Chapter Two
CHAPTER TWO
An hour later, Bella’s dad answered the door, glasses perched on top of his head where he always rested them when he’d been called away from his reading.
‘Bella? What are you doing here?’
Bella fought back the sudden and overwhelming urge to burst into tears at the sight of him. ‘It’s lovely to see you too, Dad,’ she replied.
Growing up he’d been her hero, her comfort blanket, the man she’d run to whenever the world was too much for her. It had been a long time since she’d seen him that way, but right now, she needed a bit of that hero. He was so much older now, close to seventy, and yet in his quick eyes and sudden smile she could see that man was still in there.
‘I’m sorry, love, I only meant your mum didn’t say anything about you coming and we haven’t bought any extra shopping…Is Sean with you?’ he asked, glancing behind her at the car. ‘We haven’t forgotten some arrangements, have we?’
‘No, you haven’t forgotten anything. I’m sorry I didn’t message to say I was coming – it was a bit of a spur-of-the-moment thing. As for Sean…well, you won’t be seeing him again if I have anything to do with it. I’ve left him.’
Her dad’s eyes widened. ‘Oh Lord! You’d better come in!’ After ushering her inside, he closed the front door and then began to yell into the house. ‘Wendy! Wendy! Where are you?’
The voice of Bella’s mum floated down the stairs. ‘You know where I am! What’s the panic?’
Bella’s dad shot a wary glance at her before replying. ‘Bella’s here. We could do with your…well, we could do with you coming down.’
A moment later, her mum appeared at the top of the stairs, red-faced and with an armful of bedding. ‘Bella? Are you all right? Had we arranged…?’
‘No, Mum.’
‘She’s left him,’ her dad cut in.
Bella’s mum frowned. ‘Sean?’
‘Who else?’
Wendy sat on the step, holding her washing to her chest. ‘You’d better put the kettle on, Brian, and we’re going to need the big pot.’
Bella made her way up the stairs and took some of the bedding from her mum, who then got up with the rest.
‘Sorry, Mum,’ she said, feeling the need to offer an apology even though she knew neither of her parents would expect one. ‘I suppose it’s a bad time.’
‘When is it ever a good time for news like this?’ Wendy said briskly as she followed Bella back down the stairs. At the bottom, she kissed her on the cheek and then continued into the kitchen, where Bella took a seat and watched as her mum stuffed the sheets and pillowcases into the washing machine. Her dad was already busy rinsing out the extra-large teapot they used when they had a lot of visitors. There was only the three of them, but Bella had to assume they were going to be drinking a lot of tea that afternoon.
‘I think this calls for the good stuff,’ he said, going to a cupboard. ‘Where’s the Assam we got from Waitrose last week?’
At any other time, Bella might have been tempted to roll her eyes. If the world was coming to an end, her dad would be stressing about the right tea to serve for the occasion. But she didn’t, because she realised it was only his way of trying to show that he was taking the situation seriously and that he was worried about her.
Sean had always been unkind about the details her parents paid so much attention to. He’d called them ‘golf club social climbers’, more bothered about appearances, aspirations above their incomes. It had always seemed hurtful to Bella. It wasn’t hurting anyone else and they weren’t stepping on anybody to do it, so what harm was there if they dreamed of bettering themselves? If they wanted to splurge on the odd nice thing from time to time, it was their business.
‘It’s in there somewhere,’ Wendy said, straightening up before going over to peer into the cupboard with him. A second later, a hand darted in and she waved the box in front of his face. ‘You’re worse than Bella used to be as a child – if it’s not an inch away from your nose, you can’t find it. You know the world is three dimensional, right? Things can exist behind other things.’
She let out a sigh as she joined Bella at the table. Brian busied himself making the tea.
‘Right then,’ Wendy began with a critical look at Bella. ‘What’s he done? I suppose it’s another woman?’
Bella had never mentioned either of Sean’s previous affairs to her parents. She hadn’t wanted to worry them, and she hadn’t wanted to give them ammunition. She’d long suspected he wasn’t the choice of husband they’d have made for her, though given their propensity to exaggerate their wealth to society at large, that notion had always surprised her. If they ought to have been pleased to have any son-in-law, by rights it ought to have been one who was wealthy and successful. Perhaps they’d seen the true Sean in a way she could never have done while she was still in love with him.
