15. Talon
Chapter 15
Talon
I’d already had breakfast before everyone else was awake.
Because I’d never gone to bed.
I sat at the campfire alone and continued to feed the fire throughout the night, staring into the flames as the self-loathing and rage boiled in my blood. When the sun crested the horizon, the sky started to lighten. I looked around the camp and saw I was the only one awake, with the exception of a few guards on duty.
I wasn’t sure where Calista had gone, but I suspected she went to her uncle’s tent.
The light continued to rise, the white clouds becoming visible, rabbits and squirrels appearing in the distance as they started their day. My back was aching from sitting on that log all night, but I knew chasing sleep would have been a wasted endeavor.
In the distance, I saw Queen Eldinar in her white armor, no longer in the gowns she’d worn while out to sea and on the island. It was clear she was headed straight toward me, her crystal-blue eyes like beacons of fire.
I rose to my feet before she reached me and gave her a slight bow in respect. The only monarchs I’d ever respected were Constantine and my father. But she’d been added to the list as well.
“Your eyes are weary.”
My heart was weary too. “Didn’t sleep much.”
“I assumed so.” She stepped past me, away from camp. “Walk with me, Death King.” She didn’t wait for me, leaving the area where her people were gathered in anticipation of the dragons’ arrival.
I came to her side and followed her gait. “You shouldn’t wander off too far, Your Majesty.”
“I don’t fear for my safety,” she said. “And I certainly don’t fear for it when I’m in your company.” She gave me a slight smile, the kind that barely grazed her lips but bloomed in her eyes.
I didn’t know how to accept such a compliment, so I said nothing at all.
Her smile started to fade. “Calista joined our tent last night. Neither Ezra nor I questioned her.”
“I’m sorry if she intruded.”
“She is always welcome in our presence. Therefore, she can never be an intrusion. But I assume trouble has befallen you both.”
My eyes flicked away. “I fucked up.”
“How so?”
I gave a heavy sigh, but the weight of the situation continued to suffocate me. “I saw it coming a mile away, like a hurricane on the horizon, dark clouds swirling.” When it reached me, I knew it would destroy my ship and everything below deck. “I dodged it as long as I could, but Calista’s persistence didn’t wane. She told me the one thing that I didn’t want to hear, that she loves me.”
She studied me for a while, absorbing my words with a pause. “You already knew the contents of her heart long before she said it. You can see love well before you hear it.”
I continued to stare at the camp, wondering if General Ezra watched us or if he spoke with Calista inside the tent.
“What did you tell her?”
“That I didn’t want more than what we have.”
A sad smile crossed her lips. “Love is possessive. It wants all of you—not just a piece.”
Calista had cornered me, and I had nowhere to run. I had to face the damage I’d caused. “What have I done…” I looked at the open valley and felt my mind burn in regret. “It’ll kill her.” I didn’t know how it would happen. If she would be in my arms when Bahamut appeared with an evil smile and yanked me away.
Eldinar’s eyes softened in pity.
“I knew this from the beginning, and I still did it.” I knew my life wasn’t my own, and neither was my soul. But I still grabbed on to Calista and didn’t let go. I said things I should have kept to myself. I slept beside her when I should have been alone. Every time I told myself to walk away, I just walked into her arms instead.
“You can control your mind. You can control your body. But you can never control your heart. It beats for whomever it chooses. Don’t punish yourself for what you can’t control, Talon.”
I looked at her again, the self-loathing crippling.
“What you feared most has already come to pass. There’s no going back now.”
“I almost told her.” I wanted her to understand. Needed her to understand that I didn’t push her away because I wanted to. Because I didn’t want to hurt the person I cared for most. “But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give her that burden to carry. I’d rather her think less of me.”
“Your time left together is limited. If you can’t change what’s to come, then you should enjoy what you have while there’s still time to enjoy it. Whether you reciprocate her feelings or not, she’ll still be devastated when you pass. There’s nothing you can do, Talon.”
I bowed my head in misery. “I also worry for myself.”
“Meaning?”
Her presence would haunt me for all eternity. Her features would fade from my memory, and I would change beyond recognition. I would watch a monster eat my soul. But I would always remember how happy I was with her. “It’ll just make it that much harder to die.”
I spotted them over the ocean before Khazmuda announced their arrival. It was a sight to behold, dozens of powerful dragons soaring through the blue sky, their figures clear on a beautiful day. It was a sight I’d dreamed of so many times I assumed it would never come true.
We’ve arrived.
I’ll never forget this moment. I wanted to freeze it in my mind to keep forever. We’d searched for these dragons for decades, scoured the countryside in search of the allies we needed to win an impossible war. And finally, it had happened.
How do our scales look in the sunlight?
Their bellies were cast in shadow so their scales were impossible to see, but I would never tell him such a thing. Breathtaking .
The dragons approached and landed past the campsite in the open field. It was hard to count them all, but I suspected there were at least forty, including Khazmuda and Inferno. Khazmuda was the most distinct of them all because he was the only one who was completely black, dark like midnight.
I approached him, feeling a lightness in my heart at our reunion. How was the journey?
Much easier than the first one. Where’s Calista? He looked around near his claws, like he’d somehow missed her.
My heart gave a twinge of pain. I’m sure she’ll come by soon.
Khazmuda continued to glance around like she was hidden in plain sight before he turned back to me. How did so much change in the blink of an eye? I can feel the pain in your chest. It’s like a bloody wound that won’t heal.
