The Perfect Secret

Chapter Fourteen

Sunday morning, Hannah stood on a sidewalk in New York City’s Hell’s Kitchen, across the street from Mike’s Restaurant, a dive of a coffee shop, from the looks of the place. As it got later in the day, sidewalks would be busier, but for now, only a few local residents populated the area.

Although she looked at the restaurant with the dull neon Open sign where her brother worked, she hadn’t seen him enter or leave the place during the ten minutes she’d watched. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed. Hannah crossed the street and walked past the fa?ade. The outside wasn’t impressive. A large, frosted window with Mike’s painted in blue letters in an arc. She couldn’t see inside, but wondered if they could see out. The door was glass as well, and it wasn’t frosted, but the vestibule appeared dark and she didn’t want to stop and stare. So she paced a few times.

This was crazy. Decide. In or out.

The door opened and a man stuck his head out.

“I wondered if you were going to come inside, or wear out the sidewalk.”

She stepped back. “Excuse me?”

“You’re Jeff’s sister, right? You look just like him.”

“And you are?”

“Mike.” He came outside and held out his hand. Tall and wiry, his head was shaved, he wore an earring and his eyes were bright green. He smiled at her, displaying a gold-capped tooth. “I don’t bite.”

Despite her nerves, she took his outstretched hand. It dwarfed hers and her gaze trailed up his muscular arm, taking note of the tattoos, which disappeared under the sleeves of his gray T-shirt. His grip was firm.

“Come on in. I’ll make you a cup of coffee and we can talk.”

“How do you know I want to talk?”

He pinned her with his gaze and turned around.

Biting her lip, she followed him in. It took a moment for her vision to adjust to the darkened room after the bright sunshine outside. She paused between the vestibule and the dining area of the coffee shop. It smelled of bacon, coffee and grease, and her stomach growled. There were metal tables and chairs, black and white photos on the wall, a TV perched high in the corner, and a counter running the length of the room.

Mike stepped behind the counter and poured two cups of coffee. His movements were spare and precise. He whistled while he worked, like some oversized dwarf waiting for Snow White. He pushed a cup across the counter and raised an eyebrow toward her. As she walked over, he slid a metal creamer and a bowl of yellow and white sugar packets toward her. She side-climbed onto the stool and fixed her coffee.

“So,” he said.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I’m Hannah, by the way.”

“I know. Jeff talks about you.”

“Oh.” Her face heated.

He nodded.

“So…is he working today?”

“Are you asking because you want to see him, or because you want to avoid him?”

“Tell me again who you are?” She looked at him through lowered lashes as she stirred her coffee.

“Mike. He didn’t mention his sister being hard of hearing. Or forgetful.”

“I’m not. I’m trying to figure out why you’re asking such personal questions.”

He leaned his elbows on the counter. “Because I look out for him.”

“Yeah, my brother needs a lot of looking after.”

He turned and wiped the spotless counter with a rag. “Less than you think.”

“How would you know?”

“Because I’m also his sponsor.”

Hannah froze, the wind knocked out of her as if she’d been punched in the stomach. Except Mike hadn’t moved from behind the counter and no one else was there. This guy was her brother’s sponsor?

He folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow. “Which surprises you more—that I’m his sponsor or that he has one?”

Her face heated again as she recognized the truth in his question, and at how easy it was to read her. “Both, I guess.”

He shrugged. “Well, you’re honest at least.”

“You seem to think you know me.”

“Only from what Jeff has told me.”

“What did he say?”

“You sure you want to know?”

She wiped her palms on her knees and glanced around the room before she returned her focus to Mike and nodded.

“He said he betrayed you by being an addict. You don’t believe he’s clean, or that he’ll ever be. He’d like to make amends with you, but you won’t give him an opportunity.”

That her brother cared enough about her to regret his treatment of her was something she’d have to examine another time, in private. “And how, exactly, does that show you know me? Did you form some mental picture of me in your mind based on his description?”

Mike gave a half-smile. “You’re just like him, you know.”

“Except I’m not an addict.” Hannah cringed inside at the words she blurted. She possessed more tact under ordinary circumstances, but anything having to do with Jeff brought out the worst in her.

He stared at her until she wanted to break eye contact, but she remained firm and he looked away first. “I did form a mental picture of you.”

“Which is?”

“You’re not forgiving, which means he hurt you. You’re afraid of getting hurt again; therefore, you don’t want to get too close to him. And based on what I see now, you don’t want to fall for any of his shit again, either. Am I right?”

“Yeah.”

“Great, why are you here?”

“Because he told me he had a job and I wanted to know if he was lying or not.” And maybe because I want to forgive him.

“So you’re curious.”

“My grandmother thinks he’s changed and I don’t want to see her get hurt.” Or me.

“Ah, you’re here for her.”

She didn’t bother to answer. She had nothing to prove to this guy. Bracing herself against the counter, she started to slide off the stool.

“I have a habit of being an ass,” he said.

Hannah laughed. It was either laugh or tell him he was right. “I might have deserved some of it.”

“So, what do you want to know about your brother? Of course, you need to recognize there are only certain things I can say as his sponsor.”

She returned to the stool. “How long have you been his sponsor?”

“A year.”

Her eyes widened. “Really?”

“Are you going to doubt everything I tell you?”

“I’ll stop doubting when you start breaking that habit you apologized for.”

Mike let out a roar of laughter and his gold tooth glinted in a shaft of sunlight. “Touché. Yes, for a year.”

“How serious is he about recovery?”

