The Mirror in the Mountain (The Mirrored Trilogy #2)

35. Eva

Chapter 35

Eva

W e journeyed north until long after day turned to night, only stopping to make camp when the moon peeked from behind the dusky clouds littering the starless sky. Despite Aviel’s head start, it wasn’t enough to warrant us riding through the night and risk injuring the horses, though we had only scant hours until daybreak and our journey began again.

There would be no more updates from within Aviel’s ranks. I hadn’t needed to ask to know that Aviel’s spyfinder had done its work.

Bash caught me as I dismounted Nisa, his face haggard with concern. His thumb skated over the pulse in my throat, its rhythm traitorously giving away my nerves.

I had spent most of our ride trying to block my feelings from him, hoping he wouldn’t read too far into whatever I wasn’t successful in suppressing. And yet that worry swallowed me like a shroud—the thought of what I could have done differently wrapping inescapably around me.

“I’ll take care of them,” Bash said, nodding at our mounts. “Rest while you can. I’ll find you back at our tent.”

I lifted onto my toes, my hands coming up to frame either side of Bash’s face as I looked him in the eyes for perhaps the first time since breakfast. “I love you.”

His head tilted slightly, the only hint of his concern as he replied, “I love you too.”

Yael came up beside me, hooking her arm in mine. Her other side was already taken by Marin who was holding a small lantern, the light inside crackling with some form of suspended fire. “Figured you could use an escort.”

“Tents are being set up this way,” Marin said as Yael led us through the trees. Indeed, the tents had sprung up as if by magic. I blinked, not having it in me to smile at that entirely apt description. Because of course they had.

Yael led us to a few tents near the edge of a lake, no larger or grander than any of the others—just gray fabric and four walls brought to a peak. She let out a yawn, muttering, “Don’t worry, they’re more soundproof than they look.”

I pulled them both into a silent hug before I ducked under the tent flap, unable to manage another word. As I walked inside, I barely took in the plush sleeping mat in the center of it, the space far too large and the amenities far too nice to match what I had seen from the exterior.

Instead, I stared blankly forward. All I could think about were the consequences of my own selfishness, about each and every life that could’ve been spared today. Picturing the sprite’s endless dark eyes staring me down as she said the words that might doom me.

There is only one way to be certain. To stop him for good.

Looking down, I curled my fingers in, one at a time…and a blade of darkness, short and sharp, appeared in my hand, slowly solidifying as I clenched my fist around it. I could stop this all right now. I could end him—if only I had the courage to end myself. Or, perhaps, the lack of it. The lack of faith that we could pull this off without my sacrifice.

I had never been suicidal. Not even after losing my family in that fire, though it felt like my heart had torn asunder. To choose to die now without even a fight, except with my own soul and will to survive…

Would it be worth it to stop the battle ahead from taking even more lives? To save both realms? I wondered if my mother had any idea that the philosophical scenario she had once posed would one day become my own personal trolley problem.

I couldn’t shake the foreboding sensation that it still felt utterly wrong. Not only for myself, but what my death would mean for those I loved. I could barely think about what it would do to Bash. To Tobias, who I had just gotten back from the dead, especially when I knew exactly how his death had nearly destroyed me. To Quinn, my lone family for so long, who had already been through so much loss. To Rivan, Yael, and Marin—the family I had found here who had welcomed me with open arms. To the Solearans who had finally gotten me back after years of sacrifice and struggle.

After all, death was only felt by the people left behind.

The sprite’s shrill laughter filled my ears, and I fought the urge to cover them.

There is always another way. And there is always another choice. But will you be able to make it? Or will it be made for you?

I knew that if it came down to a choice between my family and myself, I would swallow my damnation without a murmur. But to premeditate my own murder? Yet I couldn’t deny the lives I was putting at risk by not taking my own.

Taking my own life. Taking it. From myself, from my future, from everyone who loved me. Even if doing so was for them, along with everybody else.

Bash would never forgive me for this. I could barely think his name, knowing what my loss would do to him. Would he waste away like his mother had after his father’s death? Or would his sense of duty, his resilience, and the help of our family keep him among the living, even if I took his heart with me?

But even if I added his life to my death toll, our happy ending didn’t outweigh the greater good.

I should have known I couldn’t escape my fate. That even though I may have been able to delay the inevitable, I wouldn’t be able to run from it forever.

