20-Julian
“Where’s Sarah?”
Jake drops some printouts, letting them fall to the table. “In Daytona, meeting with other owners. Why?”
That’s unfortunate. I planned a great speech about her staying out of my private life and no more white dresses. “I figured you would be the one going.”
“Sarah handles the business part. We get to do the fun stuff.” Jake points his thumb between himself and Robert Deere, a minority partner in his newly formed racing team. “Check out the latest wrap.” He shoves the car design over for my inspection. “We landed a new sponsor, one from Bert’s time.”
“It turns out their new head of marketing was an old drinking buddy of mine,” Bert says. He has a perpetual sunburnt complexion, either from too much sun or perhaps he still enjoys the occasional drinking day. “It’ll be good to see him this weekend.”
“We fly out tomorrow morning for a promo video,” Jake says.
“You’re Murphy’s boy, aren’t you? He was a great competitor in our day,” Bert says. His complexion darkens as his voice grows louder. Beside him, Jake’s smile turns into a flat-out grin.
“Julian Murphy Senior,” I say, and silently hope this conversation ends soon. “He retired to Florida a few years ago.”
“He once spoke like you would take over from him,” Bert says. I change my mind about the day drinking. He’s merely a loudmouth. “I suppose that wasn’t meant to be. You don’t put the spoiled milk back in the bottle.”
Is that made up? Who says that?
“I’ve never been interested in ownership. Racing is enough for me.”
Bert nods in acceptance, but his expression says he doesn’t quite believe me. Daddy Murphy struggled with it, too. Up until the end, he thought I’d come through with the family business, right up to cheating for my brother.
Now, it doesn’t matter if I wanted to or not. My family’s stigma would cause any future racing team to carry the stink of scandal everywhere. Boone Rivers never thinks about it, but his family’s reputation is one of the reasons I even have a second chance.
“I suppose it is,” Bert finally says. “Your performance is damn fine this season, damn fine. You’re second in points, and I expect you’ll stay there. You’ll make this boy work for it.” He pokes Jake, who frowns.
That’s honestly funny. “Poor Jake is doing his best.”
Jake slaps his chest. “What the hell? I’m right here.”
“Doing your best,” I say, appreciating the conversation steering to a less personal topic.
Bert’s loud sigh is partly amusement and a lot of nostalgia. He leans back in his chair and hikes up his belt. “It’s all different from my day. We raced clean all season and then handed over a nice trophy at the end of it. These days, you have points, stages, and all these rules. It’s enough to drive an old man batty. But you know what they say.”
“You don’t put spoiled milk back in the bottle,” I offer.
Bert snaps his fingers. “Ain’t that the truth?”
“Sarah will be at Texas with us. You can speak to her, then,” Jake says. It’s a hint to end the conversation, and I get it. We’re in the middle of the season, and he’s trying to build a company from bootstraps and spit. I do not envy him.
“Appreciate it. I’ll be in the sim room if you need me,” I say. They won’t.
Alone in my office, I shut the door.
One day, questions about my family won’t give me the feeling of army ants crawling over my body. Reporters ask, looking for a story; other times, it’s an older man innocently reliving his glory days.
Lily isn’t coming in today either, so she isn’t available to distract me, at least not until tonight.
I pick up my office phone and dial without knowing why. His voicemail is probably still full.
“Yeah?”
My usual rant dries up from the familiar voice. “Jason. Where’s Dad?”
“Oh.” That single word tells me he would not have answered if he had recognized the phone number. “Dad is sleeping, so I answered for him.”
“In the middle of the day?”
“Retirement gives him a lot of free time.”
I ignore Jason’s dig. If he wants to be bitter, that’s fine with me because I’m bitter too. His career ended because he cheated, not because of me. “How is Mom?”
“Same as ever,” Jason says.
Eager to please my father and ready to explain away his actions. Dad isn’t cruel; he was making a joke. It’s fine because that’s the way it has to be. We misunderstood, so be quiet before he gets angry.
