The Haunting Crush (Mesa Boys #4)

Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

K ai pulled his blazer into the driveway behind Bryce’s Toyota Corolla and shut it off. Only one more day of work left, and he’d have his two days off. He looked at Bryce’s car. He must have had Beth drive them to The Alamo tonight. The band was playing again, but he was in no mood to go with them this time. Dealing with Brandon there would have been excruciating.

With a sigh, he hauled himself out of the car and stepped toward the carport door. A form came into view next to it, not quite as tall as the doorknob, the neighbor’s carport light catching on the outline. He squinted in the darkness.

“Kai, I’m sorry.” Conner’s voice broke.

Kai’s heart jolted. A hot lump filled his throat. He took a step forward, straining to see in the dark. “C-Conner?” Was he seeing things? How did he get here? He hadn’t seen his car.

Conner sat against the carport wall, his knees drawn up, his arm lying across them. He held a bottle to his mouth and tipped it back, then hung his head. “I’m sorry. C-can we talk? Or do you hate me already?”

Kai crouched down in front of him, taking him in.

Conner lifted his head. The trails of tears shimmered on his cheeks. His hair was disheveled. His blue button-down shirt was buttoned in the wrong holes. Patches of dirt littered his jeans.

Even in this state, Conner was stunning. Kai’s heart ached. “What happened to you?” He reached a hand out to him, stopped, then drew it back. Conner had ditched him. He needed to be careful and remember that.

“I-I need to talk to you. Everything is all fucked up.” Conner choked out a sob. “Shit, Kai, please talk to me.”

“Okay. Come in, then.” Kai stood up and unlocked the door. I better be doing the right thing. If Conner is here to finally end it, at least I’ll have some closure.

Conner stumbled up, then righted himself, the bottle swinging from his hand.

Kai opened the door and studied him. “Are you drunk?”

“No... maybe.” Conner creased his forehead, tears shimmering in his eyes.

As Kai nodded, he knit his brows, and stepped inside the house. Hopefully, Conner wasn’t too drunk to say what needed to be said. As he inhaled a deep breath, he flicked on the lights to the main room and plopped down on the leather couch. “Fuck me.” What was he going to do now? He should keep his mouth shut and listen.

Conner plodded to the couch and sat next to Kai, then set the bottle of bourbon on the black coffee table.

“So, talk.” Kai’s heart pounded in his ears. This was it. He stared at the television. He didn’t want to look at him right now. If he did, he might not be strong enough for whatever Conner was about to say.

Conner released a held breath. “Kai, I’m gay.”

“The fuck?” Kai glared at him. “What sort of bullshit are you trying to pull?” He absolutely was not going to put up with any lies.

Conner’s lower lip trembled, and his eyes filled with fresh tears. “See? No one believes me when I tell them. I’ve done such a fantastic fucking job of making everyone think I’m someone I’m not that no one believes me when I tell them the truth.” He blinked and tears tumbled down both cheeks. “I’ve been gay my whole life. I’ve hidden it my whole life. I don’t like women at all .” He pouted. “So there was no reason to be jealous of Paige.”

He hung his mouth open. No God damned way. He was going to listen. He needed to keep quiet.

Conner gulped hard, grabbed the bourbon bottle, and took a sip, then set it on the table, hanging his head, his hands wrangling in his lap. “I was using the hookup apps to meet up with men. God, I just wanted to be with men. I hated being in bed with Paige. I had to force myself to do it, and a lot of the time, well, I couldn’t, you know...” He shook with a sharp laugh. “Unless I thought about you. That time in my bedroom when we...” He sniffled. “I used that a lot.” He lifted his chin. “You should know, you were my first.”

Kai raised his brows. Holy shit. He’s finally telling me everything. It was falling into place. He set a hand on Conner’s thigh. “Go on.”

“I got a little crazy with the apps, though. It was kind of fucked up. I sort of looked for guys who would degrade me. I guess it made me feel better about what I was doing, you know, cheating on Paige. I was getting what I needed but punishing myself in the process.” Conner glanced at him, creasing his brows. “I’m so sorry you read my profiles. That must have looked really fucked up.”

“I didn’t, uh, read them.” Kai stole a peek at him.

“Thank God.” Conner freed a long sigh. “I deleted everything. They’re all gone.”

Kai pressed his lips together. “Why didn’t you delete them when we started dating?”

