The Haunting Crush (Mesa Boys #4)

Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

K ai, wearing a white shirt and jeans, sat on the patio at the restaurant, overlooking the park and fountain in the mid-morning sunshine. It was weird eating there on his day off, but with football season they had good a breakfast menu on Sundays, and he could take advantage of his employee discount. He peered at Conner. “What are you thinking?”

Conner, dressed in a tan, long-sleeve t-shirt, and jeans, scanned a small menu. “Probably the all-meat omelet. I need some grease.” He rubbed his belly.

Kai nodded. Conner hadn’t said a word about last night. Did he even remember what happened?

Bryce walked up to them with an electronic tablet in his hand. “If it isn’t the lovebirds.”

Kai released a quick laugh. “Right.” Maybe before last night. He frowned.

“Hey, I slept at the house last night.” Bryce scanned around him. “No ghost.”

“Seriously? So it’s really gone?” Kai lifted his brows. He could finally go home.

Conner thinned his lips. “How can you be so sure?”

“There’s been no activity, nada, for at least twenty-four hours. That would have been a record before.” Bryce tapped his finger to the tablet. “I don’t feel anything there, either. Before, you could feel something watching you, you know?”

“Yeah...” A shiver raced up Kai’s spine. “So, it doesn’t feel creepy in there anymore?”

“Not one bit.” Bryce lifted his chin at Kai. “Anyway, I got to get to work. Do you guys know what you want?”

“Get us both the all-meat omelet and an IPA.” Kai grabbed Conner’s menu, then handed both of them to Bryce.

“Sure.” Bryce jogged off.

“You ordered me a beer?” Conner smirked and glanced toward the park.

“I figured you needed it. Hair of the dog.” Kai shifted in his seat, studying him. When would they talk about last night? “Do you uh, remember much from last night?”

Conner winced and stared at the table. “I remember you being so mad at me about Paige you didn’t want to have sex.”

“Jesus.” Kai shook his head. Did everything have to revolve around sex? “Conner, it wasn’t just that. I uh, found out something last night.” He narrowed his eyes, watching him. He had to be very careful.

“What do you mean?” Conner tapped his finger on the table.

“You have um... you use ah...” Shit, he couldn’t say it. He released a breath of air, then bit his lip.

“What?” Conner straightened, focusing on him. “Just say it already. What did you find out?”

“I know you have profiles on some gay hookup apps.” Way to blurt it out, as usual. Kai furrowed his brows.

“No, I don’t.” Conner glared at him. “Who the fuck told you that?”

Kai bit his lip, then released it. Why would he lie about this? “I saw it. I saw the picture.” He shook his head, grimacing. “It was definitely you. No mistaking that scar under your eye.” The scar he loved. His heart ached. This wasn’t going well.

“So, what, do you think I’m a creep now? Is that why you didn’t want to do anything last night?” Conner’s voice broke. He rubbed his eyes, clenching his jaw.

Bryce dropped off their beers, stared at them both for a moment, then scurried off.

“No.” Shit, Conner was losing it. Kai placed his hand on Conner’s knee, caressing it. “I know a lot of guys use those. It’s just not something I do.”

“Then why are you bringing it up?” Conner looked at him with glossy eyes.

“Why are your profiles still active?” He bit at his thumbnail. All he wanted at this point was to know that they’d be shut down. Why he had them didn’t matter anymore. “I mean, shouldn’t you shut those down now?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Conner sighed and sipped his beer, staring at the tabletop. “How did you know?”

Shit, how am I supposed to tell him about Brandon? But he had to. He couldn’t lie. “Brandon showed me last night.” He braced himself.

Conner growled. Through his teeth, he said, “Fucking Brandon? Was he in here last night while you were working?” He curled his lip.

“Y-yeah, but I let Beth take care of him. I only served him one drink.” He parted his lips, taking deep breaths. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was not the one with profiles on multiple hookup apps.

Bryce dropped off their food and looked from Conner to Kai, squeezing Kai’s shoulder. “Everything all right here?”

Conner hung his head. “Yeah, it’s just fucking fine.” He wrung his hands in his lap.

Maybe they should have had this conversation before they left the apartment. He sipped his beer, keeping his gaze on Conner. He looked way more upset than he should be. Maybe there was more to it.

Bryce focused on Kai, furrowing his brows. “ You okay?”

