The Heartbreak Hotel (Sandy Springs #1)

Chapter Twenty

Ella

They curled up in Riley’s bed, the same way they had many times before, but now with an air of vulnerability surrounding them. Whatever shields and barriers they’d constructed, out of habit or necessity, lay at dust by their feet. There was nowhere else to hide, but Ella didn’t want to. She had a feeling their next conversation would have an irreversible ripple effect .

For better or worse.

Her breathing came quick and loud in her own ears. She didn’t know what to expect. Riley’s revelation had come as a surprise to her, but it also made a lot of sense. They’d not spoken much about how Riley came to work at Sandy Springs. Riley had said she needed a lifestyle change, not dissimilar to the majority of people who found themselves here. She’d befriended the staff, and they were impressed with her yoga knowledge. The next thing she knew, years had passed, and she was still here.

Ella had never seen someone fall apart so easily in front of her, but then she imagined it hadn’t been easy at all; it was more of an accumulation of everything Riley had been hiding. She tightened her arm around the woman’s shoulders, combing her fingers through her hair. Her heart ached to think she’d kept all of this inside all the time. If nothing else, she hoped to make the burden lighter for her. Riley had done that for Ella when she’d found her at the bottom of the creepy fingers tree after finding out about Maeve’s engagement.

So she waited, held her tighter, and continued to brush her nails against her scalp in soft circles.

Riley’s arm draped over Ella’s stomach, and her eye was drawn to the white scar tracing her wrist. She drew her fingertip over it and felt Riley exhale.

“Did this happen in the crash?” she asked.

“Yeah. But it was a clean break.”

A moment passed between them. Ella continued to caress the line, evidence of the moment causing Riley so much distress. But she sensed there was more .

“What happened after the accident?”

“It was a mess.” Riley exhaled again, and Ella heard the quiver in her voice. “The boy’s mum, the driver, she sued Elodie. Claimed dangerous driving… Drummed up this whole media campaign spreading lies and hate about us for injuring a child.” Her voice turned steely. “But it was an accident. It all happened so quickly. No one meant for anyone to get hurt.”

“That’s awful. I’m sorry you had to go through all that.” Ella’s mind stumbled on a question she was almost too afraid to ask. But she took a deep breath and asked it anyway. “What happened with you and Elodie?”

“I guess…sometimes traumatic events bring you closer together. Sometimes they break you.” She was quiet for a moment. “She changed. Became a shell of herself. She started to believe everything the media were saying. That she was a reckless monster who deserved to rot behind bars.” She shook her head, her words quickening. “I tried to help her. I tried so hard to help her, but she wouldn’t listen. Started drinking heavily, acting reckless. I didn’t recognise her anymore. I tried so hard, Ella, but it wasn’t enough. I—”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Ella pulled her into her chest, even though she was much smaller than Riley, and rocked her.

“I couldn’t stop it all falling apart,” she said in a quiet voice.

Ella’s eyes watered, and she squeezed her tighter. She knew that feeling well. When you felt something slipping through your fingers, and you tried to claw it back, only to worsen the distance.

Maybe that was why she’d stayed at her job, close to Maeve, so she could still touch on that happy feeling when she needed to. But the feeling wasn’t real. It was just an illusion.

Riley rested her chin on Ella’s chest, and she kissed her temple, breathing in the smell she’d become so familiar with. She didn’t want their relationship to slip through her fingers either, but that same fear gripped her own insides. Maybe Riley’s aversion to having a relationship with a client was just an aversion to relationships in general. After having her heart broken, Ella could understand that. But it still scared her. Was she going to put her heart on the line just for it to be stamped on once more?

She wanted to tell Riley how she felt about everything, but today wasn’t about Ella. It was about Riley.

“Thank you for being so open with me,” she murmured against her hair, planting another kiss.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

“It’s okay. Nobody’s perfect all the time. In fact, I remember you saying that to me. Remember?”

“I guess I can’t argue with that.” Riley gave a sad chuckle, then sniffed. “I just don’t do well on the anniversary. It reminds me of everything I lost.”

Ella’s heart flinched. It hurt to hear Riley speak about someone else in that way, but she understood. “It’s alright. Let it out. I’ve got you.”

They stayed like that for a long time. Riley curled up on Ella’s chest, their limbs intertwined. When Riley broke their cocoon and reached over to the bedside table for a tissue, Ella met her gaze.

