The Alpha’s Cursed Queen (Eternal Oath Saga #1)

Chapter 17

Alice

When I first came to Phoenix, I had a little more than two hundred bucks in my pocket. Mary had given me everything she had. My bank accounts had been frozen by Alpha Black, so I had no access to the thousands of dollars I had saved up. No pack was allowed to give me refuge, and I was little more than a fugitive at that point.

Mary managed to get into my apartment and grab what little cash I had stashed there before the pack confiscated everything. Her father was very angry with her for helping me escape, and he cut off access to her trust fund. So, my friend had no way of helping me financially.

Those were the toughest days of my life. I was listless, trying to wrap my head around my new reality. Mira’s existence was the only thing that would make me get out of bed in the morning and go look for a job. My body had not healed the way it should have, but I had to make money. I had to eat.

I sit on my couch now, watching my daughter sleep. Her head is in my lap, a movie playing on the television.

Evidence.

My fingers run through my daughter’s hair as I stare blankly at the television screen. What evidence could Darian possibly have that would fix anything?

Even if I were to believe that his hand was forced, can he give me back my shattered pride? Can he give me back the sleepless nights I spent worrying about where my next meal would come from? The money that Mary would often give me was quickly spent on Mira and rent. There were days I didn’t eat. Throughout law school, I looked emaciated. I was running around, sleeping for a couple of hours at most, surviving on one measly meal a day.

I did not want my daughter to grow up deprived of anything.

Even Mary doesn’t know the full extent of the hardships I underwent before I graduated. Although it was all worth it in the end, I have not been able to forget why I had to endure that hardship in the first place.

Darian.

Mira is my life. Everything I do is for her. And the truth is that if it hadn’t been for her, I wouldn’t have fought as hard as I did. She gave me a reason to live again. My lonely, broken heart healed because of the love I had for her and because of the love she gave me.

But seeing Darian again has reminded me of how raw my wounds still are. All these years later, I realize those wounds still bleed. My nightmares have returned with a vengeance. It doesn’t matter what I’ve done with my life, or how much respect I have from my peers; at night, in the darkness of my dreams, I’m still on that marble floor, begging for mercy, humiliated, a broken shell pleading for death.

I once saw a human therapist when my nightmares were getting out of control. It was when my screams began to wake up Mira that I decided I needed help. I saw the woman for a couple of months, and while I couldn’t tell her the true story of what I’d gone through, I gave her a humanized version of it. Her advice was to forgive my tormentor and move past this event. She even encouraged me to date again, to open my heart to others. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to tell me exactly how to get past what had happened to me. After all, she hadn’t lived through what I had lived through. I stuck around long enough to learn how to control myself so I wouldn’t frighten my daughter every night, and then I stopped seeing her.

Open my heart to someone? Why? So I can expose myself to the same kind of experience again?

Forgive my tormentor? The one who never apologized? I don’t want to forgive Darian. All he has given me is excuses. Excuses that I don’t buy. Not for a moment do I believe he did it all to protect me.

I can believe that his marriage with Willow is unhappy, though. He probably didn’t expect her to be as shallow and vapid as she truly is. Or maybe things just didn’t work out between them. But I will never forget the way he walked past me to the girl who had bullied me my entire life. He knew what she had put me through, and he made me watch as he chose her instead of me. He watched as she harmed me.

I don’t believe Darian’s words. It was planned. It had to have been planned. Whatever his reasons were for hurting me, I can’t forgive and I can’t forget.

I close my eyes, leaning my head against the back of the couch.

I’ve calmed down enough to know that the only way Darian will figure out that Mira is his daughter is if he gets near her. As long as he doesn’t, he will never know the truth. I just have to make sure that his and Mira’s paths don’t ever cross.

It’s getting to be around midnight, so I pick up my sleeping daughter and take her to her room. She doesn’t stir even once. I’m cleaning up the living room when I hear a soft knock on the apartment door. Instantly wary, I walk over to check the outside camera. Nobody should be able to enter the building without being buzzed in.

