The Heartbreak Hotel (Sandy Springs #1)

Chapter Eighteen

Riley

Without Ella in her bed, the nightmares were back with a vengeance. Riley woke covered in sweat, her sheets wrapped around her limbs like they were trying to suffocate her. Jane had offered to be with her today to take her mind off it, but Riley hated needing a babysitter. She should be better by now. She groaned, pushing herself into a sitting position and brushing her hands over her wet eyes.

It didn’t erase the images. Or the feeling that came with the smashing together of two vehicles. The piercing screech and the screams. The before and after.

It was always going to be at its worst today. Memories of her dad even joined in the nightmare, his taunting sneer as he peered over the wreckage with a bottle in his hand. ‘Look at what you’ve done. And ye say I’m the monster?’

Ziggy chirped at Riley’s movement, hurrying over to rub himself against her face, and she tickled his chin. She could make out enough of his features from the morning sun streaming through the blinds to see his green eyes rolling back in his head. He loved nothing more than a chin tickle.

She scooped him into her arms, trying to hold him like a baby, but he pawed her and scampered under the bed. He used to let her carry him when he was a kitten, but less and less now.

She sighed, then completed a round of breathing exercises to try to clear her brain fog. The memories of the accident were replaced with those of Ella. She didn’t know when this had all become so complicated.

What did you expect?

She was irked that Ella had said those things to Pauline, but deep down, she knew she didn’t have bad intentions. Riley had pushed her away on impulse. The combination of the anniversary of the accident and the realisation of her feelings was a recipe for disaster.

Riley liked Ella. She really liked her. But in a week, she’d be leaving the island for good. Back to her normal life. Her life without Riley.

She hadn’t even told Ella about the anniversary. Was there any point? If she was just going to leave, should she even bother?

Her gut twisted, tightening into knots that built on top of one another to form a big, ugly tangle of dread. She had known this was going to happen, that Ella would leave, but she hadn’t realised it would impact her on such a level. She’d been far too na?ve.

Ella wasn’t hers. Never was.

So what actually was the point? She was following in António’s footsteps and risking losing her job for nothing but a good old-fashioned stab in the heart.

She groaned again, louder, and rolled over in a big huff, inhaling a hint of Ella’s scent, which lingered on the pillow next to her. Without her realising, it was happening again. The ache of loss. A before and an after.

Before Ella. After Ella.

Riley didn’t want to think about the after.

She didn’t want to think at all—or feel—or do, well, anything. But she couldn’t do that, she wouldn’t be like Elodie, so she forced herself out of her bed and dragged her heavy feet to the shower.

Inside, the hot water coated her skin, and she imagined it washing all the bad dreams away. She wished it were that simple—that the water could cleanse her, soothe her, create a barrier that would make all the bad just slip and slide away. But the bad always found a way in. It would pool in the anniversary cracks, forcing them open until the feelings spilled inside her, drowning her in their weight.

She couldn’t be happy-go-lucky Riley today.

No longer feeling the benefits of the water, she turned up the heat, letting out a hiss when the droplets landed on her skin like needles. Steam filled the bathroom, and her mind jumped to Ella. Her gorgeous naked form standing on the edge of the hot springs.

Her stomach coiled again, the knots squeezing. Was everything going to remind her of Ella when she left? When she used the blender in the morning, would she see the scowl on Ella’s face, then her smile when she had her first sip of juice? Would the citrus scent of the orange groves always bring back memories of kissing her, the ocean always replay Ella’s delighted laugh when she first caught a wave? Would her bed always plague her with the sound of Ella coming undone?

She felt another crack form in her chest. Perhaps the anniversary of Ella’s goodbye would have the same effect as Elodie’s, too, and she was destined to be haunted by the memories of people she loved who’d left.

She tilted her head to the shower stream, letting the hot water scorch her face. She wasn’t sure what she could do. Ever since the António triplet scandal, Senhor Arenoso had made the rules on client/staff relationships very clear. If she told him the truth, she’d lose her job, her home, her close bond with the man who’d helped her in her time of need.

But hadn’t she already jeopardised all that by pursuing Ella?

Fuck. She was torn. Her head and heart were tugging her in two opposite directions. What a mess.

She switched off the shower and stepped out, drying herself with one of the fluffy towels hanging on the back of the door. She wasn’t thinking about how she and Ella had dried themselves off after being caught in the storm. Or their first kiss at the ruins. And how all the world’s energies seemed to pull them together.

She wiped a hand over the fogged glass and looked at herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were red from the heat of the shower, but her stare reflected sadness. She took in the circles under her eyes, her puffy eyelids, her blonde hair slicked down over her back. She sighed, fogging the glass again. She needed to get out of here.

