17. Dick Measuring Contest
CHAPTER 17
DICK MEASURING CONTEST
BAY
T he Gamma house is unusually quiet when I return home from a morning of back to back classes and an entire afternoon in the lab. Advanced Organic Chemistry will be the death of me, I swear. The course load is unreal, but that’s what I get for wanting to learn from one of the leading experts in the country. Our professor has trained scientists who went on to work for pharmaceutical and cosmetics giants; if I want to have my own company one day, all this work will be worth it.
Walking to my room without hearing the guys playing video games so loudly that I can’t hear myself thinking is refreshing. Not catching an eyeful if one of the guys is hooking up on the couch in full view of everyone is even better. Tucker seems to get a kick out of getting it on in front of his frat brothers.
I look at my smart watch, wondering if practice has been running later than usual, but it’s past dinner time. I doubt Coach Harrison wants to punish the team for their latest loss to the point of keeping them on the ice all night.
Then my phone pings with a text from Tami and it all makes sense. It’s the first Monday night of the month and Puck’s Luck, the bar on campus, has half price wings and two for one on beer pitchers. That’s where the team must be. The Gammas rarely miss one of those nights and neither do the Zetas.
Tami :
Hey Bay, I’m saving you a seat. You should get here before they run out of hot wings.
I probably should get changed into something a little more casual and go hang out with my sisters. Since we aren’t living together in the Zeta house, I’ve been seeing them way less and I miss them. Well, I miss some of them.
Going out for a night of cheap bar food and even cheaper beer is what a good sorority president would do. It’s what I would have done last year.
I walk into my closet, resolved to do the right thing rather than making myself a grilled cheese to eat in my PJs and relax watching a chick flick. Something gets my attention as I mindlessly open the email app on my phone.
There’s an email from one of the sponsors who support my streaming channel. I’ve pitched all of them with a new, albeit desperate idea.
Since the insurance isn’t going to pay for rebuilding our sorority house, I thought that maybe a sponsor would be able to help us. The central chapter was very sympathetic with our plight and they agreed to give us a lump sum to help us cover part of the expenses. But with the new campus and state regulations, rebuilding will cost a lot more than anticipated and we need about twice the money that Zeta Theta Beta offered.
If my idea works, we’ll feature our sponsors in every activity we organize. Our sorority has a thriving social media presence, so that should be an interesting proposal for companies that make makeup and hair products. I even offered to have a banner with their logo hanging at the front of the house, so every passerby on campus will see it.
Hope makes me feel dizzy as I open the email with trembling fingers. It would be awesome to join my sisters at the bar with some good news.
However my excitement is short lived. This was the last of the companies I reached out to and they turned me down like all the others before them.
I’m really going to be the president under whose tenure not only did the house burn down; I’m going to go down in history as the president who got the Star Cove chapter of Zeta Theta Beta closed down indefinitely.
Whatever little desire I had to go out tonight goes down in flames, much like the Zeta house.
I feel twice as guilty because I don’t have the courage to reply to Tami’s text.
Rather than changing into a going out outfit, I reach for a tank top and a pair of shorts and decide to drown my sorrows in a triple pepperoni pizza. If the guys were home, I’d have to ask if anyone wants to join me and it would become a huge production. For once, ordering on the app is quick and easy and I’m even a little proud of myself for resisting the temptation to add garlic knots, cinnamon rolls or cannoli to my order.
Another thing I’d be tempted to do would be to text Cole or Ryker and see if they want to hang out.
I’m still deliciously sore after my night—and morning—with Cole yesterday and I can’t believe my luck that the guys are willing to try to coexist and aren’t asking me to choose.
I head downstairs to grab a bottle of my favorite sparkling water and that’s when I hear the front door open.
Maybe not everyone went to the bar? It’s too early for anyone coming home with their hookup of the night. Or at least I hope so, I was really looking forward to having the house to myself tonight.
“Cinnamon,” Ryker steps into the kitchen. “Just the woman I was hoping to see.”