Slowly, I brought the obsidian knife an inch from my face. I stared, mesmerized, as its black edge glinted ominously in the dim light, the tinier twin to the blade on my back. The walls of the tent pressed in, the edges of my vision blurring. But I only felt cold, paralyzed, as if all feeling had seeped from my bones into the magic blade before me, taunting me with its deadly choice.

A voice in the back of my head screamed at me to stop as I tilted its tip toward my heart. A voice that was far too easy to silence.

The tent flap swung forward. Bash stormed in before I could let the magic go. His face was ashen, his stormy eyes whirling with alarm as the tent darkened with shadow.

“What—what’s happening? What’s wrong?”

The blade disappeared into nothing, but it was far too late. I knew he had felt my turmoil through the bond, that creeping sense of emptiness.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

Why had I been so foolish as to think I could keep this from him?

Bash had gone utterly still as he stared at the space my blade had been, his freckles stark against the pallor of his skin. He reached for me, but I shrank back, stepping away from him. His broad hand engulfed mine before I could get any further.

“Why are you pushing me away?” Bash’s voice was frantic, pleading. “What the hell is going on, Eva?”

I sucked in a shallow inhale. It did nothing to clear the buzzing in my head.

“Please, just forget it,” I said in a last-ditch, futile effort to keep him from this. “I was upset, that’s all.”

But I knew he could feel the maelstrom of emotions I was failing to keep a hold on anymore—the despair deep inside my heart—just as I could feel his growing outrage.

A lump formed in my throat that I tried to swallow down to no avail. I realized too late that his thumb pressed against the frantic pulse of my inner wrist, feeling the frenetic beat of my foolish heart.

Bash’s eyes were dark with shadow as he said in a dangerous tone, “ What exactly were you about to do with that?”

“Nothing,” I lied sharply, wound so tight I might snap.

The bond between us went taut as I felt his terror at my feigned nonchalance. And I knew he had understood my intent, if not the reason behind it.

My eyes burned; the cracks in my resolve spreading.

I backed away, needing the distance between us again to think straight. To attempt to find a way out of this trap I had set for myself.

Bash took a moment to examine my expression, his anger palpable. Then he slowly came toward me, matching me step for step until my back touched the fabric of the tent—no space left to run. But his touch was infinitely gentle as he took my chin between his thumb and forefinger, bringing my eyes to his.

“Let’s try that again. And this time, tell me the truth.”

His eyes were a storm as they fixed on mine. As he searched them for answers, reading me like the words on a page. I knew from his expression he wouldn’t let it go. Nor would he let me get away without telling him the whole story this time.

And it was too hard to pull myself together now that I had started to break.

A traitorous part of me let out a sigh of relief as I breathed, “Whatever it takes.”

His eyes narrowed. I could sense the rolling current of his building anger, the powerful pang of hurt intwined within it.

“Explain.”

I hesitated for a heartbeat, but I knew it was too late to hide any longer. “He took my blood, along with my magic. I don’t remember it…but it would have been easy to do, especially when I was drugged. There were plenty of needle marks.”

Bash’s shadows escaped his hold, roiling around him—betraying the sharp, molten wrath I felt down our bond. But he stayed silent, waiting for me to voice the rest, even as his jaw hardened.

“He used it to link us,” I added miserably. “More than just a link. A powerful sort of bloodbond, to fool the Choosing itself. That’s what the sprite told me. So…I know exactly how to stop him.” Bash’s eyes narrowed. “And I’m guessing you do too.”

He was too smart not to figure out that if I was bloodbonded to Aviel, then the easiest way to stop him would be to end my own life. To use the link between our lives to kill him before he could hurt anyone else.

I saw the moment the realization hit him. The way his breath hitched as something fractured behind his eyes. He reeled backward, fear flashing across his features before it gave way to outright horror. The blood drained from his face, a visible swallow working its way down his throat before he let out a low, wounded sound.

I had expected anger. Might have managed to steel myself against it if it had been. Instead, I was overwhelmed by the heartbreak curdling across our bond—like I had shoved a blade into his chest and sliced his heart in two.

When he finally spoke, it was barely above a whisper, his voice achingly raw. “I can’t lose you.”

The desperation in his tone crashed into my soul. “I don’t want to lose you either.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What good would it do to tell you when?—”

“What good would it do for you to tell me the truth ?”

I winced at the betrayal in his voice. “I didn’t lie.”

He let out a low, bitter laugh. “Don’t you dare tell me that carefully concealing this from me is any different. That distraction and omission aren’t the same godsdamned thing.”

