Chapter Twenty-two.
“J ames,” I said by way of greeting.
“Jacques.”
We stood there in awkward silence, looking down at Elizabeth’s grave. After a while, I glanced up and spotted James studying me.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Elizabeth really loved you.”
“Yes, I felt the same. Elizabeth loved you, too. She never stopped.”
“Yes,” James whispered. “I loved Eliza, heart and soul. I believed I would die when we laid her to rest. The urge to crawl in the grave was nearly overwhelming. But Elizabeth would not have wanted it.”
“No, all Elizabeth wished was for us to lead happy lives. It’s hard to enjoy life when she lies there. Elizabeth’s left a hole in my heart. The shame is once I offered her immortality, and she turned it down. The damn woman had her reasons, although I cannot fathom what they were,” I admitted.
“You are not alone. I asked Eliza, and she refused me. Elizabeth wasn’t disgusted by Vam’pirs, but she did not wish to become one,” James said, startling me.
“No, she didn’t. I just wish Elizabeth had children. Elizabeth had wanted them, but it was impossible. I would have excused indiscretion if it gave Elizabeth what she wished.”
“But it was our children she wanted, Jacques. If Elizabeth couldn’t birth ours, then she did not want anyone else’s.”
“I was unaware,” I said. Silently, I looked away from James to the leaving funeral party and waved towards them.
“Why did you never chase me off? You declared London off-limits to Vam’pirs and vampires alike. Yet I blatantly ignored your command. Why didn’t you kill me? That made you weak, caused vampires to test your resolve,” James asked.
The truth was, James so openly defying me, gave me comfort. It meant someone wasn’t scared of me. And I also harboured guilt over Caroline still.
James held my eyes, and it seemed he’d read my mind.
“I must go,” I said.
James nodded, lost in thought. As I walked away, James called out, “I don’t hate you as much.”
Amused, I turned back to face him.
“If Elizabeth loved you, then there is good inside of you. Jacques, you need not look over your shoulder. I am not looking to kill you anymore. Everything seems pointless now. But I have not forgiven you or what you did, but I can understand the reasoning behind it. This is a lonely life we lead.”
James began walking away. He was a sad, forlorn figure, and my heart went out to him. Like me, James had no one.
I didn’t wish to destroy his confidence in that he’d made me scared. Although James was strong, a true Vam’pir, he couldn’t have killed me, and his actions never bothered me. There was nothing to fear from James.
I swore to contact some of the more understanding ones, like Seti or Julius, to seek him out. James needed company, whether he liked it or not. He was still hunting down vampires. Word of James’s kills reached my ears, but he stayed away from the older ones unless they warranted killing.
As I approached Barrington’s house, I wondered what Sally, Barrington’s widow, held for me. I was surprised when Sally took me into a side room and handed me a parcel. It was wrapped up in brown paper and had Barrington’s handwriting.
“What is it?” I asked, not wanting to open it.
“This was discovered in Elizabeth’s old bedroom. David read it and then locked it away for you. Jacques, I haven’t opened it, it wasn’t my place to,” Sally answered.
At once, I realised what it was. Julia’s diary!
Which meant Barrington had discovered what had happened and what I was!
Yet Barrington never said anything, and I can honestly say I’d never noticed any change in his manner towards me. That, indeed, was a friend. I loved Barrington even more at that moment, and the tragedy of his death swept over me in waves.
“I, too, am aware of what you are. And I thank you for risking yourself in daylight to attend David’s funeral,” Sally said.
“Barrington told you?” I asked, amazed.
“Everything. The secret is safe, Jacques, and only our sons will be informed. Should you need anything, a mortal friend will be there for you, if others of your kind cannot help you.”
Sally turned to leave and spun back.
“David loved you like a brother. That is why he never mentioned this. Jacques, I’m unaware of what is in the book, and I do not care. You are a good and treasured friend to this household, and you’ll remain so. My children do not call you Uncle Jacques for nothing.”
Sally returned to the guests.
I swallowed a lump in my throat and exited the house.
