The Passion

Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

FLYNN

W aking up on the couch is never ideal.

My body is stiff, and I’m still in my clothes from yesterday that aren’t the most comfortable thing to sleep in. It’s still dark outside, and the uncomfortable headache, which is the after effect of the scotch I was drinking, is like another form of punishment to add to the ones I already feel.

It took every bit of strength I had not to go to her yesterday. I didn’t even want to call or text because that’s not what we need. The only way will be face to face, and I’m just not sure I will get that.

I hurt her. Deeply.

And it’s going to take more than sweet talk to fix it.

I’m going to have to show her that she can still trust me. That I made a mistake that I will never make again, but I will be honest with her. She needs to know I would do the same all over again if it meant she got to keep her company and lead it the way it should be led, with integrity. She won’t like it, but I’m hoping she will respect it.

Relationships are new to me. I’ve never really been in a serious one. Anyone along the way that I was with for more than a few dates was more because of the pressure to settle down and do what my parents wanted and society expected.

This is so much more than that.

It’s love and a future that I can see for both of us.

What that future contains I don’t know, and that is the best part. I have never been one to look ahead, but when Felisha wrapped herself around my heart, life changed.

As soon as I move in the slightest, Sassy is up and jumping off the couch. I can’t believe she stayed with me all night. Maybe she felt sorry for me, or it’s as simple as we were two lost souls, missing Felisha. There is no doubt that she loves Felisha more than me, and I’m okay with that.

She runs off down the hallway toward my bedroom in a hurry, and I’m guessing she wants a comfier bed than the couch too.

I stretch out my body, hearing a few joints crack, then push off the couch to sit up, swinging my feet to the floor.

The music is still playing softly in the background because I couldn’t stand the silence when I got home from the office. Music soothes my soul, it always has.

My eyes, although tired, are drawn to the piece of paper on the table.

We will talk in the morning.

It will be better if we both have had sleep.

Felisha

“She’s here.” The realization that she is still angry with me and doesn’t want to talk to me hits me with immense relief, as crazy as that sounds. All because she is here.

She came home.

To our home.

The rest I can deal with.

She can yell at me, give me the cold shoulder, the silent treatment, put me on a sex ban, I don’t care about any of that. Well, maybe I care a little about the sex part, and the talking-to-me part, but I can manage. I’ll do anything to make this right.

It makes sense why Sassy went running down the hall to our bedroom. She’d rather sleep curled up with Felisha than me.

Walking quietly to my bedroom door, the moment I see her it’s like my heart starts beating again. It felt like a heavy stone when I left her in the boardroom. A weight I was carrying all day that just wouldn’t let me feel any sign of hope.

But the vision before me has me warming up from the inside, my heart allowing me to sense optimism.

Looking at her, though, still makes me sad at what I have done to her. She is still dressed from work, hair in her bun, makeup still on, and she didn’t even bother to crawl under the covers. A smirk rises on my face when I see her clutching tightly to my pillow.

God, I just want to climb onto the bed with her. Pull her into my arms and make this all go away, but I can’t. I need to respect her space and do as she asked in her note. Leave it until the morning to talk. Well, at least until the sun rises. It’s four am, and there is no way I’ll be able to get back to sleep now.

Not wanting to wake her, I head to the bathroom in the spare bedroom, because there is one thing sleeping in your work clothes does and that’s make you stink.

Letting the hot water run over me, I wash away the tension in my muscles and it allows me to think.

I need to lay everything on the line this morning when we talk. I can’t hold anything back because she needs to know how I feel. I know I’ve told her I love her and want her with me, but it’s not enough.

She needs to know I no longer know how to breathe without her.

It’s as simple as that.

I know she will need to be in the office again today.

It’s her first official day as the CEO, and she needs to be able to give it her all.

I’ve been up working for a few hours in my office, but I need to make sure she is awake and has time to shower and get redressed for work.

I walk into the bedroom with a small tray carrying her large cup of tea just how she likes it, instead of the coffee she was learning to love, along with a note from me this time.

Sassy looks up at me and hisses loudly, swiping her claws at me as I set the tray on the bedside table. She just catches my thumb with one of them.

“Fuck, you’re a little bitch. I knew it was too good to last.” I pull back and clutch my thumb that is now bleeding. And of course, I do what I was trying not to do, wake up Felisha with a start.

“What the hell?” She sits up in the bed and looks at me, clutching my thumb with a tissue to stop the blood. Sassy stands on the bed between me and Felisha, back arched and like she is ready to pounce.

