Chapter Twenty-one
Jess
Wednesday 12 February
Jess spent a fitful night’s sleep and was almost grateful when the alarm went off at seven o’clock. Breakfast was a rather subdued affair. She and Ellie ate more out of necessity than from having an appetite, then called the hospital for an update. Jess lied and told them they were family as she knew they wouldn’t give out the information otherwise. The midwife checked then told them Anouska was waiting to see the consultant, but had had a decent night. Jess thanked her, hung up and relayed the information to Ellie. Now they could only wait.
After Jess had made a couple of calls to her clients and the gym to apologise for cancelling at such short notice and to arrange cover, for want of anything else to do, she and Ellie took a walk up towards the city centre. It was a crisp morning and the sun gave off a little warmth, slowly melting the ice of the night before. They walked for around forty minutes, appreciating the views, the wildlife and the unaccustomed relative silence in Central Edinburgh.
‘This is possibly the best thing we could have done,’ said Jess as they strolled through Princes Street Gardens.
‘I know. Glad I brought my hat and gloves with me, though. It’s not exactly toasty.’
‘I’ll drink to that. Thank goodness you could lend me a puffy jacket, or I would’ve had to buy one. Oh look, there’s a little café. Why don’t we grab a hot chocolate or something in there?’
‘Good idea.’ Ellie pushed open the door and Jess sighed as the welcome heat from the café enveloped her.
Once they’d settled in and had their hands around steaming hot drinks, Jess exhaled heavily. ‘We can’t leave her today with no one knowing what’s happened. What if something happens again? The baby’s not due until August.’
‘I know. I can’t believe she has kept this to herself all this time. It must be absolutely exhausting keeping a secret like that.’
‘I couldn’t do it,’ said Jess. ‘I wonder why she hasn’t told Zach.’
‘She’ll have her reasons. The question is, will she share them with us?’
‘If she’s ready to share why, she knows we’re here for her, and if she’s not sure that we are, we can underline that point.’ Jess tapped her index finger forcefully on the table.
‘Yeah, with a sledgehammer.’ Ellie grinned.
They went back and forth over what to do about Anouska’s situation and her refusal to tell Zach.
‘I know. We have to convince her she can’t hold off telling Zach about the baby until the twenty-ninth when she’s going to propose. She needs to tell him about the baby now. The proposal can come later,’ Ellie said.
‘I wonder if anyone else knows.’
‘What do you mean?’ Ellie scrunched up her forehead.
‘She didn’t say no one knew, she just said that Zach didn’t know. She must have a best friend she told surely.’
‘No, I don’t think so. Otherwise, why wouldn’t she have asked us to call them last night? Right, I think we have to be firm with her. She’s had a shock and isn’t thinking straight. It’s up to us to get some answers out of her,’ Ellie decided.
‘Softly, softly, though,’ Jess reminded her. ‘She has just spent the night in hospital and had the scare of potentially losing her baby.’
‘Soft but firm,’ Ellie insisted. ‘She needs to understand how serious it is that she looks after herself now. And she’ll be going home today. What then?’
Jess had to admit she didn’t know and that Ellie was probably right.
Anouska was sitting on a chair gazing out the window when the nurse showed Jess and Ellie in.
‘You look much better,’ Jess said. ‘How did you sleep?’
‘Surprisingly well, given the circumstances and the amount of light they have in here all through the night, and the number of times people come in and out. I must have been exhausted to sleep like that.’
‘Or maybe it’s the baby,’ suggested Ellie.
Anouska smiled. ‘Yes, the baby definitely contributed.’
‘So, how are you feeling and have you had the definitive all-clear?’ Jess asked.
‘Baby’s fine, I’m fine. Doc said I’m good to go, but they want my midwife to monitor me in a few days, then a week later, and after that, if they feel the need, every two weeks until the birth.’
‘I’m so glad you’re both OK.’ Jess hugged her.
‘Me too. Thanks for everything last night, you two. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.’
