The Prince’s Heart

32. Chapter 32

Chapter thirty-two

T he ride to Zeteyon is uneventful. Two of the palace guards come with me; I don’t really expect that I’ll need their services, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. Neither of them seems to be interested in conversation, which leaves me alone with my thoughts, my anxiety growing slowly but steadily as we draw closer to the Leara estate.

For six days we ride, pausing only to sleep at night or to eat. I set a pace that alternates between a trot and a walk, giving the horses time to recover their energy. Even though I know it’s necessary, the periods where the horses are walking feel interminable. I do my best to remind myself that every second that passes is one that brings me closer to Tag.

Toward noon on the sixth day, we cross a river that’s wide but so shallow the water only comes up to the horses’ knees, and I know we’ve crossed the border into Zeteyon. Soon after, we peel off the main road onto a smaller one that leads north. My anticipation and anxiety ratchet up then—partially because I’m about to see Tag, and partially because I’m not entirely sure that I’m going in the right direction. In my haste to leave the palace, I forgot to bring a map of this area, so all I have to go by is what Tag and Riella have told me. He did say the estate is north of the main road. I think .

Then, midmorning of the seventh day, we crest a hill, and I see a sprawling manor house that’s surrounded by vineyards. It looks like what Tag described to me, and it’s in the right place, so I assume it’s the Leara estate. As soon as I see it, my apprehension doubles, triples, until it takes over my entire mind. While we were riding, I hadn’t let myself consider what would happen if Tag doesn’t want to see me, or if I can’t convince him to come back. Now that I’m here, those possibilities feel very real, and I don’t know what I’ll do if things go wrong.

When we reach a drive lined with oak trees that leads from the road to the house, I slow Laya to a trot. As I get closer to the house, I see there’s a carriage outside with the Leara family crest, a shield bordered in green with a golden-eyed owl in the middle, on it. This is the right place , then . My heart lodges in my throat and stays there.

All too quickly, we reach the end of the drive. I dismount and order the guards to stay put, my heartbeat pounding in my ears. This will go well. It has to . I walk up to the tall front door and knock on it, the pounding of my fist on the wood sounding like a twin to the thump-thump-thump of my heart.

When the door opens, I hold my breath but let it out when I see that the person standing in front of me isn’t Tag. Instead, it’s an older woman whom I don’t recognize, who appears to be half my height. She looks me up and down briefly with her sharp green eyes, taking in my sweaty face and outfit that’s expensive, yet dusty from the road.

“Can I help you, my lord?” she asks, her eyebrows slightly raised. “I don’t believe we’re expecting any visitors.”

I know I should be polite, but there’s no time for me to explain, not when I’m so close to him. “I need to speak to Tag Leara, right now. Is he here?”

Her eyebrows raise even further. “Is Master Leara expecting you, Lord…?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. But I need to speak to him anyway.” I don’t bother to hide the impatience I’m feeling. “Can you please let him know that he has a visitor?”

Before she can respond to me, another voice comes from inside the house, one that simultaneously warms my heart and chills me to my core. “ Darien ? Is that you?” Tag steps forward, as handsome as I’ve ever seen him, his expression wrought with surprise and disbelief. “I thought I heard you, but I figured I was just imagining it.”

I swallow a lump in my throat that wasn’t there a few moments before. “Can I come in? I need to talk to you.”

He stares at me for a moment longer. “Of course,” he says, his tone guarded. “Thank you, Mei. I’ll take him from here.”

Mei nods to Tag and backs away from the door. I step into the house, not sure how to feel just yet. At least he didn’t turn me away immediately . Hope and fear struggle within me, neither of them able to gain an advantage and overcome the other just yet.

But underneath them both is love, and when I look at Tag, it grows stronger, swelling in my chest as though it’s the very air that I breathe. I missed him so much .

Oblivious to the battle going on in my mind, Tag silently gestures me forward and leads me to a room that I assume is his. Once we’re in the room and the door is closed, he turns to me. “Darien, what are you doing here? Are you even real? Or am I hallucinating?”

“I’m real. I promise.” I hesitate briefly; everything has been leading up to this moment, and how he responds to what I say next has the potential to either make me very happy or destroy me completely. “I came here for you, Tag. I love you, and I’m begging you to come back to the palace with me.” I get quiet, so quiet I can barely hear myself speaking. “I need you, my love. I can’t do this without you.”

A flicker of some emotion I can’t quite place passes across his beautiful face. “What happened to Arbois? I thought you said my life would be in danger if I stayed at the palace.”

“I did say that, and it was true. But he died, Tag. A couple weeks ago.”

Tag’s eyebrows shoot up. “I … see,” he says slowly. He shakes his head. “It still doesn’t matter. We can’t be together, Darien. It will never work.”

Ignoring the sudden tightness in my chest, I take one of his hands in mine, hoping he doesn’t notice that I’m shaking. “Please don’t say that,” I murmur. “I know it must have hurt when I sent you away, and I’m sorry for that. But my heart belongs to you, and it always will. You’re the only one who ever made me feel like I’m more than just my title. You made me believe that I can be with someone who loves me , not my position.” I squeeze his hand gently and lock my eyes onto his. “I love you, Tag, and I’m yours for as long as you want me.”