Conner glared at Bryce, snarling. “He’s fine. Leave us alone. ”

“Jesus, man. Settle down.” Bryce widened his eyes, holding his hands out. “Maybe you two should just eat your food and quit talking. Cool off a bit.”

Kai peered at his food. He wasn’t all that hungry now. “Yeah. You’re right.” He placed a hand on Conner’s forearm. “Let’s just eat, and we can continue this another time.”

Bryce walked off.

Conner nodded his head. “Let’s talk about something else.”

What else was there? “Uh, I should probably go back to my place today, since the ghost seems to be gone.” He cut into his omelet and took a bite.

“So now you’re moving out.” Conner set his silverware on his plate.

Kai dropped his mouth open. What was he supposed to say to that? It wasn’t like they were formally living together. He looked out at the park, the sunlight shimmering off the water of the lake. He guessed the timing was bad. Maybe Conner thought he was leaving because of the hookup apps. “Look, I’ll uh, leave a toothbrush at your place, okay?” He forced a chuckle. He had to lighten the mood somehow.

Conner picked up his fork and cut into his omelet. “No, don’t.”

What the fuck does that mean? He should leave it alone. They shouldn’t argue here. He worked here. He shoveled food into his mouth.

Kai followed Conner out of the glass front doors of the restaurant. Breakfast had been tense. Something was definitely not right with Conner. He strolled beside him up the palm and palo verde tree-lined avenue toward Conner’s apartment.

“I don’t want you to leave.” Conner grabbed Kai’s hand.

Kai drew a deep inhale. What could he say to that? “Conner, I?— ”

“I don’t want to fight anymore.” Conner glanced at him, pinching his lips. “Can we just go home and be together today? Let’s not talk anymore.” He quickened his stride, tugging him along.

Kai jogged to keep up with him. What was the hurry? “I have to go?—”

“Stop it, Kai. Just stop.” Conner ran across the street, hauling Kai behind him.

Kai’s long hair bounced along his back as he ran. What the fuck was going on?

Conner hauled him into the bottom of the stairwell of the apartment and shoved him up against the wall.

Kai’s back hit with a thud. “What are you doing?” He gazed at him.

Conner crushed his lips in an intense kiss, his chest flush with Kai’s. He broke the kiss, his face strained. “I’m sorry you had to see those. The profiles. It’s not?—”

“What the fuck, Mitchell? You a faggot now?”

Fuck no. Kai twisted his face toward the street. “Lucas.”

Conner jumped off Kai, widening his eyes, his body trembling. “L-Lucas? B-Ben?”

Lucas and Ben strolled into the bottom of the stairwell, smirks on both of their faces, then stopped.

Lucas looked Kai up and down. “I mean, we all knew about Kai. But you?” He pointed at Conner. “What the fuck? Did he turn you gay?” He burst out into a harsh laugh.

“N-no.” Conner hung his head.

“Paige said she saw you two together here last night. We didn’t believe her. But I guess she was right.” Ben shook his head, snickering.

Lucas stepped toward Conner and lifted his head by the chin, sneering. “All those years we played ball and showered together. I bet you were checking us all out, weren’t you, Mitchell? Did you like what you saw?”

Conner looked away .

A hot ball of rage built in Kai’s chest. He smacked Lucas’ hand away, putting himself between him and Conner. “Fuck off, asshole.” He clenched his teeth.

“Oh, look, the little gay boy speaks.” Lucas leered and puffed out his chest. “Or what?”

Kai fisted his hand and brought it to head level. “Just fuck off. You’ve always been a nasty motherfucker. Looks like you never grew up. Still bullying people after all these years?”

“You going to hit me, Kai?” A wicked smile spread over Lucas’ mouth.

“Hey, that’s enough.” Ben grabbed Kai’s hand and pushed Lucas back. “You don’t have to be such a dick, Lucas. We were just going to give him shit. You’re taking this too far.”

“Yeah, whatever. But we didn’t think we’d find him fucking around with Kai... literally.” Lucas stepped back and raked a hand through his short, blond hair, growling. “Conner, we need to talk. Now.” He turned and stepped toward the street.

Kai grabbed Conner’s hand.

Conner yanked free. “Not now, Kai.” He flashed his ice-blue eyes at Kai. “I’ll be back.” He walked off, following Ben and Lucas.