I grew up trying to please Julian Murphy Senior. Jason succeeded. He should have been the one to carry on the name, not me. I would have made a great Jason — or Mark or Bill.
“How about you?”
He loudly sighs into the phone. “Working. Is there something you wanted?”
“Nothing, just checking in.”
“Okay, then I’m going to go. Enjoy Texas.”
What does that mean? Are they watching me race, or is he still following my career?
The line is dead, so I’ll never know.
I wipe my face, telling myself to forget the call ever took place and concentrate on tonight.
Only a few more hours.
∞∞∞
Everything is perfect, or near enough.
I first laid out candles before deciding they would be a fire hazard and then switched to incense. It stunk, so I settled for a can of old-fashioned air freshener. Now, the bedroom smells like baby powder, a debatable improvement.
The bedsheets are washed, a spare toothbrush sits on the bathroom sink, and a fresh pack of condoms rests on the bedside table.
I rub my jeans one last time, and the front door opens. Lily is only fifteen minutes late, which makes her early.
“You look amazing,” I say, taking one of her bags. “You brought your backpack.”
“I’m struggling with a paper in my child psychology class, so if there’s time, I hope to work on it tonight.”
There won’t be time, not tonight. “The one due next week? I’ll sit with you this weekend. Will that help?”
She drops her backpack by the door and nods.
This particular accommodation was an accidental discovery only because I arranged for her to be my fake assistant. It turns out she can better focus when I’m around. Distractions distract her, but a body keeps her focused.
“It will help, thank you. Also, I need to take my medicine tonight. Will you help me remember? I always forget, and tonight will be even worse.”
“You’re covered. Did you bring that planning container?” A pink one, with morning and evening slots for every day of the week. She showed them to me at a race once after forgetting them the night before, and I’ve been the backup plan since. “We won’t forget. Tonight or in the morning.”
“Good, because Dad is with Boone, and they fly directly to Texas after this.” Her devilish smile matches mine. “He thinks I’m working on a school project.”
“It’s a project, just not school-related.”
Since that first night here, we went to a movie and then to a nearby park, where we made out like a pair of horny teenagers. We only quit after realizing the windows were covered in steam, and over an hour had passed.
That first night in my trailer has turned me back into a teenager again, one who recently discovered girls while in the throes of puberty. Back then, I was desperate for almost any available girl. This time around, I’m only thinking about one.
“You look amazing.” Her black skirt and midriff top, combined with red lipstick and pulled-back hair, are an incredibly sexy look. After that white dress, the color choice can not be a coincidence. “There’s a bottle of wine in the fridge if you want some. The wine clerk said it was good, but who knows? It all tastes the same to me.” Bitter or sour or both.
“I’ll get glasses,” Lily says, pulling out two wine glasses from a kitchen cabinet.
Only a week, and she’s already familiar with everything in my home. Sarah once claimed my place is a mystery, but that’s only because I don’t enjoy visitors. People will ask why two houses are on my property, which means explaining. Plus, guests imply some trust, and I don’t have any. You’re letting a person into your home, after all. I haven’t wanted that in a very long time.
“Dinner is ready, too. For after.”
Our eyes meet, and her quick nod shows a noticeable tension. Lily reaches for her hair, only to give up after remembering she pulled it back.
“I’m nervous,” she says in a voice barely above a whisper.
So am I.
“Don’t be.” I put my arms around her and take in the scent of lemon and vanilla. I’ve noticed it before, but it’s especially heady tonight. “We can stop at any point if you change your mind. The only rule is we take care of you.”
“And you.”
“All I want is whatever you ask of me.”
Lily takes a sip of wine and determinedly puts the glass back on the countertop. I do the same. “Then let’s go to the bedroom.”
Carrying her over the threshold doesn’t feel correct, partly because it’s only four steps. Instead, I grab her hand, and we walk in together.
Inside, I click on both bedside table lamps, deciding they’re less harsh than the overhead light.
“We can stop at any point.”