“Do you want to have some space?” she asked.

Riley dabbed at her swollen eyes and red nose, then her sad blues glanced back at her. “Would you stay? I understand if—”

“Of course I’ll stay.”

Her mouth curved, and Ella pulled her back into her arms again, arranging herself behind her.

“I’ve never been the little spoon before,” Riley said, backing herself into Ella.

Heat flared between Ella’s legs, but she ignored it, kissing Riley’s shoulder. “I’ve never been the big spoon either. But I wanna hold you.”

A beat passed, then Riley let out a big sigh. “That sounds nice.”

It wasn’t long until Ella felt Riley relax into the curve of her body, her breathing falling into a shallow rhythm. She must’ve been exhausted. Ella nuzzled closer, soaking in the heat, wishing she could zap all of Riley’s sadness away.

As with several other moments in their time together, Ella sensed this openness didn’t come easily to Riley, despite the things she taught on the course. Something about that made Ella like her even more. Riley wasn’t perfect. She had her flaws and weaknesses, like everyone else. Getting to see those sharper, vulnerable parts cast her in a new light. One that spread into Ella’s heart and firmly planted itself in its centre.

She held her a little tighter, careful not to wake her, and rested her eyes for just a moment. At one point, she felt Ziggy join the bundle on the bed, his soft fur tickling her nose before he curled up in between their legs.

Ella woke sometime later, the room darkened by the descending sun. Riley and she were still cuddled together, and as she blinked, their conversation slowly seeped back into her memory.

It was a lot of information to process—even after one of the best naps of Ella’s life.

Her bladder demanded her attention, so she carefully shuffled away from Riley and peeled herself from the bed. She padded across the wooden floor to the bathroom and hissed as she sat on the freezing toilet seat.

Their situation had already been complicated, with Riley’s work and Ella due to leave at the end of the week. Throwing in a haunting anniversary, with some unresolved trauma, just added more pieces to the puzzle.

Ella didn’t want to be selfish, but she also needed to think of herself. She didn’t want to be a replacement or a consolation prize. She wanted to be someone’s number one; she wouldn’t settle for second best again. Ever. She needed to think about her own happiness.

But didn’t Riley make her happy?

Ugh. My head’s a mess.

The creaking of floorboards jarred her from staring at the white tiles. Riley must be up.

She forced herself to stand with a groan, flushed, then washed her hands. Her stomach bubbled. Why was she suddenly so nervous?

She found Riley at the kitchen sink, filling a glass of water. She gulped hastily, then ran a hand through her hair, pushing it back from her face. She turned when she heard the door, and the smile blooming across her face made Ella smile too.

“Hey, everything okay?” she asked, offering Ella the glass.

Ella took a swig. “I think so. Just processing.”

“It’s a lot. I get that.” She observed her, as though she were trying to uncover anything hiding beneath the surface. Her eyes were less red, but the puffiness lingered.

“How are you feeling?” Ella asked.

“My mind feels lighter, but my body feels heavy. Like I could sleep for a thousand years.”

Ella traced her jaw with her fingertips. “How about I run you a bath?”

Surprise flickered across her features. “Really?”

“Maybe we can channel the healing powers of the hot springs into your tub.”

The corners of her mouth lifted. “Does that mean you’ll be joining me, then?”

Ella smiled. “Sure. If that’s what you want?”

She planted a soft kiss on Ella’s lips. “It is.”

Ella started to run the bath while Riley searched her cupboards for candles. She returned with a bag full of tealights varying from Christmas gingerbread to cherry blossom.

“They’re old presents,” she explained with a shrug. “I’m not really a candle gal.”

Once the water was steaming and the flames were lit, covering the bathroom in a golden glow, they started to undress. Riley pulled her T-shirt over her head and hung it on the radiator. She slipped her shorts and underwear off too, and Ella couldn’t help but stare at her glorious form. She wanted to commit it to memory. Every freckle, every hard line and sculptured muscle. The way her blonde hair fell over her strong shoulders. Her perfectly toned back. Those cheekbones and dimples, the blue eyes so full of emotion.

A surge of feeling rose in Ella’s chest, and she turned away, focusing on undressing herself to distract her thoughts from derailing. She didn’t want to forget a thing, but would these moments come back to haunt her?