When I hear a key rattling in the door, my blood turns cold. I’m ready to shift when I hear a familiar voice on the other side. “I’m not spending the night outside, Alice. Let me in. I know you’re home.”

I sigh in relief, then quickly unlock the extra deadbolt and open the door to reveal a grouchy-looking woman standing there. Mary’s long hair is tied up in a messy bun, and she gives me an annoyed look.

“I’ve been calling you all night. I needed a ride from the airport. You’re paying me back for the cab fare.”

Apologetic, I take her suitcase from her. “I had no idea you were coming. I had my phone on silent, Mary. Maybe give me a heads up next time.”

“How am I supposed to surprise you if I give you a heads up?” She walks over to the island in the kitchen, taking off her jacket and putting her purse down before heading straight to the fridge. “You got anything to eat? The food on the plane was inedible.”

“There’s some beef stew leftover from lunch. And I can heat up some bread for you,” I offer.

“Yes, please.” She takes out the pot and puts it on the stove to heat up before grabbing a wooden spoon from one of the drawers to stir the beef stew.

Her familiarity doesn’t bother me. Mary comes to visit every now and then and treats this place like her own home. It comforts me to have her around. It almost seems like she lives here and travels to work for a few months.

I smile at her, the disquiet in my heart easing. “I thought you were coming next week.”

“I was.” She glances at me. “But you needed me sooner, so I applied for a two-week vacation.” Changing the subject, she tells me, “It was Edith’s retirement party this afternoon.”

The mention of the healer who used to be so kind to me perks me up. “She’s retiring?”

Mary’s back is to me as she stirs the stew. “I think she knew that I knew where you were, but she knew better than to ask. Too many eyes and ears everywhere. But this afternoon, when she got a minute alone with me, she told me to tell you that she hopes you’re doing well and are happy.”

My heart tightens in my chest. There are times when I forget that there were people like Edith who did care for me.

“Anyway,” Mary changes the subject again, “how did the event go tonight?”

“I left early.” I put the bread in the toaster. “Had a run-in with Darian.”

My friend turns to look at me, her eyebrows raised. “Oh? Since you’re not frothing at the mouth, I’m guessing it wasn’t that bad.”

“It was brutal,” I mutter. “And I didn’t exactly keep my cool, either. I couldn’t stay there a minute longer, so I came home early and spent time with Mira.”

As I tell her about my encounter with Darian, her expression is unreadable. Once I’m done, she turns back to the stew and ladles some into a bowl for herself. The bread is also ready, and I hand her both pieces. She doesn’t touch her food, though. She doesn’t say anything, either. Sitting at the counter, she looks like she’s pondering something.

“Mary?”

When she looks at me, I see the tension in her eyes. “Is there really no hope of reconciliation?”

Her words come out of left field, throwing me for a loop.

“Are you really asking me that?” I demand. “You witnessed what he did to me!”

“I know!” she responds, frustrated. “But I’ve had my ear to the ground for a long time, Alice. And I’ve been hearing some unsettling things.”

“Unsettling things?” I question her, simmering. “Unsettling enough to make me reconsider my position?”

“Ever since Willow became queen, the white witches have had open access to the royal palace,” Mary begins. “They’ve always had a lot of influence within the kingdom, but never to this extent. It’s almost as if the minute Willow joined the royal family, the coven joined it along with her. Rumors are that Darian is not pleased with this.”

I frown. “I don’t understand. What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m not entirely sure.” She breaks off a piece of the bread and chews it slowly before meeting my gaze. “But I asked around, Alice. It’s very strange that Darian picked Willow, especially since he hadn’t paid any attention to her during the mating gathering events. In fact, the king tried to force them to spend time together, and Darian snubbed her. So, for him to suddenly choose her out of the blue made zero sense. Unless she had something on him. In fact, the only time he did spend time with her was after the night you two spent together, and even then”—her shoulders hunch up—“he looked uncomfortable and not very happy. Their interactions looked forced from his end, and he wouldn’t let her touch him all that much.”

