Chapter 51
CHAPTER 51
AFTERGLOW BY TAYLOR SWIFT
Brianne Archer:
I did what Bellamy told me to—went to bed and slept better than I have in months. I slept so long that by the time I woke up, it was almost 1 pm, but after my successful dance recital, I think I deserved sleep. I walk down the stairs of the quiet apartment.
“Bellamy?” I ask and there’s no response. “Lawson? Kam?” I call and no one is here. I shrug and fill my water bottle in the kitchen, calling my brother.
“Hey B,” he breathes out and I furrow my brows.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“We went to the beach. We came and knocked on your door this morning and I came in when you didn’t answer, but you were knocked out and I thought you should sleep. There are plenty of weekends you can come to the beach with us… and Parker too,” he tells me and my chest squeezes.
“Speaking of… Have you talked to him about… About us talking yet?” I ask.
“No. I didn’t know if you were cool with that. He asked me to tell him,” he explains.
“You can tell him. If you want to, I wouldn’t be mad,” I tell him.
“Are you going to talk to him?” he asks.
“Yeah, probably today at some point. I’m nervous though,” I admit and Bellamy laughs.
“Leave it to you to be nervous. It’ll be fine, B. Promise… Kam is waiting on me but I love you. I’ll tell Parker,” he promises.
“Okay, I love you,” I tell him, my chest warm.
It’s comfortable between us. The conversation isn’t stiff and tense.
I walk back up to my bedroom and to my desk. The crumpled rule list that got me into heaps of trouble… Right next to it is the locket. The tiny little locket Parker got me for Christmas that I never even wore because, by the time I could have, we were no more… I pick it up and turn it over in my fingers. I put the little pendant on and walk to my mirror.
I’m still in my sleep shorts and shirt. I haven’t even brushed the knots out of my hair, but I stare at myself in the mirror and toy with the necklace in my fingers. I open it, the tiny note still inside. I smile, not even thinking about it before I do. That’s common with Parker though, involuntarily smiling. Not having to think about it before I do it. I go into my bathroom, run a brush through my hair, and brush my teeth as well. My heart swells when I look at my phone and think about Parker. Calling him for nothing but because I want him and I need him to come here and talk to me. I haven’t had that freedom in months. It scares me. I’m going to have a lot to tell Madeline.
I pick up my phone and call Parker, not thinking about it more than I need to. If I think too much I’ll never do it. The phone rings and rings and rings and then it goes to voicemail. I think about leaving one but decide against it. Maybe he’s sleeping… Or maybe he’s out. Or maybe he avoided the call because he didn’t want to talk to me after I told him to go yesterday. My chest squeezes at the thought of all the missed moments and opportunities I had with Parker. The months I spent away from him that I could have loved and explored him in. I pick up the phone and call him again, but the first ring there’s a loud knock on the door downstairs. I leave my bedroom and clamor down the stairs, my phone still pressed to my ear.
I open the door quickly when there’s another knock. The breath feels like it was knocked from my chest when I see Parker standing there, his illuminated phone in his hand. He looks at me with questions in his stare. Like he’s waiting for an answer. If this is really over. He looks so hopeful and I don’t know what part of him still kept that hope alive for the past four months… But I’m thankful for whatever part of him that was.
“I was trying to…” I hold up my phone and then hang up the call.
“Bellamy told me he talked to you so I got in my car and came here right away…” he tells me.
“He actually talked to me last night,” I admit.
“And he didn’t tell me right away?” he asks.
“I asked him not to. I was scared,” I admit.
“Of?” He asks, stepping into my apartment.
“You not wanting to see me or talk to me or be around me…” I admit.
“All I have wanted to do for the past 4 months is see you, talk to you, and be around you Brianne,” he admits out loud. “So if your talk went well, then please… I will beg you if I have to, come here.” His words crumble off at the end, emotion clouding his voice. I move to him but he’s already moving to me, crushing my body to his. It’s like breathing for the first time after you jumped into the deep end. His hand threads into my hair, pressing my head into his chest. I breathe him in, the sweet smell of his cologne mixed with his laundry detergent. The warmth of his arms wrapped so tightly around me that I’m surprised I can even breathe. I don’t want him to let go though.
“We need to talk,” I admit.
“The last thing I want to do is talk.” He admits and pulls back, looking down at me. He hesitates and then he brings his face forward, crowding my space. He waits, giving me a second to stop him but I don’t. I don’t do anything but wait for his lips to brush mine then captivate them. His kiss is electric, ultraviolet. I burn into him. I become nothing and everything and I can’t put into words the feeling of the hurt and pain and heartache melting the second he kissed me. Everything I wanted to talk about has disappeared. It’s gone out the damn window.
His body meshes with mine, and he lifts me up at the first inclination that I want to be closer to him. His hands press into the backs of my thighs as I wrap my legs around him, not letting up on my kiss.
“Upstairs…” I mumble and he doesn’t respond, he just kisses me. He doesn’t let up. He makes it apparent he has no intention of doing so either. Even when we’re in my bedroom. Even when he softly places me on my mattress. Even when he climbs on top of me, pushing me into my sheets.
“We don’t have to do anything, I just want to… I want to kiss you. I want to touch you I missed you, I-”
“If you don’t take your clothes off, I might die,” I tell him and he rolls his eyes.
“Dramatic,” he mumbles and pulls off his shirt, discarding it like it has never mattered to him.
His tattoo makes my mouth water, images of all the times I’ve put my mouth on it, my lips, my tongue… I trace it with my finger, following down to the waistband of his shorts. He shivers, despite the fact he was trying not to.
“God, I missed you.”
He loses all composure then. Not giving me a second to react before he’s tugging at my clothes, pulling them off of me. His lips are a flurry all over. His hands are just as needy, touching me anywhere and everywhere he can get them. I’m being spoiled on this bed, treated like I’m the only thing that’s ever existed.