It was a moment of triumph, all these dragons gathered together to usurp my uncle from the throne, but it felt empty.
Why won’t you answer me, Talon?
Because I don’t want to talk about it.
What did you do?
Why do you assume I did anything?
Because if she was the one to blame, you would be angry. But you aren’t angry. You’re depressed.
Being bonded with someone like Khazmuda felt like a gift most days. But sometimes, like today, it felt like a curse. I said I don’t want to talk about it.
Then I’ll speak to Calista ? —
“Just leave it alone,” I snapped. “I’ll tell you when I’m ready to tell you.”
Khazmuda dipped his head farther to regard me. I’m here for you, Talon Rothschild. Always.
The words burned like scotch on a cut. They hurt because I needed him, and it hurt to know I wouldn’t always have him. We would be savagely yanked apart. I would reach out to my mind to him, and he wouldn’t be there. “Thank you, Khazmuda.”
He dipped his head and touched his snout to my shoulder.
A painful smile moved into my lips, and I rubbed his soft surface with my palm, appreciating the tiny specks of shine in his black scales, the shine that was only visible on a bright day like this.
I continued to rub his scales, comforted by his presence. No one else in the world could cure my blues the way he could. It was a connection that had built over decades. A connection that was as pure as the ocean and the sky.
“Death King.”
Khazmuda pulled away.
I turned to face General Ezra.
Judging by the look on his face, this would not be a pleasant conversation.
“What can I do for you, General?” I assumed he’d come to yell at me for hurting his niece. If only he knew the full story. At least I knew Queen Eldinar kept my secret, even from her own husband.
He stepped forward. “I’m tired of these clandestine meetings you have with my wife.”
That was not what I expected him to say.
“Speaking to her in secret. These private conversations in her cabin, on the deck, in her chambers, at the edge of the campsite—I’m tired of it. Just because you’re a king who commands the dead doesn’t make you worthy of her love. Continue to pursue her, and your army of the dead won’t be enough to stop my blade from piercing your heart.”
I blinked at least three times in complete shock. “General, I do not desire Queen Eldinar?—”
“I’ve grown suspicious of your conversations but told myself I was just a jealous husband. But now that you and Calista have separated, I’m more convinced of your ambitions to pursue my wife.”
It was so ridiculous I could barely find the words to respond. I’d been broken since Calista had left my side, thinking about the one person I wanted most but couldn’t have. “Calista and I aren’t separated. We’re just…having an issue.” I assumed she hadn’t shared the details of our conversation with her uncle. They weren’t close enough for that kind of heart-to-heart. I’d shared it with Queen Eldinar because she was the only person besides Bahamut who knew what would happen to me when this was done. “And whether we’re together or not, all I desire from Queen Eldinar is her friendship.”
General Ezra’s anger was still rampant, his eyes shifting back and forth between mine. “I’m no idiot. My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world, and you’re a very pretty man. Youth frozen in time with magic and powers that can’t be rivaled…a man my wife calls a hero. Once you defeat the Southern Isles and claim my wife as your own, you will literally rule the world.”
His assumptions couldn’t be further from the truth. It almost made me laugh. “If I were to survive this war, there’s only one woman I would marry. And it’s not your wife. I won’t deny that Queen Eldinar has the beauty of a flower frozen in bloom, but my heart belongs to someone else.”
He continued to look angry, like he wouldn’t believe me, regardless of what I said.
“I understand your insecurity. Your life will feel long and full, but to Queen Eldinar, it’ll feel like a mere moment. She will remarry and have children with someone of her own race. Everyone seems like a threat to you because you feel like a pawn until she finds her king. But for what it’s worth, I do believe that her love for you is true. I believe she’ll be devastated for a long time once you’re gone.”
His anger gradually started to fade, his breaths coming out slower as he processed my words.
“I speak to Queen Eldinar in private because there are things I can tell her and no one else. I have very few friends. In fact, I have one, and that’s Khazmuda. Queen Eldinar is the only monarch I’ve met besides Constantine whom I actually respect. I didn’t expect to form a friendship, but that friendship has become a lifeline to me.”
His eyes dropped like the anger had passed and he felt foolish.
“Don’t worry, this can stay between us.”
He lifted his gaze and looked at me again. “Calista didn’t share your troubles, but I know sorrow is heavy in her heart.”
As it was in mine.
“The way I feel about my wife is the way Calista feels about you,” he said. “I can see it every time she looks at you.”
I’d seen the same look…a long time ago.
“Please don’t hurt her.”
“Trust me, whatever she feels, I feel it tenfold.” And I would have to carry that alone because she would never know the truth. “My youth is preserved because of my connection to Khazmuda, a gift I never asked for. The only reason Macabre agreed to this battle is because of his love for your queen. I’m sure if she asked him to fuse with you so she can be with her love always, he would agree.”
His eyes flicked away for a while before he looked at me again. “That’s not the way of the elves. We protect the dragons, not use them.”
“You wouldn’t be using him if he wanted to grant you this gift—and I suspect he would. I have no love for Macabre, but I have a deep love for his race. They’re mighty creatures with killer instincts, but their hearts love infinitely.”
“His hatred for humans is also infinite.”
“I still believe an exception would be made to grant Queen Eldinar happiness. To have the love of her life until her time comes and you both go together. If he’ll risk his life to protect her, he’ll do this.”
He continued to stare at me like he’d never been angry at me in the first place.
“Something to think about.”