“Her, not you.” I point at the furry devil in disguise on the bed. “Sorry I scared you. Your cup of tea, and please read the note.” I walk out, feeling shitty because that’s not how that was supposed to go.

That cat is lucky to still be alive right now.

While I’m cleaning up my scratch and putting a dressing on it, I rethink the words on the note and picture Felisha reading it.

My dear Felisha

I’m sorry.

I have so much more to say but wanted to give you the chance to wake up and shower.

I will have breakfast waiting when you are ready.

I love you, even if you don’t feel the same right now.

I will never stop loving you.

Thank you for coming home.

Your Flynn xx

I can hear movement in my room and then the shower starting. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to join her in that shower. Taking the opportunity while she is showering, I duck into the walk-in closet and grab my suit for the day. My heart swells at seeing our clothes still hanging side by side. Let’s hope that remains after we talk.

Hearing the shower finish, I give her enough time to dress and get ready. I start cooking the vegetarian omelet that I know she loves, served with some smoked salmon.

As I’m plating the food, I hear her voice behind me.

“How’s your finger?” The softness of her words tells me she’s not ready to yell at me yet, so that’s a good start.

“I’ll live, but Sassy may not,” I grumble at the thought of that little furball. Turning to place the breakfast on the counter in front of where she is standing, I nod at her to sit.

“Oh, the big tough man is brought to his knees by a beautiful pussy.” I can’t help but smirk at her words, and as soon as I do, she realizes what she said. “Cat! Pussycat, for Christ’s sake, Flynn.”

I think to myself, this is good. Making jokes has always been my fallback when situations get hard. It’s not always the best way to cope, but it’s what I have relied on. But now is not the time to be the village idiot.

“Hey, I didn’t say a word, even if it took all my strength to bite my tongue at your comment.” She rolls her eyes at me while I take a seat next to her, but I don’t drag her close to me like I normally would.

I hate how awkward this is.

“You need to eat. I doubt you ate much yesterday, and you need your strength for your first day on the job. Eat and then we will talk.”

Felisha just nods and takes the first mouthful to her lips. The moan she lets out without control has my cock reacting.

Down, boy, there is no way in hell you are getting a workout today.

Just watching her devour her food makes me smile. Food is one of my love languages, but I never expected it to be so fulfilling cooking simple meals for Felisha. Being a chef, I have made the most lavish feasts, but the pure enjoyment I get with preparing a quick nourishing breakfast that I know will fuel her body and mind for the day far outweighs anything else I cook.

Felisha putting her cutlery on her plate and wiping her mouth with the napkin means we can’t put this off any longer.

“Do you want to talk here or move to the couch?” I ask as she gets off her stool and carries her plate to the dishwasher. “I can do that.”

“Here is fine, and I just wanted a bottle of water as well. Do you want one?” It’s almost like two strangers talking to each other.

As she opens the fridge, I had forgotten what it was full of.

“Flynn.” She gasps and then turns to me, pushing the door back further, waving her hands at what’s in front of her. “You’re crazy.”

“Well, that was an established fact long before I met you.” I look at her and the ten containers of strawberries behind her from Turnips and the biggest container of chocolate sauce that I convinced them to put separate for me so it wouldn’t make the strawberries soft.

I shrug. “I didn’t know how mad you would be and thought you might throw the first few containers of peace offerings at me, so I needed a backup plan. Because that’s what I do. I didn’t understand it until yesterday, but that’s what I’ve done for a long time. I’m Nic’s backup plan in the business, and I want to be your backup plan in life too.”

Standing and walking around to her, I take her hand and bring her back to the stool, dragging it between my legs so we are looking at each other. This is not how I intended this to start. I was going to give her the first opportunity, but things never seem to go to plan for us, so maybe this is actually the right way forward.

“I’m not perfect, I never proclaimed to be, but you knew that. I’m also not good at letting people in behind my walls. I was so focused on getting you to drop your armor, but in the meantime, you snuck in behind mine. Feelings aren’t easy for me to express. I’m an action person, if you know what I mean, but that’s how I am in life. I didn’t want to try to tell you what to do or get in the way of what you were trying to achieve, but I had to do something. So, I decided to work in the background on a backup plan. If you didn’t need it, then it wouldn’t matter, and I would have just signed everything over to you anyway. Like a security blanket going forward, you would never have to worry about anyone else in the future threatening you.”