He smells so good it should be illegal and his lips are soft and lingering when I kiss him hello. “Hey,” I smile. “This is a nice surprise. And you come bearing gifts?” I ask, eying the bakery box in his hands.
“If I recall correctly, I owe you a cinnamon roll. So I thought I’d bring you some.”
I run my hands over the lapel of his leather jacket, feeling the hard muscles of his chest without an ounce of shame. Images of licking the cinnamon roll frosting off Ryker’s sculpted abs begin making me feel warm and a little breathless.
Then a thought hits me. “How did you get into the house? Did I leave the front door unlocked?” Campus is relatively safe, but you can never be too careful, especially when all the guys are out.
The answer to my question doesn’t come from Ryker.
“I let him in.”
Jagger comes into the kitchen, having no business looking so hot in a pair of jeans that cling to his thick hockey thighs and a long sleeve t-shirt that doesn’t hide the ripped muscles of his arms and torso.
My eyes dance around Jagger’s handsome face but I avoid those warm, golden eyes. Looking at him hurts too much as it is and I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing how hurt I still am about how he ended our deal.
“I just ordered a pizza,” I tell Ryker, making a show of ignoring his teammate. “I was supposed to be home alone, but we could go eat it in my room. There’s more than enough if you want to join me.”
I hope the implication that Jagger isn’t invited to eat with us is more than clear.
“Pizza sounds awesome,” Ryker says, setting the box on the kitchen island and lacing his fingers with mine. “I was hoping we could talk though.”
“Oh,” I say, my senses suddenly on high alert. “Sure. Let’s go upstairs where we can have some privacy.” This time I look right at Jagger.
If Ryker changed his mind about our relationship, I don’t want to have an audience; especially not someone who just ended things with me.
“Actually…” Ryker and Jagger exchange a look, in some sort of silent communication that makes the lump in my throat triple in size.
“Did you two come here together?” I ask, struggling to keep my tone casual. “If you guys had plans to hang out, I don’t want to invite myself into them.”
Another one of those silent looks. Something is definitely going on.
Ryker nods in Jagger’s direction as if giving him some kind of prompt.
“Bay,” Jagger lowers his gaze, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was hoping you and I could talk? Ryker came with me for moral support, to help me break the ice.”
“Did he?” I glare at my boyfriend with what I hope is a withering look.
Ryker busies himself opening the box with the pastries, navigating the Gamma house kitchen like a pro when he finds the paper plates on the first try. “Why don’t we have something to eat and talk?”
I cross my arms over my chest. “I just ordered pizza. I don’t want dessert to spoil my appetite.”
I make the huge mistake of looking at Jagger. It isn’t just unfair how sexy his slightly mussed blond hair looks. The way he’s looking at me makes me feel like the meanest woman on this campus for being mad at him. After how he treated me.
“It’s ok, Bay,” his low voice is gentle, a little gravelly. “We don’t have to eat. And I’m sorry for ambushing you like this, but I really need you to hear me out.”
I can’t suppress an incredulous snort. “Now you want to talk? I thought you were too busy with hockey and classes. Are you sure you don’t prefer to send me a text?”
He hangs his head and I don’t miss the hurt look in his eyes.
I know I’m being cold, but what does he expect after that text and after taking Candace and Bianca to the locker room literally five minutes after he dumped me?
“It’s fair,” Jagger says, looking at me with the same intensity he had after our first kiss, before we got to know each other better. “I deserve for you to be mad at me. I acted like a complete asshole.”
“On that we agree.” I nod.
Jagger takes a step toward me and I don’t even realize that I take one step back, until my hips meet the kitchen island. “Look Bay, there’s no excuse for how I behaved. You have every reason to be mad at me. I wish I could go back and react differently, but since that isn’t possible, I just hope you’ll let me explain.”
I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words. “What could you possibly say to change the way you acted in the past couple of weeks? I know we weren’t dating or anything but if you got bored with me, you could have at least talked to me. Before I saw you with someone else.”
