The Boss

Chapter 27

Jamie

I’d seen Chaz’s truck parked outside Scone Haven and hadn’t been able to squash hope rising inside me. If he was learning to live again outside his home and shop, he might be willing to forgive me and get us back on track for where we’d always been headed.

Considering our connection and unbelievable chemistry, Chaz and I could have something beautiful. Long-lasting. We’d shared explosive passion, and I struggled to believe my honesty had ruined my chance of him returning my love.

I didn’t doubt he’d blamed me for his wife’s death in those days since I’d seen him last. How could he not? Putting myself in his shoes reiterated the mistake I’d made in sharing my secret with him. I would hate him too if he’d wished the woman I loved enough to marry would disappear off the face of the planet.

The weeks of silence between us had passed in a haze of hurt and remorse, and I’d clung to memories from our one night together that would eventually fade from my mind like the ache in my ass days after he’d given me what I’d begged for. Nothing had held meaning since then. Seeing my team’s players around town, Josh and Kyle, holding hands and looking like they were on top of the world, hadn’t offered a single spark of happiness. Neither had homecoming, where I’d heard they’d gone together and danced the night away.

That Hallmark movie moment belonged to those two boys, not me.

Working out and taking care of my body no longer lay at the front of my mind. I’d begun to slack off, the entire week after Thanksgiving a tumble down the eating-shit cliff thanks to Dad’s cooking and Dexter bringing the best cranberry cheesecake I’d ever had in my mouth.

Twice since Chaz had ordered me from his house, I rode along with Dad around town in the cruiser while he attempted to cheer me up, but I couldn’t be dragged from the pit I’d tumbled into.

Dad had suggested that perhaps it was time to move on, that distance and the passing of days and eventual months might allow for some healing. I’d admitted to the shitty wish I’d had and how spilling it had ruined my friendship with Chaz along with the possibility of him ever allowing me to love him in the way I yearned to do.

So when the job offer from one of Dad’s contacts down in Berlin’s town hall had come through via email, I’d considered taking it even though I’d filled out the application while pissed off and wanting to disappear from Pippen Creek forever. Getting my own place down there rather than commuting had sounded like a damned good idea at the time. Maybe some sort of satisfaction in working 9-5, putting that engineering degree I’d earned to use, could be found.

But I needed closure first even if it seemed that Chaz wasn’t willing to give it to me one way or the other.

The silence between us grew heavier with every passing moment.

“Chaz?”

I prompted him for some sort of response to my declaration.

Still, it was another full minute before he spoke, his tone barely audible. “Why?”

“Why move?”

He nodded, refusing to take his eyes off his coffee cup.

“Got a job offer from their town’s building department, so why not? There’s nothing keeping me here.”

I studied his down-turned face and how he swallowed, his Adam’s apple dipping slowly. That hope that had brought me through Scone Haven’s door rekindled to life inside me. “Is there any reason I should stay?”

“This is home—your Dad is here—those kids on the team adore you.”

He didn’t lie, but I dreamed of more.

“You’ve encouraged and changed a lot of lives,”

he continued. “You’re loved, Jamie.”

“Am I?”

I pushed, wanting to hear his truth more than any of the others he’d pointed out.

“Of course you are!”

he stated sharply, finally gifting me the vision of his beautiful, pain-filled hazel eyes I found myself drowning in.

My heart beat heavy in my chest, every thump for him. He owned me, body and soul. Always would.

“What about you, Chaz?”

I whispered, needing verbalization of what I swore I saw in his gaze.

“What about me?”

I sat in silence, watching him until he glanced away.

Weak sunlight filtering through the bay window behind him caressed his strong profile like my fingers itched to do. Snowflakes fell beyond, their pristine white covering the muck and dirty slush from previous storms.

Dad had told me that if I was gifted the opportunity, that I needed to share the rest of my heart with Chaz. While sitting in a public space with other townsfolk close enough to listen wasn’t ideal, time ran short. Berlin’s town officials expected me to start after the first of the year, and a lot of details needed taken care of between now and then if I accepted their offer.

That decision rested on the man across the table from me.

“I told Josh that if you love someone, you put them first,”

I said, keeping my voice low. “Sacrifice for them. That’s the kind of love I desire, Chaz, and you’re who I want it with. But being here in this town with distance between us… Fuck.”

I ran a hand over my face, my throat aching. I was no Babs. “Seeing you and not being able to have you hurts more than anything.”

I went on. “Goddamn knives pierce my chest over and over until I bleed out. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but it’s what I want. What I need. And if you can’t give me any of that, what’s the point of sticking around where there’s more pain than happiness with every breath I take?”

Chaz didn’t respond, simply went back to studying his goddamned coffee cup.

Answer enough.

An audible exhale emptied my lungs and slouched my shoulders. My eyes stung, but I couldn’t tear my focus off his thinned, pale lips I would never taste again.

Loneliness for life appeared to be my future, and there was nothing I could do to change that fact no matter what pep talk I offered myself. There was no winning in this moment, only a chance to escape the pain and attempt to survive.

“I’m the one who needs space now,”

I managed to whisper before sliding out of my seat.

Every step putting distance between Chaz and I was agony. A slow peeling of skin away from muscle and bone, wounding me in ways that would never fully heal.

He didn’t call out to stop my leaving, and the door shut firmly behind me.

The cold outdoors slapped me in the face, its bitter chill stealing what little air I had left in me. I stood alone on the walkway, Christmas music filtering in from somewhere along Main Street, twinkling lights in the fire station’s windows across from Scone Haven attempting to make the atmosphere festive.

As a kid, I would have tipped my head back and caught snowflakes on my tongue, but I couldn’t be bothered to search out even one second of happiness thanks to the heaviness in my heart. I wanted to curl up in a ball and throw a massive pity party for one.

Head down, I trudged through the thickening snow toward my SUV, fighting to focus on the immediate future.

Accepting the job offer, making it through the holidays, then packing up my shit and moving out of Pippen Creek for good.