She threw on some joggers and an oversized T-shirt and took the back paths down to the cliffs to avoid seeing anyone. Inside one of the crumbling and unused huts, she let out a happy sigh, hearing nothing but the waves crashing beneath her. She eyed the stack of surfboards piled in a corner. The storage space didn’t hold much apart from a workbench and the box of wax. Luckily, that was all she needed.

With painting out of the question—even that reminded her of Ella—she just needed something to occupy her mind. Rewaxing these old boards should do the trick.

She lifted the first onto the bench and dusted it off with an old towel before running her hand along the clean surface.

“A good wax is a surfer’s best secret,” her dad’s gravelly voice reminded her.

Riley’s only happy memories of her dad were when he’d taught her to surf. The rugged Irish coastline and the cold, fierce waves biting at her skin. When she was nine, they’d taken a road trip to the southwest coast with one of her dad’s poker buddies and his son, Kenan. Her days were spent dipping in and out of the sea, racing Kenan along the sand and building sandcastles. But the nights were long. She and Kenan huddled together, making earplugs out of pillows to try block out their dads’ vicious laughter as the bottles emptied and glasses smashed.

Riley blew out a breath, letting the memory leave with it. She picked up the wax and started drawing horizontal lines, cross-hatching close together up to the stringer in the middle of the board. She used to dream about her mum coming home and storming through the door, wrapping her up in the big purple coat she’d only seen her wear in photos, declaring they were running away together in dad’s camper.

But she never came. And her dad pawned the camper to pay off gambling debts.

Riley picked up the pace with her movements, feeling herself frown as she concentrated on the circular top coat. Before she knew it, she’d already finished two boards.

“I thought it was supposed to be your day off today?”

Riley jumped at the voice. She spun, almost propelling the surf wax at the man in the doorway. But it wasn’t the wide, barrel-chest image of her father. Senhor Arenoso lifted a hand in greeting, his deep green kaftan swaying around his ankles.

She plastered a smile on her face, thrown off by the interruption. “ Bom dia , Senhor,” she greeted, brushing her hands on her trousers.

“Good morning, Riley.” He combed her with his eyes before landing on the stack of boards behind her. He gave a gentle nod. “But you know you don’t have to call me that in private.”

“Right, sorry, Danilo.” Riley was so used to calling him by his work name that his first name still felt terribly informal.

He’s checking up on me. She swallowed, feeling nervous.

Since they’d had their meeting yesterday, agreeing to Riley’s day off for the anniversary, she hadn’t expected to see him, never mind him turning up here. How did he know where I was?

His surprise visit had her wondering if he suspected something was out of the ordinary. Had Romeo told him about seeing Ella at the groves? Or Pauline about the flowers? Had someone been following her? Oh, Jesus.

“I’m sorry to intrude on your day, but I thought I might find you here when your cabin was empty. I know you prefer the quieter places on days like these.”

“It’s alright.” Riley’s chest tightened. His other-worldly senses always caught her off guard. It made her all the more nervous he might know something else was amiss.

He regarded Riley with careful eyes. “How did you sleep?”

“Not great,” she admitted, unable to hold the man’s dark gaze.

He ducked his head. “I’m sorry to hear that. I know how hard today is for you. I wish there were more I could do to help.” He reached out and squeezed her hand, and tears immediately pricked Riley’s eyes.

The small act of comfort meant the world to her. She felt most people couldn’t understand the way the anniversary haunted her, but Danilo always made her feel seen. He was the complete opposite of her own father.

“I feel I’ve failed you in a way, Riley.”

“What?” She shook her head. “That’s not true.”

He seemed to study her, looking deeper beneath the layers. “With all your time here, I thought we could break the cycle. To help you move on from your fears. It hurts to still see you suffer.”

“I’m a lot better.” Which wasn’t a lie. She knew she still had a way to go, but compared to a few years ago, it was light and dark. She wondered if Ella had anything to do with it.

“You know the course is my soul child, but I care about you. All I want for you is happiness. I sense a change on your horizon.” His dark eyes found hers again, and he waited, as though he was going to say more. He frowned, tapping her hand twice before moving it away. Then he let out a sigh. “What I am saying is, I would understand if you decided that your happiness is no longer at Sandy Springs.”

Fear shot up Riley’s spine. “Danilo, that’s the last thing I’d want. This is my home, please, I—” A sob escaped her throat, and she put her hands to her eyes.

She couldn’t lose her home, her job, her life here. It was the only thing keeping her sane. Had he finally realised she was an imposter? A fake? Incapable of teaching the course because her own life was a mess?

“I’ll do better,” she said. “Please…don’t fire me.”

“Fire you? Riley, why would you think such things?” She slowly lowered her hands and found his eyebrows pulled together. “I’m just saying I would understand if you decide that Sandy Springs is no longer for you. I just want you to make the right choices. To be happy.”