He nods. “You’re right, Bay. I acted like a stupid fuck. And for what it’s worth, I didn’t get bored with you. You couldn’t be farther from the truth. And we might not have labeled what there was between us, but to me you were never just a hookup. Not for one second. I cared—I care about you.”
He has the audacity to take my hand into his much larger one. I rear back, pulling out of his grasp.
Slap .
The crack of my hand against his face is deafening, but it has nothing on the way my heart is slamming against my rib cage. “I don’t know why you’re here, Jagger. Nothing said how much you cared about me than hooking up with the same girl I found in my bed, screwing my ex-boyfriend, right after you ended things with me by text.”
He doesn’t retreat, keeping those golden eyes on me.
I hit him hard, one side of his face is an angry red.
But Jagger’s gaze softens. “I’ll never apologize enough for that stupid text. You’re right, I should have manned up and had a real conversation with you. But ending things with you was the last thing I wanted to do. And I knew that if I tried to do that in person, I would have failed. So I thought that acting like an asshole was the only way. I didn’t expect you to come to the locker room after I texted you and when I saw you, I panicked.”
He’s crowding my space, his sexy, clean scent of citrus with a hint of sunscreen goes right to my head and I can’t think straight.
I push hard against his chest to get him to back off, but Jagger doesn’t budge. This guy is used to being an insurmountable obstacle for his opponents on the ice and he’s been hit by players in full gear that are at least three times my size.
He grabs both my hands, placing them on his chest.
I can feel his warmth and the fast pace of his heart beating against my palms through the fabric of his t-shirt.
“When I saw you outside the locker room, I didn’t know what to do. Making you believe that I hooked up with Bianca and Candace wasn’t planned, but it drove the point home; so I let you think that I moved on. Then I asked Candace to come to the party with me as a buffer.”
I’m still struggling against his hold, but his words make me pause. “What do you mean ‘making me believe?’ You had your arms around both of them and Bianca was licking her lips and laughing at me.”
I close my eyes. Seeing that hurt a thousand times more than when she was in my bed, with Topher inside of her.
“Bay,” he sounds like he’s in as much pain as I am. “I never hooked up with them. Please believe me. I was surprised when they showed up at the locker room. The only person I wanted there with me before the game is you. But I had to end it because Topher invoked the bro-code and threatened every brother who would even dare look at you as more than a friend. Then he sent Candace and Bianca. When the girls offered to blow me, I felt physically sick. I didn’t want them near me. I was just walking them out when you got there. I asked them not to tell anyone that we didn’t hook up because I didn’t want to have to explain to my teammates why I didn’t come through with my good luck ritual. I also didn’t want Topher to find out that I broke his bro-code.”
Fuck.
I believe him. I know Topher has something to do with everything that happened. My ex was the reason why Cole had barely spoken to me as of late. He mentioned that bro-code too.
I understood Cole’s predicament but until a second ago, I thought that in Jagger’s case whatever Topher had on him didn’t matter. Despite us not being together, the way he ended things and his actions afterwards made me think that Jagger was cut from my ex’s same cloth.
But I learned firsthand that Topher is vicious and when he goes after someone he vies for complete obliteration.
I stop struggling against Jagger’s hold. “This doesn’t change how you acted, but I believe you. I don’t know if we can even go back to being friends, Jagger. I guess it’ll all depend on what Topher is holding over your head.”
JAGGER
This is the moment I was fearing.
From the second our frat president invoked the bro-code and issued his threat, I was ready to do anything in my power to make sure Bay would never find out what I did on initiation night.
The second she knows, I’m sure as fuck I’ll lose her anyway.
“Bay, it’s not so simple. You know better than me that initiation tasks are secret.”
She bites down on her bottom lip.
That was the wrong thing to say of course.
“Yeah, I know.” She finally says.
