Chapter Forty-One Charlotte
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
CHARLOTTE
Breathe with me
S OMEHOW , I MAINTAIN MY COMPOSURE FOR THE REST OF THE EVENING . Most of the older guests start to head out before midnight, but as a member of the exec board, I’m expected to stay until the very end, even if this thing goes on until four in the morning. Although I’m fairly certain we only have the ballroom until two, thank God. I really don’t want to be here all night.
The Delta Tau guys don’t seem to be in a hurry to leave. I keep hearing laughter from their table, and every time I glance over there, they’re huddled together like a pack of wolves.
As Faith and Will chat beside me, I catch Mitch’s eye for a second before he leans in closer to his frat brothers, saying something that makes them roar with laughter.
“What the hell are those idiots giggling about?” Faith says, looking annoyed.
“Joey probably told another one of his stellar fart jokes,” I reply, but the knot in my stomach hints at something more ominous.
My instincts are screaming that Mitch told the Delta Tau guys what he heard earlier, and I want desperately for those instincts to be wrong.
But then I hear it—Mitch’s voice, clear and cutting, slicing in our direction. “Yeah, Charlotte’s fucking two guys. Total slut.”
Will goes rigid beside me. His jaw clenches.
I feel the blood rushing to my face, turning my cheeks into tomatoes, but rather than flee for the door the way my mortification wants me to do, my legs have a mind of their own. Before I can stop myself, I stomp toward the Delta Tau table.
“What did you just say?” I growl at Mitch.
Heads turn toward us, curious stares lingering, but I don’t give a shit.
He leans back in his chair, a cocky grin spreading across his face. “Oh, didn’t hear me the first time? I was just telling the guys about how you like to keep things interesting with more than one dick. Must be exhausting keeping up the prim-and-proper act all the time.”
Will comes up beside me, his fists tightening, but I place a hand on his chest to stop him. I’m not about to let my ex-boyfriend get to me, not like this.
“You don’t know anything about me,” I snap at him. “Keep my name out of your mouth, Mitch.”
Before he can say anything else, Agatha marches over in her white designer dress, perfectly styled hair bouncing with each step.
“What is going on here?” she demands.
Mitch grins up at her from his chair. “Hey, Agatha, did you know Charlotte’s been bed-hopping between two hockey players? Gotta satisfy her sex addiction somehow, right?”
Now it’s Faith lunging forward. “Hey, asshole, give it a fucking rest.”
He rolls his eyes at my best friend. “You should be giving that advice to Char, Faith. She needs to rest between all the dicks she’s sucking.”
Once again, I have to restrain Will from attacking my ex. I squeeze his hand, a silent message to stay calm.
“Is any of this true, Charlotte?” Agatha’s jaw is agape.
“Of course it’s not true,” Faith snaps back. “Jesus, Agatha. Charlotte isn’t a sex addict. He’s just bitter that she dumped him. Pathetic asshole.”
“It’s not true,” I assure Agatha, anger churning in my gut. “He’s trying to stir up trouble, as usual.”
She looks between Mitch and me, clearly unsure who to believe. “This isn’t the time for drama,” she finally says. “We have standards here, and I don’t want rumors like this affecting our sorority’s reputation.”
I want to scream. “It’s not a rumor. He’s lying.”
“Am I?” Mitch chimes in, his smirk growing wider. His friends laugh again, egging him on.
I can’t even look at Will, afraid of what I’ll see in his expression. Murder, most likely. Mitch and his frat bros are chortling as Agatha huffs away, and it takes all my willpower to hold it together.
“Let’s get out of here,” I tell Will, gripping his hand so tight I fear I might break it.
Faith falls in step with us, forcing me to a stop when we’re a good distance away. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. I just want to leave.” I lean in to give her a quick hug. “Thanks for having my back.”
“Always.”
“I know I’m supposed to stay and help with cleanup, but—”
“Go,” she orders. “I’ll deal with Agatha and the execs.”
“Thank you.” I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like Faith.
As Will and I walk out of the ballroom, I feel the stares of Mitch and his Delta Tau crew burning into my back. My chest is tight with embarrassment. Will’s hand is steady around mine, but even his touch can’t calm the storm inside me.
We give our tickets to the coat check girl, collect our jackets, and then head toward the lobby, where Will says, “Do you mind if I hit the head before we go?”
“No problem. I’ll meet you out front.”