Tears well up in his eyes. “I love you too, more than I can say. But I’ve had some time to think, and…” A few tears fall onto his cheeks, and he pauses to wipe them away before he resumes speaking. “I don’t know if that’s enough.”

Pain blooms in my chest. “What do you mean?” I whisper.

He takes a deep breath, his eyes shining with tears. “Suppose I do come back to court with you. Even if Arbois is gone, that doesn’t mean we can be together. I’m still just the son of a viscountess, far too low-ranked to be with you. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to marry some powerful lord with money or lands or an army.” He hesitates. “I know I offered to be your secret lover when … the last time we saw each other, but I was wrong to suggest it. I don’t think I can watch you be with someone else. Even if it’s all for show.”

“You’re wrong about one thing, my love.” I bring his hand up to my lips and kiss it gently. “We can be together. You know I don’t care about your rank. Your parents could be farmers, or servants, or whatever, and I’d still want to marry you.”

His eyebrows draw down slightly. “I believe you, but we both know that’s not the problem. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that the council—and the rest of the court, for that matter—will give us their approval? Or will they try to tear us apart at the first opportunity they get?”

“I….” I really wish I could just say that it’d be fine, like my heart is urging me to, but I can’t lie to him. “I don’t know, Tag. But we won’t know unless we try.”

“Please, Darien,” he says, his voice barely audible. “They’ll never approve of me. And it’s not just them, it’s the rest of the court too. I can’t stand the thought of everyone talking behind my back, saying that I’m not good enough for you, or that I tricked you into marrying me somehow.” He looks at me, his brown eyes filled to the brim with love and heartbreak. “Maybe if I were stronger, if I had thicker skin, I could do it, but I can’t .”

Tag’s face grows blurry; it takes me a moment to realize it’s because I’m crying too. “We can make it work,” I say, unable to keep the rising desperation I’m feeling out of my voice. “I don’t care what anyone else says. It doesn’t matter, as long as we’re together. If they—”

He gently places one finger across my lips, cutting me off. “You may not care,” he says softly, “but I do.”

He says it with finality, with weight, each word thudding in my ears like it weighs a thousand pounds. “So, this is it, then?” My voice sounds just as dull as I feel. “You’re sure this is what you want?”

He hesitates for a bare second before nodding. “It is,” he whispers. “Goodbye, my love.”

I stand here for a few moments, stock still, barely able to comprehend what’s happening. Then, without taking my eyes from him, I take a step back, then another, toward the door, away from the only man I’ve ever loved. Slowly, as though I’m moving through molasses, I finally turn away from him, trudging towards the exit.

I’m barely a foot away from the door when, seemingly out of nowhere, Samis’s dying words echo in my mind, stopping me dead in my tracks with their burning urgency. Promise me you won’t let anything come between you and Tag . I didn’t know if I could keep that promise back then, but I made it all the same. And here I am, about to walk away from the only man I’ve ever loved, the only man I ever will love, when the biggest obstacle to us being together is gone. You two are good for each other, and you’ll be happy together .

Just like that, I stop walking. “No,” I hear myself say, as though from a distance. “This isn’t right.”

I turn back to Tag and go to him, meeting much less resistance than I was just a moment ago. When I reach him, I kneel down before him and take his hand in mine again, my eyes locked on his. “Tag, I understand why you’re worried, and I don’t blame you. But I won’t give up on you just because of what might happen in the future. Sure, some people might be opposed to us marrying at first, but the idea that you aren’t suitable just because you don’t have the right title is absurd. I don’t care what the council—or anyone else—thinks. All I care about is you . If anyone resists, I’ll do whatever it takes to make them accept you, even if it means opposing the entire council. I’ll oppose the whole court if it means I get to be with you.”

“How, Darien?” he whispers, tears streaming down his cheeks. “How will you convince them? What if they try to force you to marry someone else? I don’t want to come back if I’m just going to be cast aside when the next prince comes along. I won’t go through that again!”

I stand up, cupping his face in one hand, the other still grasping his hand. “I don’t know. But I do know that if we give up on each other now, we’ll both regret it for the rest of our lives. I promise you that I’ll give it everything I have. Everything .” I gaze deeply into his eyes, willing him to hear the truth of my words. “Nobody will ever force me to marry anyone else. There are other ways to protect Soeria besides my marriage, especially now that Arbois is out of the picture. The council can argue with me about alliances or dowries until they’re blue in the face. It won’t matter. Even if they threaten to take my crown, I will never back down.” My voice is as strong and confident as I can make it, but there are tears running down my cheeks too. “I love you, Tag, and I always will. As far as I’m concerned, that’s the only thing that matters.”

When the last word comes out of my mouth, all the hope and fear and anxiety that have competed within me ever since I stepped foot into this room vanish completely, like I took my emotions and formed them into words, leaving only love behind. For a few seconds that feel like hours, he just looks at me, his brown eyes shining with love and fear and anguish. Everything feels completely still, as though the world has stopped dead in its tracks. All I can think about is how badly I want him, how badly I need him. I silently will him to say that he’ll come back, that we can be together, as I struggle in vain against the desperation that’s growing within me. “Please, Tag,” I say, so quietly it makes a whisper seem loud. “I need you with me.”