“No fucking way.” He furrowed his brows, staring after Conner. Why the hell would he go with them after that? It made no fucking sense. He glanced up the stairwell. What was he supposed to do now? Just sit here and wait? He shook his head. What other choice did he have? He trudged up the stairs to the apartment.

Kai sat on the couch and brought his phone to his face to read the time. Two hours had passed since Conner walked off with his asshole friends. He glanced at his suitcase, packed and ready to go to his own place. At this point, he was very ready.

He stood up and walked out the sliding glass door to the balcony, then leaned over the red railing and looked up and down the street. No sign of Conner. Where did they take him? What the hell did they have to talk about? He pursed his lips. Conner did say he’d be back. But when?

With a sigh, he turned and stepped inside, then shut the door. He should try texting. He held up his phone and opened the text interface.

Kai

When will you be back?

He watched phone for an answer. Delivered showed up under his text, then read . The three dots blinked underneath.

Conner

Not sure.

“That’s fucking great.” What was he supposed to do now? He was tired of waiting. He released a long exhale. He should just go home. He opened the text interface again.

Kai

I’m heading home. Let me know when you want to get together.

Conner

OK

“That’s it, then.” He grabbed the handle on his suitcase and trudged out of the apartment, locking the door on his way.

Kai pulled his blazer into the carport of his duplex and parked. He studied the stucco wall in front of him. What would he do if he went in and all the cabinet doors were open? Go back to Conner’s? Somehow, that didn’t feel like an option anymore. Conner hadn’t protested his leaving at all, this time. Something felt... off.

He got out of the SUV and tugged his suitcase out of the back tailgate, then rolled it up to the door and unlocked it. As he swung the door open, his heart quickened. He gulped hard. What would he find? Was the ghost really gone? He scanned over the kitchen. The cabinet doors were all closed, glasses sat on the counter by the sink, no drawers open or silverware on the floor. He curled his lips in a faint smile. “Goodbye, Ashbrook Wash ghost girl.”

He walked inside, rolling his suitcase behind him, and stopped in the main room, searching for anything out of place. Everything was right where it should be. No weird feelings anymore. Bryce was right. It was gone. Everything could go back to normal now. He rolled his suitcase into his bedroom to unpack.

Kai lay on the couch on his side, dozing while the television droned on with a random action movie.

“Hello, hello?” Bryce’s voice snaked in from the kitchen.

Kai opened his eyes and rose to sit on the couch. “Shit.” What time was it? If Bryce was home, it had to be after four. Why hadn’t Conner contacted him by now?

Bryce walked into the main room in his restaurant t-shirt and black jeans. “Hey. So, any activity?” He stopped in front of Kai and placed his hands on his hips, looking around him.

“Nope.” Kai rubbed his eyes. “So peaceful I apparently fell asleep.” Plus, he was still tired after the late night he’d had. Fuck Conner. Where was he?

Bryce sat next to him. He tapped Kai’s thigh. “So, what’s up with you and Conner? You two didn’t look so happy at breakfast and I see he’s not here.”

“Yeah, some shit went down.” He rested his elbows on his thighs, thinking through the last day. So many bad things had happened all at once. Where to start? “I found out he’s on a bunch of gay hookup apps.”

“No shit?” Bryce widened his eyes and sank into the couch. “Like he’s still using them even with you two being together?”

Kai wrinkled his brows. “No, I don’t think he was using them. But his profile was still active.” He hung his head. Memories flashed through his mind. “Fuck, he was out on Saturday night with Lucas, Ben and Paige and got shitfaced. She drove him home and saw us together. So Lucas and Ben came to...” He thought back over the exchange. “Actually, I don’t know what the fuck they were trying to do. They saw us kissing by Conner’s apartment and called us faggots.”

“Seriously? What a couple of morons. Those guys were always assholes.” Bryce shook his head. “So, did you tell them off?”

“Yeah.” He stared at the black coffee table. Why didn’t Conner tell them off? He had never backed down in the past. Why now? Because it was his friends ? “Fucking Lucas was being a real dick. Ben calmed him down. I was about to punch the fucker.” He sighed. “Anyway, they said they had to talk to Conner, and he went off with them. I guess he’s still with them.” But that was hours ago. Had Conner texted while he was sleeping? He picked up his phone from the coffee table.

