Chapter 49 Aleksis
49
Aleksis
He rose early and went out walking, leaving the others either fast asleep or making a convincing pretence of it. Too early to look for Stasya. But he would not lie abed wakeful while his mind teemed with unanswerable questions. Were they doing the right thing by taking Markus back as soon as he felt ready to go? Should they leave him here, safe, until they’d done more preparation out in the community? Perhaps until they had garnered more support among the powerful? More pressing, even, than those weighty matters was the issue of Stasya. What right had he to disrupt her life still further by asking her to come with him, to continue risking life and limb and perhaps her sanity by walking his pathway and not her own? She’d almost been killed. More than once. That was his fault. Yes, he’d rescued her and Lukas from a terrible fate at Dragon’s Keep. But they’d only been there because of his decision to load them on a cart and take them out of Heartwood.
A small, contrary part of his mind pointed out that both Lukas and Stasya had attracted Rihard’s attention at the settlement, not in a good way, and that back then, removing them had been the only way to protect them. But, but … surely there had been some other alternative. What he’d done to Stasya had been wrong. He remembered her calming the frenzied horse; he thought of her curled up with the little dog sleeping beside her. He imagined her telling a story of courage and friendship and hope. As he walked under spreading beech trees, he pictured her by his side, perhaps finding treasures he would have missed: a stone with a hole in it, a feather of many colours, a tiny, perfect flower half-hidden in the undergrowth. That woman had no place in a game of strategy, with the leadership of the Northlands at stake and players who would stop at nothing to win.
He did not walk far. He’d seen for himself how distances seemed to change of themselves in this realm, and he had no wish to embarrass himself by getting lost on his first morning here. He’d go back, see if the others were awake yet, have a word with them. But he had to talk to Stasya. Soon, before this gathering at which Markus would speak to the Forest Folk about the situation. He wanted to talk to her. He could tell her about Karolis’s idea and how there would be work for her if they went ahead with it. But what if she said no, as she quite reasonably might? What if she said yes and later came to grief as a result? One thing was certain. He did not want to say goodbye.
He lingered on the way back, watching a bird of some kind as it flew from branch to branch above him in what looked like a mysterious dance. Hunting insects? Seeking a more comfortable perch? Checking out the territory before announcing to its friends that all was safe, except for one wandering human who didn’t seem to know where he was going? Stasya would know what that fluttering dance meant. A remarkable skill; one that sometimes made her life difficult, and sometimes helped her keep out of trouble. She’d been devastated by that wolf’s death. He’d ached to put his arms around her in comfort. But that had been neither the time nor the place. There is no time or place, you fool, he told himself.
‘Aleks?’
And there she was, coming down the path as if she’d been looking for him. The loose-fitting garments of the Forest Folk suited her; she looked like a part of the forest, leaf-green, earth-brown.
‘Stasya. You’re up and out early. I wanted to talk to you.’
‘And I wanted to talk to you, before this gathering. Not back at the settlement; somewhere private.’
Some rocks nearby provided a comfortable enough seat. ‘Did you sleep well?’ he asked.
‘Like a log. Perhaps because of a draught Mother Rowan gave me. Perhaps only because I know we’re safe at last. How did you sleep, Aleks?’
He opened his mouth to say, Fine , but closed it with the word unspoken. Time to tell the truth, Aleks. About everything. ‘Not well, despite the comfortable bed and the kind hospitality. My mind is too full. There’s too much ahead. It’s another mountain to climb. Not a physical journey, but … an equally taxing one. And despite Markus being willing to accept the challenge, despite all the planning, I don’t feel ready for it.’
‘You’ll be ready,’ Stasya said, her tone quietly confident. ‘You have good friends, good allies. You know how to lead. How to plan. If it weren’t for that, we wouldn’t be here. You found Markus. A real achievement. There’s been sorrow. There have been losses. You must have known there would be. This was never going to be easy. But you’ve done it so far, and you can do what lies ahead too. Why doubt yourself now?’
‘May I ask you something?’
Her smile was a little crooked; she looked amused. ‘Go ahead. I may not answer, of course.’
‘You know Lukas can’t go back to the settlement until it’s safe; until the Ruler’s men are withdrawn from there. That might take a long while. It may have to wait until we establish Markus as Ruler. I’m assuming you’ll want to go back with your friend.’
Stasya was looking out into the forest; for a few moments he wondered if she had not heard him. Then she said, ‘I’ve just seen Lukas. I told him I’m not going back to Heartwood. There’s nothing for me there. I was never really part of that community, and if I went back now it would be even worse. Accusations of witchcraft, because of what’s happened. People have always thought me odd. I never had plans to become a village wife. I’m not right for that life. Lukas will be happy in time. He’ll be a husband and father and a leader in the settlement. I told him that.’
Delight filled Aleksis’s heart; he struggled to conceal it, knowing how easily Stasya could read his moods. ‘Are you sure?’ he made himself ask.
‘Mother Rowan and I looked in the water together; we performed a ritual. I saw it. Lukas in the settlement, busy and content. And not with me. He is a dear friend; we’ve been close since we were children. But we wouldn’t be happy as husband and wife. I’ve known that for a long time, and I thought Lukas knew it too. But it seems not. I upset him.’
Aleksis told himself to move slowly. Not to leap in with suggestions about what else she might do with her life. At least, not all at once. But he did need to say it.
‘There’s more,’ Stasya said before he could speak. ‘What I saw in the water … there were different possibilities. Though those visions don’t actually show the future, only what might happen. I saw myself and Mother Rowan, both much older, working together. She told me afterwards that I can stay here if I want. Stay and learn; in time become a wise woman like her. And eventually I might take over her work of guiding both uncanny folk and human folk in understanding the ways of the forest, what we can learn from it, how we can best care for the land and the trees and the creatures. Aleks, if Markus becomes Ruler, he will surely forbid the thoughtless felling of trees, the search for amber as if it were just another thing to be ripped out and sold for profit. Since he was brought up here among the Forest Folk, he must understand that.’
‘He does,’ Aleks said. His heart had turned to lead; he felt sick. For a few moments there, he had been full of hope. And now … ‘Living at the Hermit. Becoming a wise woman. That seems … entirely right for you. You must be happy. As if the journey, with all its ills, was … worthwhile.’
Stasya took her time to reply. ‘In the vision, in the … possibilities, this was the only one where I saw myself. My future self, complete with grey hair.’
Aleks thought she was going to say more, but she fell silent. Into the quiet came the songs of birds, and in the distance, faint sounds of folk starting to go about their daily business. His companions would be stirring; he should go back. What he wanted to say, he could not say. This was good for Stasya; it was surely the sort of life she had longed for. And at least he would know she was safe. Right now, that was little comfort. ‘I should go.’ His voice sounded strange, almost choked, and Stasya turned a searching gaze on him. He was on his feet and walking away when something stopped him and he said without turning, ‘Talk to Karolis before the gathering, if you can. Ask him about his plan for spreading the word out in the community.’
If she answered, he did not hear. Perhaps she only whispered a reply. Perhaps the voices of the birds swallowed her words. He could only hope.