Happy. Riley wanted to be happy, too.

Despite all the baggage and negativity that the anniversary brought to her every year, this time had been different. Ella’s face popped into her head, that slow half-smile spreading across her lips, and for a second, all the darkness shifted. Hope flickered.

But just as quick as it shifted, it reverted back. Ella was just a temporary fix. Ella leaving meant the new happiness would leave too. What was Danilo trying to tell her? Did he know? Was he trying to tell her to go?

The man had a heart of gold, but he was a stickler for the rules. He even said it himself, the course was like a child to him. He’d do anything to protect it, even if it meant letting Riley go. But she wasn’t ready for that. How could she be?

She sniffed, trying to find some composure. With a sigh, she began, “Sandy Springs is my home. I appreciate everything you’re saying, but I’m not going anywhere.”

He smiled, his moustache curling with the movement. “That’s nice to hear.” He tapped her hand again, then turned to look out at the ocean. “I hope you know how much I value you. Not just as an employee, but as a friend.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a necklace with a black crystal. “Obsidian is believed to be a protective stone. Its energies can help get rid of emotional blockages and digest bad experiences, providing clarity. I hope it helps.”

He held the necklace out for Riley to take, and she felt herself getting choked up again. Her own dad didn’t even remember her birthday, but Danilo was such a sweetheart. How could she ever let him down?

“Please,” he said, giving the necklace a little shake. “It’s the least I can do.”

“Thank you.” She accepted it, rubbing her thumb over the cool stone.

“I won’t tell you what to do, but I hear Marco Marcos has some spare slots tomorrow if you’re interested. Maybe it would help to talk about it again.”

“I’ll consider it, thanks.”

He touched the owl pendant hanging around his neck thoughtfully. “I know you don’t always agree with your spirit guide. But the dolphin, like you, find ways to ride the waves of life. They might swim along unnoticed for a while, but they always rise above, bringing joy and strength to those who witness it. You bring great harmony to those around you, Riley. My hope for you is that you remember to save some for yourself.” He nodded, gave her a smile, then made his way to the open door. He spun before he reached the threshold. “Be kind to yourself today. What happened wasn’t your fault.” And then he left, leaving a swirl of energy thickening in the hut.

Riley exhaled, rubbing her hands over her face. There was so much to unpack in that conversation, she didn’t know where to start. She sighed, sucking in several deep breaths. Then, a new lick of life straightened her spine. Inspiration had struck her like a lightning bolt.

A short while later, she was standing at the top of the cliffs overlooking the beach. The sea breeze caressed her, twitching her hair about her face. Her hand moved with a mind of its own as it danced away, bringing the image to life.

The blues, purples, and whites created zigzag waves. Chaotic swirls and edges rose as the brush worked in fierce, precise movements. At the bottom of the canvas, the sea was as dark as charcoal, lightening in colour towards the surface. A lone form leaped out of the water, the golden sun casting long streams of light across its body.

A dolphin.

Everything swirled around Riley’s brain. In the tangle, a few thoughts separated themselves .

Is Senhor Arenoso trying to tell me something? To leave? To stay?

The man liked to be cryptic at the best of times, but their conversation earlier had left her uncertain. What she did know was that he wanted her to figure it out.

Is my spirit guide struggling to lead me? She knew that in order to receive guidance, she needed to be open. The truth was she’d struggled to see what harmony and strength Danilo saw in her for some time.

Her hand blurred as she swiped more white across the chaotic roll of the waves, and she smiled, letting out a shaky breath. She felt like she was starting to understand. Just like everything else in the universe, all these things were connected.

When Riley first met Ella—the shrieking woman who had just tumbled down a hill with a suitcase on top of her, sticks and twigs caught in her wild hair—she knew she would invite chaos into her life.

And that was exactly what happened.

But Riley was realising something—sometimes, a bit of chaos can be a good thing. It’s said that the flap of a butterfly’s wings could be capable of starting a hurricane on the other side of the planet. One small, seemingly insignificant action can make a big change over time. Meeting Ella and inviting that chaos in had already started to change her.

With Ella’s fire and direct nature, how she wore her heart on her sleeve, Riley couldn’t help but be drawn to her. In her own process of healing, Riley had hidden parts of herself away. Being around Ella brought colour back to those spaces. She made her feel more confident, more playful, like she could express her sexuality again and give in to the desire. Ella’s heart, her beautiful and enormous heart, could hold so much love, Riley was afraid of it.

Because her past had taught her that in the blink of an eye—of a flutter of a butterfly’s wings—those things can disappear.

But they can also ignite.

In order to find the balance she was searching for, Riley needed a little chaos.

After another swipe of paint, dabbing the bristles side to side to add more texture, she let out another breath.

She knew what she had to do.