“So, is Conner coming over?” Bryce wiggled his brows.

“I don’t know, actually.” Kai opened the text interface. No new messages. “I haven’t heard from him for a few hours.” He should text him.

Kai

Do you want to come over here?

Delivered showed under the message, then read . Kai watched for the three dots, but nothing came up. “Something’s not right.” He chewed his lower lip. His heart pinched. How could Conner still be out with them? He said he’d be back .

Bryce laid a hand on Kai’s shoulder. “What do you mean?”

Kai set the phone down. Maybe Conner was busy and couldn’t text back. Maybe he was driving or something. “I don’t know. It just feels like something is off.” He glanced at Bryce, his chest tightening. What if Lucas and Ben were making Conner have second thoughts about them? “You don’t think...”

“What?”

Kai drew a deep breath. “You don’t think Lucas and Ben could talk Conner into breaking up with me, do you?”

“Dude, it’s so fucking obvious that Conner is totally in love with you. I doubt it. I mean, how could they do that? Why would they do that?” Bryce shifted on the couch and laid an arm over Kai’s shoulders. “If anything, they should be happy for him. If they aren’t, then they’re even worse jerks than I thought they were.”

Kai released a ragged breath. “I don’t know. Conner isn’t out. He’s been really secretive about some things, and maybe he’s rethinking it. He said he would be right back, but it’s been hours.” He picked up his phone and peered at the display. “He isn’t texting back now.”

“Maybe he needs some time and space to think things through.” Bryce pursed his lips. “You two have been together nonstop for weeks now.”

Kai’s heart lurched. “What do you mean by that?” He studied Bryce. He was pretty sure this wasn’t something he wanted to hear.

Bryce cocked his head. “Well, if you’re saying that he’s not out and Paige basically outed him, then maybe he needs some time to regroup and figure out how to actually come out.” He tightened his hold on Kai’s shoulders. “Relax, remember when I outed you? You were pretty upset. I didn’t think you’d ever talk to me again.”

Kai freed a choked chuckle. “Yeah, that’s true. It takes some time to figure out.” But why wouldn’t Conner want to figure it out together? Conner knew he’d been through it before .

“If I were you, I’d just give him the space he needs. He’ll come around. You’ll see.” Bryce dropped his arm from Kai’s shoulders. “Anyway, I need to shower.”

“Yeah.” Kai nodded his head. His chest ached. He didn’t want Conner to have to face this alone. He should be with him. But Bryce was right. He should let Conner come to him when he was ready. He shouldn’t force anything.

Kai ran down the trail in the mid-morning sun, fighting off the ache in heart. He focused on the cacti, scrubby bushes and short trees surrounding him, the birds fluttering as he sprinted by them. Sweat beaded and rolled down his face and back. His AirPods played a hard rock song. Conner hadn’t texted. Conner hadn’t come to see him. Conner had vanished. Just like the ghost. They were both gone. He was alone.

It was Tuesday—he had to start his work week tonight. He had a whole day to feel shitty about it. He’d decided to give Conner space, but this was getting ridiculous. Now it was time to make peace with it. His running pace matched the beat, panting, his lungs burning. He came to a brittlebush, its scruffy branches almost blocking the path. He sped around it. There’s the rock I found Conner sitting on that day.

His breath hitched. He slowed, taking deliberate steps, and stopped, bent over, his hands on his knees. In a strangled voice, he said. “Fuck.” He clenched his teeth. Tears stung his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry, not yet. Conner needed time. Or was he gone, just like before? His chest shook with a sob. He shouldn’t think like that. Conner wouldn’t do that.

He glanced at the rock Conner had sat on when he’d twisted his ankle. A hot tear journeyed down his cheek. “Fuck, Conner. Where the hell are you?” He sat on the rock and placed his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. He drew deep breaths. Conner had disappeared before. He was probably doing it again. He’s not strong like I am. That’s what Conner had told him. Maybe he couldn’t handle it. “But you said you loved me...”

The tears came in a torrent of pain, overwhelming him. His chest heaved with sobs. He surrendered, weeping into the palms of his hands, the tears falling one after another. The ache in his chest was unbearable. How was he going to get through this? He’d never hurt like this before. He’d never been in love before. It had only been a crush. That’s all it was ever supposed to be. Why had he let Conner in? He knew better. Between sobs, he said, “I’m so fucking stupid.” He wrapped his arms around his waist, rocking, hanging his head. He was more than stupid. “I’m so fucking pathetic.” He wept.

