The Perfect Secret

Chapter Thirteen

He’d forgotten about Tess. Twice. Dan stood at the window and watched Hannah turn the corner toward her apartment. First he’d been so focused on avoiding Hannah’s calls, he’d made it difficult for his own daughter to reach him. What if there had been an emergency and he hadn’t found out about it? Tess was his primary responsibility. She should always be able to reach him, no matter what.

Then, he hadn’t remembered Tess was leaving. If Tess hadn’t come in to remind him, he would never have known she’d left. What the hell kind of father did that? Memories from seven years ago flooded through him. He trembled. He couldn’t go through it again. More importantly, Tess couldn’t.

He and Hannah had had their first fight, had set new ground rules, and he was thrilled. But also, terrified. How could he balance a relationship and fatherhood?

He turned on the TV and settled in to watch a crime show, needing a break from his thoughts for a moment. At the first commercial, he reached for his phone. He should call her. Frowning, he put it down. She’d left not ten minutes ago. She wasn’t home yet, and he didn’t want to be clingy.

He tried to focus on the TV show. Ten minutes later, he still couldn’t follow the plot. He turned it off and went into his office. His puzzle was there, almost finished, and he sat to work on it.

Except sitting here reminded him of when Hannah had sat on his lap, her bottom pressed against him, the side of her breast against his arm. He’d rested his hand on her back, felt her spine and her bra strap through her shirt. Her vanilla scent had filled his senses and even now he could smell it. He couldn’t afford to let his desire for Hannah overtake everything else. And he had no idea how to balance things. He groaned. Concentrating on the puzzle would be futile as well.

Glancing out the window, he noticed the dark sky. She’d walked home right before the sun set, but she’d gone alone. It made sense to call and check on her safety. It was the right thing to do. Armed with this new excuse, he dialed her number.

“Hi.” She sounded like she was happy to hear from him.

“I wanted to make sure you got home safely.”

“You’re sweet. Yes, I’m home safe.”

Sweet? He shook his head. “I’m glad. What are you doing now?”

“Working on my résumé.”

“If you want a second pair of eyes, I’m happy to look at it.”

“How about I email it to you when I’ve done a draft?”

“Sounds good.” He should hang up before he got too accustomed to her voice again, before he made a fool of himself, before…

“I’ve missed you,” she said. “Can I see you this weekend?”

His mouth dropped. She wanted to see him. It wasn’t just him. Maybe this pull was normal. He nodded, and remembering she couldn’t see through the phone, croaked, “Yeah.” It was the best he could do.

“Do you want to include Tess? There’s a great pumpkin farm not too far away where my grandmother and I go to sometimes.”

This was why he loved her. She provided balance when he couldn’t. “She might be going out with her friends, but I’ll check with her and let you know.”

“Oh, I don’t want to ruin her plans.”

“You won’t. Thanks for thinking of her.”

They made plans for the weekend and said goodbye. He bowed his head and held the phone against his forehead. What had he ever done to deserve this, and how could he prevent himself from screwing it up?

Hannah climbed into Dan’s car Saturday; Tess sat in the back seat, a mutinous look on her face. “Hi, Tess.”

Tess turned and looked out the window, arms folded.

“Tess!” Hannah jumped at Dan’s roar. “When Hannah says hello to you, you answer. Do you hear me?”

Eyes filling with tears, Tess mumbled a hello, stuck in her earbuds, and stared once again out the window.

Hannah placed a hand on Dan’s hand over the gearshift. He flinched, but after a moment, covered hers with his own. “Sorry about that,” he said under his breath.

“Would it be better if we change our plans?”

“No, I’m not caving in to a fourteen-year-old.”

“But if she doesn’t want to be with me…”

He turned and caressed her arm. “It’s not you. She’s mad at me because I took away her phone.”

Hannah frowned and glanced toward the backseat. “But I thought…”

“That’s her old iPod. I’d take it too, but it would end up punishing me more than her, since I’d have to listen to her complain.”

“I can hear you, you know,” Tess said.

Dan started the car. “If you’re not careful, I’ll take away Halloween.”

Wow, he threatened to cancel a national holiday. Either he possessed way more power than she’d given him credit for, or he was having a bad day. Hannah resolved to make sure everyone enjoyed themself today.

He pulled onto the road, and they headed out of town. Hannah craned her neck toward the backseat. “So, Tess, this farm has great pumpkins and it’s pick your own. We can get anything we want. I went here last year to get harvest decorations for our sukkah.”

Dan glanced at her before he returned his focus to the road in front of him. “You have a sukkah?”

“Yeah, a bunch of us build the three-sided hut on the roof of our building, decorate it with pumpkins and mums and eat in it during the Sukkot holiday. It’s fun.”

“Sounds like it.”

When Tess continued her silence, Dan shifted his gaze to the rearview mirror and opened his mouth, but Hannah shushed him. “I hope they still have bushels of apples for sale. My grandma makes a great apple pie, and I want to bring some apples home for her.”

