Thank You, Next (The Kathryn Freeman Romcom Collection #9)

Chapter 26

Molly usually loved theme parks. Crazy rides, fast food, everything dedicated to people having fun … who wouldn’t love to spend the day in one? But she wasn’t feeling it today.

The atmosphere between her and Ben had been tense ever since his decision to play pool last night. And maybe he hadn’t agreed they should talk that evening, but still, it had felt like a slap in the face. Like he had no intention of ever opening up to her. If that wasn’t a giant stop, do not enter, dangerous to heart sign, she didn’t know what was.

Trouble is, she had an awful feeling it was all too late. That she’d gone and fallen for him again anyway. Or more likely, that she’d never fallen out of love with him.

The coach pulled into the car park and Ben cleared his throat. ‘We’re here.’

He’d tried to make polite conversation with her at the start of the trip, but given up when she’d turned away and pretended to be asleep. ‘Oh goody.’

A frown furrowed his brow. ‘I thought this was your thing.’

‘Usually, yes. But today I’m not in the mood.’

His shoulders slumped and he exhaled a long, slow breath.

‘Welcome to Thorpe Park!’ Natalie popped up at the front of the coach, her voice a welcome interruption. ‘Today is all about seeing how compatible our couples are. Are you a risk taker, a thrill seeker, desperate to ride Colossus? Or do you prefer to play things safe, take things easy? Perhaps just sit in the park and enjoy watching others? If your partner is one, and you’re the other, is that okay, or will it prove frustrating?’ She waved towards the park entrance, clearly visible through the front windscreen. ‘Well, we’re here all day so go explore and when you spot us, come and tell us how you’re getting on.’

Molly snorted. ‘Like that’s going to happen.’

Marcus, sitting with Maya on the row in front, climbed to his feet and looked over at them. ‘Which ride are you guys going to do first?’

‘Colossus,’ Molly replied. ‘I thought we’d start off gently. Don’t want Ben losing his breakfast.’

Marcus laughed. ‘Oh dear, do I detect a bit of incompatibility between the pair of you already?’

Ben shifted to stand. ‘No. I’m happy to do whatever Molly wants.’

He stepped aside to let her go in front of him. On one level she knew he was tall, but it was only in the confines of the coach that she realised quite how tall. As she shuffled towards the exit she wished she wasn’t so aware of him behind her, the brush of his hips against her bum.

‘Come on then, let’s get this over and done with,’ she said as they headed for the entrance.

He sighed heavily. ‘Is it going to be like this all day?’

‘You mean me being upset because you wheedled out of talking to me last night, and then taking that annoyance out on you by making you go on all the rides you claim you’re happy to go on but I know you don’t really enjoy? Oh and making sure to flag down Natalie for a good old chat every time we see her?’

Another deep exhale. ‘Yes, that.’

‘Very probably.’

‘Then let’s have a coffee first.’

She came to an abrupt halt. ‘You’ve come to one of the best theme parks this country has to offer and you want to have a coffee?’

He nodded, his face unsmiling, his gaze unblinking. ‘Please.’

He said the word softly, and a flutter spread in her belly. ‘I hate it when you do that,’ she grumbled.

‘Do what?’

‘You know what. Ask me in a way I can’t say no. But fine, let’s let the queues build up while we go and have a crap coffee, because theme parks are well known for their amazing cafés.’

Tension crackled between them as they walked towards the nearest café. After ordering a latte for her – she wasn’t going to abandon all Duncan’s health kicks but sometimes a girl needed calories – and an Americano for him, they headed to a free table at the back.

A taut silence filled the air as they settled onto their chairs. She was acutely aware of his eyes on her as she blew on the froth.

‘Can we forget what happened yesterday?’ he said finally, gaze dropping to his cup for a moment before looking back at her.

‘Forget the obstacle course, which we won? Kind of hard to do that as the last time I won anything vaguely athletic was the bean bag race at primary school. Or forget our little happening in the summer house, which I thought we both agreed was pleasurable, but maybe you’re regretting it now. Or?—’

‘I’m not.’ His gaze seared hers. ‘Christ, Molly, I could never regret that. But I do regret agreeing to play pool afterwards. It was … cowardly.’ He took a swig of his coffee, clearly trying to centre himself. ‘The period of my life after Helena and I split … after she died … was very painful. Talking about it is extremely hard for me.’ She watched his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed. ‘I wasn’t ready to do it last night.’

‘Fine.’

He gave her a wry smile. ‘You think I won’t ever be ready.’

‘I think’, she replied carefully, ‘it doesn’t really matter. We only have a short time left on the show, and then we’re free to go our separate ways.’