◆◆◆
That is the reason I am writing this tale, Eden. Because I loved you in a past life and lost you to death. I need you to understand and to make the choice of whether to join me. Your soul is Elizabeth’s, and I recognised it from the first moment I saw you.
For I have never stopped loving you and have mourned you for every day since Elizabeth passed. Honestly, I couldn’t bear to lose you again. If you refuse to become immortal, then I will take my own life. Not for one moment more shall I suffer loneliness.
Your soul recognised me, and I witnessed the confusion in your eyes.
The reasons for my behaviour are explained in this book. And ever since you were taken from me, I approached life with a careless attitude. On losing you, I didn’t give a shit what happened. Now I do.
When I look into your eyes, I see the unhappiness that you suffer. You are only twenty-three and are trapped in a bad relationship with an abusive husband. Free yourself from him. Join me.
Please.
For both of our sanities. Make us both happy. Come live with me. I do not deny your death will be painful, but afterwards, I swear to you I’ll make you happy. That is my heartfelt plea.
While Eden considers my offer, I’ll explain what was in Julia’s diary. It contains things that should be explained about who the Ripper was.
And honestly? Who doesn’t want to read Jack the Ripper’s Diary? Don’t tell me you have not been tempted ever since I mentioned it.
◆◆◆
I haven’t copied down Julia’s entire diary. Some details shall remain undisclosed. Some of what Julia wrote is too personal for me to publish. Julia left the diary for me to do as I wished.
I begin at the first entry that started her obsession.
August the 14 th .
I searched for something to eat. As usual, I travelled into the slums of London. Why would anyone decline a walk with a stylish lady? Naturally, they perceive me as a costly prostitute, so why wouldn’t they take advantage? I have done this many times over, and yet today, I received the shock of my life.
Diary dear, how do I say this?
I saw the soul of my beloved, dead husband looking out at me from some woman’s eyes. I’m unsure what to do about it, and I am not making any sense, am I?
Let’s start from the beginning. I was walking along Trafalgar Street searching for an undesirable, when I found a man that suited my purpose.
When I was sated, I left his body in the road using a knife to conceal the bite marks. I am not usually careless, but I kept having butterflies in my stomach. Twice, I returned to ensure the marks were obliterated. A strange reaction for me, and this made me more anxious than usual. I can’t explain why and won’t try to.
Concerned, I hurried away from his body, feeling that I was being watched. I wasn’t, of course, I would have sensed if there had been someone. But that made the sensation worse. Fleeing my victim, I made several changes of direction just in case I was being followed, and ended up on Whitechapel Road. There, I saw a woman weaving towards me, drunk.
I endeavoured to avoid her and tried to change my route. Uninterested in beggars or similar, I looked up and met her gaze.
Mid-step, I froze.
Kierran looked out at me from her eyes. I recognised him straight away. Thousands of years disappeared, and I returned to my life with Kierran. Memories I had buried, rose to the fore, and I headed down a painful road.
I remembered Kierran laughing and kissing me under the sun. I recalled how Kierran’s eyes would crinkle as he told a joke or when he was teasing me. My skin tingled as I felt his hand in mine and his arms around me once again. Our last encounter seemed like yesterday. Kierran’s voice rang clear as if he was standing next to me, and tears started to form. Who the hell was this woman to make me feel like this?
Devastated, I gazed at the stranger and realised that she had no idea of my identity. Why should she?
Surely, some recognition should have been present. Hadn’t our souls been completely infatuated with each other? Nothing showed in her eyes except a wondering as to whether I would give her some money. Then she noticed the tears of red and puzzlement shone on her face.
Who was I to cry blood? What was I? A sense of danger arose, prompting her to turn around and rush back the way she had come. The realisation hit that she was a prostitute.
Immediately, I chased after her, not wanting to lose her. The whore guessed I was following and picked the pace up. I watched as she walked to a crowded pub. Once there, she entered, and I waited in the shadows for her to appear. She was talking to a fellow, and I saw her waving towards where she had last seen me.
He emerged, surveyed his surroundings, and then shook his head. He returned inside, pulling her out. They began shouting, and I shrunk even further in the hope that she wouldn’t go inside.