“I like pie.” Dan grinned for the first time since Hannah had entered the car.

She laughed. “Well, if you behave, maybe I’ll share with you.” She ignored the snort from the backseat. “But I doubt it.”

“Why not?”

“Because her apple pie is amazing and I want it all for myself.”

“I helped you with your résumé.”

She glanced sideways at him. His cheeks were lifted in a grin and his hands, which gripped the steering wheel, relaxed.

“Depends on what it’s worth to you.”

His eyebrows rose and Hannah bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from laughing.

“Not sure I can say anything in the car with my daughter in the backseat.”

A groan from behind made Hannah hunch and cover her face in embarrassment. She remained that way, wondering how to respond, until Dan pulled her hand away from her face and squeezed.

The car bumped along the dirt road as Dan navigated to the parking area. When they stopped, Hannah jumped out of the car, with Dan following at a slower pace. Tess remained inside. Dan and Hannah met at the back of the car; he glared at Tess. Hannah leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Relax,” she whispered and stroked his back. Pressing her lips softly to his, she teased his mouth until his body loosened and he sighed.

He leaned his forehead against hers. “I know. It’s just…it’s like she’s pissing me off on purpose.”

“Of course she is.”

He frowned and pulled away, but Hannah wouldn’t let him. Instead, she played with the hair at the base of his head. It was soft and freshly trimmed, and she loved the feel of it on her fingertips.

“Come on, she’s fifteen. She’s doing this to get you back. Don’t rise to the bait. Ignore it and eventually she’ll come around.” She unclasped her hands and ran them down his chest.

His face smoothed out. “It’s like you’re the parent of a teen.”

She shook her head. “Nope, but I’m a little more objective than you.”

He kissed her. “Okay, I’ll try not to ruin things.”

Trailing her hand down his back, she winked at him before opening the door for Tess.

Tess stared at her for a moment and climbed out. Ignoring her father, she walked ahead toward the weathered gray barn and stopped in front of the handwritten Pick-UR-Own sign.

“What kinds of pumpkins should we pick? Large or small?” Hannah asked.

Tess shrugged and out of the corner of Hannah’s eye, Dan moved. Waving him away, she turned to Tess and grinned. “How about we start with large ones, since they’re great for carving Jack-o-lanterns, and if there’s time we can look for smaller ones too,” Hannah said.

They took a wagon and walked toward the pumpkin field. The ground was rocky and uneven, and Hannah slowed her natural pace to accommodate Dan. Tess walked next to her and rolled her eyes, but she slowed too and Hannah breathed a sigh of relief.

Once they reached the field, Tess walked ahead, and left Hannah and Dan to follow.

“This looks like a good area, Tess,” Dan called. There were lots of pumpkins on the ground.

She ignored him and chose an area farther across the field. Exchanging looks, Dan and Hannah stayed silent, but joined her as she examined a variety of pumpkins. Around them, families raced around, called to each other and picked their perfect pumpkin. A little girl sat on one, while her older brother tried to lift it with her on it. Her mom laughed. The loamy scent of soil wafted around them; the bright sunlight beat upon their heads.

Hannah turned a pumpkin over. “This looks good.” She held it up. The pumpkin was heavy and she jostled it, trying to keep a grip on it. Dan reached out a steadying hand and she gazed at him, offering a silent thank you. He maintained eye contact and for a moment, it was as if the two of them were the only ones in the field. A bead of sweat dripped down her back and the spell was broken. Darting a glance toward Tess, she added the pumpkin to the wagon.

“I like this one better,” Tess said. She carried another, rounder, pumpkin over and placed it in the wagon.

“I like that one too,” Hannah said.

“So, you really live with your grandma?” Tess asked.

“Yup.”

“Why?”

“Well, she has a big apartment with room for me, and sharing it helps both of us keep costs down. She saves me time by cooking and I help her out with the laundry. It lets me take care of her, kind of payback for all she’s done for me.”

“Cool. So, how many more pumpkins do we need?”

Hannah looked at the two pumpkins in the wagon. “Up to you all. I need a large one for the sukkah, although I also want to grab some smaller ones and some gourds. But if you two want more, we can keep going.”

“Let’s find the smaller ones,” Dan said. “Tess, do you want to pick out some gourds? You know, the weird looking things.”

“Yeah.” Her mouth dropped as if she realized she’d violated her own “No Talking To Dad” rule, but she grabbed the wagon and walked ahead of the adults toward the smaller pumpkins.

“Progress,” he said.

Hannah put her arm around his waist and walked with him. When they’d picked out a few smaller pumpkins and gourds, as well as a bushel of apples for Hannah’s grandma, they headed toward the car.

“Dad, you can’t eat Hannah’s apples,” Tess said as she spied him sneaking one out of the basket. “They’re for her grandma’s pie.”

“It’s only one. I’m hungry.”

Tess took the basket away and looked at Hannah. “Can I trust you?”

The question, asked as a joke, stunned Hannah and her chest tightened. Because it seemed like more than a question about eating apples, at least to her.

