The Eraser (Houlihan Men of Dublin Book 1)

Chapter 2

Sixteen years later

”Jessie,”Mam greets me as I enter the kitchen. ”How are you feeling?”

I sigh as I slump onto the kitchen chair. ”Rotten,” I tell her. ”I feel sick, Mam. My stomach”s rolling at the smell of your coffee. I don”t think I can eat anything.”

She gives me a soft look as she steps away from the stove. She pulls me into her arms and holds me, her hand going to my forehead. ”You”re burning up. Have you thrown up this morning?”

I shake my head. ”I doubt there”s anything left inside of me, to be honest.” I was up all night throwing up. Mam spent the night with me, even though I told her to go back to sleep. She wouldn”t listen. Instead, she made sure I was okay.

”I know, so have a slice of toast and sip on some water. You need to replenish your energy. You”re weak from vomiting all night. Once you”ve done that, go on upstairs and lie down. Rest is what”s needed today.”

”What about school?” I ask, knowing Dad will be angry if I”m not there.

”Don”t you worry about that. Now, will you try some toast?” she asks as she releases me and reaches for a slice from the toast rack in the center of the table. ”It”s not too hot. It”s the perfect temperature. I know you”d prefer it slathered with butter, but with how sick your stomach is, I”d rather you ate it dry.”

I turn my nose up. God, dry toast—I can”t think of anything worse.

”I know,” Mam says softly. ”But try at least, please?”

I nod as I take the slice of toast from her. My stomach is already protesting at the thought of eating it, but Mam”s right, I need to replenish. I don”t have anything left in my body.

”Where”s Dad?” I ask as I take a small bite.

”He”s on the phone with your uncle. They”re sorting out something,” she says as she goes back to the stove. ”He”ll be home with you today. I have to do some shopping. I”ll pick you up some medicine from the store.”

I nod. ”That”s okay,” I tell her, knowing she worries when she leaves me home alone with Dad. Mam only knows about one time he hit me. When she saw the bruise on my arm, she lost the plot. I”d never heard her scream or shout at anyone the way she did my dad that day. Of course, that only infuriated him even more. Now, he”s clever about where he leaves the marks on my body. He doesn’t hurt me often, just sometimes, and he”s clever about the way he does it. He”ll make it out to be my fault, as though I”ve done something wrong, when in actual fact, he”s just angry about something and I”m the person he”ll take it out on.

”You”ll be in your room, sweetie. Everything will be fine.”

Since that day, she”s been careful about leaving me with him. Little does she know it”s when we”re all in the same house that it happens. Dad doesn”t care when or where, he”ll hurt me. He”ll get his anger out the best way he knows how and then everything will be back to normal after that.

”It will,” I assure her. ”Don”t worry about me, Mam. I”ll be fine.” I”ll lock my door the moment she leaves. Knowing Dad, he”ll be busy anyway so he”ll not bother me at all.

”Okay,” she says, giving me a relieved smile. ”I won”t be long,” she assures me. ”Please make sure you drink,” she tells me. ”I have water in the fridge. Would you like one?”

I nod as I take another bite, grateful my stomach isn”t rolling any longer. I”m famished and need to eat, but it”s so damn dry that it feels like cardboard going down. Water is very much needed.

It takes me a few minutes to finish the slice of toast and have some drink. By the time I”m finished, I”m feeling extremely sick again. Damn it.

”Have fun shopping, Mam,” I tell her as I get to my feet. ”I”m going to lie down.”

She gives me a soft but worried look. ”Do, sweetie. I won’t be long,” she promises me. ”I”ll just grab the essentials and then I”ll be home.”

”Don”t worry,” I tell her. ”I”ll be sleeping anyway. Get whatever you need.”

She shuffles over to me and presses a kiss to my cheek. ”Sleep, sweetie. I love you.”

I beam at her. ”I love you too,” I say as I lean into her. ”I”ll see you later.”

I make my way upstairs, and the moment I”m in my room, I engage the lock and climb into bed. God, my stomach is cramping again. This was how it was last night before I threw up. Maybe having toast wasn”t the best idea in the world.

I lie in the fetal position and close my eyes, praying the pain will pass quickly. While I’m happy that I don’t have to go to school today, I’m sad that I’m missing my dance class.

I’ve been dancing since I could walk, according to Mam. I’ve been at Miss Lara’s dance studio since I was four, and I love it. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve turned to ballet as my preferred dance. Not that I don’t love all types; I just find ballet feeds my soul. I’m able to let go and just be.

A smile plays on my face as I think about the last recital I did and how much Mam loved watching it. I release a soft sigh as I sink deeper into the mattress, the pain in my stomach starting to ease somewhat.

It doesn’t take long until I’m drifting off to sleep.

* * *

”Jessie,” I hear someone yelling as my bedroom door handle rattles. ”Jessie, you in there?”