Kai looked out over the restaurant, the groups of people coming in for their evening meal and a few drinks. He scanned the bar for empties. An elderly man had an empty wine glass in front of him. He stepped to him. “You need another?”

The man smiled at him. “Sure, kid.”

He grabbed a wine glass and the bottle from the island, poured the wine and set it down. “There you go.”

“Thanks.” The man sipped his wine.

Kai sighed. He needed to keep busy. It was the only thing keeping him from falling apart. Everything in the restaurant held memories of Conner now. He had to stop thinking about him and get over him. It was Thursday already, and he still hadn’t heard anything since Sunday. Not one text. Nothing. Obviously, Conner wasn’t strong enough to be out and had decided this whole gay relationship thing was not for him. He pinched his lips. The fucker could have at least told him to his face it was over. This was a pussy way out.

He picked up a white towel and opened the dishwasher, then pulled out a beer glass and wiped it down. His gaze captured a familiar blonde woman stepping through the high-top tables, following a hostess. Under his breath, he said, “Fuck, Liz.”

Liz sat at a high-top table for two and hung her black purse over the back of the chair.

His chest tightened and a lump formed in his throat. Fucking Conner better not start bringing his God damned dates in here now. Didn’t he have any clue how much that would hurt him? He turned around and swallowed hard, biting back tears threatening to surface. If Conner came in to sit with her, he was leaving. He glanced at Beth, pouring drinks at the other end of the bar. Beth could handle it. It wasn’t very busy tonight. Janice would understand.

Bryce strolled out from the swinging kitchen door with an electronic tablet in his hand, scanning the tables, then glanced at him. He frowned and switched his stride to stand next to Kai. “Hey, you okay? You don’t look so good.”

The pain in Kai’s chest heightened. He drew a deep breath, grabbing the edge of the island counter. “No, I’m not okay.” How could he possibly be okay with any of this?

Bryce twisted his mouth and peered out into the dining area. “That woman Conner used to hang out with is here.”

“I know.” Master of the obvious, Bryce. Kai blinked a few times. He had to hold it together.

“You think Conner is coming to meet her?”

Kai clenched his jaw, clutching the counter, taking ragged breaths.

“He wouldn’t do that, Kai. That’s just fucking sadistic. I mean, come on, would he really do that to you?” Bryce wrapped his hand around Kai’s forearm. “Take it easy.”

Through his teeth, Kai said, “I’m trying to fucking take it easy.” He slumped his shoulders and hung his head. “I’m not going to look out there. Keep an eye out, and if you see Conner coming in, get your ass over here and warn me, so I can leave. Tell Janice what happened for me.” If he was meeting Liz here for a date, then for sure it was over. Even if Conner wanted to get back together, it wouldn’t matter. It would finally be over for him .

“Yeah, sure.” Bryce freed his arm. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to take care of it.”

“Thanks.” Kai stepped to the dishwasher and focused on drying the glasses. He had to keep his mind off it and his gaze away from that table. He wiped a few down, then poured a beer from the taps.

Bryce sided up to the pickup area and motioned with his hands. “Hey, Kai.”

He walked to Bryce. “What?”

“She’s meeting a girlfriend. It’s safe.” Bryce grinned at him. “See? Conner wouldn’t do that to you. In fact, he’s out of town.”

Kai’s heart pitched. “I don’t want to know.” He held his hand up. Bryce thought he was being helpful. He wasn’t.

“Kai, I’m just telling you, so you don’t have to worry about him coming in all night. He’s in San Diego at some work thing.” Bryce shook his head. “Fuck, you have no faith at all.”

Kai glared at him. “Why should I have any faith, huh? The son of a bitch disappeared on me and doesn’t even have the balls to tell me he’s out of town or—or—that he’s fucking dumping me. Apparently, he told her he was going out of town. He’s an asshole. Just like his friends.”

Bryce widened his eyes and dropped his mouth open. “Damn, dude. You were supposed to be giving him space, not giving up on him.”

Kai flared his nostrils. “There’s a limit to how much space I’m willing to give.” He didn’t understand. He didn’t know Conner the way he thought he did.

“Okay, okay. Jesus...” Bryce walked off toward the tables.