“I didn’t want you to?—”

“To worry ? Do you think I haven’t felt the vise around your heart, the cold fear that wakes you in the night despite your attempts to shield it from me? Do you think I haven’t been going out of my mind trying to figure out what’s been haunting you? If something happened when he captured you that you hadn’t told me, or if it was simply the resentment that I couldn’t stop it in the first place? But this… ”

“Bash—”

“You should have told me,” he growled. “Why the hell didn’t you?”

I had never seen him so angry, not at me. Never felt the soul-flaying level of distrust emanating down our bond, its icy heat searing into my heart.

“Because you would have talked me out of it,” I shouted, the words ripped from my lips. “Don’t you understand? I already couldn’t bear to go through with it. And telling you…it would have made it even more impossible to do what I should have done already.”

“ Good ,” Bash yelled, the hurt in his tone immediately dulling my indignation. “Do you think what we have is so ephemeral?” His throat worked as he swallowed, shadows winding down my arms as if to keep me with him. “Our love does not bend to death. Nor will it bow to it.”

I could feel myself shaking. Not wanting him to give me hope while trying desperately not to crumble.

“And if it’s the only way to stop him?”

“We aren’t there yet, hellion.” His voice sharpened. “But even if we were, what good is giving yourself up again, dying for the people you love instead of living for us instead? How can you be so selfish ?”

“How can you ?” My voice broke. “It’s not about us, it’s about everyone. No single person matters more than what’s at stake. If we fail, what then? And how many more lives will be sacrificed while I wait?”

I yelped as he picked me up, then pulled me onto his lap, positioning both of us on our makeshift bed.

His throat bobbed. “I am done with blind duty—with putting the realm in front of what truly matters. Eva…I won’t lose you. It won’t come to that because there will be another way.”

This was exactly why I hadn’t told him. Because I knew I couldn’t hold out against the anguish flooding over our bond, the reality of leaving him. Not when I needed to think about this clinically. I was meant to be the ruler of this realm, and that meant I needed to do what was best for it. Even if that meant never claiming my throne.

“And what if there isn’t one?” My voice splintered apart, a tremor going through me. I was being torn in half—everything I had been trying to hide now spilling into plain view. “This isn’t a godsdamned fairytale. Good doesn’t always conquer evil. What if there was never a happily ever after for us, and that’s the price of stopping him?”

“I don’t care ,” Bash rasped, his voice cracking as my heart echoed it. “Don’t you dare pretend we aren’t forever. Whatever comes next, we’ll face it together—consequences be damned. And if the choice is between the world and you…I choose you , always.”

I was already shaking my head. “You don’t mean that. Not with your kingdom and mine on the line. Not with the entire realm at risk.”

His eyes flashed. “Don’t tell me what I do and do not mean. Not when the choice was made the moment I fell in love with you.”

“I could finish this right now,” I whispered. “And instead, we lost thousands of people today, Bash, before the main battle has even begun. I can’t live if it means others will die.”

“Their deaths aren't on you. They’re on him.”

Slowly, I shook my head. “The longer I wait, the more our people will be killed because I’m too much of a coward to give up what I have in order to save everyone else. Too much of a coward to tell you and let you talk me out of how we both know this is going to end.”

Bash flinched back like I had hit him, heartbreak etched on every feature. “Is that really what you think? Do you have so little faith in me after what happened to you that you think that’s truly the only way we’ll defeat him? Because we don’t know that…or rather, I don’t, and you shouldn’t either.”

“Bash…” My eyes burned. “Even if I’m not the one to do it, this bloodbond…won’t defeating him take me with him?”

“No, killing him would, and those two aren’t the same.” A muscle feathered in Bash’s jaw. “You’re not dying, Eva. It’s not an option. And if you think I’m just going to let you, you’re very much mistaken.” He sucked in a shuddering breath. “Are you so willing to sacrifice yourself? Sacrifice our lives together?”

I knew the answer. Had known it since the day that sprite had told me what would happen, and I hadn’t acted immediately. Instead, I had waited as the knowledge burrowed deep inside me, digging under my skin like the thorns of a vine as it ensnared me further. Because I hadn’t wanted to end my life—now or ever. Especially not now that, for the first time in a long time, I was finally, miraculously whole.

