The Pianist’s Wife

Chapter Sixteen

‘I can’t believe we only have one more day left together,’ Amira said, as they went for a walk, Maxi in his uniform as she strolled beside him, but with enough distance not to draw attention and keep with their cover story. ‘Your leave has gone by so fast.’ She’d taken a big risk in spending time with Maxi, but she’d been careful not to stay the night with him, returning to her flat to ensure she didn’t raise any suspicions if someone did see her.

Maxi didn’t reply, and she wished they were at home or somewhere else private, so she could hold his hand.

‘Maxi? Is everything alright?’

‘I can’t help wishing I’d been more assertive before I left the last time,’ he said, as their eyes met. ‘I can see now that I should have pleaded for a later date to ship out so that we could have married, or insisted that we married before, when your father was still alive.’

‘When my father was alive, he was adamant that I wasn’t to marry, not until after the war, and I had to respect his wishes,’ she said firmly.

Maxi didn’t say anything, and she hoped that he’d already tired of the conversation.

‘I could have challenged him though, and then we wouldn’t be in this situation, because I don’t believe that this man of yours doesn’t have feelings for you.’

Amira felt torn between protecting Fred and not breaking Maxi’s heart, but no matter how much she loved him, her loyalty had to be to Fred. She just had to find a way to convince Maxi without divulging their secret. ‘Maxi, I would have never disobeyed my father, and how many times do I have to tell you that Fred doesn’t have feelings for me? Just as I don’t have feelings for him!’

‘Well, I’m not happy about leaving you with another man, regardless of your declaration of it being a celibate marriage,’ he grumbled. ‘I could be gone for a long time.’

Amira decided not to challenge him on the topic anymore, exhausted from having to talk around the truth, but their attention was immediately diverted when they rounded a corner and saw hanging from a sign, a rope around his neck, a man wearing a suit. He had a piece of cardboard pinned to his chest that read ‘Feigling’. Coward.

‘Amira, turn away,’ Maxi instructed, holding his hand up to shield her eyes, even though she’d already well and truly seen what was there.

That could have been you, Maxi, if you’d married me and been found out. Only your sign would have read ‘Traitor’.

‘I’d like to go home now,’ she said, in a hushed voice as they hurried away, the vision of the hanged man impossible to remove from her mind.

Maxi only looked at her, recoiling at her mention of home, which of course meant home to Fred. But no matter what Maxi wished he’d done, the truth was that Fred was here, in Berlin, and Maxi was not. Which meant that if her decision was based purely upon her safety, then she’d done precisely what her father would have wanted her to do to keep herself alive in his absence.

The hairs on the back of her neck raised then, and she turned to see two men watching them. They were wearing civilian clothes, but she knew better than to let that fool her.

‘Maxi, I’m suddenly not feeling so well. Please, let’s hurry back,’ she said.

Only moments earlier, she’d wanted to spend every last second of his final day in Berlin with him, but now she just wanted to get off the streets and back to the relative safety of home. Because no matter how well hidden she was, she would never feel safe, not out in the open, not on the streets where Jews and their supporters were being hanged for all to see.

And she couldn’t help but feel a fool for the risk she’d taken in being out in public with Maxi. If one person had seen them, if she’d mistakenly touched him in a way that was too familiar or... She folded her arms tightly around herself.

If he came home on leave again, she wouldn’t see him. She suddenly understood very clearly that it wasn’t worth the risk, no matter how much it would break her heart.

‘Goodbye, Maxi,’ Amira said later that day, wrapping her arms tightly around him, her face to his chest, inhaling the smell of him, absorbing the feel of him and trying to lock it in her mind forever. They’d gone back to the apartment because she knew Fred wouldn’t be there, spending their final hours together drinking coffee and talking, and showing Maxi the separate bedrooms they kept, convincing him that he truly had nothing to worry about.

She couldn’t walk with him to the train station or stand there on the platform waving until she couldn’t see the carriage anymore, so this would have to be their final goodbye until he was home again.

‘These days I’ve had with you, they will keep me going for months to come, and as much as it pains me to say, I’m pleased you have someone to look out for you while I’m gone. Truly I am, despite what I said earlier,’ Maxi said. ‘All I care about is your well-being.’

‘I wish you didn’t have to go, though,’ she whispered, kissing him again.

Maxi touched his forehead to hers, and they stood like that, breathing, not saying another word. Because he didn’t want to go any more than she did, but he didn’t have a choice.

‘This war, what we’re seeing out there, what we’re going through...’

His tears touched her cheek as they fell.

‘I just want all this to be over,’ he whispered. ‘I want to come home and marry you. I want us to have a family. I want to go somewhere far away from here.’

Amira hugged him again, and they stood like that for what felt like forever, as if they were one, before he finally let her go.

‘Walk me to the door?’ he asked, as he bent to pick up his bag.

She wrapped her palm around his and they walked slowly through the apartment. When they reached the door he dropped the bag again and folded her back into his arms.

He stroked her hair, his thumb gently sliding down her cheek. Maxi kissed her one last time, a sweet, slow kiss that she felt all the way down to her toes, before finally pulling away.

‘I love you,’ she whispered, as he pressed his lips to her forehead and then stepped back. I love you more than you’ll ever know.

‘I’ll be home before you know it,’ he said with a smile, but she could see from the fear in his eyes that he didn’t believe his own words. They both knew how long it might be before they ever saw each other again, not to mention the chance that he might not return.

‘I know you will be,’ she said, trying to sound bright even as her heart was breaking.