I sit up, blinking as I wake from the deep sleep. What on earth is that noise? The door handle rattles again, and I blink again, trying to rid the sleepy fog from my mind.

”Jessica?”

My brows knit together as I clutch the sheets in my hand. Why is uncle Jer here?

”Yeah?” I call out sleepily, my body shaking. Something has happened. I can feel it, sense it. Jer wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t. ”What”s going on?”

”Loveen, I need you to open the door. Can you do that for me?” he says, and I can hear the anger and worry in his tone of voice.

I shuffle out of bed, my body weak and tired. It takes me a while to move toward the door, but the moment I open it, Jer”s pushing through and pulling me into his arms. ”Jessie,” he says, his body shaking as he holds me tight.

”Jer, what”s going on?” I ask, my body tight as he holds me. What”s happened?

”I”m sorry, loveen. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it”s your mam,” he rumbles. The heartache in his voice has my heart racing.

Goosebumps break out throughout my body at his words. I swallow hard and release a shuddering breath. ”What do you mean my mam? Where is she?”

He shakes his head. ”I”m sorry, Jessica, but something happened. She didn”t make it.”

”No,” I say through a lump in my throat. It’s as though the walls are crumbling down around me. My ears are fuzzy, like I’m going through a tunnel. I glance up at Jerry, the man who’s loved me like a daughter my entire life, and I see the pain in those brown eyes of his.

”No, you”re lying,” I cry. There”s no way this is happening. He’s got to be wrong. This can’t be happening. Mam’s not dead. No way.

His arms tighten around me, crushing me against him. Tremors run through his body as he starts to rock me.

“What happened?” I ask, my voice wobbly.

I’m praying that this is a bad dream. Maybe I’m running a fever and hallucinating?

“I’m still waiting on details,” he tells me, his voice tight, and I know that he’s lying.

“Tell me,” I shriek as I press my hands against his chest and push off him. “What happened?”

“Jessie,” he says softly, stepping closer to me, but I shake my head. No, I don’t want him near me. “I don’t know, loveen. If I did, I’d tell you.”

Lies. It’s all lies. I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I know he knows. He’s Jerry fucking Houlihan, for crying out loud. He knows everything that goes on in this city.

I stare at him, at the devastation written across his face and the pain that’s etched in his eyes. And it hits me like a punch to the gut. I back away from him again, my hands pressing against my stomach and my knees buckling.

“She’s gone?” I breathe, unable to stop the tears from falling. “She’s really gone?”

Jerry swallows hard and nods. “I’m sorry, Jessie. I’m so fucking sorry.”

My body trembles as a coldness unlike anything I’ve ever felt before seeps into my skin. “Why?” I cry. “Why is she gone?”

Jer steps closer to me and I shake my head. I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want anyone near me.

“No,” I hiss. “No, don’t come near me.”

He stops dead in his tracks. “Jessie,” he whispers. “Loveen, you have to let me help you.”

I shake my head. “No,” I cry, my entire body trembling. I can’t do this. I need him to leave. “Go,” I snap as tears fall down my face. I’m unable to stop them. They’re like a river, continuously flowing. “Leave,” I shout.

A shadow looms by the door, and I turn to see my dad. His eyes are red, almost as though he’s been crying. His nostrils flare as he glares at Uncle Jer. “It’s time for you to leave,” he spits out. “Jessica doesn’t need any more upset. She’s just lost her mam, for crying out loud. Jer, leave her be.”

I’m surprised. My dad never usually sticks up for me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him be disrespectful to Jerry, his boss, but I appreciate it. Right now, I need some space. I just want to collapse to the floor and cry.

Jer’s face is stricken with pain, and I hate that I’m causing more hurt for him. He gives my dad a tight nod and walks out of the room. I hear his heavy footsteps as they pound on the staircase as he makes his way downstairs.

“That fucker,” Dad spits. “He’s the reason your ma’s dead, Jessica. He’s the reason she was shot.”

I swallow hard. “Shot?” I shake my head. “Jer said something happened. I thought he meant there was an accident.”

He gives me a grim smile. “No accident,” he snarls. “Jerry’s enemy took her out. Sean Kelly Senior isn’t someone you mess around with. Because of him, my wife is dead. I’ll never forgive the bastard. Not fucking ever.”

“Is she really gone?” I whisper, unable to even comprehend that I will never see her again.

“Yeah,” he snarls. “Her brains were blown out in Blanchardstown while she was shopping for you. Fucking cunt,” he growls as he glares at me. “This is all your fault, as well as your uncle’s. My wife’s dead and I have to deal with you.”

I pull in a ragged breath as he exits my room, slamming the door behind him. My knees buckle beneath me and I crash down to the floor with a hard bang. The tears that have been continuously falling, fall even harder, until I’m struggling to find oxygen as my body wracks with sobs.

She’s gone. She’s really gone, and I have no one left.

How do I survive without her?