Calm down, Ella. It’s just a fucking bath.

“After you,” she said, turning to find Riley had now pulled her hair into a bun. Ella always loved how it changed the shape of her face. It made her more vulnerable somehow when she didn’t have all those waves to hide behind.

Riley climbed into the tub, steam pillowing around her, and let out a heavenly sigh.

Ella took in the curve of her biceps as the water coated them. How her hair glowed in the candlelight. Savoured the hums of pleasure as she sunk into the water .

Stop it.

Tears pricked her eyelids, but she wished them away. Letting go of someone who was arguably not right for her had been so difficult. How could she possibly let go of someone like Riley?

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Where do you want me?”

“Here.” Riley offered her hand, and Ella stepped into the bath, lowering herself into the hot water so she laid back against Riley’s chest. Riley wound her arms around her, the water sloshing over the two of them, and they each let out another sigh. Warmth spread through Ella’s body like balm to her soul. Lying here with Riley was everything. She’d never felt closer to her, but her mind kept prodding at the places that hurt.

“This is amazing,” Riley whispered.

“It is,” she managed, watching the shadows dance across the tiles. Her lip wobbled. She was relieved Riley couldn’t see her face. Don’t ruin the moment, Ella.

They didn’t speak for a few minutes, just let their bodies relax.

Riley broke the silence first. “I already feel better. Thank you.” Her hands glided over Ella’s waist, and she gave her a squeeze.

“You’re welcome.” Ella wished she could say the same, but her mind wouldn’t settle.

“Thank you for being so understanding and patient.” She kissed Ella’s cheek, nuzzling into her neck. “That means the world to me. ”

Ella bit her lip, tracing over Riley’s fingers where they lay across her stomach. “Does this happen every year?” she asked.

“Yes. But it’s been easier this time.”

A spark of hope flickered in Ella’s heart, and she cursed it. “How so?”

“Meeting you has opened my eyes to a lot of things.” She caressed Ella’s arms, moving her hands up and down, the water rippling around them. “I was doing fine here. In my eyes, fine is good. Fine is functioning. Surviving. But it’s not really living.”

Ella’s pulse quickened. Riley scooped up water and washed it over the two of them.

“I’ve been scared to want more,” she admitted. “Wanting something sets you up for disappointment. Not wanting anything is safe. It’s…”

“Lonely?” Ella offered.

She felt Riley nod behind her, and how her hands stilled. “Yeah. It’s pretty lonely.”

“Being with the wrong people feels pretty lonely too, though.”

“That’s true. Has that happened to you?”

“With my ex, yeah. I wanted it to work with us so badly, but thinking about it now, I was just scared of being alone. I tried to force it, even though it wasn’t working. But now…” She swallowed, her pulse quickening. “I know what I want.”

The flames danced along the white tiles, bending their shadows and listening in .

“And what’s that?” Riley asked in a breathless whisper.

Ella was all too aware of her heart drumming against her ribcage, of the notion of laying herself bare in the arms of someone she cared so deeply for. And what doing that would mean.

But it didn’t seem the right moment to say it. Not after the emotional day that Riley had had. She wanted it to be perfect, not tainted by the anniversary or Riley’s ex-girlfriend.

But just like people, life could never be perfect, either. She couldn’t wait for the perfect moment because a perfect moment didn’t exist.

“I don’t want to scare you,” she started, brushing Riley’s knuckles. “I know you’ve had a rough few days, and I don’t want to add to that. And I’m leaving soon. I know how crazy it all seems, and I know it’s complicated, but…” She blew out a breath, rippling the water around them. “What I want, is you.”

There. She’d said it. She exhaled again, feeling a weight lifted.

Riley kissed her neck, and Ella melted into a fit of giggles, splashing the water. She turned her face to meet her lips in a soft kiss, but Riley pulled back, her finger tracing Ella’s mouth.

“Even after everything I’ve told you?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m a hypocrite, Ella. All the talk about letting go and forging new paths, yet here I am, crumbling every year over something I should’ve probably got over by now.” Her arms tensed. “All this talk about going after what we want, about what will make us happy, and yet I’m terrified of it. That doesn’t bother you?”

