33. Bash
Chapter 33
Bash
T hat feeling of being caged in my own mind would haunt me forever. Of silently, futilely screaming against the intruder using my body like a marionette. Begging Eva to stop me, fight me, kill me, before I could so much as bruise her.
But gods damn me, I had done worse than that. And I would sell my soul to never have her look like that again—helpless and completely terrified—not for herself, but for me.
Possession magic was so dark and dangerous it had been forbidden long ago, though evidently not forgotten. That bastard had gotten in tonight because I had been drained from the fight, distracted, and unprepared for the surprise assault on my mind. But even though I had finally pushed him out with her help, I wanted to rage at what I had been forced to do to her. At what I had been so powerless to stop; the utter betrayal of my body, my mind, and my very soul.
Eva sucked in a broken breath that cracked something in me. Her fingers were ice cold and shaking as I took her hand in mine, trying in vain to let go of the wild, feral feeling I knew she could sense.
“I hurt you,” I whispered brokenly. “Eva, I’m so–”
“I stabbed you,” Eva gasped out.
“Thank the gods.”
Eva looked at me askance, then let out a choking sound that was almost a laugh. “And here I thought I already knew all your kinks.”
But her eyes were haunted, searching mine as if to be sure any trace of her tormentor was gone. I reached out, gently caressing the bruises blooming on her wrists. Where his—where my hands held her down.
A faint tremor coursed down my arm.
I could barely look at the bite mark, where he had claimed her yet again, her blood dripping down her chest.
“You need a healer,” I said hoarsely, moving to extract myself from her embrace. “I can wake someone…”
But her focus was on my leg—at the blood steadily leaking down to stain the cream-colored sheets.
“You’re the one who needs a healer,” Eva said, her voice trembling.
“Eva…”
She was already tearing a page from a notebook by her bedside, writing a quick note that disappeared in a dark swirl of her magic. Her lips were tightly pressed together as she hurried to the bathroom, coming back with two robes, a wet washcloth, and a steaming bowl of water. She threw a fleece robe at me before wrapping herself in her own.
“You don’t need to—” Firmly, she pressed the washcloth to my wound, cutting off my protests. “It’s fine.” Her hand trembled as she kept pressure on it, ignoring me entirely. “Eva, please stop and talk to me.”
I reached out to touch her. My hand stilled over the red marks on her arm—the handprint that perfectly matched my grip. I yanked my hand away, unable to tear my gaze from the darkening mark, the outline of my fingertips marring her skin.
A knock on the door snapped me out of my spiraling thoughts.
“Come in,” Eva called out, her voice pitched low.
The door opened a crack, then Rivan slipped inside. “I leave you two alone for…” He stopped still as his eyes fixed on Eva’s bleeding neck, now dripping down onto her robe, then the stab wound on my leg. “What the hell happened?”
“Av—Aviel used Bash’s blood to try to attack me.” Eva gestured at my leg with a still-trembling hand. “I was able to snap him out of it.”
Rivan let out a low growl, coming up to the bedside. He reached out a hand, already aglow with the healing green of his magic, but I shook my head. “Her first.”
Eva rolled her eyes. “You’re the one who’s bleeding.”
“So are you,” I gritted out. And immediately regretted it at the stricken look on her face. She reached up to touch the reopened wound on her neck like she had forgotten it was there, wincing as she felt it. Slowly, she lowered her hand, her face carefully blank as she took in the blood on her fingertips. Then she lifted her eyes to mine, her fingers curling in to form a fist—smearing her blood against her scar.
I looked away first. “Start with?—”
But Rivan’s magic was already flowing into my leg, the pain of the knife-wound already dulling. I glared at him, snapping, “Since when don’t you know how to follow orders?”
“Since it was a stupid one.” Rivan scowled at me, then heaved a sigh. “But considering the rate at which you were losing blood, you already knew that. And I’m not in the business of enabling suffering, especially when it isn’t deserved.”
“You don’t even know what happened.”
“I know enough.”
The silence thickened as I watched my skin knit back together, an angry red scab forming over the injury.
“Your turn.” Rivan held his hand out to Eva, waiting for her nod before he placed it over her neck. “Though Quinn may do a better job getting rid of it entirely, especially since it’s fresh.”
Eva shrugged slightly. “It won’t change what’s already there.”
Another layer to the scar Aviel had marked her with, the inherent claiming of it making me see red. My shadows flitted angrily up my arms, though they didn’t try to reach for her—like they were just as unsure if they could trust themselves as I was.
“It’s not your fault,” Eva said in a quiet rasp, her voice still unsteady. Those hazel eyes met mine, the golden crown around her irises seeming to shimmer as her gaze flickered with concern.
“Please don’t do that,” I choked out. “Don’t comfort me when I’m the reason you’re bleeding right now. I can’t stand it.”
