Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
Aidan was speaking with the captain the next morning when he spotted Brianna across the deck. Pleased as he was to see her, he was surprised she was up and about so early. He’d hoped she might find her way to a deep slumber and stay abed at least past dawn, especially after everything that had transpired the day before. She’d not had a moment’s calm from morning til night, it surely had taken a toll on her. That she’d faced each incident bravely and with grace, yet still had the temerity to search him out and confess her suspicions to him, had humbled him perhaps as never before. It was a moment that he suspected would be etched in his memory forevermore, the image of the last rays of the sun, set alight between them, while he bound himself to her before God. He could still feel the touch of her slender hands upon his head as he swore his allegiance to her on bended knee. It was an oath and promise he would take to his grave. He thought of how her fingers had brushed through his hair as he looked up at her, her hands cupping his face. He could barely breathe for the depth in her eyes and deliberation in her touch. They barely knew one another, he had not even pressed his lips to hers, and yet Aidan knew in his bones that Brianna was his forever. It was fate, to be sure, but there was something about her, something more that had clung to him since the first moment he’d seen her, too.
“What does this mean, Aidan?” she’d whispered the night before, her eyes searching his.
If she only knew how quickly their circumstances had shifted with her confession of destiny. She’d asked him with such candor, he knew that he had gained her trust, and he would not spare her the truth.
“It means I have promised myself to you, Brianna. My words are consent to consider us wed—” At this, her eyes flashed in alarm. “ However, ” he’d continued. “’Tis still only my consent. I do not intend to force your hand, though I have hope that in good time, when you are ready, you will give yours.”
She’d remained quiet, her expression still so serious, but had nodded, her eyes filled with understanding. Their easy patter abated then, simply due to her sheer exhaustion. She’d been through enough for one night, mayhap a week, and when he asked if she would like to go back to her quarters, she appeared grateful and allowed him to tuck her arm into his. Entwined together, he walked beside her, even more aware of her energy than usual, how it blent with his. When she turned to say goodnight, he saw the faint shadows beneath her eyes and gently swept them with his thumbs just before bending so his lips touched her brow. She’d given him a soft smile before closing her door slowly, their eyes never breaking contact until the last sliver was gone.
Aidan watched her now as she scanned the deck, her search, it seemed, over when their eyes met. He inclined his head, considering himself more than fortunate, as a modest smile tugged about her lips, and she made her way over to him. He felt a warmth, a flutter perhaps, in his chest, which he was beginning to associate with Brianna, as it happened each time he caught sight of her. He’d been noticing it ever since their first dinner at Abersoch—was that really only two days ago?—when she’d first danced her fingers in the air. Before now, he’d never given thought (or perhaps not enough of it), to what being matched or being in love would feel like. It was one thing to consider the idea of the woman he was supposed to fall in love with, but he’d never been in love before. Nor was he quite certain he was now, at least not yet, but he’d never felt this kind of protectiveness, possessiveness even, for anyone. It was new territory he tread, to say the least.
As she continued across the deck, Henry lumbering faithfully behind her, that physical sensation he attributed to her happened again, this catch or swell, and he was certain now that it wasn’t merely attraction. Aye, he was attracted to her, madly so. Once he let himself accept she was the woman he’d been waiting for, it had only intensified. Her appearance and demeanor mattered not. She could be gowned in finery and regal in bearing, fashioned for the day in her highborn attire, determined to face her fate, or clad in merely a shift, her hair arranged in disarray atop her head, barefoot and filled with innocent glee, an image now seared in his mind. But he’d known many a fetching lass in his lifetime and not once had any sort of physical attraction been accompanied by this, this sensation.
When she caught his eye again, they shared a smile, a genuine one this time, and he froze. Had he been in battle, he’d be dead. Felled on the spot. He supposed being aboard the ship allowed him some breadth, but he knew he’d better get a hold of himself before this premature besottedness caused a problem.
“Good morning,” she said softly when she reached him.
“Aye.” That it was. “Good morn, Brianna.”
