14. Calista
Chapter 14
Calista
When Talon and I arrived at the royal chambers, Queen Eldinar still hadn’t returned from her conversation with Macabre. My uncle sat at the dining table with a cup of coffee in front of him, wearing his regular clothes because he seemed to have dropped his guard while on the island.
He was quiet and uninterested in our company. Didn’t offer us anything and hardly looked at either of us. It seemed like we weren’t there at all.
It made me feel guilty.
Before I could address the tension in the room, Talon spoke. “I tried to talk her out of it.”
My uncle slowly turned his head to look at Talon. The stare said everything his lips didn’t.
“Multiple times.”
Uncle Ezra looked away, and the conversation seemed over before it started.
“He’s not mad at you,” I said. “He’s mad at me.” He wouldn’t hesitate to snap at Talon if he were angry, especially when Queen Eldinar was absent. So his anger must be directed at me instead.
When my uncle didn’t speak, I knew it was true.
“I’m sorry?—”
“You’re sorry?” He turned to me, eyebrows raised. “My wife has done enough for the dragons. She’s done enough for Riviana Star. She’s the one who stood in front of the Great Tree before the Death King joined the battle. And now you want her to travel across the world to raise her sword once again? How dare you ask this of her.”
My eyes dropped in guilt.
“I can’t protect her from this. I would beg her to stay behind, but I know she won’t.”
Talon intervened. “With all due respect?—”
“This conversation does not include you.” He said it without taking his eyes off me. “This is my wife. I’m supposed to die in the next few decades, but she’s supposed to live on for a very, very long time. I will never forgive you if she perishes?—”
“General.” Talon not only raised his voice but added his ire. “That was uncalled-for, and you know it.”
I couldn’t lift my gaze. I felt like shit. I wanted to help Talon, but I’d betrayed the only family I had left.
My uncle didn’t apologize. “I pity those dragons. Of course I do. But I care about my wife a lot more than anyone else on this earth, and now she’s involved in another war that doesn’t include us?—”
“ Protego Nia.”
We all stilled when we heard her voice behind us.
My uncle turned to regard her, and the sight of her instantly loosened his tight expression.
She approached the table, her white gown trailing behind her. “General, you’re excused.”
He remained in his chair, looking up at his wife as if he didn’t know how to obey an order he’d never received before. His anger slowly softened into unspoken remorse. “Your Majesty?—”
“I said, you’re excused.”
He stilled in the chair, emotion entering his face.
She waited for him to leave.
I felt responsible for all this turmoil.
After a heavy moment, my uncle rose from the table and walked out of the building.
Queen Eldinar lowered herself into the chair he’d just occupied and moved his cup of coffee aside. She sat straight, her hands coming together on the table like the exchange had never happened. “I apologize for my general’s behavior. When we agreed to our nuptials, I made it very clear that our personal relationship couldn’t affect our professional one. He seems to have forgotten that.”
“He just loves you,” I whispered. “So much…”
“Even so,” she said gently. “As Queen of Riviana Star, I’ve chosen this path for my people, and as General of Riviana Star, he’s to support that decision. His job is to prepare the armies for victory, no matter how unlikely that victory seems. He failed me.”
“His job is also to protect you,” Talon said. “As both a general and a husband. That’s all he’s trying to do, Your Majesty.”
She stared down at her clasped hands. “Enough of my woes. After a long conversation with Macabre, he has agreed to join us in battle. He will not command the dragons to serve but will ask them to join. Some must remain behind to care for the hatchlings and ensure there are enough to continue their survival. He suspects forty will join him.”
After the fruitless conversations with Macabre, I was shocked that he’d agreed so quickly when Queen Eldinar asked. “I can’t believe he changed his mind so easily. When I spoke to him, he made it clear he wouldn’t budge under any circumstances.”
“Our love has lasted a century. It’s deeper than the bedrock below the soil. It’s deeper than the center of the ocean. The version of him you met is very different from the version I know. I knew he would deny your request no matter how you presented your plight, and I knew he would never let me fight for the remaining free dragons without his hard scales for protection.”
I still couldn’t believe this had happened.
Talon seemed in shock too because he didn’t speak.
“We will begin our journey home tomorrow. Macabre will meet us there once he’s determined how many dragons will accompany him. By galleon, it takes us a week to reach our destination, but if he flies at normal speed, he can reach land within a day. Khazmuda and Inferno can remain behind and join him if they wish.”