She grabbed my arm, pulling herself up to her knees on the bed so we were nearly nose to nose. Rivan took a step back, his gaze heavy.
“It’s not your fault,” Eva repeated more firmly. “ You didn’t do anything.”
“ Exactly ,” I gritted out through clenched teeth. “Once again, I couldn’t stop him. Couldn’t even get him out of my own mind while he?—”
I thrust a hand into my hair and turned away, unable to look at her. At the bruises forming where that monster had used my hands to hurt her, to hold her down. My body was vibrating like I was about to combust.
“He would have used me to—” I choked, unable to voice the thought to its conclusion. “And I don’t know if I would’ve been able to stop it.”
Rivan’s face had tightened in rage with the confirmation of what had almost occurred.
“But you did,” Eva whispered. “You stopped him.”
“No,” I said hoarsely, closing my eyes so I didn’t have to see the pain in hers, even though I could feel it in my own heart. “I didn’t. I couldn’t save you, Eva. From everything he’s done to you. To have him use my own body to show me how much I can’t protect you from him is just my latest failure.”
Eva pulled me toward her so our foreheads nearly touched, her eyes searching my face. “Blaming yourself for his actions won’t change anything. You fought for me, even before we knew what he was, even when he was too powerful to defeat. That’s all I could ever ask from you. That’s all that matters in the end.” She swallowed hard, as something like self-recrimination flashed across our bond. “Besides, giving myself over to him was my plan…and it worked. So I can’t let you hold on to the guilt for my own actions, especially when they were what saved you. Saved our family.” Her gazed darted to Rivan before returning to me. “You don’t get to monopolize the need to save the other in this relationship.”
Her eyes crinkled slightly, and I was struck at how few and far between her smiles had been of late. I reached out and traced that one-sided dimple with my thumb. Her mouth trembled, just slightly, that dimple slipping away.
“I’ve been telling him that for years,” Rivan grumbled. He smirked as I looked at him, slightly startled to find him still there—like in the moment she smiled at me, everything else had ceased to exist.
“Thank you,” I said quietly to him. “I’m sorry that I snapped at you.”
He waved me off, frowning at the bruises still marring my anima ’s neck. “I can heal that too.”
“Get some sleep,” Eva said firmly. “We have quite the journey tomorrow, and you need your strength.”
Rivan looked like he was about to argue, but nodded, smothering a yawn with the back of his hand. “ Do try not to find any more trouble before the dawn if you two can manage it.”
He slipped out the door, shutting it behind him.
Eva took my hand, giving me a tremulous smile. “So about that whole monopolization of who gets to save?—”
“Okay,” I interrupted, reaching for the damp towel she had used on me. I pressed a clean edge against the blood drying on her neck, working my way down the track dried onto her chest as I pressed a kiss against her temple.
“Okay?” Eva repeated, immediately suspicious of my quick switch to acquiescence.
“You’re right,” I said. “The False King has taken far too much from both of us. To hold on to the blame for that would be letting him win in a different way. Because he has no power here.”
As if saying it aloud might make it true.
Eva’s eyes danced. “Telling me ‘you’re right’ will get you everywhere though…just so you know.”
“Is that so?”
I dropped the towel, my hand stroking almost lazily down her side, taking my time as I slipped through the part in her robe. I heard her breath catch as my thumb traced a path up her inner thigh.
Mine. She was mine . And I, hers.
But I paused there, wincing at the memory of his hands on her. My hands, pushing her down, about to?—
“Bash?”
She took my hand from where it had frozen against her before I could move away, her eyes searching my face.
I forced myself to meet her gaze, if only to show her it was still me. “What if this is only a temporary reprieve? If he regains control of me and…I should have told Rivan to stay.”
Eva was already shaking her head. “He caught us off guard. You’ll be ready if it happens again. We’ll be ready. But if you don’t want to?—”
“It’s not that.” In fact, it was entirely the opposite; the primal need to claim her after what had happened practically redirecting the blood from my head. She started to undo her robe, but I caught her hand in mine, then smiled at her impatient huff. “Are you sure? Are you even…okay?”
The question sounded stupid just coming out of my mouth. Of course she wasn’t. Not when I knew exactly what had been done to her.
“No,” Eva said simply. “But I don’t want to think about him anymore. Not tonight. And if we aren’t getting back to sleep anyways, I want…” The deep, lush feeling of her arousal across our bond left no questions about what, exactly, she wanted.
And maybe I also needed the reminder, the comfort of how right we were together. A chance to chase away the nightmares that would surely haunt me should sleep not elude me entirely.
I knelt before her on the bed, dragging her hips to the edge. “Then let me make sure you can’t think about anyone else but me.”
My shadows spooled from my hands, gently tugging her thighs open. Eva let out a gasp as my mouth found her, rolling my tongue against her wetness. Her head fell back as she tilted her hips up toward me, my hands obligingly sliding beneath her.