‘You don’t need to thank us. We’re just glad it’s all turned out well. Anyway, sorry for the subject change, and I know you haven’t told Zach yet, but have you told anyone else?’ Ellie said.
‘We-ell, my mum guessed when she came to visit me.’
‘OK. Anyone else?’ Jess asked.
Anouska shook her head.
That put paid to that then. Jess knew Anouska’s mum had returned to Stockholm only the week before, so she wasn’t exactly handy for helping her out over the next few days.
Ellie looked at Jess, as if willing her to continue. ‘Anouska, you must tell Zach about this. We’ll even come with you for moral support if you want. I know you told him a little white lie last night,’ Jess hurried on, ‘but you need someone close to you, and who lives nearby, to know what happened and keep an eye on you, or at least be there for you in case anything happens again. I don’t mean to be patronising, but you have to think of you and the baby now.’
Anouska sighed. ‘I know. I’ve been thinking about it since I woke up. I just don’t know how to tell Zach. And thanks for the offer of coming with me, but it’s time to put on my big- girl pants and get on with it.’
Jess placed her hand on Anouska’s arm in a gesture of solidarity. ‘Look, why don’t we go grab a nice pub lunch somewhere and have a chat, about how to tell Zach, or we can talk about something else if you wish, then we’ll take you home? Unless you’d rather go straight there?’
‘No, there will be no one home. Zach’s at Bean There. Pub lunch sounds good. But you’re not driving me back to Aberdeen.’
‘It’s not up for debate. Ellie and I’ve already discussed it. You’d do the same for us.’
Anouska mulled this over for a second then said, ‘Fine, and thank you.’
‘You’re welcome,’ said Ellie. ‘We wouldn’t have it any other way.’
‘And Zach?’ Jess wasn’t letting up.
Anouska blew out through her mouth then said, ‘I’ll tell him tonight.’
They stopped at the Travellers’ Rest just outside Kinross before starting the journey north to Aberdeen. It was nothing fancy but the food was reputed to be excellent.
‘That was just what I needed,’ Anouska said after she’d polished off sausage and mash. ‘I don’t usually eat this kind of food, but that hit the spot. Cold toast in hospital didn’t quite do it for me.’
‘Yeah, my Hunter’s chicken was delicious too.’ Jess rubbed her belly. ‘That’ll keep me going until I get home again.’
‘Well, it’ll save me having to cook tonight, at least,’ said Anouska, who was already yawning.
‘Definitely a bonus.’ Ellie popped the final piece of her chicken wrap in her mouth.
‘So, apart from congratulating you, we haven’t actually talked much about the baby. You’re having a baby!’
‘I know! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. It was only because I hadn’t told Zach. No other reason. And I wanted to tell you so much, you have no idea,’ Anouska finished.
‘Don’t worry about that,’ Ellie reassured her. ‘But Jess is right, this is huge. I know you still have to tell Zach, but take a moment, especially now you know everything’s OK, to simply enjoy the fact you’re having a baby!’
A smile slowly spread across Anouska’s face. ‘I am, aren’t I? Oh my God, I’m going to be a mum. A tiny life is growing inside me as we speak.’
‘Does it kick yet?’ Jess asked.
‘No, Bean doesn’t kick yet, too early.’
Jess looked at her quizzically. ‘Bean?’
‘Yes.’ Anouska smiled. ‘I nicknamed the baby “Bean” as when I was reading one of the pregnancy books, the baby was the size of a kidney bean.’
‘Aw, that’s so sweet.’ Jess crossed her hands over her chest. How lovely was that?
‘And I can’t wait until Bean does kick, although it may feel a little like being possessed by an alien, but I’m looking forward to it, alien or not.’
It was heartening to see Anouska smiling and joking after the ordeal she’d just gone through.
‘And what about names? When I was younger, and played with my dolls, I used to think what my kids’ names would be and called all my dolls those names,’ Jess said.
The other two stared at her. Oversharing. Now she looked like a right nerd.
