Chapter
Fifty-One
Sawyer
“Tal, I know you’re right about me not being able to continue like I am, but I feel stuck. I know I want to make a difference in the lives of children, especially children from hard places, but I also don’t want my entire life to be my job.”
“What if you could do that without working directly in foster care?” She asked as she licked frosting from her finger.
“I can’t turn a blind eye to these kids.” I had experienced that.
“What if you still helped kids but in a different way? I saw a job posting the other day that I think would be perfect for you.”
“Really? Where at?” I asked taking a bite of my cake.
“It’s a new venture in Kennedy, and they are recruiting someone to manage the resources and organize community involvement. I briefly glanced at the website and it sounds as though they are preemptively working with at-risk families in an effort to prevent foster care service from being needed, training caregivers and providing resources for those in need,” Talia explained.
“I would love a chance to help families before CPS or foster care is needed if that were possible, but I can’t work in Soren’s town, Tal.” Surely, she understood this.
“Why?”
I hadn’t told her about Soren yet. I looked toward the flowers and explained what I had done. She nodded quietly, and I read her the card. I told her how he had texted me everyday since telling me something he loved about me. She simply listened and nodded.
“It seems as though Soren is more than willing to talk this out. I don’t understand.” She didn’t understand and she wouldn’t.
“Tal, on no planet would I ever be worthy of someone like Soren Roberts. He deserves someone who isn’t damaged like me.” Talia tilted her head, studying me.
“Would you let someone say that about me? Would you let someone say I didn’t deserve Rob?” Her tone startled me. I squinted my eyes because I knew she was pulling one of her psychology tricks.
“No . . . ”
“If you’re not okay with someone saying those words to me, why would you be okay saying them about yourself?” She easily took a bite of cake, as if her calm words weren’t a punch to the gut.
“Sawyer, this is the thing. While you are negating why you don’t belong, there are people who love you, wanting you to be there. I wasn’t upset because you couldn’t come the other day. I was upset because I wanted you to be a part of a special moment in my life and you weren’t there. You are wanted. How will I ever get that through to you?” She remarked all of this in her matter-of-fact voice, but I was hung up on two of her words.
“Special moment?” She reached for the gift bag and handed it to me. I set my cake aside and pulled out a tiny blue onesie that said “My aunt is pretty cool.” Talia was pregnant. I squealed with excitement.
“I’m so sorry that I missed your announcement. Tal, I’m excited for you! Truly.” I hated that I had missed such a special moment in her life.
“Thank you.” She smiled as she patted her still flat belly.
“Is Ava excited?” Ava would be the best big sister.
“As much as she can be. She is having a hard time understanding that it’s going to be a few months, but she’s made a stack of toys to share,” Talia shared with a smile tugging at her lips.
“Of course our sweet girl would.”
“I know you don’t want to talk about this, but, Sawyer, please promise me you’ll think about other jobs. I’m only pushing this because I love you and I want you to have a life outside the chaos of the system. Just because you grew up in the system doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your entire life to it. You can still make a difference in other places. In places that are no less worthy.” I searched her eyes. I knew she was speaking the truth with love, but the idea of walking away from the thing I knew best scared me.
“Okay. I’ll try.” I agreed as I bit the inside of my cheek.
“I can send you the link to that new center that I was talking about. The website and mission statement sound legit. Essentially, it’s supposed to be a resource for the town, for everything from tutoring, job interview prep, parenting classes, therapy offices. I’m even thinking of donating an afternoon each week for the free therapy sessions portion.”
“Wow. It sounds like an amazing resource for the community.” Maybe this would be the right fit.
“You’re amazing at multitasking and organization. I think you’d be fantastic at it, plus it had clearly defined hours. It’s 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. You should check it out. After reading through the information, I got the impression that the heart behind it is genuinely trying to make a difference,” Talia said while taking another bite of cake with a smile on her face.
“I’ll check it out.”
Day Seven
Soren:
I love your heart. It’s brave and compassionate.