As Conner shook his head, a tear tumbled down his cheek. “I don’t know. Guess I was so caught up in you I didn’t even think about it. Looking back, I should have.” As his voice cracked, he said. “I fell so hard and so fast in love with you. You have no idea. I’ve never felt like this before.” Tears rolled down his cheeks. He wiped them away. “When Ben and Lucas showed up, I got scared. I didn’t know how to tell them. I didn’t know how to let everyone know who I really was. But I knew I had to.” He drew a deep breath. “You see, we had this... pact. Lucas started it at bible camp. We were all the perfect kids. The ones that had everything. We laughed at kids like you. Well, they did. I just followed along. I didn’t want anyone to know I was different, and deep inside I was like the kids they laughed at and bullied.”

“Holy shit.” Kai squeezed his thigh and took a deep breath. He needed to know it all. “So, what happened to make you finally break up with Paige and move back here?”

“Paige caught me with a guy in a club. I realized I couldn’t do that to her anymore and I needed out of that whole scene.” Conner bit his lip. “I talked my way out of it. I told her it was just a messed-up thing from drinking too much and she bought it.” He shut his eyes tight. “But I knew it was going to happen again.” He shook his head. “It was like my whole sense of self was unwinding and I couldn’t stop it.”

Kai rubbed his forehead. “Jesus, Conner.” He examined him. What kind of pressure was he under to do this to himself? “So, what about your parents? Are they like, homophobic or something, too?”

Conner thinned his lips and let out a sharp laugh. “Fuck if I know. They had nothing to do with it. I brainwashed myself into thinking that being the perfect son meant not being gay. So I made sure they’d never suspected a thing. It was all me, being led by my friends, nothing in particular they said or did.”

Kai’s heart hurt for him. What if Bryce hadn’t outed him? Would he have resorted to something like this to keep it from his mother? Maybe... But there was a bigger question at stake here. “S-so what do you want to do now?” He held his breath.

“I want to be with you, Kai. I want to be myself, finally. I want to get out of this fucking closet.” Conner breathed heavily. “D-do you still have any feelings left for me?” He wrinkled his brows, his blue eyes glistening with tears .

“Are you serious? Do you really think I could get over you that fast?” Kai’s heart swelled with emotion. As his vision clouded, he threw his arms around Conner’s shoulders and yanked him to his chest. “God damn it, Conner, I still love the shit out of you.” A hot tear fell down his cheek. He kissed his head. It all made sense now and Conner was his, even after all this.

As Conner buried his face in Kai’s neck, his shoulders shook with gentle weeping.

Kai held him tightly, shushing him. “It’s all right now. We’ll figure this out together, okay?” He’d help Conner through this. He’d be strong enough for both of them.

Conner nodded against his shoulder, calming. “I’m not friends with Lucas anymore.” He lifted his head, peering into his face. “He’s such a fucking homophobe. I knew he was bad, but I didn’t know how bad until last Sunday.”

“So, you’re still friends with Ben?” Kai gazed into his stunning face, taking in the scar under his left eye, the generous lips, the stubble on his chin.

“Yeah. He’s all right. He follows Lucas around. I guess you could say that Lucas was the leader of our little trio.” Conner snickered, then sniffled. “I punched Lucas.”

“Really?” Kai let the corners of his mouth curl. The fucker deserved it.

“Yeah.” Conner glanced at the television, then focused on him. “He was talking shit about you, so I decked him and knocked him on his ass. I can’t have someone talk shit about my baby.” Conner offered a lopsided grin.

It felt so good to finally have everything out on the open and nothing weird between them. Kai released a quick chuckle. “So, what about Paige?”

“I had a chat with Paige. She was pissed off that I led her on all those years, but I think it finally answered a lot of questions for her and probably gave her some closure. She was my best friend all those years. It was really hard doing that to her. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her. Turns out, she still had romantic feelings for me.” Conner laid his head on Kai’s shoulder. “I guess, when she drove me home, she was expecting to spend the night with me.”

A hot jab stabbed Kai’s heart. He wrinkled his nose. “I figured as much. She was not happy to see me there.” He wouldn’t ask any more about that night. Images of her flirting with Conner in the VIP lounge floated through his mind. No, not going to think about that. Conner came home to him that night. “Next time you go to one of those clubs, we go together.”

A smirk spread over Conner’s lips. He fingered Kai’s restaurant t-shirt. “I’d love to take you there.” He raised his head. “There are so many places I want to go with you.”

Kai thought back over the week. Now was the time to get answers to all his questions. “Hey, who is that Liz woman I’ve seen you with?”

“Oh, she works in the clinic in town. She’s the office manager. Sort of a work friend.” Conner lifted his brows. “Why?”