“I want you. Now, no playing around please.” I tell him, not wanting anything but him. All of him. He goes where he knows I have condoms in my bedroom and comes back to me in a flash, already rolling it onto himself. I’m propped onto the edge of my bed. He meets between my legs and positions himself. I hold myself up with one arm, the other moving to hang over his shoulder.
The euphoria that instantly hits is almost shocking. The feeling of Parker after months without him. I’ve never necessarily cared about physical touch, neither has Parker. Our whole lives we have lived without caring to have a physical connection. Only making them every now and then, but none of them sticking. Since each other. Since I have been with Parker, physicality is one of the simplest ways we can communicate. Wanting him, touching him, fucking him. All of it. And being with him like this feels like the most natural thing in the entire world.
He groans, his body physically shaking and shuddering with his movements.
“You feel so good… I missed you. All of you,” he presses his forehead to mine. Then our eyes meet and everything just clicks.
“I love you. So much,” I mumble, everything crashing into me.
“I love you,” he breathes, then he brings his lips forward, not letting up again, messy sloppy kisses.
Hasty but purposeful movements from his hips. The feeling of him as well as the feeling he’s exuding to me, kissing me, kneading me with his hands. I crumble. I unravel and I know he can feel me do so. He barely takes a second to tumble down the same path with me soon after, my body still not even done reacting to the orgasm. I can barely breathe when he removes his lips from mine, but that doesn’t stop him from bringing both his hands to my face, holding my back my jaw, his fingertips grazing behind my ears as he pulls me in and kisses me again.
“I…. I adore you. So damn much, Brianne,” he tells me, and my heart stutters and melts.
“We… We need to talk,” I tell him, both of us still very naked and very out of breath.
“I figured that part was coming… I wanted this part first,” he tells me and I find myself smirking.
He kisses my lips one more time, then again before he backs away from me. He picks up my clothes for me and hands them to me, not allowing me to even do that for myself. When I go to the bathroom he stays in my bedroom, getting himself dressed.
When I walk out of my bedroom he’s waiting for me, his eyes trained on me, watching every move I make like he’s scared I might run away or bolt. I furrow my brows.
“What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask and he opens his arms up for me. I move to him, letting him hold me again. I need it.
“You’re okay? That wasn’t too much?” he asks me.
“No, it was just enough,” I admit.
“Do we have to talk right now?” he asks, holding me tighter. I hug him back and then pull away after a few minutes.
“We have to talk now or we’ll never do it,” I tell him.
He lets me go so I can sit next to him. I pull into my bed, wanting to feel comfortable and he moves with me, sitting with his back to the headboard. I cross my legs and fold my hands in my lap.
“I’m sorry,” I start.
“Don’t apologize, please…” He shakes his head.
“I don’t usually have a habit of apologizing for things I shouldn’t be sorry for. I have plenty of reasons to apologize to you, Parker,” I admit. “Just because you’re not mad or hurt anymore doesn’t mean there’s not something for me to say sorry for.”
“Okay… Sorry for what then?” he asks.
“First for not telling Bellamy about us when you had asked and for making you feel like I wanted you to be a secret. Because you being a secret was the best and worst thing for me. I never wanted that. I’m sorry for outwardly saying something so vile. I chose him. I didn’t. As much as I was lying to myself saying I did, I didn’t. I just couldn’t see anything past my brother and that was my mistake. I… I will never understand what you’ve been through, but I never want to add to that pain so I’m sorry if I did. You’re not someone to give up on. You’re not someone to discard. Now I choose my happiness, and I should have done that from the start. I will never make you feel like that again. Like I have to choose anything or anyone over you,” I tell him and he looks at me with a straight face, but blush… He’s blushing.
“I’m sorry for what I said to you when you came here to see me right after everything happened. I never should have been rude or mean to you… I’ve been apologizing a lot for my behavior over the last few months, and you’re the last on my list. I know there’s a lot of stuff that’s unresolved but I want to work to fix it… If you give me another chance.” I admit out loud. Of course, we just slept together, but that doesn’t mean he wants me back. It means he missed me just like I missed him.
“If you don’t think the reason I came here the second your brother texted me wasn’t to ask you if we can try again then you might actually be crazy…” he admits and I look at him directly now.
“I’m sorry. I have been working on myself a lot. My feelings and how to deal with them because I deserve that… but you also deserve that. I’m sorry you were so alone all these months. I didn’t know what to do and I felt like my hands were tied. I wanted to come to you… So many times Brianne,” he admits and I nod.
“I know… I know you did. As much as I secretly wanted that during those times, I needed all of this. Everything that had happened when I spent all of that time alone. I learned a lot. I needed it,” I tell him with a nod, he brings his hand forward, touching mine. He draws his thumb over my knuckles, only loosely holding my fingers between his.
“So what now?” I ask, breaking the silence.
“I beg you to take me back,” he tells me and I laugh.
“You wouldn’t have to beg…. All you’d have to do is ask,” I laugh.
“Then can we please be Brianne and Parker again? Will you please be my in-public, not secret, very important girlfriend?” he asks and I nod.
“Yes.” I reach forward, brushing my hand over his face. He rests his cheek in the palm of my hand, looking at me with the softest glance and my heart melts.
“I love you, Sunshine. So much.”
He holds my wrist and then kisses my palm, bringing my hand down so he can hold it. His eyes scan my face, dancing over my cheeks.
“You’re never going to be able to count them all Parker.” I smile.
“But now I have way more time to try…” He admits and I don’t have to work to smile, it just happens.
“I love you,” I tell him, no fear in my words. No worry about who might hear. Who might come around and who might find out. I hope everyone finds out. Hell, I'll make sure of it.