Chapter 18
18
Charley
N erves squeeze my stomach. I’m bobbing in a vast ocean, and everyone who surrounds me are the waves, perfectly working in harmony while I stick out like a sore thumb. The five-dollar bill in my pocket burns like my outfit will catch on fire, exposing me to everyone.
The next person in line moves up to the counter, and I follow, keeping my gaze fixed on the heels of their red Converse.
You can do this.
The café is busy this morning. More than I imagined when I woke up wanting to do something nice for Cade. I have to admit the relief I feel with Cade knowing a little about what I go through on a daily basis. And he couldn’t have responded better. It was more than I imagined.
“Next.”
I take a deep breath, stepping up to the counter where the coffee smell surrounds me like a suffocating shroud.
What am I doing? I never come here alone. I never spend money that I don’t talk to Dad about first. But I focus on how liberating it felt to take my own money out of the ATM. Hands shaking, I repeat the order Cade always does: “Two caramel lattes, please.”
The barista glances up. “Are you the girl Cade Farmer has been hanging out with?”
I nod. This isn’t usually the conversation Cade has, and my throat starts to tighten.
“Are you two a thing?” she asks, emphasizing the word like it has a much deeper meaning, and it does. Cade and I certainly aren’t just a thing. I’ve fantasized about telling people about my dad before, but I never went through with it. He truly was my dirty, dark secret, and Cade is the only person who knows it, direct from my mouth.
“We are,” I state, absentmindedly bringing up my hand to finger the pendant of my necklace.
Her eyes light. “You go, girl. He’s a catch.”
I drop my hand. “Um, thanks.”
She winks. “Don’t worry, I know exactly how he likes his latte.” She hits a few buttons on her screen and gives me the total. I hand her the five-dollar bill, heart thumping, then I move to the side with the others waiting for their drinks.
I take out my phone, peering at the text I exchanged with Cade. We’re meeting at the cafeteria for breakfast. He’s on his way there now.
“Cade’s girl?”
I peer up. A guy at the counter is holding two drinks with an odd smile on his face, his brows scrunched.
Walking forward, I shoot a look at the girl at the counter who’s smirking. “That’s me,” I say, feeling as if a hundred dagger-eyes are poking into my back like I’m a traitor.
“Interesting name.”
“I guess it’s new.”
He shrugs. “Don’t worry about her. She hates her job, and sometimes, you have to make it interesting.”
After taking the drinks, I peek at the first cup, then the next, my shoulders drooping. Cade and Cade’s Girl. Lovely .
I hurry to the cafeteria, spotting Cade outside the exterior doors, typing on his phone. My phone pings, and I can’t help but smile. “Was that for me?” I ask.
His stare finds mine, and he smiles. Then his gaze drops to the cups in my hand. “You got me a coffee?”
“I did.” I beam, pride and accomplishment building. I want to add with my own money , but that’s a norm for most people, and saying it out loud would sound pathetic.
He goes to take the one that says Cade’s Girl , but I pull it out of his reach. “Nope, this one’s yours.”
He takes it. “Did you get something different?”
“Oh, no.” I turn the cup so he can see what was written on it. “Courtesy of the girl at the counter.”
His eyes light up. “Well, she’s not wrong.” Reaching out, he tugs me toward him, his hand splayed on my lower back, just high enough to be considered decent for public affection. “I was worried about you, and here you are out buying me coffee. You never cease to amaze me.”
“It’s only a little thing,” I say, voice low, but he steps back to look at me, his gaze solidifying that he knows what a big deal this is for me. My brain tells me to stop celebrating it like it’s a win. Plenty of people do this every morning. Hell, I’d be willing to bet millions do it. But not me.
The weird part about it is it feels so normal.
He holds out the crook of his arm. “Let’s go, Cade’s Girl. I’m starving.”
“Yeah, I vote we don’t call me that.”
“I don’t know. It’s sort of sexy.”
“Only when you’re full of yourself.”
“I’d rather fill you with me over and over…and over again.”
“Where’d you get your flirting skills? Middle school?”
“Ooh, someone is feisty this morning.” He grins. “I happen to know you love my flirting because I can talk your pants off you in two seconds.”
“Please,” I scoff.
He stops me just inside the doors and crowds me against the wall, one hand above my head. Leaning over me, he rakes his gaze down my body and then up to my eyes before he flicks his tongue out, running it over his lips in the most devilish way that has me squeezing my thighs together.
“It worked,” I exhale. No point in denying it, considering I feel the rush of heat to my cheeks, and with the way he’s peering at me, he knows what he does to me.
He moves closer, pushing my hair out of the way. “Later. Right now, everyone is waiting for us.”
“Everyone?”
“Yeah, the guys.”
Cade leads me to the cafeteria, and I peer around like a deer in the headlights until he brings me to the loudest table, then I’m more like a fainting goat under fluorescents. “Sit here. I’ll go get us breakfast.” He places his drink at an empty seat next to me, and I sit on wobbly legs. “Guys, Charley. Charley, guys.”
I wave, and what seems like most of the players on the football team wave back. When Cade said we should have breakfast together, I wasn’t expecting this. I’ve only been around a few of them at a time before. Except at practice, of course. But at practice, they’re a little preoccupied.
He pats my shoulder, and then he’s off.
“Cade’s girl, huh?” Cavanaugh asks next to me. I believe he’s the safety—whatever that means.
“Yeah, the girl at the café thought she was being cute this morning.”
“Looks like you are his girl,” Aidan says from across the table, motioning to his throat.
My hands follow suit, fingering the number dangling from my neck.
“Well, look at that. He put his number on you,” Cavanaugh says.
“Is that some sort of football thing?”