“I think that will be best,” Talon said. “It’s harder for Khazmuda to glide at our slower speed rather than to fly normally.”
“Then we’re in agreement,” she said. “We’ll leave first thing tomorrow.”
I didn’t care for the journey here, being stuck on that ship with limited places to go, but having Talon below deck with me made it bearable. “Please don’t be angry with my uncle. I promise you he means well.”
“Trust me, I know he does,” she said gently. “But the behavior is inexcusable nonetheless.”
“You—you will forgive him, right?” Did I just ruin a marriage? And not just any marriage, but my uncle’s? “When I spoke to you, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t mean to cause strife between the two of you?—”
“Child.” She gently placed her hand on mine. “Yes, you instigated this decision. But the situation had weighed heavily on my mind this last week. If Macabre had never agreed and you failed in your attempt and those dragons remained enslaved, it would have troubled me the rest of my days. The elves wouldn’t be enough to defeat King Barron later on, so there is only one chance of success. It is now. I want to free the dragons. I want to help Talon. I want to rid this world of oppressive regimes because that is not the way of life.”
The next morning, we packed up our belongings and boarded the galleon. Supplies were loaded under the deck for the return journey. Fresh fruit had been harvested from the island that would prevent the onslaught of scurvy, something Talon had suffered from more than once during his time as a pirate.
Once everyone was aboard the ship, we were untied from the dock, and the sails were dropped to catch the wind. The direction of the breeze was in our favor, and we sailed away from the tropical paradise quicker than I wished.
I watched it disappear with a twinge of pain in my heart.
Talon continued to help the other elves get the ship out to sea, someone who was younger than the others but had a lifetime more of experience. He turned into the captain of the ship, and none of the elves objected.
I continued to watch the island disappear, growing small in the distance.
Queen Eldinar appeared beside me, dressed in one of her gowns, a flower crown upon her head. “I’m sure you’ll see it again someday.”
“I hope so.” I would love to stay there with Talon, living in solitude and away from the chaos of the world. Our time would be measured in sunsets and meals. We would never wear shoes because our feet would always be in the sand. Life would be simple and slow.
When I looked at her, I saw my uncle lingering behind her, in his full armor, with his heavy blade across his back. His eyes were on the island in the distance. It was hard to know where their relationship stood when they were in the presence of others.
I switched my gaze back to her. “I hope you two worked it out.” It’d been heavy on my mind, the thought always there when I wasn’t occupied by something else.
She turned her head to look at me, her hair blowing elegantly in the breeze. “There’s nothing to work out, child. The elves have a different approach to confrontation than humans because of our longevity. There are very few actions that can’t be forgiven. Your uncle’s display of love is not one of them. But nonetheless, he needed to be reminded of our obligations to our roles in this society.”
“I’m glad you aren’t mad at him.”
“Never.”
When I felt the relief in my body, the smile followed.
“The times ahead will be challenging. There’s a chance one of us may die, perhaps both of us. No one is meant to live forever, but we’re all meant to die with purpose. This is a purpose worth dying for.”
I’d never known anyone so pragmatically brave. Humans were only concerned with themselves, but the elves were willing to make sacrifices for others. I knew Talon would be the same way once he reclaimed his throne.
She turned to watch the island slowly disappear, growing farther and farther away.
Side by side, we watched it fade in the distance, becoming a smaller speck on the horizon, the breeze flapping our hair around, until the speck was no more…and it was gone.
Talon and I sat together at the small table in our cabin below deck, the lamp in the center of the table burning low through the frosted glass. So far, it’d been a smooth ride with minimal rocking, so I hadn’t suffered from seasickness.
He was just in his trousers, his hard chest bare in the light of the lamp, not the least bit cold even though it was chilly on the open sea. He seemed particularly interested in a crack in the table because he stared at it for a long time.
“You said you don’t want to be King of the Southern Isles.”
His eyes flicked up to mine.
“Why?”
He stared back, the gold flecks visible in his eyes in the light of the lamp.
“I know you want to avenge your family, but why not sit on the throne that’s in your blood?”
He continued his hard stare.
I waited for an answer, waited for the answer I wanted to hear—that he intended to live with me.
He finally looked away. “I just don’t.”
A twinge of disappointment burned. “Then what will you do?”