I exit the hotel through the glass sliding doors in the lobby and step onto the wide sidewalk, the winter air hitting my face like a slap. It feels good, though. The chill. It opens up my lungs, and I finally feel like I can breathe again.
I lean against the brick exterior, staring out onto the well-lit street, trying to collect myself.
But the quiet doesn’t last long.
“Thought you could just walk away from that, huh?”
I stiffen at the sound of Mitch’s voice. I turn to see him stepping outside, a nasty grin plastered across his face. My stomach twists. I don’t want to do this again. Not now. Not ever.
“Go away,” I mutter.
He comes closer. “What’s wrong? Can’t handle people knowing the truth about you?”
“I said leave me alone.”
“Or what?” His voice drops to a venomous note. “You’re really something, you know that? Acting all high and mighty, pretending to be so perfect. But you’re just a slut, Charlotte. You think banging two guys makes you special? It just makes you pathetic.”
I clench my fists. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“I know enough. You were never good enough for me, and you’re not good enough for these hockey players either. They’ll figure it out soon enough.”
The words cut deep, even though I know they shouldn’t. I open my mouth to retort, but before I can say anything, Will appears behind us, his eyes blazing with fury.
“What the fuck did you just say to her?”
Mitch’s smirk wavers for a moment, but he recovers quickly. “Oh, look, the knight in shining armor. What, you here to defend your little toy? Doesn’t it bother you she’s screwing your buddy behind your back?”
Will doesn’t hesitate. He’s on Mitch in an instant, grabbing him by the collar and slamming him against the wall. “Shut the fuck up already.”
Mitch laughs. “You gonna hit me, tough guy? Go ahead. See how that looks.”
“If you insist.”
Will’s fist shoots forward, colliding into Mitch’s jaw with a sickening crack. My ex staggers, clutching his face.
“Get the hell out of here,” Will snarls.
Mitch doesn’t need to be told twice. He scrambles back inside, muttering curses under his breath.
As soon as he’s gone, the reality of what just happened crashes down on me. Mitch isn’t going to keep his mouth shut about this. Any of it. He’s going to go in there and rant about how Charlotte’s hockey player goon punched him in the face. How Charlotte is a slut who’s banging the entire hockey team. I can already hear the questions from my sorority sisters. The interrogation from Agatha.
“You okay?” Will asks.
I shake my head, barely able to speak past the lump in my throat. “I can’t believe this happened.”
“It’s not your fault. He deserved it.”
I know he’s right, but that doesn’t make the embarrassment any less overwhelming. “Agatha and the others are going to have a lot to say about this.”
“Let them say it. Who cares what they think?”
I care. I care too much. I can already hear the whispers, the judgment, the way they’ll look at me tomorrow like I’m a walking scandal. My secret life is catching up to me, encroaching on my real life.
A life that feels more and more like it’s spiraling out of control.
I go home with Will instead of to the sorority house. I’m in avoidance mode. Faith texts to make sure I’m okay, and I assure her I am, but I’m lying.
At the boys’ house, I undress in Will’s bedroom, leaving my jewelry on his night table and my dress on his floor. Then I slip into the T-shirt he hands me. Briar Hockey. It hangs past my knees and smells like him.
I collapse on his mattress, the tension in my muscles refusing to alleviate.
I hear the water running in the hall bathroom. Beckett was in the shower when we got back, and now it sounds like he’s brushing his teeth. As Will gets ready for bed, he glances over every few seconds as if to check I’m not going to burst into tears. He’s right to worry.
Before I can ward it off, the wave hits me. Suddenly my chest feels too tight, like there’s a vise squeezing my lungs, and my heart beats so fast it blurs my vision.
It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced a pressure wave this suffocating.
Everything is closing in on me. School, my capstone project, my family, my new brother. Keeping this secret life hidden. Pretending everything is okay when it clearly isn’t.
It’s all too much.
I’m dating two guys. Two amazing, complicated, intense guys. And if anyone finds out, my entire world will implode.
I can’t bear the thought of losing them, but it feels like I’m on the edge of a cliff, dangerously close to falling. The guilt and fear and overwhelming sense of helplessness—it all comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave, and before I know it, I’m sliding off the bed and onto the floor of Will’s bedroom, gasping for air.
“Charlie?”
I can’t breathe. I feel the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I hadn’t even realized I was crying.
“ Charlotte .”
