The Garden of Memories

Chapter 18

Sally puts down her spade and flexes her bicep. It might be her imagination, but she thinks there’s more definition than there was a while ago. This is the fourth visit to Rose’s garden, and the pond dig is almost complete. The bicep definition (if indeed it’s there) isn’t down to the digging alone, of course. She’s joined a gym and for once stuck to her intention to attend twice weekly. Weightlifting was never something she’d even considered before, but while sussing out various bits of equipment, she tried a kettlebell lift or two (under supervision) and found it exhilarating. Physical strength complements mental strength, the instructor informed her, and so far, it seems to be true.

The pond shape is almost perfect, she thinks, as she adjusts the string marking out the two-metre-long by one-metre-deep oval. There needs to be more of a slight curve at the right far end, and then it will be done. The ledges she’s created for the plants to sit on have worked well too, and Sally has to admit she’s quietly proud of her efforts. If someone had told her before her husband left, that she’d be enjoying lifting weights and pond building, she’d have thought they needed their bumps read. It gladdens her heart to think of the pleasure everyone will have when they see the finished pond.

It will have a ‘natural’ waterfall babbling over rocks, which will be so restful and will also help to aerate the water. There will be some swishy medium-height grasses around the edges that will sway in the breeze, and hopefully, lots of wildlife will eventually find a home there. And of course, there will be lilies. Lilies just like the ones she remembers from her childhood. Grace Pentewan would be so pleased if she could see it. Sally tips her face to the cloudless blue sky and smiles. Perhaps she can.

‘Coffee’s ready!’ Rose calls. Sally turns to see her placing a tray of mugs and biscuits on the picnic bench.

‘Yay, I’m so ready for that.’ Sally joins Rose, noting her muscles don’t protest as much as they did a few weeks ago when she climbed out of the ‘pond hole’. After a few welcome swallows of coffee she asks, ‘How’s Bella? Not seen her or the kids since I got here.’

‘She’s good, thanks. They’ve popped over to see her old friend Hannah to talk about the idea of running a café from her converted campervan on weekends.’

Sally remembers that Rose mentioned that possibility a while ago. ‘It’s a great idea, if you ask me. It’s true there are quite a few of them around, but not many who provide freshly baked home-made stuff. The vegan and gluten-free options should be popular too.’

‘I’m with you. And now she’s feeling a bit more settled, she’ll have the extra confidence she needs to go for it, with any luck.’

‘How’s it all going with Nigel? You said he was down here recently, and they were trying to work things out.’

Rose smiles. ‘They are. He was here for two days and they talked everything through and he agreed with all Bella’s arguments. Nigel realised he’d been blinded to what really mattered and admitted he hated the job anyway. It was the idea they would all be better off financially that drove him, gave him tunnel vision. Bella told me that his family really struggled when he was growing up, and he didn’t want that for his own. He’s back in Birmingham now but is desperately looking for a job here. Once he finds one, he’s out of there.’

Sally’s thrilled that Bella hasn’t settled for second best, and tells Rose so. ‘I must admit I’m a bit surprised that he gave in so quickly, given what Bella told me about him last time we spoke.’

‘Yeah. I saw a different side to him while he was here. He was much more like the Nigel I first met years ago.’ Rose puts her head on one side and gestures at the garden. ‘This green space helped too. I’m convinced of it. He was so relaxed and kept saying how peaceful it was to be out here. Poor man is shut in a windowless office eight hours and more, five days a week.’

Sally can imagine how awful that must be. At least in the surgery, she can see daylight through the double doors from reception, and it’s light and airy. ‘Everything crossed for them. I do hope it works out.’

‘Yes, me too. I’m not na?ve enough to expect everything to be plain sailing for them, but at least the intention to work through everything is there. The main thing will be him getting a job here, and at least Bella’s stuck to her guns. She’s told him there is no way she’s going back to Birmingham while he looks for a job here. Nigel seems to have accepted that, so fingers crossed. How’s everything with you now? Feeling any better about Paul leaving?’