Her features stiffen. “I won’t change my mind,” she says, and I smile at her bravery. Lily’s stomach is probably fluttering like crazy, but no hint is visible on her features.
I reach behind and peel off my shirt, deciding to go first. “I’ve been picturing you since that white dress.” Sarah knew exactly what she was doing. It turns out I have a kink when it comes to Lily. So what?
I spent months reminding everyone of the ten-year age difference between us, and Sarah ignored it like she always does. If a person speaks loud enough, it’s likely because they’re trying to convince themselves most of all. If that’s what I did, it didn’t work. My rule about no close friends is completely shattered, while my rule about not getting involved with a coworker is about to be.
Months of telling myself not to even think of going there can’t compete with a few simple requests from Lily, and at this point, I’m following wherever she leads.
Right into my bed.
Lily’s eyes drop to my chest. Her lips twitch, forming a smile and then going flat again. I grab one of her hands and place it directly over my belt. “Take it off whenever you’re ready.”
She does so with an eagerness that surprises even me. It should not have. “Do you have everything?”
“Like I promised.” The condoms are a new box, with only a small number to avoid seeming overconfident. It’s also unopened to avoid Lily’s thoughts straying to another woman or another encounter. “There’s bubble bath, too, for after.”
“Do you think I’ll need it?”
My jeans fall to the ground.
“Taking care of you is the only goal tonight.” Lily slowly strokes my dick. My hand joins hers while taking care she remains in control. The pace increases, and I hiss. “If you keep going, we won’t get to the second part.”
She releases me and begins another perusal of my body, lingering on my legs and stomach this time. “Do you ever feel shy while naked?”
Plenty of women have seen me naked; shyness ceased to be a factor a very long time ago. “Not with you, no.” It’s the truth, and I won’t risk causing her discomfort. Lily is already sensitive over her lack of experience, and I’m not sure she’d believe it turned me on. “Do you want the lights off?”
“Do you remember that night on the beach? You saw me then.”
I forced myself not to notice. It was an effort. “Can I see you now?” Her immediate nod releases the last of my tension. “Good, because I’ve fantasized about this moment for a long time. It’s your turn.”
Lily’s shirt quickly disappears, and a black lacy bra greets me. Instinct leads me to her skirt’s side zipper. Our eyes meet, and she stills, waiting for me to remove it.
Her skirt falls, and my legs grow weaker. “They match.”
“I went shopping yesterday. It seemed appropriate for our first time.”
I hold back a smile at her statement because it could be accidental, and I don’t want to know if it is. The first time and only time are not the same thing.
“You’re exquisite.” I remove her bra, and Lily’s perfect breasts greet me. She doesn’t respond. Her arms hang at her side while the first hint of nerves pokes out. “Touch me.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere you want.” Her fingers curl into my hair as I lean down to kiss the spot where her heart beats. “Perfect, like I imagined.”
I kiss my way down to one nipple and lathe it with my tongue until it hardens in my mouth, and then do the same with her other breast. I drop more kisses down her stomach, leaving a wake of goosebumps on her smooth skin, and reach the beginning of her dark brown curls.
“Julian, we should lay down.” Lily squeezes my shoulders in an attempt to drag me towards the bed. “What do you feel like on top of me?”
This woman will be the end of me, and I look forward to every moment of it.
∞∞∞
We roll, and Lily is back on top while her mouth never leaves mine. I cup her neck to ensure the kiss doesn’t end while draping a leg over hers. She squirms against me, and I groan into her mouth.
Lily breaks the kiss and pulls herself up. Her entire chest moves as she takes in another gulp of air. Mine does the same.
“Is something wrong?”
“No…this is my first time looking down at you.”
I want to go back to kissing her. “Look your fill.”
She does so, tracing the dark trail down my abdomen with a dreamy expression that further sets me off.
“Come here,” I say, crooking a finger at her. Lily does, and I flip us both once more. “Better.”
Our first kiss was tentative, with her following my every lead. Not anymore. Tonight, Lily’s aggression is out. Her bold tongue tastes and licks at me. Her lips match mine. She cups my neck so I can’t get away. I love it all.
