Chapter Thirty
Roxy
“ I still can’t believe that happened,” I say, laughing as Chris drives us in his sports car to pick up Axel.
“I can.” He grins at me before turning back to the road. “You were magnificent.”
I shake my head, unable to control my laughter. “Your dad’s face was so red I thought he might combust. I don’t think he was expecting Freya to give me all the credit.”
Christian doesn’t laugh like I expect him to. Instead, the muscles in his jaw flex. “Don’t worry about what he thinks. His opinion no longer holds any weight with me.” His frigid tone drops the temperature in the car about ten degrees.
“Did something happen with you two today?”
Christian flicks his gaze my way for a split second. “It’s not worth talking about.” His hands tighten on the steering wheel. “What do you think Axel will say about the game?”
I resist the urge to question him further and roll with his abrupt subject change. “I think he’ll be excited.” Not only did Freya accept our proposal for Bon Loup’s upcoming campaign, but she gave the three of us tickets to Bridger’s hockey game tonight. And the best part is we get to arrive early for a tour of the rink and hang out in the guest suite to enjoy a full buffet before it starts.
When we reach Axel’s school and detail our plans for the evening, he rewards us with a rare smile.
And when we finally make it to the fully-loaded guest suite, it’s easy to see that I was right. Axel may not openly admit to it, but he’s excited to be here. Not only is the suite filled with family members of the players, but Cai, Des, Thor, his brother Gunner, and Holt are here, too.
As soon as Chantelle spots us, she runs over with Jude on her arm, then introduces me to her sweet mom and the rest of the team wives, who all are extremely welcoming. Now I’m sitting between her and Chris, mesmerized by the moves these guys pull out on the ice.
“Did you see that block?” Chantelle laughs at how high my voice pitches.
“Evander is a master goalie. One of the best.”
“Um, I heard that,” Greer says from a few seats away. “I think you meant to add on the ice .”
Chantelle rolls her eyes as she leans toward me and whispers, “Greer was a goalie for the Denver Darlings. Remind me to show you some videos of her and Evander going at it.”
“Are they together?” She nods.
“And blissfully happy.”
A player from the opposite team hits one of our guys in the leg with a stick, sending him to the ice.
“Aw, come on!” Axel shouts, hopping to his feet.
“That was a low blow!” Chris joins in.
Axel’s sat next to Chris the entire game while the two of them have discussed all things hockey. I’ve never seen Axel like this with anyone but Eddy. I’m happy to see them get along so well, but it also brings a lot of anxiety.
What will happen when Axel and I have to walk away from Christian? Will he resent me if Chris cuts all contact? If he takes back the bike?
“Come on, Joely!” Jude yells, breaking me out of my thoughts. His brother cuts across the ice with the puck so fast no one on the opposing team stands a chance at blocking his shot. The Dragons score and the suite erupts.
Chantelle jumps into Joel’s arms, and he swings her around as they cheer. I stand along with Chris, clapping at the slapshot. “These guys are good.”
“We should try to catch a game more often,” Chris says, catching my eye. “Maybe I’ll even get us season tickets.”
“Season tickets? Isn’t their season almost over?”
“I meant next season,” he says, his focus already going back to the hockey players skating down the rink.
Next season . My heart aches the entire rest of the game at the thought that Axel and I may not still be with him next year. Too soon, the fun ends and the three of us are heading home. Axel’s in the back, loaded down with the Denver Dragons merch Chris snagged for him, likely oblivious to the exorbitant amount it all cost. Guilt weighs on me every time I let him do something like that for us. But it’s like he genuinely wants to play house with me and Axel. For how long, though?
We’ve fallen into such an easy rhythm that the absence of issues worries me. Is it just that we’ve gotten so good at acting we never actually stop? Even when it’s just him and I alone? Chris is amazing, one of the kindest men I’ve ever met. So it’s hard to tell where friendly concern ends and genuine affection begins. Like when he stayed the night with me in my room. Was he just being a gentleman when he wrapped himself around me and kissed the top of my head, or did he feel the attraction pulsing between us like I did?
I don’t want to show him my cards, because I’ve been dealt a risky hand. My heart is falling too fast and too hard for him. To expose my feelings could ruin it all. Especially if everything he does for me is only born out of his good character and not something more. And opening up to him means being truthful about my past. Am I really ready to look Christian in the eye and bare it all?
When we make it back to Chris’s building, he parks the car out front and turns to Axel. “Would you mind going up without us? I’d like to speak to your aunt for a second.”
Axel’s eyes bounce to mine. Apprehension twists my gut into knots, but I nod at him, implying everything’s okay. Axel grabs his stuff and opens the car door. “All right. See you two up there.”
“We’ll be right up,” Chris assures him, then waves at the valet and drives us into the parking garage himself. Anxiety spreads into my limbs, a tingling feeling ratcheting up my spine.
What could he possibly want to talk to me about? Could he somehow read my earlier thoughts? The ones I’ve been trying so hard to hide from him? I couldn’t stand it if he pretended to return my feelings out of obligation. I don’t want that.
With greater clarity than ever before, the truth hits me in the darkened parking garage.
I want something real.
