Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
POISON, “TALK DIRTY TO ME”
Eve
“What if he’s messing with you? Being nice so you don’t feel embarrassed?” Erin asked as we sat across from each other at McDonald’s. She twisted her lips. “But then again, he adjusted your bra strap at the lake. That’s weird if he’s not attracted to you. Or maybe it was a fatherly thing.” Erin shook her head. “He’s totally messing with you, Eve. Don’t you dare give him more. You’ll feel like a fool. You need to date someone else for real, not some made-up guy. And make it a little more believable than an attorney.”
I chewed on the end of my straw while processing her advice. It’s not that I didn’t see it that way, too, but there were so many looks and tiny moments that felt real.
Not pity.
Not a man appeasing his crush.
Not a neighbor being friendly to the babysitter.
“Take a chill pill when you’re around him. Act like he’s a grody old guy, and the thought of liking him is like ‘gag me.’”
I slowly nodded.
“He really said Denise smelled like dog urine?” Erin grinned, wrinkling her nose.
I smirked and nodded.
“I start classes on Monday. Of course, I’ll take the cutest guy I can find, but I’ll look for the second cutest and set you up with him.”
“Gee, thanks.” I wadded my burger wrapper and stuffed it into my fry container.
“I’m serious. Don’t be desperate.”
“I’m not desperate.”
She eyed me until I cracked.
“I’m not.” I laughed. “I’m just interested.”
“Obsessed.”
I shook my head. “Determined.”
“Delusional.”
I rolled up a tiny piece of my straw wrapper, loaded it into my straw, and blew it at her.
Sunday morning, I prayed that Kyle and Josh wouldn’t be at church, but God didn’t grant my wish. He was probably too disappointed in my lies that week to extend me a little mercy.
Erin gave me a tight grin with wide eyes when Kyle and Josh sat behind my mom and sister. They wore their matching suits again but with different ties—yellow bowties.
Adorable.
I made it through my dad’s lengthy sermon, including communion, without looking at Kyle. After the service, I gathered in front of the church with my friends while my parents made their usual chitchat.
“Hi, Eve!” Josh hugged my waist, and my friends laughed and gushed over him.
“Hey, Josh.” I ran my fingers through his dark wavy hair, and then I squatted and straightened his bowtie. “You look handsome today.”
He pressed his palms to my cheeks. “You look pretty.”
I melted in his tiny hands.
“Buddy, Eve’s talking with her friends. Where are your manners?” Kyle said, forcing me to look at him and offer a fake smile, the smile I would have given to a grody old man.
“It’s fine,” I mumbled, standing straight.
“That dress looks great on you,” he said.
I glanced down as if I didn’t remember what dress I was wearing. It was a white dress with three-quarter-length sleeves, nothing special. He was making small talk, maybe trying to ease the tension. Heck, he probably sent Josh over to say I looked pretty.
“Thanks. Nice bowtie,” I said, giving him a quick glance before looking away as if there were far more interesting people than him who deserved my attention.
“See you in a bit,” he said.
That got my attention.
Kyle took Josh’s hand. “Your parents invited us to lunch.”
Of course, they did .
“Lovely.” I plastered on a smile.
He offered my friends a courteous nod before heading to his truck.
“He’s so bad. I can’t wait for school to start,” Lizzy said. She was getting ready to start her senior year.
“I bet he’s strict with his grading system. All the grody guys are flawed,” Erin eyed me.
“I agree,” Kelly said. She was going to be a junior. “Mr. Collins is not grody, but I feel like the ugly ones are the worst teachers because they were picked on in school. And they’re determined to make everyone pay and suffer like they did.”
“Everyone’s leaving.” I nodded toward the parking lot. “See y’all next week.”
Erin squeezed my arm while leaning close to my ear. “Stay strong. He’s old and ugly.”
He looked like every woman’s dream, with a darling little boy as his sidekick. As good as I was at lying, I couldn’t convince myself or anyone else that Kyle was old and ugly.
“Two weeks in a row, huh? Are we adopting them?” I asked my parents when I slid into the back seat next to Gabby before we headed to get Grandma Bonnie.
Mom glanced over her shoulder at me. “Kyle and Josh?”
“Yeah. Who else did you invite to Sunday dinner?”
“They’re like family because Fred is the brother your father never had. So think of Kyle as your uncle or cousin.”
It wasn’t a bad idea. I had cousins, and they weren’t ugly, but I didn’t have a crush on them. I tried to latch on to that idea.