Fuck. All I want is to take her into my arms and beg for her forgiveness and promise that I’ll never hurt her again. But the way she’s looking at me, tells me that I’m not even close to fixing the mess I made.
“If we could get our hands on that video,” I say it like a lifeline, hoping that Bay won’t press me into telling her. “He wouldn’t have anything to hold over my head. I wouldn’t have to worry about him seeing us talking. That’s why I told you I had no time to talk when I texted you. He’s been watching me like a hawk and if he suspects I told you anything, he’ll release the video. I’m taking a huge risk even talking to you now. If Topher found out, he would make an example of me, especially now that he can’t control Cole.”
Bay exhales a deep breath, determination shines in her eyes. “I can’t believe I thought Toher was a good guy and I loved him and trusted him. Even if he hadn’t cheated, after the way he treated Lakyn and you guys, I can never forgive him. All I want is to take him down and the best way to do it, is to take away all his leverage.”
Fuck, she’s so hot.
It isn’t just her looks. Even though Bay is gorgeous, what makes her irresistible is her strength, her drive. “Do you have a clue where he could keep that video?” I ask.
If we could find it, I could try to win her back. Do every grand gesture I can think of to show her how I feel about her.
Bay thinks about it for a second. “Somewhere only he has access to. Not his phone, it’s too obvious. I think if Topher had any digital files he wanted to keep secret, he would keep them in his laptop.”
It makes sense. “I don’t think the guys will be back for a while,” I say, checking the time on my phone. “Let’s go see if you’re right, hopefully he doesn’t keep his room locked up.”
“There’s only one way to find out. Let’s go.”
Ryker and I follow Bay upstairs. I’m right behind her and I can’t help checking out her ass in those obscenely short PJs. They’re the same ones she had on that night right after the rush fair, when I bumped into her in the kitchen and I almost kissed her again. I wish I had a time machine to go back to that night. I would warn my past self to make sure Topher doesn’t find out about me and Bay. I would do everything differently and not fuck this up.
Topher moved to Cash’s old room after we made him give up the presidential suite to Bay.
“Bingo,” she grins, opening the door. “Let’s see what my ex is hiding.”
I’ve been in Topher’s room just a handful of times when he was in the presidential suite. I’ve never seen anyone neater than our frat president. I’m no slob by any means, but for someone used to having a maid, the guy’s surprisingly meticulous in keeping everything tidy and spotless.
A sleek, black laptop is sitting on Topher’s desk. Bay makes a beeline for it and opens it.
“Shit,” Ryker sighs. “Of course it’s password protected.”
Bay doesn’t look deterred. “I think I can guess his password.” She says, flexing her fingers and sitting on the chair at her ex’s desk. “Yup, we’re in.”
“ Password1234 ? Are you shitting me?” I snort.
Bay rolls her eyes but for once tonight it isn’t directed at me. “Topher is obsessed with being cunning. He thinks he’s smarter than anyone else and told me more than once that sometimes the smartest thing is to be obvious. Something like people don’t expect you to do the easiest thing. He’s big on hiding in plain sight. Hence, the stupidest most common password you can possibly think of.”
Ryker leans forward, moving Bay’s long blonde hair away from her shoulder and dropping a lingering kiss on her bare skin. “Good job, Cinnamon.”
She turns around, offering him her lips to kiss.
Jealousy makes it hard to breathe as I watch them. I’m not jealous of the kiss in itself, that’s just hot as fuck. What I can’t take is that Ryker has the right to kiss her, the confidence to do it without fear of being kicked in the nuts.
I was in his position a few weeks ago and I would give anything to get back there.
“Nothing,” Bay frowns after opening every single file in the device, including Topher’s emails.”
We looked at everything that comes from an account we don’t recognize and that has an attachment. It’s a bust.
“Where else could he keep something like that?” Bay frowns.
“If he likes to hide things in plain sight,” Ryker suggests. “Maybe he really has it in his phone.”