“What’s that?” she asked, her head tilted to the side as she pointed down to the thin leather braids in his hand. He’d nearly forgotten them himself.
“I made a yoke of sorts for Kitty.”
“You did?”
God help him, when she beamed, he felt a bit lightheaded. Then he realized she did not have Kitty with her. “You didn’t want to bring her up with you?” he asked. At her look, he assured her, “He will be gone on the morrow. We’ll make port early.”
“Oh.” She was clearly surprised by this. “We’re stopping? I assumed we would sail straight to Dunhill. ”
“Nay, we’ll dock at Seagrave first. ’Tis a short ride from there.”
Her eyes narrowed, then she said, “There’s more?” Of course, there was, but he only just realized it himself. She nodded, perhaps sensing his hesitation, “Aye, there is.”
“Perhaps, short isn’t the most accurate description,” he said, considering how best to tell her they’d oft time made use of the cottage between Seagrave to Dunhill to break up the journey.
“I don’t mind riding, Aidan. In fact, I enjoy it.”
“I’m pleased to hear so. The journey, while possible to complete in a day, can be lengthy. So that you do not need to ride for so long, how do you feel about an overnight stay in?—”
He stopped short when her mouth fell open, and she clutched his sleeves. “The family cottage! We’re going to the O’Roarke family cottage!” She was beside herself like she’d been when he told her she could see Pembrooke. “What’s wrong with that? I’d love to see it with my own eyes!” In her excitement, she drummed her hands upon his chest, then pulled a silly face and stepped back, blushing. “Sorry.”
He chuckled, “No need. And I’m not sure there’s anything wrong about making use of it,” he said shaking his head.
“Oh.” A flush swept her fair skin from just above the cut of her dress to her cheeks. “You were implying?—"
He shook his head, his heart racing with what she’d thought he’d meant, what he realized she might be open to. “Nay. In truth, I imply naught.” He paused, wondering if he should inquire further, but decided to leave it aside for now, as time and circumstance would provide. Instead, he held up the braids he’d fashioned the night before. “Come,” he said, reaching for her hand. “I’ll show you.”
Her excitement—in the change of subject, or the yoke itself—was evident, and she placed her slender hand in his. How easily the gesture came to her, the first time she’d held his hand since all that had transpired the night before, it gladdened him.
It was a day Aidan enjoyed as never before. While wholly chaste, there was a shared intimacy in how they spent time in each of their chambers as they ventured back and forth with Kitty, and up on the deck too. Aidan could almost feel their closeness and familiarity with each other growing. It pleased him how Brianna took great interest in his belongings and travel bags, large and small, examining them and exclaiming over their small details. When they happened to be in her quarters shortly afterward, she went immediately to her satchel, and it almost seemed like she was about to share something with him, but then appeared to change her mind. The look on her face made him think it was more than just the elegant craftsmanship of the bag, and he had to admit, he was slightly disappointed when she put it down, but even more curious. No matter, he was a patient man, for now, it was enough she considered it.
Later she’d made a simple loop, knotted from a thin strip of leather he had left over from Kitty’s harness, and she taught him a game of cats and bairn beds something or other. That had inspired him to show her a few silly games, too, ones he hadn’t played since he was young—though playing them with Brianna, clasping and unclasping their hands was quite different from playing them with the kin he’d grown up with. There was one she’d excitedly declared a thumb war , which he countered with another he learned as a young boy. Brianna had built upon that one, adding a few silly ditties, though he’d stopped her whence her songs had started to describe some peculiar characters and circumstances, especially one Miss Lucy.
At the end of the night, after watching another sunset together, they’d returned to his quarters and she’d fallen asleep next to him whilst he read through the list of supplies he’d need to gather from Ayr. He smiled down at her, pleased to have made her feel so secure and so safe. Then, he laid his head back against the wall, Brianna nestled into his side, and Kitty curled between them.
Aye, the Fates had shone down on him indeed.