The man pushed her, and she stumbled.
Angrily, she left and rushed off. She was not silly, though, and kept looking over her shoulder.
I was the one who got another shock when I turned a corner and found her standing there, glaring.
She demanded to be told the reason as to why I was following her, and I stuttered for an answer. She looked me up and down and asked what a lady of high society was doing in the slum part of town. There was still no recognition, and she stared like a total stranger.
My poor Kierran, what had your soul been reborn into?
I quickly made up a story that I was searching for someone and that I had thought that she was that person.
The bitch sneered at me and offered her name, Poly Nichols. She began to depart but then Polly became emboldened, turning and threatening me if I continued to follow.
Silly creature, I’d break Polly’s scrawny neck with one hand.
Polly turned again when my hand shot out and grabbed her arm. Quickly, I offered the nasty creature money to see if she would help. Polly’s eyes narrowed in greed as she asked what was involved.
Honestly, I should’ve walked away, but I wanted to learn more. I needed to spend time with Polly, she had Kierran’s soul. It would drive me insane to know that Kierran was here, existing in this filthy shell. I needed to know that Kierran was well, and I didn’t care what the consequences were.
Polly cocked an eyebrow when I insisted I was looking for someone and that maybe she could help. Calculation rose in Polly’s eyes as I took money from my purse. Polly snatched it and squirrelled it away.
Randomly, I gave Polly a made-up name, and she told me she would keep her ears open. I suggested that there was plenty more money to be had.
Polly agreed to meet the next evening. She left, jauntily walking off. Considering the smell of drink, it was obvious where the money would go, and I didn’t care. All I hoped was for the slight chance that Kierran would recognise me.
August the 20 th .
I have seen Polly Nichols every night, as she aids my pretend search, and how the wicked woman lies. Polly feeds me untruths while I pay money to her. If only she knew I realised what she was. Polly is married but not living with him. The dirty wretch says that he had an affair and that she left him.
Honestly, I am not interested, but it disturbs me that Kierran’s soul has been born into this life. Polly is an alcoholic and spends what money I give her on cheap drink. She has five children, and I can’t understand how Kierran could do that to me.
Kierran and I both yearned for children, and we both died in the effort to have them.
Yet Kierran comes back as an alcoholic who sells her body for alcohol. He has his babies, and where are mine? How dare he cheapen himself like that? For thousands of years, I’ve never met his soul. When I do finally find him, this is the life that Kierran is forced to lead.
Why didn’t Kierran wait for me? Kierran must have known that I was here alive and waiting for him to rejoin me. I hate Kierran’s current existence, and I need to take him away from this cruel life.
I owe it to Kierran to try and save him. This existence undermines him and his values, and I cannot stand by and watch Kierran’s life deteriorate anymore.
So unfair. Perhaps I should walk away and leave Polly to her chosen course, but I cannot. Every time I resolve not to see Kierran, I am drawn back. This is torture and bad for my soul.
Is Kierran’s salvation possible?
◆◆◆
By August 20 th , Julia’s confusion escalates towards a life-altering breakdown. Julia doesn’t realise what she is doing, and I wish she had called me for help.
The debt I owed Julia was huge, and I would have helped. Julia didn’t come to me, though, and she went on to commit horrific murders and terrorise the whole of London. Julia had even attacked Elizabeth and would have killed her if I had not stopped her.
Her pain and confusion are clear in her writing. Julia had doted on and adored Kierran; he meant more than her own life. She had managed to forgive herself over his death, but Julia had never forgotten Kierran. I suppose she should not have to. However, I had anticipated Julia finding a lover, eventually. Instead, it seems Julia searched the world looking for him.
Our religion back on Kaltos declared that a soul would be reborn repeatedly until they finally reached the Creator’s side. Obviously, Julia had deeply believed in this and looked for Kierran. I suppose that if Julia had discovered Kierran’s soul in a man’s body, then she would have changed him to become one of us.
But instead, Julia found Kierran in Polly Nichols. The poor woman did not have a chance against a Vam’pir, especially one who was fast becoming insane and obsessed by her. Julia never once stopped to consider what the consequences were or what it would do to herself seeing Kierran’s soul living like this.