Bay isn’t convinced. “I seriously doubt it. It would be too risky. He wouldn’t want sensitive information in the cloud. If anyone reported him to the Gamma central chapter, he would get kicked out of the fraternity for keeping something like that. And there are two things Topher cares about above all else. His trust fund and Gamma Delta Tau, especially the presidency. The hockey team was a distant third. So if it isn’t in some file saved directly into his laptop and not in the cloud, he has to keep it in an external drive.”
It makes sense. “Where do you think he would keep that?” I ask, happy to be talking to her even if it’s just to find the video.
“It would be somewhere obvious, where people wouldn’t think about looking. Is there a safe in this house? We had one behind a painting in the living room at the Zeta house.”
I snap my fingers, feeling hopeful that not everything is lost. “There’s a safe in the basement.”
Bay stands up. “Let’s go.”
Ryker and I follow her down the stairs that lead to the Gamma house finished basement. The space serves as a bit of a game room, with a pool table, a dart board and some arcade style video games that were donated by an alumnus right before Topher and I moved in.
We have parties in here when we decide not to invite everyone on campus or if the weather isn’t good enough to use our huge backyard.
“Do you know where is it?” Bay asks, looking around as if she saw this familiar space for the first time. “I’ve been down here so many times and it never occurred to me that you guys could have a safe.”
“Well technically,” I say opening a small, metal door hidden behind a fake wooden panel. “It’s not in here. The basement is much bigger than the finished part.”
A narrow corridor with unfinished concrete walls opens in front of us. A few metal doors are on either side.
“What’s this place?” Ryker asks.
“Creepy,” Bay shudders, stepping away from the wall to avoid brushing against a cobweb.
“It used to be a storage area,” I explain. “For the most part it still is. But there’s a room that’s used for secret meetings and initiation tasks.” I taste bitterness in my mouth at the thought that my initiation happened in that room. “The fraternity safe is in that room. The brothers who have valuables they want to keep safe, give them to the president for safekeeping in the safe.”
Bay nods. “Yeah, we have something similar at Zeta Theta Beta. It used to see a lot of use during events like next week’s gala with the alumni. Every sister would keep their most expensive jewelry in there. I’m glad the house burned down before anyone could give me anything to put in there.”
Ryker squeezes her hand in a comforting way. “Aren’t those safes fireproof usually?”
“Yeah,” Bay sighs. “But the firefighters were adamant that the house was too dangerous to let us in. The frame with sorority charter that was hanging above our mantle made it almost unscathed, but the captain who directed the rescue went in himself to retrieve it.”
“Anyway,” I let them into the relatively small, square room. “Let’s hope we have better luck than with the asshole’s laptop.”
The floors and the walls are all unfinished concrete. The only furniture in the room is a wooden table that sits eight people, a bookshelf a six foot long trunk and a small wooden bar.
“What the fuck is that?” Ryker barks out a laugh.
A life size portrait of Topher in his hockey uniform is hanging on the wall opposite the table.
I fight the urge to punch our president’s arrogant smile on canvas, since doing so to the flesh and blood version might get me expelled from school. “Every president has their portrait hanging in the house.” I explain.
“Yeah,” Bay snorts. “But it usually isn’t that big. Mine was hanging in the dining room. I shouldn’t be surprised though, Topher has always been pretentious. I’m assuming it ended up here because of its ridiculous size?”
I confirm Bay’s hunch. “Yeah. He insisted he wanted it hanging in the living room but the other brothers weren’t happy. There was a vote and Topher lost, so it got relegated here. Anyway, the safe is just behind the portrait.”
I move the large framed canvas to reveal the cast iron door of a safe built into the wall.
“Go figure,” Ryker muses. “We need a combination.” He points to the twelve number keypad on the safe’s door.
Bay kneels on the floor to better examine the keypad. “Following the principle Topher used to choose the password for his laptop, we have two options. It’s either one, two, three, four,” she keys in the combination to no avail. “Or if he wanted to take that idea up a notch, it can only be zero, zero, zero, zero. Yup, it’s opening.”