My finger slides into her wet pussy, and our kiss breaks. Not satisfied, I go on the attack, claiming her lips once more.
“Do you feel that?” Her frantic nod stirs me further. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“Now.”
A single word, and my entire body thrills. I grab the unopened box from the nightstand. My clumsy fingers initially struggle with the foil. Lily watches me roll the condom on like a woman caught in a trance. It’s strangely erotic.
“Spread your legs for me.” No order was needed, as she instinctively wraps one leg around my hip to move me closer. “Remember, if it hurts or you’re uncomfortable at any point, tell me. We can slow down or stop.”
“It won’t, but I’ll tell you if it does.” She cups my cheeks, and that same hidden smile she flashed after first arriving is back. Like she’s amused but doesn’t want to admit it. Or, more likely, it hints at her growing confidence. Either way, it’s damn sexy.
I take in a couple of shallow breaths, willing myself to go slow. This is Lily’s first time, and in some ways, it’s mine as well. Tentatively, I enter her. It’s only the very tip, and I’m already drowning in sweet pain.
Slow.
Slow.
The word repeats in my head, a sharp command because all I want to do is bury myself in a rush to claim her.
“Julian. Oh…oh….”
Her hips jerk, and I settle all the way into her pussy. “Tell me when.”
“Soon. I need to learn what you feel like first.”
I smile at her choice of words. “What does it feel like?”
My body lays over hers, with my hips settled between her thighs. We’re close enough that our faces nearly touch. Lily’s grip on my shoulders keeps me in place, which is fine because this is where I want to spend the rest of the night.
“Full, but that’s obvious, isn’t it?”
“Complete,” I say instead, deciding it makes for a better word. “Give me your hand.” I guide it to where our bodies are joined together and let my dick slide out of her pussy. “Do you feel us?”
I move again, slowly sinking back into her pussy. Lily’s eyes grow bigger as I repeat the movement a second and third time. “Touch yourself for me.”
“What?”
“Go on. Do it.”
Her cheeks further darken, but the circular motion between us tells me she’s doing it. Lily’s hips slowly roll as she learns my rhythm and copies it.
I want to do more. I want to fuck her into the mattress. I want to flip her onto her stomach.
“Julian, you can go faster now. It doesn’t hurt. You won’t hurt me, I promise.”
I close my eyes and tell myself to be gentle. “Faster. Got it.”
I snap against her while Lily’s hand stays tucked beneath us, with her seemingly determined to soak up every part of our time together. My speed increases, and her breathing grows heavier. I move, wanting to put more weight on my arms when hers encircles my back to bring our bodies closer. I oblige and go faster.
My hips snap, and our bodies join, slick and warm against each other.
She scratches my back and cries into my ear.
“I’m close. Really close.”
Closer than I thought. Something animal-like takes over my body, and I slam into her several times with enough force that she bumps into the headboard.
Finally, I shutter and lay still.
All I hear is her shallow breaths and my thundering heart. Her fingers tickle my scalp.
We lay in silence, a peaceful return to our bodies as the desperation leaves.
Lily says my name so quietly I almost miss it.
“Are you hurt or sore?”
“I’m tingling.”
That’s a good sign, isn’t it? “Our first time,” I say.
“Only mine.”
“It’s still ours, and that won’t change.” Truthfully, this night brought us both plenty of firsts, but we don’t need to talk about it now. Tonight was for her, not me.
Can a person want to drift off to sleep like this and also feel incredibly alert at the same time?
“It’s time for your medicine,” I finally remind her.
“I need to go take it,” she says and doesn’t move. The dreamy expression is still on her. A few strands of hair around her temples are damp.
“No, you need to relax while I get them.” I force myself up and quickly return with a glass of water and two small pills. It occurs to me, not for the first time, that, aside from her father, I’m the only person she trusts to share her medication needs with. “When you’re ready, I’ll start your bath.”
“You’re spoiling me.”
That’s the plan.