Kai tensed his mouth. “She came into the restaurant last night and knew you were out of town this week. I guess I thought maybe?—”

“Well, now you know there’s no way there’d be anything between us.” Conner closed in and placed a long kiss on his lips. “There’s only you.”

“Yeah.” Kai took a deep breath. God, he missed those kisses. “So, you went out of town this week?”

“Just for one night. I was in San Diego yesterday for a business meeting. I came home today.” Conner’s gaze focused on his mouth. “What else do you want to know?” He licked his lips. “‘Cause I think we have better things to do.”

Heat rushed Kai’s groin. He was right. But he had to know everything first. “Why are you such a mess and where were you all week?” He flipped his finger through the openings between the buttons on Conner’s shirt.

Conner looked himself over and frowned. “I spent the week talking to my friends about us and getting my head together. I wanted to be sure that I was ready to come out before I saw you again. When I came home from the airport, I decided I was ready, and I went for a walk to figure out what to say. I was afraid I’d blown it. That you wouldn’t want to talk to me. Anyway, I sort of fell down.”

Kai smirked. “Where? Were you walking in a wash or something?”

Conner freed a soft chuckle. “No, took a wrong step in the field out by the grocery store and fell into a ravine. I got my bottle there first and I sort of drank a lot early on in my walk, then slowed down when I got here, so I could sober up before talking to you.”

“Jesus, Conner, walking in the desert when you’re not sober is not something you should be doing.” Kai laughed. “You didn’t hurt your ankle or anything, right?” He wasn’t even going to ask about the buttons on his shirt.

“No, I didn’t hurt my ankle this time.” Conner stuck his tongue out at him.

“I got a better use for that tongue of yours.” Kai draped his arms around Conner and tugged him down on top of him on the couch, kissing him with all the pent-up emotion from the week.

Conner broke the kiss. “God, I missed you.” He nuzzled his neck. “I don’t ever want to be apart for that long again.”

“Me neither.” As Kai’s cock hardened, he rocked his hips against Conner’s thigh, taking sweet friction. He ran his hands down Conner’s back and squeezed his buttocks.

Conner moaned, his solid cock pressing against Kai’s hip, rocking at an insistent pace. In a breathless voice, he said, “Do we want to do this here, or will we freak out Bryce if he walks in?”

“Yeah, you’re right. Better move to my bedroom.” Kai placed deep kisses over his lips, rocking his hips again. Sensation flickered up his spine. “But I don’t want to stop.”

“Me neither.” Conner ground his hips, rubbing his erection over Kai through his jeans, gasping against his mouth. “Damn, it’s been too long.” He devoured him in penetrating kisses, his body shuddering against Kai. He broke the kisses, panting. “I could get off right now.”

“R-really?” Kai’s cock pulsed with pleasure. There was no way he could stop now. He watched Conner, pushing against him, lust tingling through his body.

Conner thrust hard against Kai’s hip, groaning. His face tensed and his eyes shut. “Fuck. I’m coming.” He thrust in an urgent rhythm against him, gasping as his body shook. He opened his eyes and gazed at him, his eyes hooding. “Now I’m ready to move.”

“Damn, Conner. How the hell do you do that?” Need coiled in his gut, twitching his cock in his jeans.

“It’s you. I can’t help it.” Conner kissed him on the lips, brushing his hand over Kai’s cheek.

“Now you’ve got me so fucking hot, I’m not going to last when we get in my room.”

“So? We have all night, right?” Conner climbed off the couch and held out his hand. “Come on.”

Kai grabbed his hand and rose from the couch, then followed him into his bedroom and flicked on the nightstand lights.

“I need to clean up. I’ll be right back.” Conner walked off down the hallway.

Kai undressed and pulled down the sheets and quilt on his bed, then slipped inside, lying on his back. This was the first time Conner would be in his bed. It sounded like the only thing left was to break the news of their relationship to Conner’s parents. What would it be like meeting them?

Conner stepped into the room and closed the door, his bottom half bare, his shirt now buttoned correctly, his hair combed. He held his jeans and boxer briefs in his hand and flung them to the floor.

Kai took him in, the muscled thighs under the tails of the shirt. The tip of his cock peeking out from underneath. His own erection twitched. “Damn, Conner, that’s a good look for you.”

Conner smirked. “You like that?”

“Yes, now get in here.” He flipped the covers down. He wasn’t waiting any longer.

As Conner stepped to the bed, he unbuttoned the top of his shirt.