‘Didn’t you ever do that?’ she asked, her voice coming out as a squeak.
Anouska’s brows knitted and Ellie gave a vigorous headshake.
Jess prattled on, ‘But anyway, name trends have changed considerably since then. Fashions go, well, out of fashion.’
Still the same blank stares.
‘C’mon, Anouska, you must have some inkling of a name or the type of name you like.’ At Anouska’s hesitation, Jess went on, ‘Or on the flip side, some you really don’t like and could rule out in a heartbeat.’
Eventually, Anouska said, ‘Well, I do like foreign names, like Aurelie, Anastascia, Brigita, Claudia. Perhaps because my own name is so unusual, although ironically Anouska is English. I also like Giovanna, Mercedes and Katerina. Actually, now you’ve got me started, I could go on forever.’
‘Oh, I love those,’ Jess breathed. ‘Particularly Aurelie. So French, so pretty.’
Ellie leant forward on the table. ‘And what if it’s a boy?’
Anouska bit her lip and appeared lost in thought for a second then ticked off on her fingers. ‘Leo, Julian, Maxim, Dmitry and Pavel are amongst the first to spring to mind.’
‘Well, baby Bean certainly won’t have a boring name.’ Ellie grinned.
‘Unless Zach has different ideas,’ Anouska mused sadly.
The cogs were turning in Jess’ brain. Her vision of the landscape of Anouska and Zach’s relationship seemed to vary greatly from the picture Anouska was painting in her reluctance to tell Zach about her pregnancy. What was she so afraid of?
Although she hadn’t met Zach, everything she’d heard about him sounded wonderful, so why the reticence? She simply didn’t get it.
‘Anouska, excuse me if I’m being too forward, but can I ask why you haven’t told Zach about the baby? You said the proposal was complicated. Was this why?’
Anouska’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth as if to speak, but no words came out. Finally, she said, ‘He doesn’t want kids. I do. I always have, but I was so happy with Zach, I didn’t want to spoil things by telling him so, when I knew how he felt, so I suppressed my desire to be a mum, thinking we could be enough for each other. And we were. Until now.’
This time it was Jess’ eyes that widened. She hadn’t been expecting that.
‘And Zach has so many hang-ups about marriage, as I told you before.’ She turned to Ellie. ‘Sorry, Ellie, I think you might have missed that conversation. He had a bad experience with an ex, and it has put him off marriage for life.’
Ellie frowned. ‘But you’re not his ex. Your relationship with Zach is totally different to theirs.’
‘I know, but try telling Zach that. He’s happy as we are. And I was, for the most part, but now I’m not. And even if I was, life has changed for me– dramatically.’ She eyed her stomach pointedly.
Jess thought for a second then said, ‘Anouska, Zach loves you. Yes, he’ll likely be shocked you’re pregnant, but human beings cope with shocks all the time. We just get on with it. This may be the best thing that has ever happened to you as a couple. I can already see how much you’re looking forward to being a mum in the way you talk about Bean, the way you cover your stomach protectively. Believe in Zach. I really think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.’
Anouska gave a deep sigh. ‘I hope so, Jess, I really hope so.’
Two hours later, Ellie’s car pulled up outside Anouska’s flat. Jess and Ellie helped Anouska upstairs then Ellie made her a cup of tea whilst Jess made her comfortable on the couch.
‘Now, listen, rest, I mean it. We’ll be checking.’ Jess pointed a finger at her.
Anouska smiled. ‘Are you going to install a nanny cam or something?’
Jess smirked. ‘Don’t tempt me.’
They chatted for ten minutes or so whilst they drank the tea, then Anouska told them they should go as they had a long journey back.
‘And you’re positive you don’t want us to stay, or at least remain in the vicinity? We could go to a nearby café or something and you could phone us if you need us,’ Jess said, although she was wondering how she’d explain to Mark, the gym and her dog owners why she wasn’t back yet. But some things were more important.
Anouska smiled. ‘Thanks, Jess, but this is something I really need to do on my own.’