I can’t stop now, barely taking a breath so she can’t cut me off. I need to get this all off my chest before she tells me she’s leaving because I’m not good enough for her. She’s right, and I feel like I have always been one step behind in life, never living up to my family’s expectations, but with Felisha I really tried.

“The ownership of your company is back where it belongs… with you, and on your fortieth birthday, it will all be officially yours, with no black secrets hanging over your head.”

“How do I know your hand wasn’t forced with my father finding out about you?” I can see the hesitation in her eyes, asking a question she is not sure she wants to hear the answer to.

“Do you truly believe that, baby?” I want her to jump up and say no with confidence, but instead, she doesn’t say anything. I take her face in my hand because I need to touch her, and I think she needs to feel me too, to ground us and remind us who we are together.

“I don’t want your business or your money. I have my own job that I love and plenty of money. All I need is you and your love. That’s all I ever asked from you, was to give me your heart. I promised I would protect it, and I tried to do that without hurting you, but I failed. But I would do it again, because I will always protect you and be your backup plan. You don’t need me to guide you in your life, but you need me there for if you fall. I will always catch you, I promise you that. Sometimes it might hurt, but the safe landing will be worth it.”

Small tears start to escape her eyes, and as they run down her cheeks, I catch them in my hands.

“Please don’t cry, you know I can’t handle seeing you cry.”

“You should have just told me so I wasn’t blindsided by it. I wanted to believe it wasn’t you, but the moment you walked into that room, my world felt like it was falling apart.” She is whispering, which is different to the screaming I imagined she would be doing.

“I know, and I’m stupid. Everyone told me that along the way, but I didn’t want to promise you the world and then let you down.” And that is my deep-seated issue of not feeling good enough that keeps raising its head.

“Flynn, I don’t need you to be my backup plan. I need you to stand beside me. Neither of us in front of each other but together as equals. So, if we fall, then we hit the ground at the same time and then get up and fight, like you taught me from the beginning.”

And there it is, the gift she has given me without knowing how much it means to me. The validation that I am enough for her.

“I will stand beside you until our dying days.”

“You just want to hope that’s when you are in your nineties, and I haven’t killed you before then.” For the first time, I see her lips moving upward to a small smile.

“Absolutely no guarantees of that, but I will try my hardest not to piss you off too much.” And just because I can’t help myself, I add, “Although, I have heard make-up sex can be awesome.” I raise my eyebrows at her.

“Oh my God, what am I going to do with you?” The twinkle is there in her big brown eyes, and I know we are going to make it through this.

“Love me, flaws and all.”

“Our love is imperfect, and to me, that is just perfect.”

Felisha lunges forward and kisses my lips with an intensity I wasn’t expecting, almost knocking me off the stool with her body. She wraps her arms around my neck, and our lips are ferocious, like the release of all the angst and turmoil of the last twenty-four hours is coming out in the kiss.

Pulling apart for air, we are both panting like we have run a marathon.

“God, I want you to fuck me right now.” Her words surprise me.

“Don’t tempt me, baby, because fuck, I want to sink inside you so badly too, but we can’t.” I’m almost growling at trying to keep my restraint. “You have to go and be the big boss today, show the world who you really are.”

“Well, if missing out on sex with you is a downside of being a boss, not sure I want this job.” The most beautiful smile comes across her face. “But on the flip side, being the boss means I can do what I like, like being late this morning.”

“Oh, are you that desperate for me, boss lady?” I drop my hands to her waist and lift her up as I stand.

“Desperate might be an exaggeration.” She laughs at me as I’m storming toward the bedroom.

“You can pretend all you want, but I’m man enough to say that I’m desperate to feel your skin on mine. I need to show you in the best possible way how much I love you. Yesterday I felt like I couldn’t breathe without you.”

I place her on the ground in front of the bed, and she looks up at me with the softness in her eyes that I’m used to.

“Luchia was right about you. Your heart is tender, and you are soft on the inside. And that is why I love you too.” She didn’t need to say the words, I can see it in her eyes.

Reaching down, I kiss her, with a soft, slow, passionate kiss.

“We need to talk more about Luchia, that woman is incredible. But not right now.” Both of us laugh.

“Now it’s time for me to make you remember what we have together, quickly, just to hold us both through until tonight. Where, woman, I can assure you there will be no sleeping in this bed. Understood?”

“I’d be disappointed if there was,” she replies.

“Naked, now, time’s a-wasting.” My hands are already on her shirt and pulling it over her head.