Sally doesn’t have to think too hard about that one. ‘Do you know, I am. The hurt’s still there, but it’s faded loads since I’ve been going to the gym and coming here. It’s still early days, but I’m trying to look to the future more positively. It’s a future that I thought I’d be walking towards with my life partner by my side, but that’s changed and I’ve kind of accepted it. I’ve changed too, and I like the stronger, healthier me I’m becoming.’ She stops, suddenly abashed. She always seems to bare her soul without meaning to when she’s in this garden.

Rose’s eyes catch a sparkle and she slaps the table with the flat of her hand. ‘Brilliant! The change in you is obvious. So proud of you, maid.’

Sally laughs. ‘Maid? I’ll be fifty in two weeks.’

Rose looks shocked. ‘Two weeks! Please tell me you’ve something organised.’

Sally shakes her head. ‘Not really. Pippa and her girlfriend Megan are taking me out for a meal, but Angus is in South America, so he can’t join in. It feels wrong to have a big shindig without him.’

‘Then we must do something, either before or after your birthday. We can have a little shindig instead. Daisy, Flora, Louise, Bella, the children, and me of course. That’ll do. Or you could ask friends from work too, if you like?’

‘God, no. I don’t want a big fuss.’

‘But you’ll agree to the little shindig?’ Rose indicates the size of the shindig by holding the tips of her forefinger and thumb a few centimetres apart.

Sally ponders a moment and can’t find a reason to say no. It just seems a little odd having a ‘do’ when everything is so very different for her now. It’s true, what she told Rose about her feeling stronger, but she’s not sure she feels like celebrating just yet. But then again, it could be a good thing. A way of embracing fifty. Despite everything, she’s still standing and determined to make the best of life. ‘Okay. And thanks for offering, Rose.’

* * *

An hour later, Sally is contemplating another break, as the sun has moved the shade round to the other side of the pond, treating her exposed neck to a heat wave. She’s had to put her hair up, as it kept falling into her eyes, but that meant she also had to take her hat off, as it wouldn’t fit over her top knot. Climbing out of the pond-hole and stepping into the shade, Sally takes a long swallow of water. As she lowers her bottle again, she sees Flora and Louise coming towards her along the path, closely followed by Rose, Bella and the children.

Sally returns their greeting and waves enthusiastically at the children who, upon reaching her, want to immediately get into the hole. Bella admonishes them and explains they will get completely covered in wet earth. Wesley seems to relish this idea and sits on the edge, stretching his little legs to try and reach down to the first ledge. Bella whisks him up and over her shoulder amid his wails and shrieks of annoyance.

‘I want some fish!’ he declares.

‘Fish?’ Bella asks, puzzled. ‘You don’t really like fish. Well, unless it’s fish and chips.’

‘Not eating fish. Fish in ponds.’

Sally hadn’t considered fish. But maybe a couple would be added interest. ‘What kind of fish?’

Wesley frowns. ‘Ones that swim about.’

Bella smiles. ‘We’ll wait and see.’

‘No. I want them. I don’t want to wait and see!’

‘Hey, why don’t we go and have a look at your sunflowers, children?’ Louise soothes, instantly getting silence and a big smile from Wesley. Molly seems less enthusiastic but follows behind as Louise takes Wesley’s hand and leads the way down the path and round the side of the house.

Rose raises her eyebrows. ‘Wow. That woman is a natural with my petulant little grandson.’

Flora laughs. ‘Isn’t she just? So wonderful to see.’

Sally looks at Rose. ‘You didn’t say the gang were coming over.’

‘That’s because I didn’t know. They showed up independently of each other.’ Then Rose raises her eyebrows again and stares open-mouthed as a tall youth with blond curly hair and vibrant green eyes comes through the gate, and walks towards them smiling. ‘And would you believe it, here comes Josh, too!’

Rose introduces Josh to everyone and goes off to make tea. Sally says, ‘It’s amazing that you’ve all shown up at the same time, out of the blue.’

Flora nods and jams her straw hat down on her head as the breeze tries to make off with it. ‘It is. Louise was saying, like me, she’d not planned to come here today, just kind of thought it would be a nice idea after she’d had lunch. How about you Josh?’

‘Same, really. This place is very soothing.’

Flora nods sagely. ‘Heartily agree. I think we all just felt like a garden hit. Maybe we’re all drawn here, like the bees.’

