The Mercenary and the Mortician (The Silent Hollow #1)

41. Ryan Fairview

A fter giving me a tour of the townhouse he shared with Naomi, Cal took me home. He remained positive and upbeat the entire drive, yammering my ear off about the horrible song blasting through the speakers.

He seemed to have made it his personal mission to get me to like dubstep, and I couldn’t help but do my best to listen attentively.

After what he told me about his past, something inside me had definitely shifted. When I looked at him now, I could see the child in him. That small, innocent version of Callum that never had a chance to grow up properly.

He wasn’t a ruthless serial killer with zero ability to feel remorse. Whatever Cal was, he was made this way. What broke my heart was the fact that he truly didn’t seem to understand just how badly he had been abused.

This Damian Ryker guy had literally groomed him into being a child soldier and did so by dangling the safety of his sisters over his head as collateral. It was the kind of thing I had only ever seen in movies or on TV. To know all that had happened to the cheerful man sitting next to me made me want to pull him to my chest and just hold him.

Cal pulled up in front of my house and turned his handsome grin on me. My gaze tracked his hand as he slid his Ray-Bans up on his head.

“Home sweet home, ginger snap.” He smirked, his brown eyes dancing with amusement. He rested his hand on the back of my seat and nodded at my house.

“Head on in, I’ll be back in the morning with Naomi.”

I could feel the heat of his hand from where it rested by my face as if it were some sort of power generator.

Somehow, I knew he was still deflecting and trying to distract me from our earlier conversation about his past. I wasn’t done talking about it with him, but he seemed to be entirely uninterested in revisiting the topic of Apex and his upbringing.

Sighing, I glanced at my house and then back at him. He was so beautiful. I could admit that to myself now.

His rugged, sharp jaw and warm olive skin made him look like some sort of sun god that had come down to earth to bless us with his smile.

Glancing down at his plush lips… lips that I had tasted twice now, I cleared my throat awkwardly.

“Do you… uh. Do you want to come in?” I asked quietly. Suddenly, I wasn’t ready for him to go. There was this strange new tension between us. It was different from the sexual tension I had been fighting since the first day we met.

This was the kind of tension that came from an unfinished conversation. I wanted to talk more about what had happened to him. Deeper than that, I found myself wanting to be a safe person for him to confide in. My fingers itched to pull him into me and hold him and soothe him because, despite the fact that he was still smiling at me, there was this sort of confused pain lurking beneath it.

Cal was hiding from me, and I didn’t fucking like it.

“I can’t tonight, ginger snap. Duty calls.” He winked, and my stomach soured at his gentle dismissal. I couldn’t tell if he was just saying that to push me away or if he really did have to ‘ go to work.’

Either way, it made me extremely uncomfortable.

My disappointment must have shown on my face because he curled his hand around my chin and stroked my jaw gently.

“Aww. Baby, don’t look so sad. I’ll be back to bug you in the morning.” He winked again, and I couldn’t help the way my eyes fluttered at his casual yet possessive touch.

He let out a low hum and stroked my jaw again. “God, you’re so gorgeous,” he purred, and I watched his eyes darken at my obvious reaction to the way he was brushing his fingers along the side of my face.

I glanced at his mouth and swallowed. Fuck, I really didn’t want him to go. I didn’t want him going to Apex or to be anywhere near that man who had taken his life from him. There was this strange, fierce protectiveness welling inside me, and I found myself leaning closer to him.

I wanted to kiss him so bad.

I wanted to beg him not to go.

I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to hurt people. It didn’t have to be like that… but… what did I know? I didn’t have the means to protect him from someone like Damian Ryker. I was just a fucking mortician.

There was nothing I could do to stop a man like that from doing whatever he wanted to my…

To my… what? My boyfriend?

I shook my head suddenly, trying to rid myself of these confusing and very complex feelings that were suddenly taking over.

Cal dropped his hand as I shook him off, and I told myself I was imagining the look of disappointment that crossed his face.

Had he been waiting for me to kiss him goodbye?

Shoving away the wave of guilt that coursed through me at the thought, I cleared my throat and popped open the passenger side door.

“Later, ginger snap,” Cal said, his voice strangely rough. Pausing, I glanced back at him, taking in the way his dark brows were pinched together and the way his thick hair curled at the nape of his neck.

“Yeah. Be… uhm. Be safe, okay?”

The smile that spread across his face was so genuine I suddenly had no doubt in my mind the smiles he had been flashing me for the last hour had been just for show.

“I’m always safe, gorgeous.” He smirked, and I stepped out of the car.

Then, he was gone.