The Magic of Light

Chapter

Forty-Three

Soren

The sun was setting as Sawyer sat next to me on my front porch swing the following Sunday evening. Her hair was loosely twisted in a messy bun, with little tresses touching her neck and cheeks. She was beautiful, as she always was. I didn’t know how much longer I could wait for her to kiss me. I would rather cut off my own legs than move too far, too fast. I would never forgive myself if something I did triggered her trauma response. She was too precious to me to risk making a mistake. Sawyer was warm sunshine and wildflowers. Everything bright and brave, and I was lucky to be near her. Her walls were coming down, and I would be here, waiting, when she finally saw me.

Talia was right the first day I met her. Sawyer was too good for this world, and I’d spend every day trying to make the earth a better place for her.

“Soren?” She pulled me from my thoughts.

Her wide eyes lifted from the coffee table photography book of horses she was flipping through.

“Yeah, Pretty Girl?” She bit her lip. I wish she wouldn’t do that.

“I want to ask you something, but can you not look at me?” She raised her brow.

We’d played this game before, so I knew she was going to say something deeply personal to her. She had told me it made her more comfortable, so I closed my eyes.

“Shoot.”

“Why don’t you touch me more?” She sounded nervous, but she quickly added, “I mean not that you have to or anything, but I like it when you hug me.”

I couldn’t stop the tug at the corner of my mouth.

“I have been told I’m a world-class hugger.” A giggle escaped her mouth at my cockiness.

“Can I look now?” I asked.

“Umm-hmm.” Her face was turned down toward her hands as she fidgeted with the military tags. Her cheeks were flushed as I was expecting they would be.

“You’re in charge, here. I’m following your lead.”

Her head shot up. I couldn’t tell if she was shocked or surprised. Her mouth moved, but no words came out and then she blurted, “What if I want you to touch me first?”

“How would you like me to touch you?” I asked softly as she studied her nails.

“I’ve never kissed anybody on my own terms, and I want to know what that feels like.”

I searched her downturned face and decided that maybe she was experiencing the same tension I was. I had to ignore her “on my own terms” portion because it made me consider becoming a felon. I could rip someone apart limb from limb. That anger would never leave. I would always feel murderous toward anyone that had laid a hand on her or had ever treated her with anything but the utmost care and respect.

I stood as she looked at me with complete vulnerability in her eyes, and I reached for her hand. She slid her soft hand in mine, and I walked her to the wide porch railing. I reached down, grasped her by the waist, and placed her on the wide ledge, which made us almost eye to eye. I saw her delicate throat swallow at our proximity to each other. I could see her heartbeat racing at the base of her throat.

“Sawyer, remember when I said you can always tell me no?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Pretty Girl, I need you to use your words.” My voice graveled. I didn’t want to do anything she didn’t want.

“Yes.” She smiled softly.

“Remember that.”

I tucked a strand of her glossy hair behind her ear as I leaned in and kissed her jaw under her ear. My lips skimmed down the length of her jaw, beginning by her ear, then her chin. Her skin was as silky as I assumed it would be.

“You’re so damn beautiful.”

I pulled away and wrapped my hand around the side of her jaw and neck. My thumb brushed between her cheek and ear. I moved to the opposite side to kiss her temple. Lowering my lips, I grazed her jaw as I stopped to place kisses from her ear to the pulse point on her neck. I opened my mouth to taste her there. She was even sweeter than I imagined. A small shiver raced through her body. She was as affected by my presence as I was of hers. I pulled away, wanting to check in, and her eyes met mine.

“Is that okay?” I asked.

“Yes.” Her voice was soft.

I was standing between her knees as I reached for her wrists and placed her hands on my obliques in case she thought she needed permission to touch me. I placed my hand back on her neck and leaned to kiss her forehead, trailing kisses from her forehead to her temple. I leaned back, searching her eyes.

“Is this okay?” I asked again.

“Yes,” she answered.

I heard a tiny sound of irritation, and then she grabbed my shirt and hauled me closer as her full lips tentatively met mine. I momentarily stopped breathing until she made a whimper that made my self-control crumble to pieces. I groaned and grasped my hand through her hair, knocking her hair loose as it cascaded down her back. Her hands gripped my shirt tightly, pulling me even closer. The gap between our bodies closed, and a fire stirred deep within me. I ran my tongue across the seam of her mouth and she gasped, giving me entrance to her mouth. Kissing Sawyer Brannan was better than any kiss I’d ever had. Her hands were fisted in my shirt, tugging me as close as possible before sliding up to wrap around my neck. I left one hand in her hair as the other found her hip. This kiss was like a fireworks show on the 4th of July. It was a World Series, Super Bowl, NBA Finals-winning kind of kiss. All of her curves fit mine perfectly, and I slid my hands under her thighs and carried her to the swing. I sat on the swing, never breaking the kiss while she straddled my lap. I anchored my hands on her hips, refusing to let my hands roam. I wouldn’t do more than kiss her until she told me otherwise. She pulled away from my lips and trailed kisses along my jawline and back to my ear. I flexed my fingers, hoping I wasn’t bruising her hips. When she moved to kiss my neck, I couldn’t stop the groan in the back of my throat. It was the most sensual sensation, and there was something about her innocent exploration that lit a fire in me. I moved my hands to her shoulders and gently created distance between us.

“Sawyer, we have to slow down,” I choked out.

Her hooded eyes and the sound of protest were almost too much for my resistance. Her hair had tumbled down her back in soft waves. The old me wanted nothing more than to pick her up, toss her on my bed, and let her soft innocent exploration continue. I wanted to taste her. To kiss every inch of her soft, strawberry-and-cream scented skin and watch her unravel as I spent all night showing her how much I adored her.

“Maybe we should set boundaries?” I asked, barely holding on to logic.

“Like how far is too far?” she asked back. Her lips swollen from kissing me.

“Yeah, I want you, Sawyer. But I don’t want to scare you or make you uncomfortable or move too fast.” Her cheeks flushed, and she bit her bottom lip as she searched my eyes, which almost made me come undone again.

“You want me?” she asked incredulously.

“Every single inch of you. From your cute little feet to the top of your beautiful head, but I won’t be another man who ignores your boundaries or pushes too far, too fast,” I said, watching her closely.

“Okay. But can we kiss one more time?” she asked with a smile.

“Now that I can do,” I answered huskily as I dipped my head to kiss her swollen lips. We sat this way for one more lengthy kiss before I pulled back and asked if she wanted to take a ride on the UTV to check on the calves. We talked and held hands the entire time because there was nowhere on the earth I’d rather be than loving Sawyer for the rest of my days. I only hoped that when she saw all the pieces of me, she wouldn’t want to leave.