There was a marked chill in the air early the next morning as the ship passed through the Northern Channel and entered the Firth of Clyde on their approach to Ayr. The sun had yet to crest the horizon, and still, Aidan couldn’t pry Brianna away from the prow, her eyes drinking in the sights cast only in the pre-dawn light. He watched as she leaned into the railing as if she’d never before had a care of being aboard a ship or the sea itself. When he came up beside her, she tilted her head toward him and smiled. He wasn’t so foolish to think that her happiness was only for him, but surely, he was partly responsible for eliciting it. Aidan was learning, and quickly, that when it came to Brianna, he seemed to feel first and reason last. As afflictions go, it was something he could live with, even if it was something to get used to. He returned her smile and, at the sight of her shivering, draped his cloak over her shoulders. When she stepped back into him, seeking his warmth, he gave it to her gladly, wrapping her in his arms.
They hadn’t spoken of their exchange the other night, the vows he’d made, nor did it seem to matter. The facts as they were had been acknowledged, and time would take care of the rest, as it already seemed to be doing. Mayhap by the time they arrived at Seagrave, or perhaps Dunhill, what was fast growing between them—companionship and friendship, to be sure, but also attraction, affection, and the hint of more along that line—would be enough to build the foundation of a solid relationship. He was certain now that she was his by fate, and so it seemed more than prudent to take her to see Dunhill, where she wished to go. Afterward, however, Brianna would live with him, as his wife, at Pembrooke. He couldn’t say for sure if she was aware of this, but considering how she was always so assured in her desires (something they had in common), he was not eager to bear such news to her yet. But all of that was secondary because in all his wonderings about who was to be his fated true love, never had he imagined this . If he felt only this , to its exact degree, and no more for the rest of his life, he would die a happy man.
Reining in his erstwhile thoughts, Aidan forced himself to refocus on what was in front of him at that moment. Remembering what he’d come up here for in the first place, he shared what he knew would be a pleasant surprise. “I sent Henry for a warm beverage,” he said.
She shuddered against him, but he knew it was not from a chill, he had enough heat for them both. “Not to sound ungrateful, but the last warm drink I was served on this ship was disgusting,” she said. "Let’s just say the cook aboard this ship doesn’t quite have the skills of the cook at Abersoch.”
Based on his newly refined and ‘ modern’ tastes, thanks to Gwen and the many new spices and ingredients she’d added to their fare, he could only imagine and chuckled. “You’ll be pleased with this one.”
At this, she turned, there, in that small footprint of space. Facing him now, with eyes sparkling and her hand shielding the side of her face against the sun that was finally beginning to rise, she said, “A warm morning beverage, I’ll enjoy? Do tell, Sinclair?”
Her sweet playfulness momentarily stunned him. In the second it took for his words to come forth, a blush had swept across her cheeks and she looked away for a moment to cover her embarrassment.
Finally, Aidan managed, “I found some tea, in my bag. A blend with bits of citrus rind. A far cry from the warm ale you were probably served yesterday, I’d say.”
At this, her eyes widened and he knew she was pleased. “I don’t know how to thank you,” she said, growing serious. “You’ve been so thoughtful and considerate.” Then she rubbed her arms and wrinkled her nose. “And I really like your cloak.”
He chuckled, well aware that it was more than the cloak that was the true cause of her smile, but then sobered. “You owe me no thanks, Brianna. I meant it when I said I’ll always see to your welfare.”
Her eyes shuttered a moment. “I know that shouldn’t make me feel so nervous, but…” she let her words trail off.
“But?”
Her cheeks reddened again. “Well, suddenly I have, or almost have, a husband and what goes with that,” she said, and he was stunned for a moment at how forthright she was being about the prospect of their coupling.
Aidan felt his body responding to what she was suggesting and took a breath to quell the sensation. Aye, he wished to bind their union physically, but he did not sense that Brianna was anywhere near ready yet. She mayhap felt the growing attraction between them, and by all evidence, she trusted him now, but Aidan was confident that if they took this time to know each other better, their bond could only be stronger for it. While it did not matter to him, he was certain that to Brianna it would. Patience had never been a problem for him, and Brianna’s continued trust was worth the wait.
He shook his head. “In due course, Brianna, we’re in no hurry for such. I am in no hurry,” he corrected, knowing prudence was key.