There was a strange thought as she tried to find a place to begin the conversation – while she’d still been in love with him …Did that mean she was no longer in love with him? Had the events of that afternoon done something to kill any feelings she’d had once and for all? She was quite sure she’d loved him even after the second affair – why else would she have stayed with him? But now? Beyond the shock and numbness, she wasn’t sure how she felt about him now. But a Freudian slip – even one unuttered – was still a Freudian slip, wasn’t it?
‘What makes you say that?’ Bella asked, but her mum simply gave a sceptical look in reply. ‘OK.’ Bella nodded slowly. ‘It’s that obvious?’
‘It was the first thing that came to mind,’ Wendy said. ‘I’m right then?’
‘Yes, you’re right,’ Bella said sadly.
‘And you’re not prepared to try and work it out? Does he love this other woman? Is it serious? How long has it been going on?’
‘I don’t know if he loves her, if it’s serious or how long it’s been going on, and I don’t care. He doesn’t get another shot – not with me.’
‘Is it…’ Wendy paused. ‘This isn’t the first time?’
‘I don’t want to talk about it, Mum. Please don’t ask me.’
‘Oh, Bell…’ Wendy reached for her, but Bella moved out of the way.
‘Please, Mum, I don’t think…I don’t want to cry, not for that arsehole, and if you hug me right now, I will. I just want…Could I stay with you and Dad? Only until I work out what to do next.’
‘Of course you can!’ Brian called over from the kettle. ‘You know you can stay here as long as you want to.’
‘I know, but I’ll try not to overstay my welcome.’
‘You’d never do that,’ said Brian.
‘But…’ Wendy put in with a shrewd look. ‘Are you worried you might start to feel as if you’ve gone backward and that your life is a failure if you stay with us for too long? Is that it, Bell?’
‘I am forty,’ Bella replied, flinching at the mild offence on her dad’s face. ‘I shouldn’t be living with my parents at forty, should I? Most people of my age have a partner and a nice home and children…God, some even have grandchildren! And what have I got right now? A failed marriage, no children and a spare bedroom in my parents’ house. Wow, what a success I’ve made of my life…’
‘I always said it was a mistake to go along with Sean’s idea of not having children—’ Wendy began.
‘Not helping, Mum,’ Bella cut her off brusquely but then softened as she realised her annoyance wasn’t helping either. The truth was she’d agreed to Sean’s terms when they’d married and she’d been content enough with their life, though in her quiet hours she sometimes wondered whether she was missing out, not having children. She supposed now she’d never know. And considering the current circumstances, perhaps being childless would turn out to be a blessing. At least the only person who had to go through the brutality of an acrimonious split – and she had no doubt that it would be acrimonious – was her. She was scared enough of her future right now without having a child to worry about too.
‘No, perhaps it’s not,’ Wendy said. ‘Sorry. You have to understand this is a bombshell for us too.’
‘Is it?’ Bella raised her eyebrows. ‘OK. A bombshell, maybe, but not a surprise? At least that was what your face was telling me when I arrived with my news.’
‘We always had…’
Seeing Wendy struggle for the right word, Brian leaped in to fill the gap: ‘Reservations about him.’
‘Tactful as always,’ Bella replied with a pained smile.
‘Is this really it?’ Wendy asked. ‘You won’t be tempted to go back to him once you’ve cooled down?’
‘I am cooled down. I’m not even angry – not at him, not now. I’m angry at me for letting him…never mind. How can I be angry at him? He’s like…I don’t know…he’s like a cat who does that spraying thing on your rhododendron bush. It’s just his nature, and he can’t be anything different. I suppose, on some level, I always believed I could change him, tame him, but…what’s the use? He might seem like he’s settled but, deep down, he’s always going to be that man, and somewhere down the line it will come to the surface again.’
‘Hmmm.’ Wendy nodded slowly. ‘He thinks with his downstairs apparatus. Like a lot of them.’