“He’s been clean for a year.”

“And?”

“He’s putting in the time. He calls me when he needs support. He goes to meetings twice a day. He works here and he gets paid and he doesn’t use the money to buy drugs, although he’s tempted.”

“It’s the temptation that worries me.”

“We’re all tempted, sweetheart. But he’s fighting. Hard.”

“Where is he now?”

Mike looked at his watch. “At a meeting. His shift starts in an hour if you want to hang around.”

She climbed off the stool. “No, I don’t.”

“Now imagine how he feels.”

Hannah stared without seeing at the TV that night. Her focus remained on her earlier conversation with Mike. For all the attitude he’d given, he’d clarified a few things. Her brother was trying. He was clean. And he was as scared as she was.

Maybe her grandmother was right. It was one thing to enable him and ignore his flaws. It was another thing to ignore all the work he did and continued to do, and to punish him for a past he was trying to fix. Moving on would require her to set aside all her hurt. Could she do it?

Hannah’s phone rang. When Dan’s caller ID popped up, she muted the TV. “Hey there.”

“Hannah, it’s Tess.”

She started. “Oh, hi, sweetheart. I thought it was your Dad. How are you?”

“I’m fine, but I wanted to ask you a question.”

Hannah leaned forward and clenched her hands into fists. Tess never called. “Sure, what’s up?”

“My school is hosting an art exhibition. I wanted to know if you’d like to go. I have a few pieces in it and they serve snacks and drinks. They sort of arranged it like an art gallery opening and the money is used to fund art in our school.”

Hannah gripped her phone tight and blinked multiple times. Out of all the people Tess could invite, she chose her? Her chest expanded. “I’d love to go! What kinds of pieces are you displaying?”

“I’m taking a charcoal sketch class, and mine will be from that portfolio.”

“I can’t wait. When is it?”

“December third. Are you sure you’re free?”

“Hold on, let me check my calendar. Yup, totally free. Thank you so much for the invitation.” Hannah hung up the phone. Tess invited her to her art exhibition. She cared for Tess more each time she saw her, and it gratified her to know her feelings were reciprocated.

“Hannah, where are you going?” her grandmother asked as she emerged from her bedroom, knitting in hand.

“Tess invited me to her art show,” she said. “Can you believe she wants me to go?”

“Of course I can. You’ve made a good impression on her. Can I come too?”

“I don’t know. Let me ask.” She hit redial and when Tess picked up, she asked, “My grandmother wants to know if she can come too.”

“Sure!”

Hannah smiled at the excitement in Tess’s voice as she hung up the phone. “Yes, Bubbe, Tess said you can come too.”

As she was about to tell her grandmother the date and time, the phone rang again. This time, though caller ID said Dan, she answered with care. “Hello?”

“Hi, what’s wrong?”

At the sound of Dan’s voice, she relaxed and stretched out on the sofa. “Nothing, I wasn’t sure it was you.” She filled him in about Tess’s phone call. “Is it okay with you? I don’t want to infringe on anything…”

“Hannah, it’s great. I want the two of you to have a relationship, and I’m thrilled she invited you.”

Hannah let out a deep breath. “Okay.”

He chuckled.

“What’s funny?”

“Not funny, so much as…I don’t know. I love the way you are with Tess. How you mix our family in with yours without question.”

“You make her sound like an ingredient,” Hannah said.

The deep laugh on the other end of the line sent chills down the nape of her neck and warmed the pit of her stomach.

“Well, I am partial to food,” Dan said, “so maybe it’s not such a bad thing. But in all seriousness, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I enjoy getting to know her.”

“So…I…I missed your voice. And I wanted to know how it went at your brother’s job.”

“It was…weird.” She lowered her voice, walking into her bedroom and shutting the door. “I haven’t told Bubbe about this yet. Mike is Jeff’s boss and his sponsor. He says Jeff is clean and has been for a year.”

“Do you believe him?”

She rose and paced around the room. “There’s a big part of me that doesn’t believe he can do it. But I can’t continue to ignore evidence. I’m not sure what that makes me, though. Mike wasn’t too complimentary.”

“Hannah, you’re a good person. You’ve been hurt. You have every right to distrust Jeff. The fact you’re trying to look at the evidence and conceive a reason why you should believe him is admirable. Mike doesn’t know you.”

“Well, here’s the thing. He was brash and forward and he knew me, or acted like he did, and somehow I responded to him. It was like I wasn’t surprised at the way he talked to me. Or maybe I was surprised. I didn’t know what else to do, so I answered him rather than calling him out on his behavior. Well, for the most part.”

“At least you got some answers.”

“Yeah. I have a lot to think about, and I have to figure out how to go forward with Jeff and with my grandmother. I think I want a relationship with him, I’m just not sure how much of one I can handle.”

“Give it time. You don’t have to decide right away.”

Hannah closed her eyes, letting Dan’s voice wash over her and calm her. He was right.

“Speaking of decisions,” he said, “did you send out your résumé yet?”

“Yeah, I have an interview on Tuesday with another PR firm.”

“That’s terrific. I can’t wait to hear about it.”

Shivers ran down her spine as his happiness for her deepened the timbre of his voice.

“You know, Tess is out tutoring again tomorrow night,” he said. “If you want to come over, I could help you prepare for your interview. Or we could relax…”

She’d have him all to herself. Desire coursed through her. “I’d love to come over.”

As she hung up the phone, her stomach tightened. Last time they’d been alone, Dan stopped them because she’d been upset about Jeff. This time, there would be no more excuses.