The Pianist’s Wife

Chapter Eighteen

Two days later, Gisele turned up on her doorstep with the children in tow, breathless and telling Amira that she needed to go with her. And other than being told that Hans had sent word, Amira had no idea what, precisely, she was being summoned for. Amira had been reluctant to go at first, but Gisele had assured her that her mother wouldn’t be at her house. But once the children were settled, two of them set up drawing at the kitchen table and the youngest two taking a nap, Hans arrived home and she followed Gisele into his office.

When Hans’ eyes met hers she realised her presence hadn’t been requested as a support for Gisele, but because Gisele’s husband wanted to see her. She swallowed, her mind always racing to the worst-case scenario. He doesn’t know. He could only know if Gisele had told him, and she would never do that to me.

‘Unfortunately I have news, Amira,’ Hans said, sitting at his desk and placing his glass beside him. Her breath caught as she watched him drop his head to his hands, before looking back up at her through bloodshot eyes.

Gisele looked at Amira and moved closer to her, holding her hand, as if instinctively knowing from the look on her husband’s face that it was bad, very bad news. Then Amira noticed his red-rimmed eyes and his ghostly pale skin, and she knew. She knew who it was about.

‘Please, tell me it’s not Maxi,’ Amira whispered, looking first to Gisele, who appeared not to know, before fixing her gaze on Hans again.

Hans picked up his glass and drained it, before finally speaking. ‘Amira, the Allies bombed a German convoy on its way back to the Eastern Front, and a train carrying our soldiers took a direct hit,’ he said, his voice becoming quieter and quieter until it cracked with emotion. He looked away for a moment and cleared his throat, wiping a hand down his face. He and Maxi had been great friends – they’d all been as close as two couples could be before he’d been shipped out, before she’d married – and she could see how hard Hans had taken whatever news he had to share.

‘So he’s been injured?’ Gisele asked. ‘You’re trying to tell us that the poor man has been injured again after only just being cleared for duty?’

‘Will he be alright?’ Amira asked. ‘How bad are his injuries?’

‘Unfortunately, Maxi didn’t survive. He was—’ Hans’ voice broke, and he took a moment to recover. ‘Maxi was listed among the dead.’

Amira stared at him in horror as tears began to stream down his cheeks, and she tried to process what he’d just said. ‘But he was fine. I’ve just seen him. I...’

‘I’m so sorry, Amira, truly I am. There is no way any of them could have survived.’

‘No,’ Amira gasped. ‘No, you must be wrong. Maxi has only just left, he was just here two days ago. His injuries were all healed, he was, he—’ She squeezed her eyes shut, knowing she had to stop speaking.

Amira opened her eyes as Gisele wrapped her arms around her.

‘Amira, I’m so sorry,’ she murmured. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

‘I don’t, I don’t—’ Amira couldn’t even get the words out. ‘I have to go home. Your mother, I—’ Suddenly she was terrified of Gisele’s mother seeing her, of being discovered when she wasn’t thinking straight. Why had she come at all? Why hadn’t she just stayed home? ‘I should never have come here.’

‘Please, just stay here, let me look after you.’

‘She can’t stay for long,’ Hans said. ‘What will she tell Fred? How will she explain how upset she is?’

‘She will explain to him that someone she loved deeply has just lost his life,’ Gisele snapped. ‘For God’s sake, Hans, have a heart! Amira is doing nothing wrong in grieving for someone she once loved. Her love for him is no great secret, so don’t make her feel as if she’s wrong to mourn him!’

Once loved . The words stung, even though she knew Gisele was only saying what she needed to say in front of her husband.

I loved him only yesterday. I woke up this morning loving him. I was loved in his arms when he was here. I love him now.

Amira’s body shuddered as she fought to breathe, feeling as if there was no possible way she could go on without Maxi, without knowing that they could one day be together. But even in that moment, even so numb that she didn’t know how she would rise and put one foot in front of the other, she knew she had to leave. Gisele might not think her mother would recognise her or even remember her, but Amira knew better, and she wasn’t going to risk crossing paths with her. Not now, not ever.

‘I have to go,’ she said again.

‘Will you at least let me walk you?’ Gisele asked. ‘Please?’

Amira nodded, not knowing how she’d make it home without her.