“No, don’t take that off. Leave it for me.” Desire quivered over Kai’s body. God, did he want him.

Conner flicked off the lights, then climbed into bed, next to Kai, on his back. “What are you going to do to me tonight?”

Kai rolled to his side, biting his lower lip. “This.” He kissed his chest through the opening in the top of the shirt, then unbuttoned one button and kissed lower.

Conner groaned and writhed on the bed, his cock hardening. “Fuck, Kai.”

As Kai rubbed his solid cock against his thigh, he skimmed his hand over Conner’s shaft, giving it lazy, soft strokes. Sensation built in his groin. He wanted all of Conner tonight. He was his and he wanted to take him. “Can I fuck you tonight?” He bit at his nipple.

“Yeah.” Conner’s shaft jerked and pre-cum dribbled onto his stomach.

Kai swiped his thumb over the tip, then pumped.

Conner gasped, thrusting his hips.

Kai rose up and opened the drawer of his nightstand, then pulled out a condom and lube. He slickened his fingers with lube, then dove his hand down to Conner’s entrance, circled it, then slipped one finger inside.

Conner shut his eyes and moaned, lifting his knees.

Kai placed hungry kisses over his mouth, plunging his tongue inside to tangle with Conner’s. A pulse of pleasure rocketed through his cock as it rubbed over Conner’s skin. It was too good. He wouldn’t last if he kept this up. He drew his hips away and slid a second finger inside Conner .

Conner groaned, his breath quickening, his hips thrusting, his solid cock twitching off his stomach. “Come on, Kai, do it.”

Kai pulled his fingers out, moved between his legs and positioned the tip of his shaft at his entrance. He lifted Conner’s legs.

Conner dragged Kai down to him, driving his cock slowly inside. He released a strangled whimper.

Kai brushed his hand over Conner’s forehead, rocking slowly, in and out, going further in a little at a time, the tight heat of Conner’s slick entrance knotting sensation in his cock. “I love you, Conner.”

Conner opened his eyes, the lids hooded with lust. “I love you.” He wound an arm around Kai’s shoulders and drew him down for passionate, open mouthed kisses. He hooked his legs around Kai’s waist and quickened the pace.

Kai’s peak wound in his groin. His sac tightened. “Oh, fuck.” He wrapped his hand around Conner’s engorged cock and pumped it.

Conner let out sharp gasps, his face tensing. His head arched back and he cried out, his cum spurting up between them.

Kai’s orgasm came on in a torrent of pleasure, wave after wave jolting through his body. His toes curled and his hips bucked. He dropped down over Conner, clenching his teeth, moaning deeply. As it quieted, he lay panting against Conner’s neck. How did he ever get here? It was all too good to be true, but it was true. Conner was all his. There was nothing between them now. His heart ached in a good way. He wiped his hand on Conner’s hip and pulled out, then rolled to the side. “Fuck, Conner. We are definitely doing that again tonight.” He rested his forearm over his eyes.

“Yeah, I agree. We have to make up for everything we missed this week.” Conner snickered.

Kai lifted on an elbow and gazed down at him. “This week? I think we have five years to make up for.” He kissed his cheek. “Let’s go shower really quick and then take a nap before the next round.” He quirked a corner of his lips .

“Sounds perfect.”

With closed eyes, Kai sniffed at the air. Is that bacon? He sniffed again. Yep, bacon. He fluttered his eyes open, focusing on the empty spot in the bed next to him, light filtering in through the white draperies covering the bedroom window. Conner must be making him breakfast. How lucky am I? He thought back to last night. Who would have thought Conner had been gay this whole time? It was still hard to believe. His mind drifted to their lovemaking. He smirked and raked a hand through his hair. After sex had been blowjobs, followed by more sex. Damn, he’d never had a night like that before. He was pretty sure there’d be more. A lot more. He sighed and climbed out of bed, skimmed his jeans up his legs and stepped out of the bedroom, through the main room and into the kitchen.

Conner stood at the stove in his blue button-down shirt, partially buttoned at the bottom, showing his muscled chest, and a pair of black boxer briefs, his thigh muscles pulling the fabric snug.

Kai did a double take and pointed at Conner. “Is that my underwear?”

Conner turned around, spatula in hand. “Mine was dirty.” He lifted his brows.

“You’re going to stretch out the legs.” But damn, did he look hot like that. Kai shook his head and walked to Conner, then wound his arms around his waist.

Conner huffed. “They’ll be fine after I wash them.”

Kai swayed him. “That’s okay. You look great in them.” He kissed his lips. “What are you making?”