Josh peers into the pond-hole and says to Sally, ‘You’ve done all this by yourself?’

The rush of pride she has at his words is maybe misplaced, but she doesn’t care. He’s hit the nail on the head. It isn’t just all about the digging, which took considerable effort. It was her idea, she researched it, planned it, organised it, and followed it all through. Her first small act of complete independence for a very long time. Her reply reflects none of this, of course. People wouldn’t get it without lots of meandering explanation, and then the meaning would lose impact. Besides, it’s personal to her. She owns it. ‘Yep. Totally knackered today, as it’s been very warm, but only another half-hour or so, and then the digging bit will be done.’

Josh smiles. ‘My hat is off to you.’ He looks thoughtful and pushes a hand through his unruly curls. ‘How about I finish the last bit – under your supervision, of course. You can have a well-earned rest.’

Sally’s immediate response is a gut-twisting no. This is hers. Hers alone. No matter that he looks like an eager puppy, if he does the last bit, hasn’t he taken it from her? Aware that the silence where her answer should be is stretching, and that the puppy is looking unsure, she catches sight of the Golden Gate roses nodding in the breeze, and a sense of calm descends. It’s her choice, no one else’s. Sally is in control. The boy wants to help, so she could let him. ‘Let him’ is the main point here. She decides. ‘If you really want to, you can, Josh. Thanks. I could do with a rest.’ Relief floods his face. ‘I’m a bit over-protective of this project, though, so you’ll follow my instructions, yeah?’ Sally’s not used to being assertive, but she thinks what she said has struck a middle ground.

‘I absolutely get that. You’re the boss.’ Josh grins and jumps into the hole.

Sally smiles and hands him the spade.

* * *

Flora flops down on a deckchair in the shade and fans her face with her hat. Chasing after small children is not something that should be attempted on hot days, certainly not by her, but Louise is in her element. Right now, she’s watching Molly and Wesley bounce on a small trampoline that Bella put out in the scant shade of the cherry tree. Louise laughs girlishly and looks closer to their age than her own at the moment in jeans, a T-shirt, and sandals. Sturdy ones, but sandals nevertheless, and no tights or socks!

The change in her has been miraculous. Flora would never have imagined she’d decide to come here today by herself. Louise had explained that Rose had told her last time to come up whenever she liked to spend time, or help in the garden, and the children would love to see her. So she did. Wonderful. It’s the power of this garden. It must certainly be pretty special if it can draw Louise out of her shell. Rose and the others are pretty special as well. They made Louise feel so welcome. Flora tells herself she deserves a little praise too, as she might have had a small hand in preparing the ground. Maybe a big hand. Okay, she concedes, a massive hand. Flora chuckles to herself as she watches Louise climb onto the trampoline and try a few hesitant jumps. Her lighthouse bulb might not be as dull as she’d feared.

Josh has finished with the pond and wanders over clutching a big bottle of water. He flops into the deckchair by her side and gulps down half of the water in one. ‘Warm work, eh?’ Flora says, unnecessarily, but feels she has to say something to be sociable.

He pulls his T-shirt up and wipes his face with it. ‘Yeah, done now, though. It will look stunning once it’s complete.’

Flora agrees and wonders if he’s in a better place now. Rose told her briefly about his impromptu arrival here recently and the reasons for it – also about visiting the care home. She also wonders if she should mention his gran and the sweet peas. Though he might think Rose had been gossiping to her about his business when it wasn’t like that at all. She’d been sharing and discussing the best way to help. Everyone knows that’s not the same as gossiping. ‘Rose tells me you were thinking of maybe taking gardening up as a career?’ Flora is sure this is a safe topic – not gossipy.

He grins. ‘Yes. The more I’m here in this space and amongst growing things, the calmer I feel. It’s like a kind of therapy, you know? A natural, spiritual therapy that needs no words or radical action. It all started with those sweet peas.’ He nods over in their direction and tells Flora all about his depression, Gran, sister, everything.

Flora warms to him straight away. He’s thoughtful and sensitive and she’s honoured that he is confiding in her, so encourages him further. ‘Will you bring Lily here soon?’