I shake my head. “Dude, I’ve always thought Topher was a dickhead, but this?”
Ryker agrees with me. “He’s just so arrogant that he thinks no one would figure out the simplest thing ever.”
“In all fairness,” Bay shrugs. “We probably wouldn’t have thought about it if he could have shut up about it. I just remember him telling me his theory when he found out that I don’t use a passcode on my phone because I kept forgetting it and getting locked out. He was trying to be helpful by suggesting something so easy that no one would ever guess it.”
Ryker kneels next to her to help her look inside. “I guess we should thank his big mouth, or we would have never figured it out.”
After a few moments, Bay’s shoulders sag. “Nothing. All there is in here is the fraternity petty cash, Topher’s Rolex watch and his presidential gold pin. There’s no trace of any hard drives or flash drives.”
Her tank top rides up when she stands up, revealing a sliver of Bay’s soft, flat stomach.
I ogle her without an ounce of shame, my fingers itching to reach out for her and pull her to me, like I did earlier in the kitchen.
I miss having Bay in my arms so much that it hurts more than the worst injury I’ve ever experienced on the ice.
If we can’t find that video, I’m fucked.
Trust her .
Ryker’s words the other night in Bridgeport echo in my ears and my mind is made up. I would rather endure the embarrassment when Topher releases the video, than lose Bay forever. It might be too late anyway, but if I didn’t try to mend things between us and get her to give me another chance, I would regret it for as long as I live. Of course I’ll have to warn my family and that won’t be fun. But if I have a chance with Bay, I’m prepared to endure my parents’ disappointment.
“What the fuck is this?” Bay’s surprised question pulls me out of my deliberations.
I know what she’s looking at even before she moves to the side to show us.
“Ah yeah,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck. “That’s the fraternity dick measuring chart.”
“The—what?” Bay and Ryker ask.
I roll my eyes, frustrated. “Yeah that was another one of Topher’s great ideas. When he became president, he wanted to establish a ranking system to allocate the rooms in the house. So he made us come down here one by one and measured the length of our dicks.”
“Like people do with the height of their kids?” Ryker snorts.
I nod. “Exactly like that, but with dicks.”
Bay leans forward to read the entries scrawled on the wall, behind Topher’s portrait. “Cash Hanbury, eight inches and a half. Hmm, Lake’s a lucky girl.” She giggles. “Tucker Prescott, seven inches. Cole Marshall, nine inches. Ah there you are too, Jagger. Jagger Connelly, eight inches and three quarters.”
She turns to look at me, her eyes descending all the way down to my crotch without an ounce of shame. Her lips curl up in a little smile, as if she was in on some joke I’m not privy to. I bristle.
“What? You don’t think that’s accurate?” I say, feeling heat rise to my face. For fuck’s sake I’m not the kind of guy who blushes, this is some bullshit.
Bay’s smile widens as she crosses her arms over her chest, looking at me up and down in an appraising way. “I didn’t say that. First off, girth matters more than length, if you ask me. Also those are obviously measurements taken on hard dicks. Do I even wanna know? Did you guys do one of those circle jerks?”
I shake my head, laughing because I would have never thought I’d hear the words circle and jerk come out of Bay’s mouth one after the other.
“Not exactly.” I scowl. “Trust me you don’t want to know.”
Curiosity shines in Bay’s blue eyes. “I kinda do, actually. Hazing is strictly prohibited at Star Cove College and a ranking system based on dick size sounds pretty questionable to me. Maybe we don’t even need to find that video. We could take pictures of this chart and show it to the Dean. If it was Topher’s idea, he could get kicked out of Gamma Delta Tau for this.”
Ryker intervenes before I have the chance to say anything. “True. But if we got him kicked out, don’t you think he’d release that video as retaliation?”
Bay’s smile fades. “He would, you’re right. Even though he might be too embarrassed to do it.”
“Why?” I ask.