“Pancakes and bacon.” Conner grinned at him.

“I love it when you cook me breakfast, you know.” Kai released him and looked into the frying pan. A fat pancake rested in it, the top bubbling. “You better turn that. ”

Conner waved the spatula at him. “Go and sit down.”

“Sure.” Kai waltzed to the glass and rattan dinette, all set up with plates, orange juice and coffee for three. “You want me to wake Bryce?”

“No, I think he needs to sleep. He was pretty drunk when he came home last night.” Conner placed the pancake on the top of a stack on a plate, then set the spatula down on the white counter.

“Really? I didn’t even hear him come in.” Kai sat down. It was unusual for Bryce to get fucked up on a work night. Maybe he had today off?

Conner placed the plate of pancakes and a plate of bacon on the table, then sat down next to him. “He was slurring and falling down. I actually helped him to bed.” Conner flipped a pancake onto his plate and poured syrup over it from a brown bottle.

“You did?” He thought back. How did he not hear any of that? He must have been really wiped out from the week and all the damn worrying. Wait... He looked Conner over. “What were you wearing?”

Conner smirked and swallowed a bite of bacon. “I put on my jeans and a shirt.” He glanced at him, raising his brows. “What are you worried about? I thought Bryce wasn’t gay.” He lifted his chin at him.

As he pursed his lips, he set a pancake on his plate, the memory of Conner wearing only his shirt last night flashing through his head. “He’s not, but that doesn’t mean I want him seeing you... you know.” He faced Conner. “In that get up you wore to bed last night.”

Conner sniggered. “Kai Nez, you mean you’re jealous of Bryce seeing me with only a shirt on?”

Kai harrumphed. “Nobody needs to see that but me.” He ate a slice of bacon, washed it down with orange juice, then smiled. “And that’s something I’d like to see every day.” He cut into his pancake .

Conner placed his hand on Kai’s forearm. “Kai.”

His gaze met Conner’s. “Yeah?” Why did he look so serious all of a sudden?

“I want to see you every day. I want to wake up with you every morning and go to bed with you every night.” Conner gnawed on his lower lip.

Kai narrowed his eyes. Was Conner saying what he thought he was saying? “Are you asking me to move in with you? For real?”

Conner nodded. “When your lease is up here, of course.” He lowered his brows. “I-I want to give Bryce time to figure out a new living situation, too.”

“Um...” Kai stared at his plate, thinking. He’d been living with Bryce since they’d graduated high school. Was it too soon to move in with Conner? He stole a peek at him. They’d seemed to do fine together while the chindi thing was going on. Maybe it was time. He couldn’t really think of a reason not to at this point.

“Kai?” Conner wrinkled his forehead.

“Yeah...” Kai gave a slow nod of his head. Why not? “Yeah, I think that could work.”

Conner freed a held breath and relaxed his shoulders. “Oh, thank God. I thought you were going to turn me down for a minute.” He let a wide smile roll over his lips. “So, when is your lease up exactly?”

Kai ate a bit of pancake, then swallowed it down. “About six weeks.”

Conner sipped his coffee. “Okay, then we have six weeks to plan.” He set his coffee down. “There’s something else I want you to know.”

“What’s that?” Kai gulped some orange juice, then focused on Conner. This sounded serious, too.

“I’m going to talk to my parents tonight.” Conner sighed. “I want to get this over with, now that I’ve started it.”

Kai chuckled. “Going all in, huh?” He studied Conner. “Don’t you want me with you when you do this? ”

Conner twisted his mouth. “I don’t think so. You’ve never met them, and I don’t want you to have a bad first impression.”

Kai placed his hand over Conner’s, resting on the table. “I’m sure they’ll handle it much better than my mother did. I’m sure there’s not much they could throw at me that would make me not like them. I mean, they did give me you.” He squeezed Conner’s hand. “If you want me to be there, I will.”

Conner gave him a faint smile. “Thanks. But I’m going over tonight, after you go to work. I’ve already thought about everything I want to say. I’ll start out slow and if I think it’s going to turn ugly, then maybe I’ll bring you with me to finish it another time.”

Kai released Conner’s hand and offered him a quick grin. “Okay, but know that I’m here if you need me.”

“I know.” Conner smirked. “I’ll come to the bar after and fill you in.” He wrinkled his nose. “And to be sure fucking Brandon doesn’t try to hit on you tonight.” He scowled.

“You don’t have to worry about Brandon. You are way better than he could ever be.” Kai chuckled. There was no comparison at all .