Today is going to be a good day.

“Do I get to dock your pay for being late this morning?” Nic laughs, walking into my office after his morning meeting with Forrest.

“How do you know I wasn’t out at a work appointment?” I ask, looking up from the proposal I’ve been working on for Nic.

“I don’t know, maybe it was the singing the poor office staff were subjected to when you walked down the corridor this morning, or the smile on your face like all is right with the world, hmmm?”

“Fair call.” I sit back in my chair as he takes a seat across from me.

“I can’t believe she forgave you so quickly. I mean, she did forgive you, right?” He looks down at his phone and rolls his eyes. “And if you could confirm that quickly, otherwise my wife is going to come bursting in here shortly to find out, because apparently I’m too slow with the office gossip.” Both of us start laughing.

“Life was boring around here before you met Tori, you know that, right? She brightens our world.” I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I give him his answer. “And yes, Felisha and I talked this morning. I’m sure I still have a lot of groveling to do, and it will be a long time before she isn’t second-guessing me, but I can live with that.”

“Live with it, you deserve nothing less.” Sighing, he runs his hand through his hair. “Why can’t we seem to learn in this office that keeping secrets from the women we love is the dumbest move ever?”

“Just slow learners, I guess, but luckily, we have the charm and wit to win them back… oh, and dirty knees from getting down and begging for forgiveness.”

“Exactly.” He looks at me more seriously now. “All jokes aside, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, my friend, it really is. Life is going to get crazy while we work through it, Felisha settling into her new role, and I have to navigate learning to live with a woman who takes up three quarters of the wardrobe and whose showers take forever. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I always wondered who would tie you down, and to be honest, I would not have picked someone strong like Felisha, but she is absolutely perfect for you.” He looks down to his phone buzzing repeatedly in his hand, which is not abnormal in our world.

“I know, and I love her more than you, and I didn’t think that was possible.” Standing from my desk, I walk around to where Nic is also standing now.

“Well, I’m a pretty lovable guy.” To which we both chuckle as I pull him into a hug.

“Thank you for being there for me. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Pulling back from him, I know I have told him this before, but I think he finally understands how much I mean it today.

“Always here, buddy, I’m always here.” He places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it, as his phone starts ringing again in his hand.

Answering it, he raises it to his ear. “Have I told you how annoying you are yet, this morning, my dear?” His voice is laced with sarcasm but still love. “Yes, he is okay, yes, they are still together, yes, you can reach out to Felisha now and I won’t get mad at you for interfering, and yes, I would love to meet you for lunch, but sadly, I can’t because Flynn and I have a meeting. Does that answer all the questions?” I can’t hold my laughter in, hearing her chastising him through the phone. “And yes, you are right, dear, I am an asshole, but you love me anyway. Now can I get on with my day?” He smiles as he listens to her talk and then says goodbye.

I look at him and so many things start falling into place.

“You know, I never understood the way you and Tori argue with so much fire but love with so much depth. But I have to say, I get it now.”

He holds out his hand to shake mine. “And that, my friend, is your welcome to the happy wives’ club. Don’t ever let the day-to-day things overpower the truly important thing in your life and that is Felisha and your love for her. Everything else is just dust in the wind, it blows away freely and settles when it’s ready.”

“But she’s not my wife,” I say to him as he starts toward the door, his back to me.

“She will be.”

“How do you know?”

He stops at the door and looks over his shoulder. “Tell me I’m wrong.” He’s wearing that cocky satisfied grin on his face that he gets when he knows he’s right.

“Fuck off, I hate you.” I wave my hand it him, telling him to get out of my office. “And technically, you’re still wrong, she’s not my wife yet.”

“Well, what are you waiting for?” he yells over his shoulder as he is walking away.

He might be right, and I will marry Felisha one day, but not yet. We have a long way to go, and to be honest, I’m just happy we are still living under the same roof.

One step at a time, one day at time. When the time is right, we will know. And until then, I just can’t wait to explore us and our imperfect relationship.

Including every wicked sexual desire that is brewing inside of Felisha’s beautiful mind.

I’m all for exploring every single one of those.

I’ve chased perfection for so long in my life. Love’s given me the permission to stop that tiring battle.

Felisha gives me the space to just be me, and I can’t ask for any more from the woman I love.

As tough as it has been, I’d go through it all again if it brings us back to here. Together and bound by our love, which is all we need.

Damn, Luchia is right, I am mushy on the inside!

But luckily, I’m also hard in all the right places.