His eyes stayed down.
“Will—will you live with me?” I didn’t know why I asked for reassurance when he made his feelings for me clear. He made them clear when he stared at me. When he kissed me. When he said beautiful things.
His eyes shifted back to the crack in the table he’d been staring at earlier. “If I were to survive…yes.”
Warmth should have filled me in that moment, excitement for the future, but the way he said it gave me pause. Made me read between the lines when I should have only seen his words on the page. “You think you won’t survive?”
He gave a slight shake of his head.
“Why?”
He didn’t lift his head to look at me. “I just don’t.”
“You’re the most powerful man I’ve ever heard of, Talon. You claimed my lands with a simple sweep of your hand. You defeated the dark elves entirely on your own.”
He lifted his chin to look at me, his eyes hard with aggression that came out of nowhere. “There are beings far more powerful than me, Calista. There are forces and powers that I can’t control. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, and I choose to live one day at a time. So, let’s not speak of the future. Let’s just appreciate what we have right now, in this cabin, on this boat, in the middle of the sea.”
We docked at the secret port hidden within the cliff face. Even when my legs were on solid ground, I felt the world rock as if I were still on the open sea. The ship was large and luxurious, but I still felt cramped in the cabin below deck, trying to stay out of the way of the elves who navigated the ship.
I missed the island more than ever.
Now, we would make the long journey back to the forest, riding for three days and sleeping on the hard ground for three nights. And once we reached the forest, I knew there would be no time for rest, just preparations for war.
We rowed back to the beach where the elves had made camp in our absence. Commander Luxe had made a station there and had taken care of the horses until we returned. They had spent that entire time sleeping on the hard ground, waiting for the galleon to appear on the sea, and that made me feel guilty for complaining—even if I never voiced those complaints out loud.
Instead of mounting our horses and riding back to the forest, Queen Eldinar instructed us to make camp to wait for the dragons. Khazmuda had informed Talon that they’d left just hours ago, so they would arrive by morning.
Talon constructed the tent we would share, along with our own bonfire, putting it at a distance from everyone else. He was back in his armor with his heavy sword across his back, the metal cool and cruel to the touch.
He lit the fire with his matches and brought heat to the campsite. The rest of the elves made camp, putting Queen Eldinar in the center with my uncle, in the safest position she could be in with her men around her.
I spotted Commander Luxe as he passed through the campsite, but he was careful not to look in my direction to avoid Talon’s ire.
Talon had hunted before sunset, so he prepared the meal over the fire then divided it onto two plates.
“No thank you.” I didn’t want to be rude, but my diet had changed during my stay with the elves. I saw food differently, saw the consequences of an omnivorous diet. Fish felt different for some reason, far more removed.
Talon didn’t show a hint of irritation before he tilted the plate and let my food join his pile, as if he’d expected me to say that but wanted to offer anyway. He sat in silence on the log, looking into the fire as his mind drifted to other matters.
We were close enough to the ocean that I could smell the salt in the air, but it wasn’t the same as it’d been on the island. The humidity was like a gentle blanket of warmth on a cool night. The waves didn’t crash against the shore in the same way. The ground was hard as stone, and there was no sand to slide between my toes.
Talon finished eating then cleaned his plate before he stowed it into his pack again. “I won’t tell you what to eat or how to live your life, but we’ll be on the move soon, and you won’t have the opportunity to be particular. Your survival is more important than your morals. You need to eat well to stay alive.”
My eyes shifted to his. “It feels different now.”
“You can continue that lifestyle when this is over. Next time I cook something, you’re going to eat it.” Like we were back in time, he’d become the authoritarian I’d first met, locked up in a castle made of stone. But I dismissed his bossiness because I knew his intentions were good.
“Okay.”
He stared at me for another moment, like he expected a fight rather than acceptance. When it didn’t come, he looked at the fire again. “The dragons will join us in the morning. We should get some sleep.”
“Does it feel weird being apart from Khazmuda?”
“I know it’s temporary.”
“But you’ve been side by side for so long.”
“Not entirely,” he said. “We were separated while I was in Riviana Star. And my time as a fisherman and a pirate was spent in separation. Our minds were always connected, but years would pass in which I didn’t see his scales.”
“It seems like your relationship has changed since then.”
“It has,” he admitted. “But like I said, it’s temporary. If I couldn’t speak to him whenever I wished, I would feel much differently. But no amount of distance can ever break the bond we share.”
