Chapter 13
“W hat’s in the pan?” I asked as my mom came out to meet me at the car, carrying one of those large disposable aluminum foil pans. I was there to pick her up for her second chemo appointment.
“Swedish meatballs,” she answered. “I called around to a few restaurants in Minnesota, and they gave me some of their recipes.”
“You made those for that nurse? Mom, that’s so nice.”
“Well, it sounded like she needed a little taste of home… literally.”
I don’t know why I was surprised. It was on brand for my mom to try to cheer someone else up for her own chemo appointment.
Amber was our nurse again, and my mom gave her the dish once we got there. She held it for a few seconds before she broke out in tears. My mom hugged her, and she cried for a full five minutes and said it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her. I smiled, thinking my mom really was the best person I knew, but the sobering reality of why we were here sunk in as we sat down and watched the red bag being hung again.
She handled the treatment much better this time in large part because Nurse Amber gave her the nausea medicine before and after the infusion. Mary and Phil weren’t there this go-round, so my mom and I chatted, and I caught her up on the dinner I had with the guys on Wednesday.
“I think I’d like to meet these young men you seem to be spending all your time with,” she said.
“I think they’d like that,” I told her. “Why don’t we plan a day for you to come over? You haven’t seen the campus yet. It’s really nice. I could show you around, and we could all have dinner.”
“That sounds perfect.”
As we drove home, I could see the fatigue starting to set in again. I pulled into her driveway and put the car in park. When I went to turn off the engine, my mom put her hand out. “Uh-uh, Edward Cullen. You’re not coming to watch me sleep again.”
“I’m just going to stay with you for a little while to make sure you’re okay, and then I’ll leave.”
“No, we talked about this. Call me a hundred times again if you want, but it’s Friday. You need to go out and enjoy being young.”
“Mom, all I’m going to—”
“No,” she cut in. “I’m going inside to take a nap and then hopefully I’ll be feeling well enough to make it to canasta tonight. I met some great ladies the last time I went. And you’ll be out with your friends having a great time yourself.”
I sighed in defeat as she got out of the car and walked inside. When the door closed behind her, I picked up my phone and called her.
“Really?” she answered.
“You said I could call as many times as I wanted.”
“I’m hanging up now, you freak. I promise to call as soon as I wake up to give you a full report on my REM cycle.”
“I’m going to bang down the door if you don’t,” I warned.
“I believe it,” she said and hung up.
Once I got home, I decided to make my mom happy. I texted Sarah and Lionel to see if they wanted to go to dinner, and they accepted. I called my mom on the way, and she said she was feeling perfectly fine and was heading out to her canasta group.
I suggested La Caretta to Lionel and Sarah so we could finally try the margaritas. I was a little nervous to run into my old friend, Zack the waiter, but thankfully he was nowhere to be seen. We had a really fun evening together, and I called my mom several more times throughout the night.
“Would you give it a rest already?” she said after the tenth call. “I told you, I’m fine. I’m trying to enjoy my game.”
“You explicitly stated I could call as many times as I wanted,” I said. “And I never received that REM cycle report, missy.”
“You’re psychotic.”
“I think it’s best if I come over tonight.”
“I’m locking the doors and bolting the windows shut.”
“That never stopped Edward Cullen.”
“This is me explicitly stating not to call anymore,” she said.
“Does texting count?”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Spider-monkey.”
“Be there bright and early, Loca,” I said before hanging up.
◆◆◆
I went to bed early on Sunday night and woke up much too early Monday morning.I looked over at the clock to see it was only 5 am. After a few unsuccessful attempts at falling back asleep, I dragged myself out of bed and headed downstairs toward the coffee pot. I pushed open the door to the kitchen, still a little bleary-eyed, when suddenly I heard the flapping of wings and turned to see a black mass of feathers swooping straight toward me. I ducked, letting out a scream, and sprinted out of the kitchen.
I ran all the way out the front door, still yelling and swatting at my hair. My heart was hammering in my chest when I finally stopped to take in my surroundings. Of course, of course, Lex was outside on one of his jogs and was heading straight for me. I thought of how ridiculous I must have looked—shoeless, sporting my old Christmas pajama set, and my hair a tangled mess from trying to keep it from becoming a literal bird’s nest.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” Lex asked when he reached me a few seconds later. He sounded genuinely concerned as he scanned me from head to toe.
“It… kitchen… thing flew… bird!” I said through gasping breaths, pointing at my house.
“A bird?” he asked, trying to decipher what I was saying. “A bird is in your house?”
I nodded fervently, still trying to catch my breath. Relief seemed to wash over his expression.Why he appeared relieved, I couldn’t begin to imagine. After all, I’d just been attacked by a psychotic bird in my own kitchen!
“What kind of bird?”he asked.
“Hawk… eagle… pterodactyl! I don’t know! It was huge and flew straight at my head, trying to peck my eyes out.”
A smirk played across his face during my rambling. “Do you want me to take a look?” he offered.
“Yes, please,” I said in a small voice.
He started walking toward my house, and I followed close behind. I felt like clapping and chanting,“Hercules! Hercules!” but thought better of it.
“Be careful, Lex. It had murder in its eyes.”
He continued smiling and pointed at the kitchen. “In here?” he asked.
“Yes! Scene of the crime.”