Will’s voice is soft, but there’s an urgency in it that cuts through the fog in my mind. He kneels in front of me, his hands cupping my face as he tries to force me to look at him.
“Breathe, baby. Just breathe.”
“I…I can’t,” I wheeze.
“Yes, you can,” he insists, his thumbs brushing away my tears. “I’m right here, okay? Focus on me. Breathe with me.”
He takes a slow, deep breath, exaggerating it so I can follow along. I try to mimic him, inhaling shakily and exhaling just as unsteadily. My heart is still racing, my mind still spinning, but Will doesn’t let go. He keeps his eyes locked on mine.
“Good girl,” he murmurs, his voice soothing. “Keep going, just like that. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
I manage a weak nod, clutching his wrists like they’re a lifeline. It feels like an eternity before my breathing finally begins to even out, the panic dissipating.
But the fear remains, lurking beneath the surface, threatening to rise up again at any second.
“What if people find out?” The words spill out before I can stop them. “What if they find out about the three of us?”
“They won’t.”
“Mitch heard me talking to Beckett tonight.” I draw another breath. “I don’t think anybody is going to believe him. They’ll assume it’s a rumor. But what happens if it gets out for real?”
“Then we’ll figure it out.”
My bottom lip starts trembling. “I’m so scared of losing everything.”
“You won’t,” he promises, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to my forehead.
I slump into him, desperate for the comfort he offers, and he wraps his arms around me, holding me close.
Beckett’s footsteps sound in the hall. He’s done with his shower. As if sensing the waves of tension rolling out of Will’s room, he appears in the open doorway, a towel secured around his trim waist.
He takes in the scene with a quick glance, his chiseled features softening when he notices me clinging to Will. “You okay?”
I nod, unable to speak. Will keeps his arms around me, but he looks up at Beckett, and something unspoken passes between them. Beckett walks over to us and crouches beside me.
“She’s okay,” Will says, then fills him in on what happened at the gala. Just hearing the recap makes my stomach roil.
“I’m sorry,” I say when I realize they’re both kneeling at my side like I’m in danger of swooning or something. “I’m okay now. It was just a panic attack.”
Beckett places his hand on my back, reassuring me. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.”
I peer up at him, my face still wet with tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“Stop apologizing,” he interrupts, shaking his head.
A lump fills my throat. I gulp it down. “I hate that everyone’s talking about me now. Judging me.”
“Let them judge,” Will says. “They don’t know anything about our relationship. It’s nobody’s business but ours.”
My gaze shifts between them, a familiar knot of doubt twisting inside me. “But what if they’re right? What if this is too complicated? Too messy? I feel like I’m constantly hiding, like we’re doing something wrong.”
“You’re not doing anything wrong. We’re not doing anything wrong.” Will tucks my hair behind my ears. “I know part of you still thinks this isn’t normal, but who cares about normal? I’ve had to work through my own doubts about all this too. There were moments I didn’t think I could handle it. But…I love you, Charlie. And I know that what we have—it’s right. For all of us.”
My breath hitches.
Did he just tell me he loves me?
“And nothing’s going to change that,” he continues, as if he hadn’t dropped an actual L-bomb. “Not some party, not some dickhead like Mitch, and definitely not what other people think.”
“Other people’s opinions matter to me, though. I wish they didn’t. But I don’t think—”
“You don’t have to think about anything right now.” Will’s thumb traces soothing circles on my arm. “Forget about everything, and just be with us.”
Beckett nods, leaning in to kiss my temple. “Let us take care of you tonight.”
The air shifts, thickening as their words sink in. I shiver from the heat of their bodies, noting the way their gazes deepen into something more…primal. My pulse careens, not from fear this time but anticipation.
“Okay,” I breathe, surrendering to the moment.
Will’s lips find mine first, coaxing me into a slow, languid kiss. I melt into him, the pressure of his mouth against mine grounding me, reminding me that I’m safe. Beckett’s fingers slide up my spine, his touch firm and possessive, as if to remind me that he’s there too, that he’s part of this.
Will’s kiss grows more urgent. Beckett’s hand moves to the nape of my neck, tilting my head slightly to the side so he can lick the sensitive skin right below my ear. I shiver at the sensation, a soft moan escaping.
I blink, and suddenly I’m being lifted onto the bed. They’re both on me now, their hands and lips everywhere, worshipping me, making me forget the world outside this bedroom. It’s overwhelming in the best possible way, the heat and the desire pooling low in my belly, soaking my panties, drowning out every thought except how badly I want these men.
