to sort them out in his head.
‘You said you were going to try,’ she said eventually as they reached the bottom of the stairs. ‘When I asked you to communicate more, you said you’d try.’
Her anger he could have handled, but the resignation in her voice cut him off at the knees. As if it was only what she’d been expecting. ‘I know I did, and I want to try.’ Frustrated with himself, he jammed a hand through his hair. ‘It’s just … I’m not sure if I can. I’m not good at talking about it.’
She nodded, once, her gaze scrutinising his before looking away. ‘Then I don’t know what we’re doing.’
Fuck. He was going to lose her again, even without talking to her. ‘Don’t give up on me yet,’ he said thickly, emotion clawing at him, making his eyelids burn. ‘Please.’
Her eyes shimmered as she glanced back at him. ‘You claim you only ditched me because you weren’t in a good place, but how do I know whether you’re in the right place now if you don’t talk to me?’
He bent his head, feeling defeated. It was more than just his inability to communicate with her. Molly wanted a man who would bind himself to her. And he really, really didn’t think he could go through that again.
Even more important that you man the fuck up and talk to her about what happened.
He steeled himself to apologise, to promise that he would, but Molly was already walking up the stairs. He was left with the sight of her perfect backside and the feeling he’d just let the most special thing he was ever going to come across, slip through his fingers a second time.