Bella’s smile, despite the situation, appeared once more, and this time it was genuine. ‘That’s one way of putting it – a very tactful one. Have you and Dad been taking lessons in diplomacy?’
‘I sometimes wonder if we’ve been too diplomatic over the years.’ Wendy patted Bella’s hand gently. ‘I can’t help feeling some of this is our fault.’
‘How on earth is it your fault?’ Bella acknowledged the cup of tea her dad had just placed on the table in front of her with a brief nod before turning back to her mum.
‘Perhaps if we’d aired some of our reservations before now, we might have been able to…oh, I don’t know. I suppose I wish there was something I could do to make it better. I hate to see you upset like this.’
‘Mum, I make my own choices – as we all do. I chose to marry Sean. I probably had a sense of what kind of man he was even back then, but I ignored it like I would have ignored your… reservations , even if you had spoken to me about them. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame him. I’m not even going to blame myself because what would be the use? And in answer to your earlier question, this is absolutely, definitely it. The end. Finito. The sooner I can get a divorce and get him out of my life the better.’
Brian shook his head sadly as he took a seat at the table with them. ‘Oh, Bell. What did he do to you?’
‘He didn’t hurt me, Dad, if that’s what you’re worried about. Nothing like that – at least nothing physical. As for the emotional hurt, I’m already over it, I promise. Nothing that man can do now can hurt me ever again because I won’t let it.’
‘Still, as your mum says, we feel…well, not responsible as such but pained that we can’t do anything to help.’
‘You are helping – you’re here for me when I need you. I know I just said I can’t stay here indefinitely, but I know I have you for now, and that’s enough while I work out what comes next. I can’t tell you what a relief that is. I don’t mind admitting that the thought of my future is a bit scary right now.’
‘I can only imagine.’ Wendy picked up her teacup. ‘I’d find it all terrifying if—’ She clamped her mouth shut again at the sight of Bella’s wince. ‘Sorry…not helpful either, I suppose.’
‘Not wrong, though,’ Bella said. ‘I’m trying not to focus on the fear and see something more positive in the situation. Like maybe this is a crossroads and maybe it’s a good thing for my life. I just have to choose the right direction. Then again, all directions could be right, only in different ways. They might all end up somewhere better than I am now. Let’s face it, they can hardly lead anywhere worse.’
Brian put his cup down and shot a hesitant glance at his wife. ‘You know that letter we had from Celestine…?’
‘What about it?’
‘I was wondering…could that be something for Bella to think about? A two birds, one stone sort of situation?’
‘I hardly see how,’ Wendy replied briskly.
‘What’s that?’ Bella’s forehead creased as she looked from her dad to her mum and then back again. ‘Celestine? As in Great-Aunt Celestine on Jersey? What letter? What’s going on there?’
‘Nothing for you to worry about at the moment,’ Wendy said, taking her empty teacup to the dishwasher.
Bella turned to her dad and he shrugged. ‘It was only an idea.’
‘What?’ Bella demanded. ‘What is it I need to think about? And what’s it got to do with Celestine? I mean, I haven’t seen her for years, so I don’t know?—’
‘She had a fall last week,’ Brian said, choosing to ignore his wife’s eye-rolling. ‘She’s had to shut that old flower stall she runs while she’s off her feet.’
Bella’s frown deepened. ‘She still has that old stall? I’d have thought she’d have retired years ago! I mean, she must be about ninety now.’
‘Older,’ Brian said. ‘She’ll be ninety-four in a couple of months. But she’s still very active.’
‘Not now, she isn’t,’ Wendy reminded him as she opened a box containing a coconut sponge. She cut a slice and offered it to Bella, who shook her head. ‘It’s Waitrose,’ Wendy added, as if that alone ought to be enough to entice any sane person to take it whether they wanted to or not.
‘No thanks, Mum, I’m really not hungry. So what’s going on with Aunt Celestine? She had a fall, you said. Is she OK?’
‘She’s fine, but she’s off her feet for six weeks while her ankle heals. The doctors have said she has quite remarkable bone density for a woman of her age…’ Brian bit into the slice of cake Wendy had just put in front of him. ‘Must be all that rich Jersey milk she drinks. But still, six weeks is six weeks, and it’s a long time for the flower stall to be closed.’