Julia wrote she tried to walk away, but I don’t think that she tried very hard.
If Julia couldn’t come to me, why not the others? Why hadn’t she gone to see Mihal? Julia always had been close to him. Julia may not have been able to talk to me because I was present at Kierran’s death, but Mihal was not. She may have found it easier to confide in a stranger unfamiliar with Kierran.
It really doesn’t matter now. Julia has taken her place in history known as Jack the Ripper. Meanwhile, I have taken my place in ours as the only Vam’pir to kill two of our kind. Not quite the mark I meant to have, but I suppose I won’t be easily forgotten.
It wasn’t by choice I killed Julia but out of necessity, as you, the reader, now understand. It was for the safety of Londoners—and her own peace of mind. I can see her and Kierran together again, happy and in love, and that is all that matters.
Who cares what anyone else says when I have that image to hold on to? I did the right thing. Case closed.
The next entry is dated the day before Julia killed poor Polly Nichols, and it shows the frame of Julia’s mind exactly.
August 29 th .
I saw Kierran tonight, and he was with a man when I arrived. How dare Kierran split his attention between another and me? Had I not given Kierran enough money last night to get him through the next few days? I suppose he spent it on drink again. Kierran only drinks and fucks. How can I stand this anymore? Tomorrow is the last day he will live like this.
Kierran had his children, and he should have tried to be a decent mother. Instead, he drinks himself into a stupor and has sex with strangers. How can that be a good mother? I should have been the mother of his babies. I should have been the one to bear his children. Was Kierran so desperate for children that he just couldn’t wait?
We should have had them together. Together, we could have overcome the difficulties. I would have been a good mother, and Kierran denied me that chance.
How I hate him. I don’t see how I could ever have loved him. Kierran is selfish, greedy, and spiteful.
Now, he must die.
Fruitlessly, I have tried to set Kierran on the straight and narrow, but he doesn’t care about me anymore.
His eyes tell me that Kierran views me as a meal ticket. A silly chit of a girl who has more money than sense. More fool him! I’ll teach Kierran a lesson he won’t forget.
Before I kill him, I’ll remind Kierran that I was his first love. When Kierran begs for forgiveness, it’ll be then that I murder him.
How dare he betray me so?
He is a cheap slut, while I remained faithful all these years.
I want to hurt him like he has me. Why is Kierran doing this? I must save myself from his dirty ways. When he is reborn, I will find him, and we’ll live forever and ever in pure happiness. Of course, Kierran will be very grateful to me for the fact I released him from this filthy, stinking little life.
But in this woman’s body, Kierran must die. I love him so much, but I hate her. Polly has tried to corrupt his soul and so I’ll release it to be reborn again. Kierran will come to me begging for me to take him back, and he’ll be clean and innocent.
Kierran will allow me to take him in my arms and give him the kiss of love that will enable him to be with me forever.
◆◆◆
Julia continues like this for several pages. It is the ranting of the insane, and I don’t think that we need read anymore. Her frame of mind is quite clear; Julia is completely mad.
It is such a shame, as I think that Julia really believed what she was saying. Julia kept confusing Kierran with Polly and mixed the two of them in her head.
She could not separate them, and so she thought the only way was to kill Polly. It meant nothing to Julia that it was now Polly’s soul. Polly made the choices and Polly’s soul had nothing to do with Kierran.
◆◆◆
So, why am I writing this tale to Eden?
Because I understand Eden is not Elizabeth. Eden’s not as strong-willed as Elizabeth was. They do not look that alike, either. Elizabeth was not as intelligent as Eden was, although Elizabeth was quite clever.
Eden is not as imaginative as Elizabeth. Yet, the similarities also lie in their good nature and kindness displayed towards people. They are both fairly bad judges of character and tend to take everyone at face value. Hence, Eden must clearly understand who I am.
But the soul that looks out of Eden’s eyes recognises me, but she doesn’t understand how. Eden knows me but can’t quite put her finger on why.
Eden approached me first, in a pub close to Barking Train Station. (A small town near to London.) I was out looking for a prey when I met Eden. However, I am not obsessed with Eden.