A smile melted onto my face. “That’s so special.” I’d had it for a short while with Inferno, but our relationship would never compare to the one Talon shared with Khazmuda. We’d fused for a time because it was necessary, but to fuse permanently was unnecessary. “Because you’re fused with Khazmuda, you’ll live forever?”
His eyes had shifted to the fire, but they came back to me. “Theoretically.”
“So, what would happen if you unfused with him this moment?”
He stared at me for a while as he considered the question. “Time would catch up with me. I would age decades.”
“And that means your uncle would look exactly the same.”
“Yes.”
Which meant if I didn’t fuse with a dragon, I would age…and then die. While Talon remained frozen in time with centuries ahead of him. His attraction to me would die, and he would replace me with someone more youthful. It was a problem I didn’t know how to address.
He seemed to pick up on my change of mood because he said, “What is it, baby?”
My eyes remained on the fire. “Nothing.”
“I guess I know you well,” he said. “Because I know that’s a lie.”
I tried to focus on the fire. “I just had the realization that you’ll be young and handsome forever…and I’ll get old.” I would get old and useless. Once he’d squeezed every drop of youth from my body, he would replace me with someone else…and I would be alone.
He stared at the side of my face for a long time.
I should focus on the task immediately before us, but it was easier to get through it when I had something to look forward to. Like a quiet and full life with Talon. With children of our own. With peace and happiness that neither of us had gotten to enjoy.
“Baby.”
I didn’t want to look at him. “I already know what you’re going to say.”
“What am I going to say?”
“That we can think about this after we survive the battle.”
He was quiet for a long time. “I don’t think you understand what we’re up against. Because if you did, you would be afraid. You wouldn’t be thinking about what comes after because there’s a good chance there will be nothing that comes after.”
“I have dreams, Talon. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”
He looked at the fire again and turned quiet, his mood subtly hostile.
“I lost my parents young, and I’ve been on my own ever since. And then you came into my life. And even though the world is still chaotic and things are so uncertain, you’re the one thing that is certain.” I looked at the side of his face. “I want the dragons to be free. I want you to have your revenge. But I also want a life with you, and I’m not ashamed to say that. Whatever that life looks like, whether we’re in Shadow Stone or Riviana Star or Thalian or the Southern Isles…I want it to be you for the rest of my life.”
His eyes moved down to his hands as his arms rested on his knees, his fingers stitched together. The cords in his forearms and knuckles were visible because his hands were clenched tightly.
“I love you?—”
“Calista.” He released a sigh through his clenched teeth, the frustration popping like the sparks in the fire. His joined hands moved to his mouth, like he silenced himself too late. He sounded like a parent who’d lost their patience and scolded their child unnecessarily. He sounded like my words were a burden too heavy for him to carry.
I felt an invisible arrow pierce the center of my heart. My body had been alive seconds ago, but now it felt like it was on death’s doorstep. My optimism had sunk to the bottom of the ocean like a galleon that had been struck by a cannon.
“This is as far as I go.” He lowered his hands again and turned to face me, his dark eyes wide with ferocity. “This is it. Not another step.”
Pain was more than an acquaintance. It was my closest friend, always there for every season of life, standing beside me in the shadows, watching my tears spill down my face. But this pain…felt like a stranger. It was somehow worse than every other pain I’d ever known—combined.
He clenched his eyes shut then turned back to the fire.
“Is it because of her?”
“I said I didn’t want to talk about her ever again?—”
“Well, I just told you I loved you, and you ripped me apart.”
He bowed his head and released another sigh.
“I’m sorry that my feelings are such a burden for you.”
“That’s not it, Calista?—”
“Then what is it?” Flashbacks struck me in that moment, remembering our conversation on the beach on the island, the way he interrupted me not once, but twice—because he knew it was coming. It wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t a coincidence. “Because I assumed you felt the same way. Would have put my life on it.”
He continued to stare at the fire.
“You’ve told me how much I mean to you. Told me to never leave you. Say I’m the most beautiful woman. But I’m just another woman to pass the time? Because I’m not your wife, and I’ll never be?—”
He tried to bridle his anger, but his voice still seethed. “She has nothing to do with this, so don’t mention her again.”
“So, it’s just me?” I snapped. “You want me for a night but not all your nights?”