“No, Bash, or I would have done it already,” I confessed. “Even though every moment I don’t adds to the blood on my hands, I can’t bear the thought of leaving you. Of leaving my brother, who I just got back. Leaving our friends, our family, this world, and what we’re trying to rebuild.” My darkness wrapped around me like it might hold me together. “When I met you, you showed me what living was like again. I’d forgotten.” A tear slipped down my face, then another. “But if it comes to it, I need to be prepared to do what I must. And I knew telling you would only make it that much harder if I was forced to make that choice.”

And there it was, finally laid bare. The weight that had been slowly crushing me.

The tension that had been in my chest since that ill-fated meeting with the sprite lightened, like I should have known it would at sharing the truth with him. The tears in my eyes were overflowing, but I didn’t bother wiping them away.

“Please, hellion,” Bash said in a low, desperate voice. “This isn’t the end, not by a long shot. You can’t give up. Not after all you’ve survived.” His shadows enveloped me, twisting with my darkness. “I can’t watch you die. You’re the one who made me want to live .”

My heart ached. I could hear the silent too that followed the word ‘die’, the reminder of all that he had lost.

Bash tilted my head up with the crook of his finger, kissing one tear-streaked cheek, then the other. “You want me to tell you something true? Something real? I would rather lose this war than lose you. None of this is worth it without you.” His hand trembled as he stroked it against my cheek. “Don’t ask me to watch you die. I won’t allow it. We’ll find another way.”

“And if there isn’t one?”

Bash’s jaw flexed. “Not an option. Especially since there is another way: go through the Choosing and then we’ll defeat him as we planned. But even if it defies all logic, I can’t—I won’t —lose you.”

I wished I had his confidence. His courage. I was lacking in both right now—and had been ever since that dark forest and the destiny that had been revealed atop that fairy mound.

And so, you have the way to stop him.

So I nodded, unable to say the lie aloud. Because I knew that if it came down to it, I couldn’t forget what I had learned. Not if it meant ending Aviel. A last resort—even as the guilt for those I would put in peril in the meantime risked consuming me.

Bash pulled me closer, his hands bracing my hips. And maybe he could sense that fleeting feeling of residual stubbornness. That he hadn’t ultimately changed my decision, only delayed it until there was no other way. That I wouldn’t let Aviel win, even if the cost was myself.

I didn’t let myself say any of that as I brought my mouth to his, kissing him so deeply, both of us were panting when he whispered against my lips, “If you won’t live for yourself, then live for us , Eva.”

My lower lip trembled. Then he tugged me back against him, his kisses hungry and frantic, his tongue stroking my own in a way that left me shaking. I fervently hoped he didn’t realize the distraction it was, for both of us, from the act something in the back of my mind whispered was still inevitable. But the stark dread that thought summoned was quickly banished by the warmth of his mouth moving down my neck, my back arching as his fingers adeptly found that spot that made my breathing turn shallow.

His shadows pulled at my clothes, stripping them away from my body until I was fully naked. They stayed against my skin, stroking and caressing me until I was writhing. As if he could also sense the ticking of the clock, he tore off his own attire, those dark tendrils tugging my legs apart for him as he settled between my thighs.

“Bash,” I begged. “I want you to fuck me until I scream.”

“Then you’d better hold on tight, hellion.”

I obeyed, my nails digging into the corded muscles of his back, feeling every hard inch of him as I rocked against him, silently demanding more. White-hot need speared through me, so powerful I couldn’t tell which one of us it originated from.

But Bash went still. “Promise me…” He lowered his face a breath away from my lips. “Promise me this is forever, hellion. Tell me that you’re mine.”

I attempted a smile, but I could feel my mouth quiver. “No matter what happens, I’ll always be yours, Bash.” His fingers flexed on my hips, digging in as he ground me against him, just barely stopping before pushing inside me. “But as much as I want forever with you, it’s not that simple .”

I gasped as his hand closed over my breast, rolling my hard nipple between his fingers.

“It is,” Bash growled, nudging at my entrance. “It’s as simple as you —” He punctuated the word with a sharp thrust that rubbed against my clit, “—and me.”

My eyelashes slowly fluttered. “Bash, please?—”

“Say it,” he demanded, his gaze hardening at whatever he saw on my face. “Say you believe in that happy ending. Say you’ll always be mine.”

I could feel his desperation—almost painful in its intensity, like it had wrapped around my own heart.

“Promise me because you want it to be true. Promise me because I know you’ll think twice before breaking it, and I want to make sure you try absolutely everything before you take everything from the both of us. Promise me because you love me.”

Tears filled my eyes. Bash was unmoving, every muscle in his body trembling as he waited for my answer.