I licked her hungrily, greedily, feeling her fingers tighten where she had laced them into my hair. Letting her moans drown out the blame of my thoughts as her thighs began to quiver, tightening around my ears.
“Wait.”
I stopped immediately, starting to back away.
Her fingers fastened around my wrist, yanking me back to her. “I didn’t mean for you to stop. I just wanted to see you when I…”
“Tell me what you want, hellion,” I demanded. “Tell me exactly what you want me to do to you.”
Heat burned across our bond, like a fire in my blood. “Lie down.”
Untying my robe, I let it fall to the floor. Then I crawled onto the bed, leisurely following her orders. Impatiently, she pushed me back against the pillows, her fingers digging into my pecs as she straddled me. Casually, I folded my arms behind my head. “Any more orders, Your Majesty?”
Eva bit her lip, slowly releasing it between her teeth. “I want to look into your eyes when you make me come.” I could feel myself harden even further, but I stayed carefully still, though my shadows coiled around her. “But first…”
She traced a finger down the lines of my abdomen, tantalizingly slowly. Carefully avoiding my injured thigh as she shifted lower, her hand wrapped around the base of my hard length, twisting her wrist as she stroked me. Then she leaned forward, teasingly licking the glistening bead of moisture at the tip before wrapping her lips around me. I let out a full body groan as she took me all the way inside her mouth.
Every thought slid from my mind as I bumped against the back of her throat. She hummed before moving back on my shaft, the vibrations deliciously torturous.
“ Eva .”
My balls tightened as she moaned around me, her gaze fixing on mine as she picked up the pace. The sight nearly broke my control.
“Gods, Eva…” I said her name like a prayer. “If you keep doing that, neither of us are going to get what we want.”
Grabbing her, I pulled her up my body so she sat astride me. My shadows ran down her hips, looping lightly around her thighs, my hands sliding down the curve of her waist as she gazed down at me with a hunger that mirrored my own.
“I need you,” Eva whispered.
Entwining our fingers, I slowly pushed inside of her, ignoring the pain in my thigh.
Her head fell back, a cry of pleasure breaking from her lips. I sunk into her until she was seated against my hips, my shadows obediently sliding between her legs.
“Eyes on me, hellion,” I ordered. “And don’t you dare look away.”
Her eyes snapped to mine. I stilled as she pressed her hand against my chest. Then she rolled her hips, lifting herself up and down to encompass me inside that wet warmth again and again—each cant of her hips driving me to the edge.
Wrapping my fingers into her hair, I pulled her head to mine. She kissed me eagerly, her tongue tangling with mine as I thrust up into her.
“You are injured you know,” Eva said, a flicker of concern crossing her face.
“And yet, I’ve never been happier about it.”
I kissed at the dimple that appeared by the side of her mouth, relishing her exasperated smile.
“In retrospect, I’m surprised it took you this long to stab me considering the way we met.” I raised an eyebrow. “Just try not to make a habit of it.”
She let out a breathy whimper as I reached down to replace my shadows, two fingers teasing her in tight, careful circles. The intoxicating feel of her tightening around every inch of me almost took me over the edge.
“ Bash …”
“What do you need, hellion?” I held her hips in place with the shadows that now crisscrossed around her waist. “Use your words.”
“More,” Eva begged, almost senselessly. “More of you. All of?—”
My shadows obeyed her, pushing her back down onto me as I thrust inside her. I could feel that searing need, that hunger I would never get enough of across our bond. The satisfying crest and break as her body shuddered, clenching around me as she came.
Moaning her name, I spilled inside her.
Eva collapsed against me; her chestnut hair strewn across my face as she panted for breath. Gathering her into my arms, I stood up despite her gasped, “Don’t you dare.”
“If I’m fixed enough to fu?—”
Her lips met mine even as she extricated herself from my grasp. She gave me a pointed look at the shadows now bracketing my leg.
“It’ll be fine by morning,” I said with a shrug. “Or at least enough to ride.”
I wish I hadn’t added that afterthought as Eva’s face sobered with thoughts of what the dawn would bring. Forcing a smile on my face, I nodded toward the bathroom. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
When we made it back to bed, I tucked her against my chest, shifting us away from the spot where her blood stained the sheets even though they had been magically cleaned during our brief absence. The memory of that moment had my arms wrapping around her…as though that would do anything to protect her.
Eva’s breathing evened out almost immediately, her exhaustion from the battle and the night’s events all too obvious. But I didn’t dare close my eyes again as I worked to fortify my mind against the bloodlink. I doubted Aviel had enough of my blood left to repossess me. But I wouldn’t let him catch me unaware again.
Yet sleep eluded me, like to give into it would invite another intrusion…another attack I might not be able to stop this time.
Tightening my arms around my anima , I listened for any change in her breathing—the hint of shallowness, the soft whining before it could turn into the choked screams of a nightmare that was all too real.