‘We plan to. We’ll see how it goes, take it slow. If she likes it, we could make it a regular thing.’ Josh looks searchingly at Flora. ‘I think she could warm to you, as she used to be a teacher too. Maybe you could come up one time and talk about that?’

‘Maybe we could. A nice idea, Josh.’ Flora watches Louise struggle off the trampoline, still laughing, much to Wesley’s disappointment.

‘Weez! Come back on. It’s fun.’

‘In a little while, once I’ve had a rest!’ She flaps a hand at him and makes for Flora, Josh and the shade.

‘Sit here,’ Josh says, quickly vacating his seat. ‘I’ll grab another chair.’

Louise protests, but gladly flops down as Josh insists. Both women watch him walk down the path to get another deckchair from the shed and Flora says, ‘He’s such a lovely young man. He has his troubles, but that’s his story to tell.’

‘Yes. He certainly seems to be. Doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty either.’

Inside Flora’s head, there’s a ‘two birds with one stone’ idea. It has a lighthouse in its beak, hovering and ready to drop. ‘Funny you should say that. He’s considering a career in gardening. He doesn’t know much about it at all but feels an affinity with growing things. He was just telling me how it lifts his spirits.’ Flora looks sidelong at Louise and does some theatrical stroking of her chin. ‘Hmm. Now, if only we knew someone who could help him. Someone who knows almost everything about horticulture.’

Louise’s trademark frown starts to make headway between her eyes, and then she gets it. ‘Well, you can’t mean me.’ She folds her arms, lifts her foot and examines a scuff mark on the side of her red sandal.

Flora wonders if she’s been too presumptuous and hurt Louise’s feelings. ‘Er, well, I did mean you, actually,’ she ventures tentatively.

A snort. ‘Well, I think you’ll find I know everything. Not just almost everything.’ The sentence is tempered by a sly smile.

And there it is. Louise’s first quip. An obvious, and very dry attempt at humour. Wonders will never bloody cease! ‘Ha! Oh, you had me worried there.’ Flora gives her a gentle nudge.

Louise grins and nods as Josh comes back up the path with the chair. ‘Should I offer to talk him through a few plants, do you think?’

‘I think that would be a splendid idea.’ Flora is surprised that she used the word ‘splendid’. Nobody says that now. Mother used to use it on occasion and thought herself grand when she did. Mother has been quiet for a while, so Flora will let it go. Splendid can stay, as long as it doesn’t have a habit of popping out unasked for.

Josh is thrilled by the suggestion and Louise takes him first to a towering group of blue-and-white spear-like flowers rustling in the soft breeze. ‘Now, what are these?’ Louise runs her hand gently along one sturdy stem.

‘Erm. Not sure. My gran used to have them in her garden, I think.’ He folds his hands behind his back and Flora has the impression of a schoolboy been tested on homework. Louise waits. ‘Um, lilac?’

‘Not a bad guess. But no. They’re lupins, or Lupinus, to give their scientific name. They are perennials, which means they come back year after year. They first flower around May but can continue through August if deadheaded properly.’ She frowns and parts a clump which have half gone to seed. ‘These need a deadhead or two. I’ll do it with some snippers later. They’re doing well in this spot as they love sun and hate wet feet. Rose might have chosen this area more by accident than design, though. She tells me things often thrive by fluke and there’s little planning.’

‘Right, yes, I remember the name now. They have a delicate scent, really subtle.’ Josh inhales a bloom and smiles at Louise as she does the same. He looks like a kid in a sweetshop. Flora can easily see him making horticulture his career. Pointing further down the lawn to where the path bends, he says, ‘Those purply ones sticking out over the path. Lavender, right?’

Louise smiles like a proud mother. ‘You are correct. That type is Lavandula angustifolia – Munstead, if I’m not mistaken. Lavender is generally fairly easy to grow here, despite its Mediterranean origins. Like the lupin, they like sun on their faces and hate soil that’s too wet and heavy round their roots.’

They walk over and Josh rubs the head of a flower very gently between his fingers and smells the scent. He closes his eyes and smiles. ‘This takes me back to Gran’s garden too. She said it was part of the mint family … I think?’