Remembering those days has me stiffening. “How could you possibly know all this?”

Mary’s eyes gleam as she looks at me. “Willow’s influence within the political circles is fading. It’s becoming public knowledge that she doesn’t have the king’s favor. A lot of alphas and betas are bringing their daughters to the royal palace to encourage Darian to take a mistress and have a child. Remember how I told you that Darian was supposed to be on a family vacation? It turns out he stood Willow up. She was completely humiliated.”

Her words are painting an entirely different picture than what I imagined. I purse my lips before finally asking, “What could Willow possibly have had over Darian? He was the prince. Even if she was threatening him with something, he could easily have dealt with it.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that. I know you don’t want to have anything to do with him, Alice, but the more I look at everything, the more it seems that he’s been carrying some secret around with him for the past seven years. Whatever she had on him, its strength has not faded, not even since he became king. With the white witches entering the royal palace without his consent, it has to be something that involves them, as well. My sister told me that, at the public events they attended after their engagement, Darian would not touch Willow. She’d try to take his hand, and he would rip it away. He was downright rude to her, but she put up with it. She still seems to be desperate for his attention and affection, but he refuses her both. Rumors are that, since the night they got married, Darian has slept in a separate bedroom from her. It’s not that things didn’t work out between them; he never wanted to be with Willow.”

Confusion and frustration course side by side within me. “If he didn’t want to be with her, why did he choose her? Just because she threatened him with something? What could be so important to him that—” I notice Mary raising her eyebrows at me, and I stop mid-sentence. “What?”

“Think about it,” she suggests gently. “Put your anger and hurt aside, and really consider it with that lawyer brain of yours. What was so precious to Darian that his desire to protect it would make him willingly tie himself down to someone like Willow?”

She gives me a pointed look, and I make a face. “No.”

“Yes.” Mary shakes her head. “I’m not siding with him because he means anything to me, Alice. But you cannot ignore the facts. His behavior with Willow over these past seven years, the switch in behavior during the mating gathering… Willow must have been holding something over his head, and I bet it was related to you.”

I stare at her, trying to process her words. “I’m sorry, but do have temporary amnesia, Mary? What he did to me—Have you forgotten it all? Even if… I mean, let’s say I believe what you’re suggesting. Let’s say Willow did have something on him. Then, all he had to do was choose her. Why go the extra mile to put me through that torture? And what could Willow possibly have been holding over Darian’s head that was related to me? He already knew I did not have a wolf spirit. His father also knew. It’s not like I was committing tax fraud or something!”

“What about the mark on your ankle?”

I freeze.

“Alice,” Mary sighs, “we need to talk about this, especially now.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Mira has the same mark, Alice!” my friend bursts out. “You have to be prepared.”

“Prepared for what?” I growl. “Darian framed me.”

“No, he didn’t.” Mary sinks back into her chair and looks at me with tired eyes. “At least, not in the way you think.” She reaches for her bag and brings out a book. It’s an old, faded journal. “Look at the page that I’ve folded.”

I flip through to it. “What is this?”

“I’ve been working with some white witches to produce healing potions. I have access to their archive rooms for research purposes, and I found this. I’m not allowed to remove things from there, but I snuck this out because I knew you needed proof.”

As she says this, my eyes land on the image on the folded page. It’s a drawing of the same pattern that’s on my ankle, that’s on Mira’s ankle.

“Mary, what is this?”

“It’s the mark of a dark witch, or of someone who carries the bloodline of a dark witch in them.”

The text on the page is mostly faded, but it’s still clear enough for me to read. My jaw tightens. “How could I possibly have the blood of a dark witch, Mary? I’m a wolf shifter. You’ve seen me transform. Even if my first time was later than is typical—”

“That’s probably why you were not able to shift for so long,” Mary says slowly. “The dark magic bloodline within you must have been stronger than your wolf spirit. It could’ve dominated your wolf. Dark witches were incredibly strong, Alice. They used battle magic.”