His forehead scrunched in a deep frown. ‘Is that what you want?’

How great would it be if she’d learnt to lie? ‘No.’

His gaze locked on hers. ‘Me neither.’

You’ve been here before. Her heart ignored her and did a neat flip. ‘But we can’t escape the fact that in just over a week I could be walking down the aisle to you.’

He swallowed, and he looked not just uncomfortable, but if he hadn’t been a big, strong guy, she’d have said he looked frightened. ‘I know. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. One day at a time, yes?’

‘Okay.’ She took a sip of her drink and ignored the warning bells telling her the longer she stayed with him, the more rope she gave him to hang her. ‘So, Colossus first, then we hit, what? Stealth? Swarm?’

He visibly relaxed at her change of subject and eased back against his seat. ‘You pick.’

‘Are you sure? Because they can be quite frightening for someone who isn’t used to theme park rides.’

‘I don’t scare easily.’

Unless it comes to talking about what happened with Helena. She swallowed the words. He’d apologised and she needed to let go. Besides, she only had to look at the way his jaw tightened and his eyes avoided hers, to know he knew exactly what she was thinking.

* * *

Stealth, Vortex, Nemesis, Inferno. It didn’t matter what the ride was called, the experience was the same. Ben lost his stomach for a few minutes, then found it again once the ride came to a stop.

He didn’t hate it. Just couldn’t say he enjoyed the experience. Unlike Molly, who shrieked and laughed her way through every one of them. Did that make them incompatible? Of course not, because he would do anything to make her happy.

Really? Like talking to her properly, about the hard stuff? Marrying her?

Fuck, he hated his conscience. He gave the thoughts a determined shove. He couldn’t solve anything now.

‘You’re like a big kid,’ he remarked as the ride slowed and she finally stopped screaming.

She grinned, her coolness with him temporarily forgotten. ‘It’s not just kids who enjoy rides. Then again, if I did have a kid, it would be one heck of an excuse to go to all the theme parks.’

Kids. It wasn’t something he’d ever thought about. He didn’t see marriage in his future, but did he see kids? He glanced sideways at Molly as they walked off the ride. ‘Do you want children, one day?’

She nodded slowly. ‘Not just so I can go to theme parks, obviously, but yes. It would be a … a privilege to have kids. Though not everyone seems to think that way.’

Her voice caught on the last sentence and he stared over at her. ‘Molly?’

She shook her head, refusing to catch his eye. ‘So, anyway. What’s next?’

He slowed and placed his hand on her hip so he could draw her towards him. ‘Talk to me.’

She huffed out a laugh. ‘That’s a bit ironic, isn’t it, coming from you?’

His stomach plummeted faster than it had on any of the rides. Finally, he understood how difficult it must be, dating him. ‘I’ve no right to ask, but I don’t like seeing you upset. The only times I’ve seen that happen before now, I’ve been the cause. I hope that isn’t the case this time.’

‘No. And I’m not upset. It happened too long ago for me to still be affected by it, but sometimes it hits me when I least expect it.’

‘What hits you?’

A shadow crossed her face and she stepped away from him, leaving his hands to fall uselessly by his sides. ‘The memory of my first mum. The one who gave birth to me.’

‘You said you were adopted,’ he pressed. ‘Do you know your biological parents then?’

‘Not my dad, no, he was never in the picture.’ Her voice sounded flat and she refused to meet his eyes. ‘But I knew my mum, yes. For seven years.’

A feeling of unease settled over him. Sensing they needed privacy, he took Molly’s hand and led her to a bench tucked behind a tree, away from prying eyes. ‘What happened to her?’ He asked as he drew Molly down next to him.

‘Nothing, at least not that I know of.’ She stared down at her hands which were now clenched in her lap. ‘I mean, I assume she’s still alive, but I wouldn’t know if she was dead, because she just … disappeared.’

‘Disappeared?’ His mind struggled to comprehend what she was telling him. ‘Vanished?’

‘Yep.’ Her knuckles whitened, yet her voice was alarmingly flat. ‘I was at school and I waited and waited, but she didn’t show to pick me up. Eventually social services were called and they found a note at home. It said she couldn’t be my mum anymore.’ Her throat moved as she swallowed. ‘She’d tried, she said, but she found it too hard.’

Anger surged inside him and he had to battle to keep it from showing in his voice. ‘Of course it’s hard, being a parent. God knows mine weren’t great at it. But they didn’t just give up.’