I’ve had enough of the fake, enough of the short-lived, fast-paced love that always ends with me being burned. I want true. I want right. And I want it with Chris. I just hope he wants it too.
He puts the car in park and shuts it off. “Roxy, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
My heart thuds against my ribs so hard I swear he can hear it. “Okay.”
His eyes connect with mine, and the look in them frightens me. I’m not sure this conversation is leading to where I hoped it might. “Roxy, have you ever been arrested?”
My thudding heart nearly stops. I swallow, trying to bring it back to life. “I—I—”
“I’m not accusing you,” he adds softly. “I’m just asking for the truth.”
Here it is. The moment of truth. The one I knew was coming. I can either be honest and vulnerable, or…No. That’s all there is with him. Christian deserves honesty and goodness, despite what it might cost me. “I was. Once.”
His brow furrows. “For what?”
Shame slithers up my spine, creeps into my shoulders, and I tense. I don’t say anything for a long while, trying to think of how best to word what happened. The truth of what happened. He gives me space to think. Doesn’t force my response. Once again, I’m thankful for his patience.
Finally, I say, “I was arrested during a bar fight.” I let that settle in before continuing. I so badly want to gauge his reaction to my confession but can’t quite bring myself to meet his eyes. “The guy I was with...an old ex of his decided to approach us and pick a fight while we were out one night. She jumped on him and I—” I force out a breath. “I yanked her off him. She attacked me. Clawed at my eyes, ripped my hair. Like a wild animal or something. We got in a tussle on the floor. Killian was too smashed to pull her off me, but he tried. Anyway, I finally knocked her out, but the police had arrived by then. We both got arrested.”
I blink down at my folded hands, knowing what question would come next.
“Was that the only time?”
I nod.
“Is there anything else I should know about your past?”
I lick my lips and gather the courage to say it all. The worst about the past I’ve tried to hide. “I have a DUI on my record,” I say quietly, unable to look at him. “But I didn’t earn it.”
The leather squeaks as he shifts in his seat. I can feel his gaze boring into the side of my face, but there’s no way I’m brave enough to witness whatever emotion is reflected in his eyes. “What does that mean?”
I look up at the ceiling and sigh. “It means that I wasn’t drunk the night Killian crashed my car. I was drinking, just not heavily. But...I told the judge it was me. That he tried to cover for me. I...I lied.”
“Why?”
“Because he would’ve gone to jail for it. It was my first offense, but he’d had multiple.”
Christian’s body vibrates with tension. My entire face heats at the way he stares at me “How long ago was this?”
I try not to flinch at the hardness in his voice. “I was twenty-one. Too young to care at the time.” Lowering my voice, I add, “Too young to realize I was in a toxic, co-dependent relationship.”
“But your dad—” He stops himself and runs a hand over his jaw. Even though I’m not looking at him, I’m so attuned to his gestures now, even in my periphery, I sense his every move.
“I know. My dad was a drunk. I should’ve known to leave the relationship as soon as I saw Killian’s dependence on alcohol, but...” I shake my head. “I think part of me felt guilty for not being able to save Dad from the worst of his grief. I wanted to help but...never could. With Killian, I was determined to help him like I couldn’t help my dad.”
“Roxy.” Christian’s soft tone has a tear leaking from my eye. “You were just a kid. You weren’t responsible for your dad.” I swipe at the now streaming rivers flowing down my cheeks. “And you weren’t responsible for Killian, either.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I know that now.”
Silence stretches between us. It almost seems like he’s waiting for me to get whatever else out that I might need to. So I do.
“I left Denver after my incarceration. Broke things off with Killian and just...left. I’d come home to see Eddy and Axel during the holidays. Sometimes I’d stay for weeks. But I never put down roots anywhere. I moved a lot. Had a lot of bad jobs.” A derisive laugh rolls off my lips. “A lot of bad boyfriends.” I let that hard truth sink in for a second before laying it all out before him. “Chris, I’m not a good person like you are. I’m...something’s broken inside me.”
Before I register that he’s moved, Chris’s thumb and forefinger rest on my chin and tilt it toward him. When I don’t raise my gaze, he says, “Roxy. Please look at me.” Tears still clouding my vision, I do as he says. “You are not broken. You’re strong and determined. Look at how you came back and showed up for Axel.”
More tears spring free. “But I’m not doing a good job. Look at how he’s gotten into trouble.”
“He’s doing better now, though. Everyone can see that.”
I bite my trembling lip. “But will it be enough?”
Chris doesn’t answer me, and I don’t expect him to. He can’t know how everything’s going to go at the next hearing. All we can do is pray that it’ll all work out. He does, however, unbuckle my seat belt and reach for me. Draws me over the center console and sets me in his lap. He takes his glasses off, drops them in the passenger seat, and squeezes me tightly. I return the hug, wrapping my arms around his neck, his back.
In his safe arms, I cry. For all the mistakes I’ve made, all the times I’ve run, and the future that I wish wasn’t so uncertain. I let him hold me like he’s the glue that keeps my jagged pieces together. I soak in his sweet, reassuring murmurs and soft caresses down my back. Because I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep him. But God knows I wish it’d be forever.