Kyle was my cousin with a cute little boy. We were all family. Incest was not only forbidden, it was gross.
After we picked up Grandma Bonnie and arrived home, I changed out of my white dress into a denim skirt and red blouse with tiny gold buttons. I still had to look nice for Sunday dinner, but white wasn’t a good choice since we were having barbecue ribs, green beans, fingerling potatoes, and, of course, apple pie with homemade ice cream.
Gabby answered the knock at the door for our cousin and his son while Mom and I finished setting the food on the table.
“Daddy got the booster,” Josh said to my mom.
Kyle smiled, holding up a booster seat. No Bibles would be sacrificed during dinner that day.
“Good thinking.” Mom took the booster seat and set it on the chair for Josh.
I headed to the kitchen to grab the basket of dinner rolls, but Kyle was in my way, so I gazed up at him with a platonic grin. “Excuse me.”
He didn’t move. “Are we okay?” he asked in a hushed tone, quickly scanning the room before returning his gaze to me.
“Of course we’re good. Why wouldn’t we be?” I did my best to pretend that nothing happened.
If he wanted to act like I had a crush on him, I wouldn’t do anything to confirm it because it wasn’t true.
Mind over matter.
It. Wasn’t. True.
Liking one’s cousin was gross.
I pushed past him since he wouldn’t move.
“Good. Because I feel bad about yesterday,” he said, following me into the kitchen.
I handed him the butter, and I grabbed the basket of rolls. “You’re family.” All I could muster was a cheesy smile. “Kind of like my cousin. Yesterday didn’t happen because you’re family. My adopted cousin.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Cousins,” he echoed.
I returned a firm nod. “And you teach math which makes you a nerdy cousin at that.” I batted my eyelashes before carrying the rolls to the table while he followed me.
After saying grace, my dad repeated the previous week's behavior by talking Kyle’s head off about football. But Kyle didn’t seem to mind. His passion was palpable.
I wanted to feel a little passion from him too.
Cousin! He’s my cousin.
“Denise wasn’t at church today, but I talked with her yesterday.” Mom squeezed into the conversation, changing it to another topic I didn’t care about. “She wanted me to thank you again for helping her out. She said she had a great evening painting with Josh and chatting with you.”
Kyle finished chewing and blotted his mouth with a napkin. “I was happy to help. And Josh had a good time.”
“She’s great with kids,” Mom added. “And she loves football. You’ll see her at all the games. She even volunteers at the concession stand.”
“Eve loves football too,” Gabby said. “Last year, she went to all of the games.” She smirked.
Mom nodded. “That’s right. You did.”
I shot my sister a stiff smile. She had kept my secret for a whole year, and I thought she would forget about it since it no longer mattered. Instead, she brought it up in front of Kyle, who probably thought I had told her that I liked him.
“Erin went to all of the games too,” I said with a shrug, even though she went to all the games to be with me while I supported my boyfriend, whom my parents never knew about.
“Maybe you can bring Josh to some of the games. He likes football, but I can’t coach and keep an eye on him,” Kyle said.
“She would love that,” Grandma Bonnie answered on my behalf.
I adjusted in my chair and opened my mouth to speak, but my mom interrupted.
“Oh, Denise would love to watch him,” she said before I could speak.
I bit my tongue and shrugged as if I didn’t care who took Josh to the games. When I looked at Grandma, she gave me a look. I wasn’t ready to build the fence.
“It’s good to know I have options,” Kyle said, wiping Josh’s messy face.
“I’ll get the pie and ice cream.” I smiled, scooting back in my chair.
“Gabby, help your sister,” Mom said.
“Let me,” Kyle interrupted, pushing back in his chair. “It’s the least I can do after getting an invitation to dinner two weekends in a row.”
I didn’t wait for him because I didn’t need anyone’s help.
“You must have been dating a player last year,” Kyle said as I retrieved the ice cream from the freezer.
I stiffened a second before turning and kicking the door closed behind me. “Why do say that?” I asked with a slight scoff.
“Because your family implied your interest in football was just last year, and you and Gabby exchanged a look.” He took the ice cream from me, and I pulled the scoop from the drawer by the sink.
I shook my head, opting for no comment.
“I’m not that old. And I’m observant,” he said.
“But do you have a point?” I turned, eyeing him for an answer.
He had to stare at my mouth, which cousins didn’t do. “Today, I have sensed some hostility from you. I think you misunderstood me yesterday.”