‘Maybe yours loved you more than my mum did.’ The way she said it, so matter of fact, made his heart ache. ‘Or maybe you were easier to love. But it doesn’t matter,’ she added quickly before he had a chance to contradict her. ‘Because I got adopted by my real parents, and they’re amazing.’ Her voice warmed and she finally raised her eyes to his. ‘A lot of kids my age ended up in foster care but I was one of the lucky ones to get a second chance at having parents. At being part of a family.’

He was reassured by her smile, by the light that was back in her eyes; yet his mind was still stuck on her second sentence. Maybe you were easier to love. What a weight for a child to carry around, the fact that her mum had found it too hard to love her. ‘Fuck, Molly.’ His brain spun as he imagined how that trauma must have manifested itself as Molly, the abandoned schoolgirl, transitioned into Molly, the woman desperate to be loved. Insecure about where she stood. ‘You need the words more than most people,’ he said slowly as the realisation began to sink in. ‘The reassurance that you’re loved. That you won’t be abandoned.’ Pain jackknifed through him as he pictured her face as he’d ended things.

‘I guess so, yes.’ She gave him a sad smile.

With creeping alarm it dawned on him that it wasn’t just words she needed. It was security. The type that came with marriage.

The alarm grew into stomach-cramping, cold-sweat-trickling-down-his-back panic when he realised how much damage he would do to her if he fucked this up again. She’d not just been let down by him and Duncan; she’d been let down by the one person who was supposed to love her unconditionally. Yet here she was, bravely talking about it, while he kept avoiding opening up to her.

‘Ben?’

Her quiet question jerked him out of his tortuous introspection. ‘Sorry, I’m just trying to get my head round it.’ He lifted his eyes to hers. ‘I don’t know how you’re not a complete basket case.’

She smiled. ‘Some people would say I am.’ Her gaze darted away and she bit the end of her nail. ‘I don’t think it’s helped me when it comes to relationships. You once told me I gave my heart away too quickly, and I guess that’s why.’

He thought back to that conversation. ‘You told me you didn’t expect me to understand your need to love. And be loved. No wonder you fell for a guy like Duncan.’

At the mention of the man’s name, her eyes flashed. ‘What do you mean?’

His insides gave a vicious twist at her defensive tone. ‘He’s nowhere near good enough for you, surely you can see that? He’s shallow where you’re deep, arrogant where you’re totally unaware how amazing you are.’ Ashamed, he hung his head. ‘But I can’t talk, can I? When I ended things, it must have felt like I abandoned you, like your mum had.’

She shrugged, but the careless gesture didn’t fool him. ‘It wasn’t your fault you didn’t feel what I did. I just thought you did; that’s what hurt the most. Just like I thought my biological mum had loved me.’

‘Hence the toffee Quality Street, not the purple one. Fuck.’ He clasped her head, looked deep into her eyes. ‘You’re not hard to love. In fact, you’re so fucking easy to love, it’s not true. If people don’t see that, the fault is with them, not with you.’

‘Maybe I need to get better at choosing who to love,’ she said quietly.

He swallowed down the emotion battling to erupt. ‘Maybe you do.’

And if she had any common sense, he realised wretchedly, she would not include him on her list.

‘Well, look who we’ve found.’

Natalie’s voice crashed through his thoughts and he glanced up in horror to see her, Rachel and the camera crew advancing towards them. Protectiveness surged through him and he jumped to his feet, standing in front of Molly to shield her. ‘Not now.’

Natalie faltered, and he whipped his head towards his sister. ‘I’m asking nicely. Please don’t film this.’

The desperation in his voice must have got through to her because she nodded. ‘We’ll catch up with you later.’

When they were out of view, he slumped back onto the bench.

Molly groaned and buried her face in her hands. ‘You’re going to look at me differently now, aren’t you? Like I’m some sort of sad charity case who needs pity.’ She angled her head towards him. ‘That’s going to really piss me off.’

‘Hey,’ he whispered, wrapping his arm around her. ‘Looking at someone in a new light is inevitable, the more you find out about them. But you didn’t do anything wrong.’ Unlike him. The impact of what she’d just said ricocheted through him and his throat locked up, causing him to have to force the next words out. ‘How can I feel anything but awe for you now, knowing what you went through? It didn’t make you bitter; it made you even more determined to find love, which is incredible.’

Slowly she raised her head, her gaze searching his in a way that suggested she was trying to work him out. ‘For a guy who can’t do heavy conversation, that was a pretty good speech.’

He smiled, yet as he drew her tighter against him, his chest felt heavy, weighed down with knowledge that when he finally found the balls to have the conversation he needed to have with her, that new light he’d just spoken about would appear horribly murky.