“The fact you’re not a perfect, mistake-free human? Of course not. Riley, we all have a past. We all have weaknesses. I’m not going to judge you for that.” She swivelled in the tub so she could face her, their limbs slipping together. Riley caught her arms to stop Ella’s head from going under the water, and they shared a laugh. “I want to know all of the things that make you you . Even the ugly parts. Especially those. And it’s actually comforting to hear you’re also scared, because I am, too. I want you, Riley. Even though it’s messy and complicated, my heart just wants you. Do you know how scary that is?”

“I do.” Her eyes studied Ella’s face, and she moved a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Ella released a breath, flopping her head forward and pressing her hands against Riley’s chest, feeling the strong thumping of her heart. Riley adjusted her legs, so Ella was lying on top of her, those blue eyes dark and dreamy pools in the candlelight.

She made circles over Riley’s freckled skin. “The pressing question is, what are we going to do once this week is over?”

Riley’s face fell, and Ella’s heart along with it.

“I’ve always struggled to think about the future.” She moved her hands to Ella’s back. “After what happened with Elodie, I never wanted to get my heart broken like that again, so I just…stopped. What was the point in planning for something, when it could all be ripped away in one instant? It was better to focus on the present. Take it day by day. That’s all I’ve been doing ever since, really.”

Ella’s throat tightened. If Riley didn’t see a future, then…what did that mean?

“I used to be fine with that,” Riley continued. “Fine with all of it. But ever since I met you, Ella…that blurry, pixelated image of the future has started to get clearer. I want you too—”

Ella kissed her, and Riley pulled them closer together. Sparks erupted in Ella’s belly as those soft lips melted into hers, wet hands gripping her neck. The water sloshed all around them, and they broke apart, laughing. She couldn’t believe they’d had this conversation in the bath.

But Riley’s next words were the most surprising.

“At the end of the week, I’m going to tell Senhor Arenoso.”

Ella’s mouth fell open. “What? But…won’t you lose your job?”

Riley nodded. “Yes. But it’s okay. I’m going to leave Sandy Springs.”

“Leave? What? Why?” Out of all the things they’d said tonight, Riley leaving the island was one thing Ella couldn’t comprehend. “You love it here.”

“I know, but it’s time. ”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

Riley brushed her cheek. “You’re not. It’s my decision.”

This time, Riley was the one to press her lips to Ella’s. They fell into the water, creating a big splash and extinguishing a few of the candles. Ella didn’t care. Had she really heard Riley right?

She broke the kiss. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to rush into anything.”

Riley’s gaze held hers. “I want you, Ella. You’re my future.”

That hit her like a ton of bricks. Dizzying her in the best way possible. Fuck’s sake. She blinked back tears, but the warmth swelling in her heart continued to get bigger and bigger.

Luckily, Riley kissed her again, and the movement of her fingers over Ella’s thighs was more than enough of a distraction. In no time, they were making out, their hands wandering over each other’s slippery bodies. Riley hauled Ella on top of her, so that one leg was straddling Riley’s torso. The water, lukewarm now, swirled around them as they pushed and pulled, trying to eliminate any spaces between them.

“Really?” Ella asked, breaking the kiss. “You want me?”

Riley pressed her lips to her neck, her tongue collecting the water droplets and sending a shiver down her spine. “Yes, Ella. I want you.”

Heat spread between her legs. Who knew those words were such a turn-on? Fuck. She found Riley’s lips again, and Riley’s hot tongue slipped into her mouth, slow and silky. Her stomach flip-flopped, her senses sparking to life.

Ella was suddenly very aware she was naked and pressed up against a wet and also very naked Riley.

The kisses built, growing harder and more forceful, until they were both slipping around the tub. A dull ache grew inside her, and she gasped as Riley hooked her leg up and spread her folds. Riley sunk a finger into her easily, and Ella moaned against her lips as she glided in and out of her.

“Oh…god…Riley.” She clawed her nails into her back, sliding them over her wet skin. But Riley continued her slow pace, her playful tongue sending throbs right where Ella needed it. “Fuck.”

Arousal flooded her, drowning out anything other than Riley. Riley. Riley, who wanted Ella as much as she wanted her.

Riley added another finger, and Ella hummed, needing her to fuck her right here, right now. But their bodies slipped in the tub again, and they both let out a short laugh.

Riley hooked her fingers upwards, and Ella bucked. She planted a kiss on Ella’s breast, her tongue flicking over her nipple.

“Shall we get out of the bath now?”