Chapter 19
The vow-renewal ceremony at Ludbury House looks like a wedding to me.
In the two-story foyer of the mansion, friends and family gather to watch Hailey descend the grand staircase toward her husband, Josh.
A short veil is perched on her head, paired with a white silk dress that ends at the knees.
Flowers everywhere, classical music piped in, even a minister to perform the ceremony.
There’s a few rows of chairs with white satin covers. The rest is standing room only. I stand in the back. Mackenzie and her brothers, Cooper and Finn, are in the front row, along with the grandparents and Rowan.
The minister prompts Hailey to give her vow.
She does so without any notes, her eyes shiny with tears, her voice strong.
“Josh, I’d marry you all over again. You are my rock.
You’ve shown me what love truly is, and I vow to spend the rest of my life loving you through good times and bad, sickness and health. You are truly my warrior beast.”
People laugh, but I can’t manage it over the lump in my throat. I don’t even know what a warrior beast is. The emotion in her voice gets to me.
Josh cups her cheek, wiping a tear with his thumb. She does the same for him. He kisses her cheek.
He exhales sharply. “Hard to top that. I call you warrior princess because you’re fierce. Strong, tough, but also loving and so beautiful. I don’t know how I got so lucky.” His voice breaks.
My eyes water. I catch Mackenzie wiping her eyes.
Josh continues, “I vow to love and protect you for the rest of my life. You are my heart. That’s it. You are my heart.”
Hailey cups his face, and he leans into her hand. The love is so real, so strong I can feel it all the way back here. I can’t breathe. I need air, the room suddenly too hot. The minister goes on with the ceremony.
I escape out the front door, my head spinning. I sit on the porch and put my head between my knees. What is wrong with me? I force myself to take slow, deep breaths.
After a few moments, I straighten, staring out at the church across the street.
I’ve been to weddings before, seen vows before.
I’ve never heard so much emotion, witnessed so much love.
It must be terrifying to love someone like that.
How can they bear it? Don’t they know they could lose everything?
Mackenzie
I glance around the ballroom, looking for Cal.
The reception is just getting started with cocktails and appetizers.
I saw him before the ceremony, and he disappeared.
Did he walk out in the middle of the ceremony?
Is he coming back? I guess I can make up an excuse that he wasn’t feeling well.
As far as my family’s concerned, Cal and I are still a couple.
It’s definitely time to end the game. Would it be possible to try this for real?
My breath catches as Cal strides in, heading straight for me, looking intimidatingly serious. “Cal? Is everything okay?”
“No.”
Mom appears by my side. “Wasn’t it a beautiful ceremony? I’m so glad to have it here. Our wedding was in Villroy, and part of me always wished I could have a second wedding here, and now I have.”
“It was beautiful, Mom.”
“Very nice,” Cal says. His voice sounds hoarse.
Mom beams. “Maybe we’ll be planning something for you two at Ludbury House soon.”
I frown. “Let’s not go there, Mom.”
“So you’re not serious?” Mom asks, blinking innocently.
I look over her shoulder. “Oh look, Aunt Charlotte is signaling you. I bet your friends have a special gift waiting for you.”
“That would be just like them!” Mom chirps and hurries off to meet up with her friends. Chances are they do have a special gift for her. It’s sort of their thing on big occasions.
“Can we step outside to talk?” Cal asks.
My brows draw together, nerves skittering through me. Cal has never asked to talk. Not once. “Sure.” I lead the way through the front hall to the door.
As soon as we step onto the front porch, Cal barks, “This fake relationship was a huge mistake! Your mom’s dropping hints about wedding planning. It’s not right to trick her.”
I grip my hands together. He can’t even think about the idea of being with me long-term without panicking. “She only dropped a hint because that’s her job. Letting people know she’ll plan their weddings. No need to panic.”
He starts pacing. “I don’t know whether I’m coming or going with you. It’s like we’re together, we’re pretending we’re together, then we’re just friends, then you’re bonding with my family. What is that? What are we doing?” He stops pacing and looks at me expectantly.
I cross my arms, hugging myself. “I-I don’t know. I just wanted to help you and Sutton any way I can, and…I don’t know.”
He pushes a hand through his hair, rumpling it. “I don’t know either.”
“Okay.”
We stare at each other for a long moment. My legs feel shaky, the awful point of no return approaching. I can feel it. I don’t know where we go from here. My heart races even as time slows down.