Her relief was evident, but in the next breath, her brows furrowed. “But…not because, because you don’t want to…with…me?” Her voice became increasingly lower with each word until he was forced to shift his focus from her eyes to her lips to make out what she was saying.
He hoped his astonishment, that she could even entertain the thought, was clearly written on his face. “I assure you, that is not the case,” he said.
She gave him a doubtful look (that he quickly countered), before supplying an explanation of sorts. “It’s just that every O’Roarke marriage throughout history…” she paused when he raised a brow at her words throughout history (it was hard to let it pass unnoticed), then she hurried on. “Well, it’s just that they’re all…” she hesitated again, her eyes darting anywhere but his.
“Brianna, what are you trying to say?”
“They’re all love matches, Aidan. When an O’Roarke marries whether it lasts years or months, it’s true and enduring. It’s always been this way.”
“And that’s a problem?
“I was just worried for a moment when you said… that ,” she jerked her head to the side, “about sleeping together.”
Aidan considered himself a patient man, at least he had just moments ago, but he had no idea what Brianna was getting at.
She sighed when he didn’t reply, clearly frustrated. “When you said you didn’t feel the need?—
“I will stop you there.” Aidan put a hand up, realizing Brianna had misinterpreted his intention. He’d merely wished to put her at ease, not to make her question his attraction to her. “If I had known those words would cause you a moment of uncertainty, rather than the calm that I intended, I would not have uttered them. To be clear: I want you, Brianna. I have since the moment I suspected that you were the woman I’d been waiting for, and each one that has followed. The moment you give your verbal consent— if you give it,” he added, wishing immediately that he had not, “we’ll be all but wed. From there, I will eagerly await our physical joining. And though we are still new to each other, there is no doubt that our union will fulfill the standards of your lineage.” Aidan paused, a little out of breath, emotion coursing through him. How could she not see? He wanted to ask if he’d dispelled her worries, but over her shoulder, he spied a castle atop a wild bluff, and he knew she’d want to see it. “You’d best turn, lass,” he said, motioning with his hand and nodding in the estate’s direction.
She did a quick pivot, clearly grateful to be given a moment’s distraction, and nearly swooned in delight at the sight of it. She gasped then said, “Oh, Aidan. Thank you.”
While he hadn’t slayed a dragon, he knew she took great interest in things and her surroundings. With her hands clutching the railing again, her attention now elsewhere, he turned to leave her to her enjoyment, but she reached out.
“Don’t go,” she said, keeping her eyes on the intricate architecture for another moment before facing him. “I’m sorry, this is all so…I don’t even have the words right now.”
“You’ve no need to apologize. I cannot mend what I don’t know is broken. Though to be clear, naught is broken.” At her look, he chuckled, then motioned for her to carry on, happy to simply stand next to her. A few minutes later Henry appeared bearing the aforementioned tea, he took it and then placed the warm cup in her hands. He knew she liked the drink because he’d asked the staff, eager to make her journey as easeful as possible, but this tea was from his collection. Even her hum of delight as she inhaled the aroma was beguiling. She took a long sip, then turned, granting him a smile, and pressed the cup back into his hands.
“You have to try this,” she said. “I think it’s my favorite so far.”
Aye, his, too, but he took a drink as if it were new to him. All in all, it was another transformative morning, one he was all too pleased to tack onto the one before. Perhaps, like the braids that wound around his unique crest, another thread had been added to it, one they were weaving together.
He remained by her side as they sailed into the harbor, pointing out landmarks and answering her questions about the town of Ayr. He watched her as she took in the crew mooring the ship at port, not surprised when the thought crossed his mind that Brianna O’Roarke may well have regained her sea legs. He left her for a short time, to see to the man who’d threatened Kitty brought up from where he’d been secured below. After tossing a pouch of coin his way, Aidan warned him to steer clear of them, now and in the future, and waited until he was taken ashore.