If she turns me down, then I’ll leave Eden alone till her soul is reborn… unless I follow Julia.
I will then ask that reincarnation to join me, and if she or he says no again, then I shall be patient until one answers yes. With the greatest control, I’ll not allow myself to become obsessed and mad like Julia.
Thankfully, I do not require Eden’s presence to live, and I can wait for her to choose my way of life.
I find it hard to understand why Julia did not walk away and wait for him to be reborn. Why didn’t she just wait for the next body to hold his soul and approach that? Perhaps this was the first time Julia encountered Kierran’s soul.
That is what I am planning to do if Eden turns me down.
Kierran’s soul may have been reborn many times, yet it had eluded Julia. Perhaps Julia panicked and thought that she wouldn’t find him again. Julia would have. But Julia couldn’t wait and would not walk away.
Julia’s next entry describes how she killed Polly Nichols, and I have no wish to subject you to that. Julia gloats and speaks in detail. However, she was troubled because Polly still didn’t recognise her, even after identifying herself.
I won’t let you read that bit. It is too upsetting and nasty, and nearly everyone knows how Polly Nichols met her death.
All you need to understand is Julia killed her. However, the end part of that entry is interesting.
August 30 th .
…I have decided that all prostitutes hold an innocent soul that begs to be set free from the life that they have. My mission is to set the souls loose, and I’ll do that.
I will wait for the fervour to calm down a bit, and then I’ll release another. Those unfortunate souls remain unwillingly trapped. My duty is to free them like I freed Kierran. But I must wait in case the others guess what I am doing.
I cannot be stopped, so I have to play safe.
If I get caught, then the Vam’pirs will stop me, and that cannot be allowed. I cannot hurt them as we have never hurt another of our kind. Jacques, in particular, might become suspicious as he lives in London like I do. So, I’ll bide my time and spend it picking out another soul to rescue.
Polly will have no further children. I made sure of that. I cut Polly’s womb, the precious place where life grows, and no more babies.
Kierran cannot betray me again. I hate him for having children without me, and I would like to know just who he thinks he is. I taught Kierran a lesson he’ll never forget.
When Kierran returns to join me, then we will have our very own babies to love and care for.
There’ll be no more betrayal. Kierran will thank me for freeing him from this life.
Dear God, help me. I have done what you commanded, and now I deserve a reward. Surely, I earned the right to have Kierran in my arms—or is this ranting of the mad?
Of course not. I am not insane, just on a mission.
God has given me orders to free the prostitutes of their innocent souls before they can corrupt them. In God’s eyes, we are all His children, and He did not intend for us to live like this. This existence is cruelly inflicted on God’s innocent creatures.
As we must rid the world of vampires, then I have to also relieve the world of callous prostitutes. Jacques will understand what I am saying. Maybe I should tell Jacques about our new mission. Then again, Jacques might not agree and try to stop me. For how would we feed then? Plus, Jacques can be quite moral.
I don’t know, and I am a little scared at the huge task facing me. After a few more deaths, the other Vam’pirs might join me in achieving God’s goals.
◆◆◆
Julia clearly had lost all sense of reasoning. Deep down, Julia realised the others and I would try to stop her.
I cannot even begin to put myself in her shoes, and I wouldn’t dare to. There would have been no containing Julia. But we would have tried to halt the murderous rage building. I don’t see how Julia could lump all prostitutes in with Polly.
I think Julia guessed she was in the wrong and possibly was trying to escape responsibility for her acts of violence.
The slaughtering of the womb was an act of a childless mother.
Julia’s desire to be a parent was strong, and I believe she retaliated against those who were able to have children. She was insanely jealous of the fact that Polly had five children, and this was her punishment to Polly. By cutting the womb, Julia was saying, ‘now you are like me.’
I repeat myself by saying I wish I had known. Julia was too far gone for me to help, but Eduardo might’ve. He was the most logical of us. But even while I chew this over, I know Julia’s madness couldn’t be stopped.
Reading her diary proves she was so far gone that my solution was the only one possible.