“You could say that.”
“They’re all a bunch of apes,” Bailey calls out from a few seats down the line.
Aidan grins. “You love it, babe.”
We all talk for a bit until another player I recognize but don’t remember his name sits at the farthest end of the table and starts griping about how the table is being overrun by player girlfriends.
“You’re just jealous,” Aidan calls out.
“Yeah, because I really want a girl around all the time.”
I sink into my seat.
“Don’t mind him,” Cavanaugh whispers. “He and his girlfriend broke up. She cheated on him.”
“Oh. Well, that’s awful.”
I search the room for Cade and find him at the end of the line, paying for our food. He’s having a conversation with the student running the register, and I watch him, that devil-may-care smile lighting his face. He turns toward the table with our trays, and I swear he finds me staring at him within a nanosecond. His smile widens from charming to downright sinful.
There’s something about Cade. Why he’s interested in me is a question hanging above like a dark cloud that could rain at any moment, but in times like this—when he’s staring at me like I’m his world—it’s easy to forget those things. It’s easy to make up a past where Cade and I aren’t that different. To believe that I’m normal like him and everyone else sitting at this table.
“I see you eyeing me,” he whispers in my ear as he sits to my right. “Like something you see?”
I hiss in a breath. “I don’t know. I’d hate to bruise that ego.”
“Well, if you did, I’m sure we could think of a way to make it up to me.”
Cade and I eat and talk. The bigger crowd fades away, but I’m more comfortable now anyway. Kenna even stops by when we’re nearly done, West in tow.
We talk for a bit until I have to get to class. Cade takes my hand, walking me in the direction of the building I’m headed toward. The table behind us erupts, catcalling the two of us, and I nearly jump.
“It’s okay,” Cade soothes. “They’re joking around about me holding your hand.”
“Oh.” I try to remove my hand from his, but he holds on tight.
“I don’t think so, Sunshine. Let them talk. I want everyone to know we’re together.”
“Everyone?”
“Don’t sound so horrified.”
I chuckle. “It’s not that. I just don’t like groups of people as a whole, so…”
“So.” Cade looks both ways in the hallway then yanks me into an empty study room and locks the door behind us. He pulls me close, dropping our bags at his feet as he ravishes my mouth. His tongue is a skilled debater because before I can protest that what we’re doing is wrong, I’ve given in to him, lifting onto my tiptoes to give him better access.
“I figured with the way you were looking at me, you needed something.”
“Is that so?” I ask breathlessly, his lips moving up my neck. “This isn’t for you whatsoever?”
“It’s a hard task but someone has to do it.”
“Glad you’re taking one for the team.”
He kisses me some more, pulling away before it gets too hot and heavy. “I’ve been wondering…” he starts. “Does your dad know about me?”
My stomach flips. Panic rises in my chest like I’m a child in trouble.
“You haven’t told him,” he guesses.
He pulls away a little bit more, but I grab for him again. “My dad and I don’t really talk about stuff like that.”
“Where does he think you were all night?”
“He might have guessed at that point, but he doesn’t know about you specifically. Not your name. Not what I feel for you.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“I hadn’t thought about it,” I reply honestly. “I don’t know how he’ll react.”
Cade’s brows lower. “Oh.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I told my parents last night. They want to meet you.”
“That’s…scary,” I admit.
Cade shrugs. “It’s where I thought we were headed.”
“We are,” I say, even though he’s not looking at me now.
“You sure?”
“If you’re worried about my dad, don’t be. He’s not— I’m not…” I groan, not knowing what I want to say or how I can explain it. For the longest time, Dad’s been such a secret for me, and even now, Cade doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. I didn’t tell him Dad is morbidly obese and has no aspirations of getting better. I told him he was sick. Something that’s one hundred percent factually true, but that my dad would probably deny. “It’s different with my dad.”
“How so?”
“One, I never know how he’s going to react. Two…” I open my mouth to confess everything, but it’s too difficult. I don’t know how to get the words out, and I don’t want Cade to think of me differently.
“Two?”
“Sometimes he’s not very nice to me, okay?”
Cade reels backward. “Excuse me?”
“Sometimes, he’s not very nice to me.” My voice is much calmer now. Smoother. “He doesn’t understand how his words hurt. It’s not his fault. Sort of.” Cade shakes his head, and I don’t blame him. I can’t tell what’s true and what part is making excuses for him. I’ve been doing it for so long that I can’t tell if the things I make excuses for are actually true.
Cade skims his thumb over my cheek. “You take care of your dad, but he’s not very nice to you? Shouldn’t he be grateful?”
“You would think…” I step away from him. Talking about this is too embarrassing. It’s like admitting something shameful, as if I’m a little girl who pees her pants in public, and now I’m exposed to the one person I want to think well of me.
“What kinds of things does he say to you?”
“For starters, he called me a tramp yesterday.”
Cade’s gaze narrows. “For getting home late?”
“I’m pretty sure he guessed what I was doing, considering I’ve never gotten home that late before.”
Cade picks up my chin and makes me look at him. “Charley, you’re twenty-two and just had sex for the first time. No one would call you a tramp. Absolutely no one.”
I shrug. Yeah, I know that logically. My dad was only mad because he didn’t get his food, which puts me in a whole other range of emotions about how unfair my life is. I’ve learned from a young age not to go down that rabbit hole, though.
“He should never have said that to you.”
“You’re…mad?”
“Yes. You’re my girl, and there was nothing about what we did last night that would come close to you deserving to be called that.”
I take Cade’s hands. “Thank you.”
He puts his arms around me, kissing my forehead. In this moment, I’m in a Cade bubble, feeling like I can do anything in the world. Like the fire inside me blazes a little brighter.