“Yes.”

Tess handed her the basket. Hannah turned away and wiped her eyes.

“She likes you,” Dan whispered.

“Bubbe?” Hannah led Tess and Dan inside her apartment. “We have apples!”

Her grandmother greeted them, hands clasped. “Oh wonderful!”

She tried to take the bag from Hannah, but Dan intervened. “Here, let me.” He looped the bag on his arm and gave Hannah her pumpkin.

Bubbebeamed. “Thank you so much. Here, you can put them on the counter. You all must be hungry and thirsty after spending time at the farm. Can I get anyone anything? Tess?”

Tess shot an uncertain look toward her father. Putting down the pumpkin and the bag of gourds, Hannah walked over to her. She put her arm around her shoulders. “My grandmother loves to feed people. Don’t be shy.” She brought her into the kitchen with her grandmother, who offered her a soda.

With a smile, Tess took it and leaned against the counter. “Hannah says you make amazing apple pie.”

Bubbenodded. “It’s one of my specialties. Do you like it?”

“I’ve never had homemade.”

Bubbearched a brow at Tess and turned to Hannah. “Well, we’ll have to fix that right away. Want to help me make it?”

With a shy nod, Tess joined Bubbe.

Seeing Tess happily occupied, Hannah sidled up to Dan. “The living room is free, if you’d like to sit.”

As he sank into the sofa, Hannah couldn’t help notice his flicker of pain. “I’ll be right back.” She returned a moment later with a heat pack in one hand and an ice pack in another. “Pick one.”

He clenched the hand into a fist that had massaged his knee.

“It’s fine, Hannah. I’m fine.”

“Really? I could swear we’ve done this before. Okay, take both then.”

With a quick glance toward the kitchen to make sure her grandmother wouldn’t see her sitting on the table—a pet peeve of hers—she perched on the coffee table across from Dan and held both options, like Lady Justice balancing the scales. She waited.

Finally, as she was about to give up, he reached for the heat pack. Their fingers touched and heat zinged up her arm. His pupils widened, then narrowed. Their arms remained frozen, the heat pack suspended over his knee, fingers touching, until she lowered her hand. When she touched his knee, he flinched, but she didn’t know if it was from pain or surprise. With utmost gentleness, she slid her hand out from beneath the pack, but rather than move her hand toward his knee again and maybe cause more pain, she brushed her hand up his thigh. His jeans were soft, the muscles beneath them hard. He inhaled and his free hand covered hers, holding it in place. Heat from his skin warmed her, like her own private furnace. After a moment, he let go.

Dropping the ice pack onto the table, she turned and joined him on the sofa. When she’d gotten herself settled, he reached for her hand. She squeezed and he rested against the sofa.

She sat there, quiet, and listened to the noises from the kitchen. Her grandmother’s voice was gentle as she instructed Tess on how to make the perfect piecrust. Hannah smiled.

“My memories of Jewish holidays are all tied to food. I remember arriving at my grandmother’s house early on Rosh Hashanah and rushing into the kitchen to ‘help’ cook. No matter how much food she’d already prepared, she always left something for me to make with her. And my brothers and I would crowd around the table as she passed around hamentaschen on Purim. Those were Jeff’s favorite cookies. I don’t know if they still are.” She swallowed at the idea of not knowing her own brother anymore. Maybe tomorrow would change her understanding of him.

Dan’s body relaxed next to her. She leaned against his shoulder and she continued. “And whenever I spent a weekend at her house, I’d always arrive early enough on Friday to help her braid challah for Shabbat.”

“My grandfather used to make a big deal over our Passover seder,” Dan said. “As the only grandchild, he asked me to read the Four Questions in Hebrew every year during our celebration and his chest would puff up with pride as I chanted them.” He nodded toward the kitchen. “Sounds like they’re enjoying themselves in there.”

“I think I might be a little jealous.”

He chuckled. “Your grandmother is great. Tess doesn’t get this kind of extended family attention with me.”

“No, but she gets other things.”

“Like stubbornness.”

The sheepish look on his face was endearing. “There is a familial resemblance. Hold on.” Hannah ran into the kitchen and returned a moment later with her phone. “Here.”

His face widened into a grin. “How did you get Tess to let you take a photo of her?”

“I just took it. I thought you two might like it. If you keep scrolling, there are a few I took today while she picked fruit too.”

He swiped the screen a few times, swallowing and almost caressing the screen, before handing the phone to her. “Can you send them to me?” His voice was hoarse and Hannah saw a faint wetness in his eyes. He blinked and it was gone.

“Sure,” she said.

“Guess you’re able to work your magic with both of us.”

“I don’t know if I’d call it magic, but whatever it is, I hope it helps me when I check out my brother’s place of employment tomorrow.”

Dan turned her face toward him, his fingers gentle along her jaw. “So you’re really doing this?”

“I need to know if I can trust him, and this is the first step.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

Every fiber of her being screamed, Yes! “No, I need to do this on my own.”