Finally, after a few more moments of torture, he wraps his arms around me and lays his head on my chest. “I love you too, Darien,” he says, his voice a bit muffled. “I love you so much, and that is all that matters.” He lifts his head up, his tear-filled eyes finding mine. “You’re right. I know I’d never forgive myself if I gave up on you now.”

A wave of relief, stronger than any I’ve ever felt before, crashes into me and washes through me, filling me from the top of my head down to my toes. “Thank you, my love,” I say quietly. I move ever so slightly forward, closing the distance between us until our lips meet. I’d almost forgotten how good it felt to kiss him. “Does this mean you’ll come back to the palace with me?”

He laughs through his tears, and the sound warms my heart. “It does. You once said you’d always be there for me, and now it’s time for me to make the same promise to you.” His eyes and his tone are both full of iron resolve. “Darien, I’m yours, for as long as you want me. We’re in this together, and I’ll always stand by you, no matter what.”

I pull him in for a deep, triumphant kiss, hoping he can feel my love for him just as I can feel his for me. When we pull back, he smiles at me, a tender one that’s full of joy and contentment. Unable—and unwilling—to stop myself, I kiss him again, deeply this time, letting my hands roam up and down his body. He kisses me back just as deep, and, before I know it, we’re in his bed, reveling in our newly reclaimed love for each other, reunited as one.

Sometime later, once we’re back in a state where we can speak coherently, we decide to leave for Cedelia the next morning. I’m sure Emma has things under control, but I feel bad for having left her there to deal with the repercussions of Arbois’s death by herself. I’m not looking forward to getting back to the drudgery of king all the time, but now that I know I’ll have Tag by my side, the idea seems … tolerable, if not exactly exciting.

When we come down from Tag’s room and join his parents and Riella in the library, they all do doubletakes—well, Riella and the viscountess do, at least, and the viscount’s eyes widen briefly.

“Darien! What a pleasant surprise!” the viscountess exclaims as she comes over and gives me a hug. “Mei told us that someone was at the door, but she obviously didn’t know who you are. To what do we owe the honor?”

“I actually came to talk to Tag,” I tell her. “You see…” I briefly glance in his direction, giving him a quick smile that he returns with interest, and take his hand in mine. “Tag and I are courting, and I’ve asked him to come back to Cedelia with me. Of course, you’re all welcome to come too.”

If I thought they were surprised before, they’re even more so now, although Riella gives me what looks like a knowing smile for a brief second. In any event, their surprise quickly turns to joy, with the viscountess and Riella exclaiming how happy they are for us. The viscount, meanwhile, gives us a brief half-smile before returning to his usual dour expression. From what Tag has told me, that’s basically his equivalent of jumping for joy, so I suppose it’s good enough for me.

After their excitement has died down, the conversation turns to business, and the three of them ultimately decide to follow us back to the palace in a few days, once they’ve had a chance to settle their affairs here and make sure the estate won’t be neglected during their absence. Thankfully, they accept it when I say I’ll explain everything—including why I asked them to leave the palace with no notice—once we’ve all returned. I don’t want to ruin this happy moment by talking about Arbois and his crimes.

Although Riella seems happy too, I have a feeling she might be peeved that Tag and I didn’t tell her about our courtship before now. After all, if she had been courting Emma for months and didn’t tell me, I would probably be annoyed.

But when I take her aside and gently broach the subject, she just rolls her eyes. “How dense do you think I am, Darien?” she asks. “I knew exactly what you were trying to do as soon as you asked for my advice on that made-up report all those months ago. Plus, don’t you think I noticed Tag was sneaking out of our rooms every night and didn’t show up until the next morning?”

For a moment, I just stare at her in stunned silence. I should have guessed that she’d figure it out on her own. “If you knew, then why didn’t you say anything?” I finally ask her.

“I figured that if you were both trying to keep it secret, there must have been a good reason.” She gives me a smile and winks. “Besides, the whole thing was my idea in the first place. I had a feeling the two of you would be perfect for each other before you even met.”

I clap my hands together before I can stop myself. I knew she was trying to set us up ! “Well, you were obviously right. Why didn’t you tell me about him before?”

She shrugs. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure he was ever going to leave Zeteyon. I didn’t want to get your hopes up if you were never going to actually meet each other. By the time I realized that we were all going to live in Cedelia, I figured it would be more fun to let you be surprised. It was a pretty good surprise for you, wasn’t it?”

It was, but I’m not quite ready to admit that to her yet. “That means you’re not mad at me, then?”

“Oh, I suppose I could forgive you.” Her smile widens. “But first, you’ll need to give me all the details. What was your first kiss like? Who kissed who? When was it? Does anyone else know about you two? Where did you…”

She continues rattling off questions, not giving me a chance to answer one before moving on to the next, while I groan internally. I suppose I should have seen this coming…