I sit down heavily on the stool. “But I’ve never exhibited any signs of being able to practice magic.”

“I can’t explain that,” Mary admits. “Even so, the white witches are ruthless when it comes to hunting down anyone with a dark witch bloodline. The fact that they sealed you makes little sense to me. From everything I have discovered about their ways, they should have executed you.”

Her voice is grim, and I study her. “But they didn’t.”

“No, they didn’t,” she murmurs, meeting my gaze. “I have to wonder why. What did Darian promise them in exchange for only sealing your magic—”

“Magic that I have never been able to use,” I add tersely.

“That doesn’t matter. The sealing ritual could have been a precaution. But what did Darian promise them? And what did Willow have to do with it?” My friend must see the doubt in my eyes because her voice becomes firm. “These are the questions you need to be asking yourself, Alice. I’ve begun to think that there may be more to this whole situation than either of us realizes. The only one who can tell you the truth is Darian.”

“Mira has the mark as well, Mary.” I shake my head. “Let’s say I go to Darian. I ask him to tell me the truth. I get more involved with him because of this whole thing. What if he finds out about Mira? What if he finds out about her mark? What if he puts her through the same painful sealing? Do you think my daughter will be able to survive that? Do you want to put your goddaughter through that, Mary?”

The healer pales. “Of course not. But you deserve to know the truth, Alice. Seven years have passed, and the events of that night still haunt you. They’re eating away at you.”

“I’m fine.” I try to defend myself, but she’s not having it.

“Alice, you’re successful, you’re raising Mira, but you’re not living. You’ve closed your heart. Your entire life revolves around your work and your daughter.”

“She’s my child!”

“You can have an identity outside of your child,” Mary argues hotly. “What are you going to do when Mira goes off to college? What about when she falls in love and gets married? Do you plan to just wither away and die at that point? If I were to search this apartment, I wouldn’t find a single trace of any hobby or anything that you do for yourself. Everything is about Mira or it’s about your job. You need to have a life outside of all that.”

“I have a life!” I retort. “I go for walks. I read.”

“Reviewing legal briefs isn’t the same as reading for fun,” Mary scoffs. “You pretend to be okay, but you’re not. You haven’t forgiven Darian, and that’s fine, but Alice, that anger inside you is whittling away at you. And honestly, it’s the same for Darian. He has become a harsh king. His father was just and fair, but Darian is known for his ruthlessness. He’s not beloved like his father used to be.”

I try not to let her words affect me, and I cross my arms over my chest. “Maybe he was always that way. You and I didn’t really know him.”

Mary smiles faintly. “Before his father passed away, and before you entered his life, he was already taking care of state affairs to some extent, and he was quite well liked. I can only imagine that upon losing you, he let his anger and his grief consume him.”

I feel agitated. My friend is echoing the same things that Darian was trying to say to me tonight. I don’t want to hear them. I don’t want to forgive him, and I don’t want to let go of this anger.

“What do you want me to do, Mary? I’m not going to talk to him. He’s living his life, and I’m living mine. Whether he’s miserable or not is none of my concern. And I’m not about to give him an excuse to do to Mira what he did to me.” I slide the journal back across the counter to her. “I don’t care about the mark. I don’t care about any of this. I just want to keep my daughter safe. Exposing her to Darian will put her in danger. I won’t do it. And I don’t want to discuss this again.”

My friend studies me for a while before appreciating that I mean what I’m saying. She sighs, then takes a bite of stew. “I understand. But for the record, Alice, I’m not siding with Darian in the least. I simply want you to be happy.”

“This is as happy as I can be,” I assure her. “I’ve come a long way from the girl I used to be. I’m content with that. I can’t ask for more. But Darian is and will always be a threat to Mira. I can never let him into her life.”