‘Does she even need to do that job now?’ Bella asked. ‘Surely she has a pension.’
‘That house of hers takes some maintaining,’ Wendy said, returning to the table with some cake of her own. ‘And quite honestly I think the stall is the one thing that keeps her going; it’s her way of socialising and getting out and about. If she ever had to give it up…well, I wouldn’t like to dwell on it. I don’t think she’d last long.’
Bella nodded. ‘Most people don’t make it to ninety-odd, let alone carry on running a business at that age. I don’t know how she does it – must be quite a physical job at times.’
‘I don’t know either, but she seems to manage,’ Brian said. ‘At least until now.’
‘OK…’ Bella said slowly. ‘It’s all very sad for her, but I don’t see what any of it has to do with me.’
Brian stuffed the last of his cake into his mouth and swallowed hard. ‘It was a silly idea – your mum’s right; I didn’t think it through. You’ve got your own things to worry about.’
‘ I’d like to decide if it’s a silly idea or not.’ Bella paused. ‘You were thinking maybe I could go over and help her for a while? Is that it? As I currently have nothing else to do and every reason to find some distraction from my current misery? Am I warm?’
Brian nodded. ‘Pretty much. But I’m sure you don’t want?—’
Bella sat up in her chair. ‘Actually, Dad, that sounds like a brilliant idea. Six weeks on Jersey might be just the thing. If nothing else, I can post lots of photos on my social media and make Sean think I’m having the most fantastic time and not thinking about him at all – that alone has got to be worth the cost of the flight. Do you have a phone number for Celestine? I could give her a call, talk it over to see what she thinks. Presumably she hasn’t asked anyone else yet?’
‘She hasn’t asked anyone at all,’ Brian said. ‘I suppose she assumes nobody has time. We only know about the accident because she still writes to your mum regularly.’
‘If you’d asked me twelve hours ago, I would have had Sean to persuade and we all know how that would have gone,’ Bella said. ‘But I don’t have to ask him now, so…’ She shrugged. ‘Why wouldn’t I go and help her? If she’ll have me, of course. I suppose she has room at that old house of hers? If it’s still the same house, I remember she had a few bedrooms, didn’t she? What was it called again…?’
‘Villa Rosa,’ Wendy said. ‘She still has it. She’d never give up that old place, even though it’s far too big for her. It’s been in the family for three generations, outlasted two world wars and Nazi occupation and all sorts, and I don’t doubt it will outlast us all. Are you sure going to Jersey to live with an old lady for six weeks is what you need right now?’
‘This is exactly what I need: some distance and time to plan my future. Who knows, maybe I’ll decide I really like working with flowers. I might decide to start up a flower stall of my own.’ Bella took a deep breath and pushed a smile across her face. ‘A world of possibilities has opened up in front of me. It might not be how I feel at this moment, but it’s the truth of my situation, so I ought to take advantage of that. I know one thing: I’m not going to let Sean dictate my life for a second longer. And I could make many worse starts than going off to Jersey to help Celestine. I haven’t seen her for years, but I remember from when we all used to holiday there, way back when, that I always really liked her and that Villa Rosa was beautiful, and Jersey is pretty and interesting, so it has to be a win-win.’
‘It feels like a very rash decision to me,’ Wendy said, ‘but I don’t suppose there’s any real harm in going over there, if only to help clear your head and give you some perspective.’
‘Exactly!’ Bella said. ‘It’s only six weeks, but that’s plenty of time to get my head straight.’
Wendy went into the living room and came back a minute later with a leather-bound book. She handed it to Bella. ‘Celestine’s phone number is in there, once you’re ready to call her.’
Bella turned to the right page and got out her mobile, heart thumping but doing her best to hide that from her parents. She could lie to them that she was OK, that a world of possibilities had opened up as a result of Sean’s infidelities, that it was ultimately going to be a positive step for her to leave him, but she couldn’t lie to herself. She needed to go to Jersey – of that much she was sure, even though she didn’t know why she felt it so strongly – but life from this day on…that was a far less certain prospect.