The Amendment (Arrangement #2)

Chapter 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

PETER

“ W here do you think your problems with Annie come from, Pete?” she asked, watching me closely.

It was our second session alone, and I still hadn’t gotten over how much I liked having her eyes on me.

“I love her,” I said, like a good husband. “But I hate feeling like she’s always trying to control me. I mean, sometimes I don’t mind it. You know, my parents were all over the place when I was growing up. I have three older brothers, and my house was always loud and obnoxious. People were always screaming and fighting. When I met Annie, she was so…calm.” I thought for a moment, then corrected myself. “Calm isn’t the right word. She’s like a storm you can see from a distance. I always know something’s brewing with her, but she doesn’t ever get close enough to feel the rain. Does that make sense?”

She didn’t answer, just kept watching me. She’d been fidgeting with the pen a lot more today. I was making her nervous .

“To a certain extent, she makes me feel…” I searched for a manlier word than safe. “Like everything’s under control. After a lifetime of feeling like nothing’s in control, Annie gives me peace. I can drop the ball and know that she’s always going to be there to pick it up. There are hardly any fights in our house. It’s safe. Quiet. Our kids are well-rounded. Loved. It’s the opposite of what I experienced growing up. She’s the opposite of my mother.”

“You have a bad relationship with your mother?”

“My father was wild—always running around, cheating on her, drinking, partying. My brothers were the same. So, most of the time, it was just me and Mom at home. She blamed it all on me. I was the youngest, so I was easy enough to pick on. I had rules no one else had to follow. I had to keep the house in order.” I cleared my throat. “We haven’t spoken in years.”

“Some of what you’ve told me about Annie, though, the way she treats you… Does she remind you of your mother at all? You said there was no control in your house, but it sounds like your mother tried to control everyone by controlling you. Is that accurate?”

I’d never thought about it that way, but maybe she was right. Maybe that’s why Ainsley had always been different for me.

Why I could never hurt her.

Why I could never hurt my mother. Even when I’d had the chance.

“It could be.”

Ainsley had told me once that she tried to control us because to her, that felt like love. Maybe being controlled felt like love to me.

God, we certainly were a match, weren’t we?

After a moment, Joanna went on. “Do you ever think maybe that’s why you want to…to fence alone? Because it’s the one small thing that still belongs exclusively to you? The one thing no one else controls? Not Annie? Not your mother?”

It felt true, even if I’d never been able to put it into those words. “Maybe, yeah.”

“Do you find yourself turning to fencing when you’ve had a particularly bad day? Maybe when you’ve had a fight with Annie or something went wrong at work?”

I nodded.

Damn, she was good.

“And how does Annie react to that?”

“At first, I didn’t know she knew what I was doing. I kept it hidden.”

“But when she found out?”

“She was…well, she wanted to be involved.”

“Why do you think that was?”

I shrugged. “You tell me. You’re the expert.” I locked eyes with her, lingering in the moment as her cheeks flushed pink. She recovered quickly, but not before I’d mentally saved the image.

I could use that later.

“Well, we know Annie isn’t the type of person who actually enjoys fencing…”

Annie doesn’t belong here, Joanna. It’s just you and me.

Soon enough, I’d convince her to talk about us instead.

For now, I shook my head. “Not particularly. ”

She smiled as if we’d just had a breakthrough, though I wasn’t sure I understood it. “So maybe you actually enjoy having more control than you think, and maybe Annie enjoys seeing you out of her control more than she thinks. The two of you are fighting against your inner nature and trying to achieve opposite things, when you really want the same thing—you’re trying to let her control you and she’s trying to control you, all the while, you’re happiest when you have a bit of that control back and she’s happiest when you take it back. Do you see what I’m saying?”

I nodded, though she’d completely lost me.

“So, you’re saying I should put my foot down about fencing?”

“I’m saying you should do what feels right to you, and I think Annie will appreciate you being honest with her. But you can’t push her out. You have to tell her why it’s important to you. Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and just accept who you are.” She saw me for me. I knew that. Joanna had always seen me for who I was. She understood me like no one else. “Communication is where you’re lacking. Both of you.”

“Communication,” I repeated. She wore a satisfied grin that had my mind spinning. “You’re a genius.”

“I don’t know about that,” she said with a laugh. “You’re doing all the work. I’m just helping you connect the pieces.” She liked helping me just about as much as I liked having her help me.

She glanced at the clock, and I felt a dull ache in my core. It meant it was almost time to leave her. For another week. I wasn’t sure if I could do it .

Seven days felt like torture when all I wanted to do was see her again. Through the open window to our left, I could see the parking lot where my car was waiting. It would be painful to walk back to it without her.

“One more thing,” she said, interrupting my thoughts and leaning forward over her knees.

I leaned forward, too, as close as I could get to her. I could smell her scent again. I needed to find out what soap it was and stock up on it. How could I ask her without coming off creepy?

“Fencing,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “It’s not really fencing, is it?”

My blood ran cold.

Well, shit.