“What if you talk to him and can understand—”

“That won’t happen,” I reply abruptly. “The anger inside of me is a horrifying thing, Mary. I want to hate him. I need to hate him because if I don’t, I’ll be too ashamed to look myself in the eye. After that crushing humiliation, forgiveness is out of the question. What kind of weak-spirited woman would I be if I were to forgive somebody like that?”

Mary’s eyes are gentle. “Forgiving him will not make you weak, Alice. This is your wounded pride talking. You know that.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “You sound like my therapist. But neither of you seems to understand that my pride is all I have. He broke it, and I rebuilt it.”

“What if there is actually a reason to forgive him?” Mary asks quietly. “What if you had a chance to be happy? Will you let your pride get in the way of that?”

I remain silent.

She sighs again. “Alice—”

But I don’t let her speak. “It may seem like I’m always complaining. But Mary, my own fated mate betrayed me. He could’ve simply rejected me. He could’ve talked to me. The fact that he didn’t do either of those things and chose the most painful way to humiliate me and break me is not something I can recover from. It’s easy for you to say all these things because you’re not standing in my shoes. You don’t know what it’s like. Even now, I feel worthless at times. I’ve achieved so much, but he took my self-worth away from me. He took my self-respect away from me. No matter how much I rebuild it, I keep coming back to that same point.”

I get to my feet, feeling cold. “Neither you nor that therapist can look at the situation from my eyes, from my point of view. You’re right, though. I could have it out with him. Maybe talking with him would help. Maybe I could finally move on. But I can’t do it, not with Mira at stake. I can’t put her in danger. Besides, I don’t trust Darian enough to believe anything he has to say.”

“Get a blood oath from him,” Mary suddenly says. “If you ever decide to confront him, and you’re worried that you cannot believe him, make him take a blood oath.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s something only wolf shifters have the ability to do. Witches have their own version of it. It’s a form of magic. It ties the life of the person who takes the oath to his words. That person cannot lie. If he takes the blood oath, he will tell you the truth about any situation. It’s an ancient ritual, but it’s still practiced to this day. Not a lot of people use it, though, because it’s very painful. If Darian wants to talk to you, make him take a blood oath.”

I walk into the living room, unable to discuss this any longer. But Mary follows me.

“I mean it, Alice.”

I turn around and glare at her. “It’s not going to happen. Me and Darian having any sort of conversation is not going to happen. I don’t know why you’re so hell-bent on this. I don’t need closure. I don’t need to forgive him to move on. I don’t care if he has a sad life. I don’t care if he cries in bed every night. I don’t care if he has lived in hell for the last seven years. I am not forgiving him, and I am not having a conversation with him.”

Mary rolls her eyes. “If only you were as hard-hearted as that. It would make things easier for both of us. But you’re not. It bothers you, and I can see it. I’ve known you long enough to be able to read your expressions. It upsets you and troubles you that Darian is suffering. You are not unaffected by what he said to you tonight. But—”

She holds her hands up in a pacifying manner when I open my mouth.

“I understand,” she tries to convince me. “You don’t have to forgive him. I wanted you to have all the facts, and you sort of do now. The only thing left is to ask him what happened, and if you don’t want to do that, it’s fine. I won’t push you anymore.”

I give her a suspicious look, and she shrugs.

“What you said is true, Alice. I don’t know what it’s like to stand in your shoes, no matter how much I try. I respect whatever you decide to do.”

I rub my hands over my face. “I’m going to bed. I’m tired. You can clean up the kitchen when you’re done.”

She doesn’t argue with me or tell me to stop. But as I retreat to my bedroom, I can feel her eyes boring holes in my back.

Irritated, I get into bed and pull the blankets up around me. When I close my eyes, all I can see is Darian’s stricken expression as I raised my voice at him tonight, as I told him what he’d put me through. I can’t forget the torment in his gaze.

“It’s good. He should suffer,” I mutter to myself. “I don’t care. I don’t care at all.”

Despite how tired I am, it takes hours for me to finally fall asleep. When I do, I fall into dreams of Darian telling me to listen to him as I shove his head underwater.