“I didn’t say that?—”
“Then say what you feel, Talon. Because I’m tired of guessing.”
He dragged his hands down his face like he found himself in a situation he didn’t want to be in.
Ever since he’d come to Riviana Star, I’d felt like the most important person in his life. I felt loved and protected. I felt a kinship with him that I’d never felt with anyone else. Even though we lived in hard times, it felt easy with him. But apparently, I’d misinterpreted all of that. “You know what? Forget it.” I went into the tent, not to go to sleep, but to grab my pack and leave the campsite. I came out of the flap and threw the bag over my shoulder.
“Calista.”
I started to walk off.
“Calista.” He came after me and grabbed me by the arm.
I twisted out of his grasp and shoved him in the chest.
He barely moved back. He didn’t reach for me again, but his eyes looked desperate to touch me. “Please just listen to me.” The irritation was out of his voice, and now there was a quiet plea.
I stared, still so angry I could breathe fire like a dragon.
He paused for a long time, like he was trying to find the right words.
I continued to wait. “Is it really that hard to talk to me?”
“Calista.” He raised his voice slightly to silence me. “Listen to me.”
“I am listening, Talon. I’ve been listening. But you continue to say nothing.”
His eyes looked so heavy as he stared, like he carried an invisible weight that only he could see. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Your life has already been so fucking hard, and I don’t want to make it harder.”
“How would you make it harder?”
He breathed harshly for several seconds. “By dying.”
“You don’t know what’s going to happen?—”
“Calista, the battle will claim my life?—”
“You don’t know that.” And I didn’t want to think about it. Not for a second.
“This was never supposed to happen.”
“What?” I asked.
“This.” He gestured between us. “This was not supposed to happen. We were supposed to fuck and then move on. I should have had a fucking spine and ended it before it got this far, but I was weak, so fucking weak.” He continued to breathe, his nostrils flaring. “I let my guard down because I assumed I was incapable of an ounce of feeling…and then you set my world on fire and made me burn.”
“So, you wish this never happened?”
“No.” He bowed his head and sighed. “I think you’re going to wish this never happened.”
I continued to stare, doing my best to keep my eyes dry.
“I’m sorry that I let it get this far.” His eyes shone with sincerity even though the campfire was behind him. “I meant what I said before. This is as far as I go. This is as much as I can give you.” He stood there in his trousers and nothing else, his chest rising and falling with the strenuous breaths he took. Longing was in his eyes, but it was guarded. “Let’s forget this conversation…and finish this together.”
I remained rooted to the spot as I soaked in those painful words. I’d given myself to him completely when he appeared outside Riviana Star, and my love continued to grow with every passing day. Now, I stood there with a broken heart, a woman deliriously in love with a man who refused to feel the same way. “If you couldn’t love me because you still hold a vigil for Vivian in your heart, I would understand that. But refusing to give me all of you because you assume you’re going to die…is just an excuse.”
He inhaled a slow breath. “It’s not an excuse.”
“If you really think it’s all going to end soon, then you should say how you feel while you still have the chance. You should cherish this time together because it’s all we have left. Because I’m already in love with you, Talon. The damage is done. I’m already stuck. You’re right. If this is how you felt from the beginning, then you should have kept your distance—but you didn’t. Now, here we are.” I raised my arms in defeat and dropped them again. “I’m not going to spend the time I have left pretending I’m not madly in love with you. I’m not going to hide my feelings like I’m ashamed of them. So, you can go back to your tent and lie and pretend all you want—but I won’t be joining you.”
He shifted his gaze away in disappointment.
“I want to love you every moment that I still have you, and if you aren’t willing to give me the same in return…then I don’t want you at all.”
“Calista—”
“I gave all of myself to you. Do you know how hard that was? After everything I’ve been through, all the pain you directly caused, and I still gave myself to you. And then you reject my love?”
“I didn’t reject your love?—”
“Then tell me you love me.”
His gaze hardened at the request, his breaths no longer labored.
I didn’t expect him to say it back, and I was still disappointed. I already felt worthless, and I didn’t want to look weaker. Already put my heart on the line and watched it get trampled under his boots. Didn’t want him to take anything else. “Goodnight, Talon…” I turned my back on him and headed to the center of the campfire.
I waited for him to stop me.
Waited for him to grab me by the arm.
Call my name.
But he didn’t.
He let me go.