Louise’s eyes nearly pop out of her head. ‘Yes, that’s right. You have good recall, which will help if you decide to take the gardening path.’

He gives a little smile. ‘Thanks, I’m a fast learner, hence the glowing exam results. But it will take years to be as good as you.’

‘Luckily, you have years. My late husband Matthew was about your age when he got his job with the National Trust as a junior gardener. He learned on the job, and what he didn’t know about horticulture wasn’t worth knowing. The Eden Project even consulted him on one or two growing matters.’ At each side of a big smile, Louise’s cheeks are in full bloom and the pride in her voice is unmistakable.

‘How wonderful.’ Then Josh points to a white hydrangea a little way off and their voices fade as they walk towards it. Flora sighs contentedly. Louise is thriving, Josh is getting there, Rose is full of energy and adventure, Bella and the children are being nurtured, Sally is growing well, Daisy when she’s here is as light as a dandelion spore, and is a great companion in the library, and Flora? Flora has put down roots. Strong roots. Her petals are open and she’s taking in light. By the honeysuckle, her beloved Philadelphus waves its delicate branches at her and she waves back, not feeling silly in the slightest.

Josh comes back to sit with her a little while later as Louise has been commandeered by Wesley. ‘What a nice lady Louise is, and so knowledgeable. I should have brought my notebook.’

‘I’m sure you’ll see her again when you pop over. In the meantime, will you enrol on a course, or try to get a post and learn on the job like Louise’s Matthew did?’

A few dark clouds sail across Josh’s sunny expression. ‘I’m not sure. It will depend on the parents’ willingness to help out financially. I don’t have the money to wash my hands of them and support myself, much as I’d like to. And yes, I could get a student loan, but that will need paying back.’ He rubs his chin. ‘Maybe learning on the job would be the right thing. The pay wouldn’t be great I’m guessing, but it would be money. Perhaps I could get a bedsit or something with help from the social.’

The injustice of such a lovely generous boy, being held back by the selfish wishes of his parents, lights a forge in Flora’s belly. He wouldn’t be held back if she had anything to do with it. He could come and stay with her, if need be, but that would be a last resort. Josh needs to be independent, learn, grow and thrive in his own soil. ‘Josh, I know I don’t know you very well … but can I offer some advice?’

‘Of course. I need as much of that as I can get.’

His sunny smile is back so she takes a deep breath. ‘I let my mother rule and ruin my early life. I won’t bore you with the detail, but suffice to say I could have been so much happier if I’d stood up to her when she threw down the metaphorical ultimatum – it was her way or the highway. I should have chosen the highway. It would have been better than staying in her thrall, but I didn’t have the guts. My confidence was always at rock bottom, thanks to her. Please stand up to your parents. Tell them you’re serious and you’ll leave if needs be.’

Josh gives a sad smile. ‘Your story sounds familiar. My sister left because of their domineering ways and she lives on the streets now – I’m not that brave.’

There are so many expletives on her tongue waiting for release and if his parents were here, she’d let them have them all, but Flora knows that calm is needed. ‘Please try. Tell them about your newfound passion, about growing things, about how being in nature makes you feel. You told me earlier without a problem, so just pretend you’re talking to me, not them. And if they are still hell-bent on sending you to medical school, there’s a spare room at mine.’ That hadn’t meant to slip out, but bugger it. ‘Mind you, you might prefer the street.’ Flora lets out her socially acceptable chuckle.

Josh looks caught between laughter and tears, and he shakes his head. ‘Wow, Flora. That’s incredibly generous of you. I don’t know what to say.’

‘Say you’ll talk to them as soon as you can.’

Josh is about to answer, when his mobile phone does the unexploded bomb thing in his pocket. As he answers it, Flora watches his face drain of colour and he jumps to his feet. ‘Yeah. I’m on my way.’

Dear God, what’s happened?‘Bad news?’

‘My sister Lucy is in hospital … an overdose.’

‘Josh, I’m so sorry!’

He nods. ‘Please tell Rose and the others I said goodbye. I’ll keep you posted.’ Then he sets off at a run down the path, blindly crushing a few heads of lavender beneath his feet as he passes. Their scent drifts back to Flora as if to give comfort, but she’s too sad to take it.