“I promise,” I breathed.

Bash thrust inside me so sharply I gasped at the delicious stretch. My legs wrapped around his waist, urging him on as his hips moved at a punishing pace.

His shadows wrapped around me, trailing down my arms, nipping at my breasts, sliding down the curve of my stomach. I gasped as they reached between my thighs, those tendrils circling against me until I saw stars. Bash pulled my knees over his shoulders, bearing down in an even deeper angle, and I lost myself, shattering around him. He didn’t let up until I was done shaking, riding me through one orgasm straight into another.

“You don’t play fair, freckles,” I grumbled breathlessly.

A smirk tugged at his lips. “Never said I did.”

Bash’s eyes swirled almost violently as he looked down at me, drinking me in as his chest heaved. Pressing my foot into the hard lines of his abdominals, I pushed him away with the point of my toes. He sat back on his heels, his gaze predatory as I moved onto my hands and knees. Arching my back, I bared myself to him. One of his hands gripped my hip a second later, the other one fisting himself.

“Tell me you need me, hellion.”

I whined in the back of my throat as he rubbed the head of his cock up and down my wetness, my inner muscles clenching around nothing.

“I need you. I always need?—”

Bash slipped inside me with one hard thrust, burying himself so deeply I gasped. Robbing me of every thought except him.

He pulled back teasingly, leaving me teetering on the edge of desperation. I moved back onto his cock, taking him back inside of me. It was his turn to gasp, groaning as I squeezed around him.

“ Fuck .”

“That’s the idea,” I said dryly.

His hand came down on my ass, and I let out a sound between a yelp and a moan. “I’ll never get tired of that mouth of yours.”

“More,” I breathed, my gaze half-lidded as I looked over my shoulder at him. “I need more.”

I whimpered as his hand came down again, riding that exquisite line between pleasure and pain. His fingers dug into my waist as he pushed into me again and again. When his shadows found my clit just as his cock pressed against something inside me that made my eyes roll back in my head, I wondered fleetingly if we were testing the limits of the soundproofing before my release tore through me again.

I was still quivering when Bash flipped me over, pushing back inside me as his thumb circled my still sensitive clit.

“Bash…”

“You can give me one more.”

His mouth closed around my nipple. I moaned as his tongue lavished it in maddening whorls. That perfect pressure was already building inside me, and I rocked my hips, our movements deliciously in sync. Joined so deeply, I couldn’t tell where I ended and he began.

Bash’s hand gripped my chin, and my eyes opened to a swirling storm.

“Touch yourself,” he ordered, his voice a little ragged. “And let me tell you how this is going to be, since it seems that you’ve somehow forgotten.” His shadows wrapped lightly around my wrist, tugging it between us. His growl was downright feral as he watched me follow his command. “This is forever, Eva. I need you to remember that, even if things start looking bleak. That we can win this if we don’t give up.” He thrust into me slowly, every sensation almost excruciatingly magnified. “And as long as you don’t give up on us .”

“I won’t,” I promised.

He buried himself to the hilt before he unleashed himself. My legs were already shaking as our eyes met. Then that pressure broke, his length twitching as my climax clenched around it.

“Good girl,” he breathed. A smile curved my lips, my body too blissful to even open my eyes.

Bash moved us onto our sides, and I relaxed into the safety of him surrounding me. I didn’t want to ever leave this moment together, as if doing so would tempt fate to break us apart once again.

“I don’t want to ever leave you, Bash,” I whispered.

“Tell me you aren’t about to sacrifice yourself if something goes wrong,” Bash whispered, touching our foreheads together. “That you know we can stop him.”

“I already told you?—”

“I need to hear it one more time, hellion.”

“I promise this won’t happen again,” I whispered. “That we’ll fight him, together.”

Unless there’s no other way , I silently added. I would give myself a fighting chance. Even if I couldn’t shake that sense of looming inevitability.

But it was impossible to forget that glimmer of hope in his eyes. The one that promised a future I hadn’t let myself dream about anymore.

Bash got up, shushing my drowsy sound of dissent. He returned a minute later with a damp towel he used to tenderly clean me. Then he pulled me back into his arms. His gentle caress found my stomach, my thighs, fingers tracing patterns the entire journey.

His touch was a love letter and a plea all at once.

I could feel it in the possessive way his hands stroked my face. In each brush of his lips against my cheek, my hair—begging me for the same thing over and over until I finally fell asleep.

Stay with me.