They move together in perfect synchronicity, their focus entirely on me, on making me feel like I’m the only thing that matters in the world. And for those few precious moments, I believe it. I let go of everything else, all the fear and uncertainty, and let myself get lost in them.
On my left, Will traces lazy patterns with his fingers along my skin, almost reverent, like he’s memorizing every inch of me. Beckett is on my right, his lips traveling the length of my jawline.
They take their time with me. There’s no rush, no urgency. Just us, tangled together in Will’s bed, in the comfort of each other.
I sigh, my body melting into Will’s touch as his palm skims up my side, tracing the curve of my waist. He knows me so well now. Knows how to make me feel safe, how to bring me back to myself when everything else feels like it’s spinning out of control.
The air in the room changes. Charged with something deeper than mere desire.
Maybe I’m not falling for these guys.
Maybe I’ve already fallen.
Because this…
It feels like love. This complicated, beautiful thing we’ve built together. It’s the way Beckett holds me like I’m the only thing tethering him to the world and the way Will’s steady touch makes me feel like everything will be okay.
I turn my head toward Will, and our lips collide in a kiss. Soft, patient, like he’s savoring the moment. Then I turn toward Beckett, and he strokes my cheek before kissing me too, his tongue slipping through my parted lips.
It suddenly occurs to me that he’s in nothing but a towel. The terry cloth hangs off his hip, one tug away from revealing every tantalizing inch below. So I give it that tug, and his cock springs into my hand, hot and ready for me.
Beckett fucks me first. His long, muscular body hovers over me as he thrusts his cock inside me, again and again, while Will squeezes my breasts and whispers how beautiful I am. I wrap my legs around Beckett’s hips, changing the angle, and that’s when we both realize why this feels so good.
“No condom,” he mumbles against my neck.
I’m on the pill, which I know doesn’t mean much when it comes to STIs. But both guys produced test results during the holidays after I made a random remark about how condoms don’t prevent everything. Even if they hadn’t gotten tested, I know my boys, and I trust them. They’re not sleeping with anyone but me, and I’m only sleeping with them.
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “Keep going.”
The permission summons a husky groan from him. He fucks me harder, filling me so deep I cry out. I cling to him, losing myself in the moment, and when he comes, I feel his cock swell and pulse inside me, and it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.
Will is the one to coax an orgasm out of me, getting me off with his tongue on my clit before flipping me over, yanking my ass up, and driving his hard cock into me from behind. I know he feels the evidence of Beckett’s release, because he moans and thrusts even deeper. He doesn’t last long, his hips slamming into me, his grunt heating my shoulder as he leans forward and finds his own release, pressed deep inside me.
Afterward, when they’ve left me spent and breathless, I lie between them, more at peace than I’ve felt in days. I turn my head to look at Beckett, hoping he’ll stay with us for once.
But he’s already getting up, slipping out of bed and reaching for his towel.
“Where are you going?” I ask, hearing the note of longing in my voice. I hope he’s just going to use the bathroom.
He pauses, his back to us, and I see the tension lining his shoulders. “Heading to bed,” he says gruffly, not turning around.
I sit up. “Stay with us,” I plead.
He hesitates for a long moment, then shakes his head, as if he’s fighting something inside himself.
“I prefer to sleep alone.” His voice is rough. “G’night.”
I know there’s more to it than that, something he isn’t saying, but I don’t push. I simply watch him leave, the door closing behind him, and the ache in my chest returns.
Will pulls me back down beside him, wrapping his arms around me. “Beck’s complicated,” he says against my hair. “But he cares about you. We both do.”
I smile against his shoulder. “You told me you loved me. Before. I heard you say it.”
He pauses, then gives a sheepish laugh. “Yeah. I guess I did.”
“Did you mean it?”
“Yes.” This time, there’s no pause. No hesitation.
My mouth feels dry all of a sudden. I swallow, trying to find my voice. “I love you too.”
He holds me tighter, his heartbeat steady beneath my ear.
“I just wish…” I trail off, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in my heart.
My gaze shifts toward the bedroom door, and I know Will is reading my mind because he plants a kiss on the top of my head.
“Go,” he says softly.
“You sure?”
“Mm-hmm.” He sounds sleepy, already falling asleep. “Go.”