Glad to have that behind him, he went in search of Brianna and found her watching as a group of fishermen set off from the harbor. After deciding it was best to leave Kitty in the safety of her quarters, he helped Brianna to the longboat. She was surer this time, an altogether different experience than the last. Her legs were between his again, her hands touching him almost casually as she cast her sights here and there.
She spied him marveling at her turnabout. “What?”
“You—flourishing,” he shook his head. “’Tis the true sight to behold,” he said.
By her small smile, he could tell she appreciated his praise. After a moment, she shrugged. “How do we grow if not by facing our fears, right?”
“Aye, you are correct.”
“I would have preferred to ease into it. Maybe you could have asked me to spend a day on the beach first, like a normal date, but,” she shrugged, doing that dance with her hands he was so fond of, “c'est la vie.”
He looked at her curiously. Not over her suggestion of modern courting, in which he was all too happy to indulge; he was stirred by her use of French, her words, spoken as an expression. He’d heard many unfamiliar expressions from Gwen and Maggie, especially Gwen, but not this. It was true, he supposed, that many could quip a phrase in a foreign tongue, but he wondered suddenly if Brianna spoke the language. Curious, he said, “Tes yeux sont la plus belle nuance de bleu que j'ai jamais vue de ma vie.” Your eyes are the prettiest shade of blue I have ever seen in my life. Oh, aye, she knew it, God help him, her smile ignited his, and his chest nearly swelled to bursting as a flush swept her cheeks.
“Je suis flatté. Merci,” I’m flattered. Thank you, she said, her hand squeezing his leg as they rocked.
He was still lost in her eyes when she reached out to brace against him as they came along the dock. Forsooth! She’d done it to him again. He laughed it off, but knew he’d better get control over this… her , if he were to regain any sense of the order and control he prided himself on.
Once ashore, with Brianna safely at his side, he led her through the town of Ayr, nodding to those he knew, and others acknowledging his presence as they passed. Even with the fair still on, it was an orderly place. But it suddenly occurred to him that Brianna was quiet, unusually so. When he turned, he wasn’t sure what to make of her expression, “Brianna?” he prodded.
She just shook her head, eyes wide, and continued to look around. He mirrored her expression in hopes of prompting a response. Her eyes darted nervously, and when she realized he wasn’t moving, she finally whispered. “I’m a bit overwhelmed.”
Right. He was traipsing her through a thriving port town when her exposure thus far had been significantly more contained. “How can I help you?” he asked stepping closer.
“Do I look okay?”
This set him back. “Pardon?”
Her eyes darted around again as she nervously smoothed her dress. “Brianna, you look just as you should, like you belong here, and lovely to boot,” he added appreciatively. He wondered if he should take her back to the ship, then thought of Isabelle and how happy and distracted she was a few days ago, and wondered if maybe the fair would do the same for Brianna. He stepped closer to her and took her hands, smiling softly and looking deeply into her eyes. “We have two choices.” He felt her relax at once, whether from his familiar words or merely shifting her focus from everything around her, did not matter.
“One?” she asked, softly but eagerly.
Right. He chuckled. “One, I can take you back to the ship, where we can spend the day. You can sing your silly ditties all afternoon while I imagine up new games that allow me to hold your hands. I’ll send Henry to fetch supper for us, and tomorrow we’ll be on our way.”
“And two?”
“I have it on good authority, that the annual fair is brimming with wares. ”
Her eyes widened. “A fair? With crafts? And decent snacks?”
He grinned. “Aye, just yonder.”
She turned her head, peering around again. “You’re sure I look alright? My dress? My hair? People were staring.”
Ah, now he understood. “I’ve been to Ayr many times. Even before traveling to Abersoch, these last few years. ’Tis only common courtesy. And you’re passing better than alright.”
She nodded and graced him with a small smile, but still seemed lost in thought. He was happy to give her a bit more time, but then her face fell, and a small sound escaped her lips, her eyebrows still knit in consternation. He wanted to offer some words of comfort, but he did not know what had caused her such trouble so suddenly. After a moment, she seemed to right herself, and a look of relief crossed her face when he tucked her arm in his and began walking again. He need get her to the fair and quickly.