“I think you misunderstood me. So, whatever you think I meant yesterday, I didn’t. Like I said earlier, we’re practically family. And I’ll happily take Josh to your games because that’s what family does, but if you want your girlfriend to take him instead, that’s fine too. I really don’t care.”
The harder I tried not to care, the more I wanted him. The word “cousin” left a sour taste in my mouth because I never would have considered kissing my cousin. I would not have taken my shirt off in front of a male cousin.
“You’re killing me, Eve,” he whispered.
“I don’t know why.” I handed him the scoop and turned to get the pie and wooden-handled server from the counter. “I’m just your brother’s best friend’s daughter. Your preacher’s daughter. An eighteen-year-old. The girl next door.” I stepped past him and carried the pie to the dining room.
After dinner, I washed dishes with Gabby while my mom drove Grandma Bonnie back to the nursing home. My dad and Kyle sat on the front porch and watched Josh play with the farm cats.
Dad poked his head in the kitchen as I slid the last plate into the cabinet. “Eve, can you watch Josh while I take Kyle down by the creek and show him which trees I think need to come down?”
“I suppose,” I mumbled before following him outside.
Kyle looked at me. “Josh can come with us. I don’t want to disrupt your day.”
“Josh is the best part of my day.” I scooped him up in my arms and turned in a circle while he giggled. “I prefer him to everyone else.”
My dad laughed.
Kyle tried on a smile that didn’t seem to fit.
“Let’s go to your house,” I said, setting him on the ground and taking his hand.
“Thank you,” Kyle called after we headed toward the fence.
I slowed my steps and turned a fraction. If sincerity were flesh and bones, it would have looked like Kyle. My snarkiness fell away, and I mirrored his sincerity with a smile. “You’re welcome.”
When we reached the house, Josh wanted to play Chutes and Ladders, so we played game after game. And he kept winning.
“Josh, is your dad a happy person?” I asked, moving my girl pawn four spaces on the board.
He wrinkled his nose and flicked the spinner. “He’s grumpy pants.”
I snorted a laugh. “Why is he grumpy pants?”
“Because he says I’m trouble when I pee on the floor.”
Joy filled me like the frosting on a gooey cinnamon roll. I wanted to be a mouse in the corner, watching Kyle and Josh talk about pee on the floor.
“My dad is grumpy pants too,” I said.
Josh’s bright eyes looked up at me like he was happy to have someone who understood him. “Do you pee on the floor?”
I grinned. “Not anymore. But I leave lights on and wear clothes my dad doesn’t like.”
The back door opened, and Kyle stepped inside, kicking off his boots.
“I won four times!” Josh beamed.
“Of course you did,” Kyle said. “I bet you didn’t tell Eve you have magic board game luck.”
Josh giggled when I gave him a wide-eyed stare with my lips parted into an O. I put the pieces back into the box.
“Can you take this to your room while I say goodbye to Eve and thank her for playing with you?” Kyle handed Josh the game.
“Bye,” I said to Josh, giving him a little wave.
“Bye,” he mumbled, skating his socked feet along the wood floor toward the stairs.
“Did my dad talk you into cutting down most of the trees by the creek? He’s tired of them falling and making a dam that causes flooding.”
“Not all of them. But I said I’d help him take down three dead ones when I get time this week.”
“You’re a good man. I’m sure my dad will be thrilled to have you around. He doesn’t trust me or Gabby with a chainsaw.”
Kyle chuckled, scratching the back of his head.
“Well, enjoy the rest of your Sunday.” I opened the back door, and he followed me onto the deck.
“Eve?”
I stopped.
“If I didn’t have the responsibility of being a father, I wouldn’t think twice about being a little reckless with you,” he said.
I was afraid to turn around because I was trying so hard to be his adopted family and not the girl next door with an incurable crush. What if my idea of recklessness meant the kind of intimacy that would land my soul in Hell, and he meant letting me use a chainsaw? I no longer trusted myself to read him.
“But,” he continued, “very few things in my life have gone as planned, so I can’t promise I’ll remain steadfast in my resolve to do the right thing. This is my preemptive apology for if or when I fuck it all up.” The wood beneath his feet creaked as he took a step closer.
My lips parted to accommodate my labored breathing. I liked his vulnerability. And I liked that he was unapologetic about saying “fuck” around me.
“Eve—”
“Is this a warning or a promise?” I couldn’t look at him and act confident, so I continued down the four stairs to the yard. “Because I’m terrible at heeding warnings but relentless at making people keep their promises.”