He takes a deep breath. “We need to stop seeing each other. Fake, friends, or otherwise.”
My gut clenches. It hurts more than expected to hear him say it.
I lift my chin, determined not to cry in front of him. “Okay, then. I think you should go now.”
“I should say goodbye to your parents.”
I shake my head. “I’ll say goodbye for you.”
He stands there, studying me like he’s trying to figure me out. What does he expect me to say after he ended things?
“Goodbye, Mackenzie.” He turns and strides down the steps.
“Bye,” I manage through the knot in my throat.
I slink back inside and rush into the bathroom for a good cry. Damn him for expecting me to explain our relationship. It’s not like I planned to fall in love with him and hope he’d join me, which he didn’t. I drop my head in my hands. This whole thing is so exhausting.
After a few calming breaths, I splash cold water on my face. I take one step out of the bathroom and come face-to-face with Mom. She takes in my cry face, puts an arm around my shoulders, and guides me into her office, shutting the door behind us.
I take a seat in her cushy desk chair, and she pulls her other chair next to me. “Is it Cal?” she asks.
“We broke up.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I know that hurts.”
A spark of anger flares. I wouldn’t be in this mess if she hadn’t been matchmaking my entire adult life. “It didn’t help that you hinted about planning our wedding.”
She hands me a tissue. “It couldn’t have been a strong relationship if a hint can destroy it. You’re better off.”
I dab at the tears with the tissue, torn between anger and grief. “Everything backfired.” My voice chokes. “I had all these inconvenient feelings, and then I messed it up, and he acted all weird, and now I’m getting dumped when I should’ve been the one walking away.”
“Mackenzie, sweetheart, you have inconvenient feelings? That’s wonderful!”
“That’s all you got from that?”
“It’s the first time you’ve had deep feelings. That is wonderful.”
I glare at her as best I can with swollen cry eyes. “No, it’s not wonderful because those feelings are not returned, and I’m the idiot who kept getting in deeper.”
She rubs my back.
“The whole thing was supposed to be fake!” I cry in despair. “And I said no sex because boundaries, but then there was kissing and, oh, this is all your fault. I thought you were secretly matchmaking when you told me to stay away from him, so I pretended we were a couple to catch you in the act.”
I glance up, feeling stupid.
Mom gives me a small smile. “Hmm. Well, I was of two minds when it came to Cal. I really like him as a person, but I was wary because of the live-in girlfriend situation. She clearly thought marriage was right around the corner. That to me says mismatched expectations, which could’ve been down to better communication, or it could mean he’s anti-marriage. ”
I sniffle. “So you weren’t using reverse psychology to get me to be with him?”
“Have I ever used reverse psychology on you?”
I think about that. Besides the matchmaking, she’s always been straightforward with me. Well, not completely. “You always said the door was open for me to join as a partner in your business, and then you chose Rowan as partner.”
Her pale blue eyes widen. “But you never wanted that. You have your own business.”
“That’s where the reverse psychology comes in. Now that I’m closed out of it, I want the option. Maybe that was your plan.”
She huffs. “I’m not sure where you got the idea that I was manipulative.
All I’ve ever wanted is your happiness. I love you unconditionally.
I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become and the way you’ve forged your own way in the world.
If you really want to join me in my business, that door is still open.
Maybe one day you and Rowan can run it together. ”
That’s exactly what Cal said. I burst into tears.
She pulls me close, smoothing my hair like she did when I was little. “Oh, honey.”
I sob into her perfect white dress. “I could never live up to your beauty-queen standards. I could never follow in your high heels.”
She leans back, cupping my face. “My darling daughter, you were never meant to. Dad and I wanted you to be a leader not a follower. We wanted you to be strong and confident, and you are.”
I grab a tissue and try to dry her dress. She waves me away. “Don’t worry about it. You’re more important.”
My lower lip quivers. “Being a strong woman with a blackbelt isn’t the same as being like you.”
“What is it about me you want to be like?”
My throat clogs with emotion, my inner little girl finally finding her voice. “I want to be beautiful and successful like you.”
She strokes my hair back from my face. “You are.”
“I want to be good at business like you, a master networker.”
She sighs. “That didn’t happen overnight. You’re well on your way. Now you have four full-time employees. That’s more than I ever had. And you don’t have to work weekends. Smart move.”