Bay points at one of the entries. Topher Mumford, eight inches. “That’s a lie. Topher’s lucky to sport five inches on a good night and when it comes to girth? Total pencil dick.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Go figure. He’s a classic case of small man syndrome.”
Ryker shakes his head. “This is fucked up. The athletic department went to great lengths to ensure more privacy in the locker rooms to avoid this kind of hazing.”
Bay and I snort at the same time at Ryker’s pun.
“Great lengths?” Bay giggles. “Awesome pun, sweetie. Obviously though, not in Topher’s case.”
Ryker stares at the chart on the wall as if it was personally offensive to him. “I just think this kind of thing is bullshit, that’s all. Some men are more growers than showers. I’m glad I quit this fraternity crap last year. It never caused anything but trouble for me. And that was without being measured like I’m some kind of show animal.”
Bay’s gaze softens. “You’re right. It’s all in questionable taste. Especially since Topher is blatantly lying about his own measurements.” She touches his bicep when he rolls his eyes. “Look, I’m not going to lie. Size matters. But just so you know, I might not have your measurements, but you’re totally on par with Jagger and Cole. So you have nothing to worry about. Besides you definitely know what to do with what you have, something that Topher has never bothered to learn. He’s just the wham bam thank you ma’am type and if his partner doesn’t enjoy it, he blames it on her.”
Fuck, I couldn’t hate Topher more than I already do. “Nova,” she looks me straight in the eye when I use the little name I gave her when she was in my bed, getting off like a cosmic explosion. “I’m sorry that dipshit made you feel like there was something wrong with you. You know I meant it when I said that you’re perfect, right? If anyone has something to be ashamed about it’s Topher. Not you. Never you.”
I said what was in my heart, but I never expected the effect my words would have on Bay.
“Thank you. I was convinced I was broken for the longest time. Until you.” Her gaze softens. “How did we get to this point, Jagger? We were having such a good time. I… trusted you.”
Jesus.
I already knew how I felt about Bay. But in this moment it hits me square in the chest. I’m in love with this woman. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to earn back her trust and her forgiveness. Even if it scares the fuck out of me. Even if it could hurt like a motherfucker.
“I fucked up.” I admit again. “And I don’t know if I can show you that I made a stupid mistake, but you can trust me. I don’t think we should leak this chart.”
Bay sighs. “You’re probably right. If we do and Topher suffers because of it, he’ll definitely release your video.”
That isn’t the point. “It isn’t just because of that, Nova. It’s because it isn’t just me in that chart. It’s every brother that has lived in the house under Topher’s presidency. Those guys don’t deserve to have such an intimate detail outed to the world.”
The flash of respect in Bay’s eyes gives me courage and the hope that maybe not everything is lost.
I just have to trust her, like Ryker said I should.
“I don’t think we’re going to find that video. Wherever Topher put it, it must be out of our reach. Who knows, maybe he’s even bluffing about having it in first place, even though I don’t think he is.”
Bay considers my words. “You’re probably right on both counts.”
I take her hand, pulling her just a little closer. My heart is pounding worse than after a grueling shift on the ice, but if I want to get her back, I have to risk everything. “Bay, I already said this, but I’m going to say it again. I’m sorry. I fucked up big time. That text was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and so was letting you believe that I cheated on you.”
She looks as vulnerable as I feel right now. “If we weren’t together, technically it wasn’t cheating.”
“Fuck that,” I bite out. “It would have been cheating. I was fooling myself about that too. I knew from the beginning that you aren’t a no strings attached kind of woman. Turns out I’m not a hookup only kind of guy either. Not when I care about the woman I’m with.”
Her voice comes out in a whisper. “You cared about me?”
I smile, despite the terror about what I’m about to do. “I did from the second we kissed at the rush fair. I was just too stupid to see it. I was too stupid to understand that I was falling for you, Bay. Maybe because I had never been in love before, fuck knows. But the point is that I love you and I hope I didn’t fuck things up beyond repair.”