He pushed open the door and I closed my eyes, ducking behind him, ready for another attack.
“That monster right there?” He pointed to an innocent-looking robin perched on one of my cabinets. I guess it wasn’t exactly pterodactyl-sized, but still.
“Don’t let him fool you. That miscreant likes to attack when you least expect it.”
He chuckled lightly. “Do you have a spare blanket or bedsheet?”
“Yes!” I said, elated that he was going to take care of this for me.
I went to the hall closet and pulled out a bed sheet and handed it to him. He walked slowly into the kitchen with the sheet spread wide between his hands. The little beast wasn’t paying attention. It was too busy pecking at its feathers when Lex threw the sheet over it. I yelped when I heard the sound of it trying to fly again, but Lex secured the sheet around it and walked the little demon outside, releasing it once he reached the threshold.
I threw my arms around him, hugging him from behind. It started out innocent enough, but my brain immediately registered the hard lines of his muscles as I held him.
Down, girl.
“Thank you! Thank you!”I cried.
That was the last time I’d leave my windows open to let the cool night air in. The birds in New York would never have tried to pull something like this.
“No problem,” he said with laughter in his voice.
He handed me back the bed sheet once I finally let him go. I could still feel the heat from his body as we stood there staring at one another.
He cleared his throat. “Alright well… have a good day.”
“You’re leaving?” I asked pitifully. I was still feeling keyed up from my near-death experience and didn’t want to be alone.
“I was going to go for a run… unless you think he had a partner in crime you need me to check for.”
I shook my head. “No. There’s no way a creature that evil managed to make any friends. He was definitely flying solo.”
“So then…?” he asked, wondering what more there was.
“I guess I’ll be okay,” I muttered pathetically. I just needed a minute to pluck up the courage to go back inside and try to shake off the feeling of bugs crawling all over me.
“You could come with me… if you wanted to,” he added quickly.
“You want me to go for a run with you?”
He shrugged. “If you don’t feel like being alone.”
Well, there was an idea… A bad one, but still.
"I have the endurance of a panda,” I told him. “You’d have to go much slower than you’re used to.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to hold you back.”
“It’s fine,” he said. “Besides, I’m a little afraid I’d come back to you putting up scarecrows all around the neighborhood.”
“You think you’re joking.”
He smiled a warm, almost tender smile, and I felt like that bird might have gotten lodged in my stomach and was flapping around in there.
“Okay. I’ll go change.”
I ran up the stairs and put on my workout gear that still had the tags on it. I met Lex back outside and noticed the weather was starting to cool off. Perfect weather to go for a run. That is, if you're into the whole 'gasping for air while your legs turn to jelly' kind of vibe.
"So, how far do you normally run?” I asked, giving my legs a stretch.
“Usually about four to five miles.”
“Oh, is that all?” I asked, tone dripping with sarcasm.
“I usually head up Perkins and turn on Bleaker. I like to run by that park with the big lake. It’s really nice in the morning. No one’s ever around.”
That’s because all the sane people are probably sleeping .
“Okay. Let’s do it,” I said.
We started to jog up the path he had laid out, and I was drenched with sweat and wheezing within ten minutes while he looked like he’d just been lounging on the sofa.
“I think I’m dying,” I gasped as we finally reached the lake.
It actually was a really beautiful area. The lake itself looked to be about fifty square acres in size with old oak trees casting shade around the entire pathway. Lex had been right—there wasn’t a soul in sight. I would have found the scene quite peaceful if I hadn’t been about to hack up a lung.
I crumpled like a Jenga tower onto the grass underneath one of the oak trees and decided running was definitely not for me.The only time I’d ever been in any kind of decent shape was when I had to perform on the big stage. After the last show, I’d always head straight for my rightful place on the couch. It had been years since I’d done any kind of onstage performance, and it was showing here and now.
Lex hadn’t complained once about my pace or the number of times I had to stop.
I lay out dramatically on my side, resting my head on my outstretched arm, and peeked up at him with one eye open. “Go on without me. I’m dead weight. Dead being the operative word.”
He laughed as he looked out toward the lake. “It’s nice to get a chance to look around a little. I don’t ever stop to take it in.”
What a gentleman . I could tell he was letting me off the hook. “Glad I could be of assistance.”
“You know, running actually increases your lung capacity and helps improve breath control. Might arguably be the best workout for a singer,” he teased.
So much for letting me off the hook.
“Thank you, doctor,” I said, still feeling like I might die. “Is that why you jog, Lex? To keep up your singing voice?”
“No. I think you might prefer getting attacked by that bird again than having to listen to me sing.”
“So, what is it then? You just enjoy running?” I asked, finding the idea ridiculous.
“I didn’t at first, but now that I’ve been doing it for a while, I enjoy it more.”
“Why so early?” I leaned on one elbow while he crouched down next to me, picking at the grass.
“I never sleep for more than a few hours a night. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember. I can never seem to shut my brain off,” he explained. “I used to toss and turn wide awake until I got the idea one morning to go for a run. Now it’s just become this thing I do to pass the time when I’m restless.”
I nodded. That made sense.
“Why were you up so early?” he asked.
“Same reason as you—couldn’t sleep. I haven’t been getting much sleep since my mom’s diagnosis. Every time I close my eyes, my brain conjures up images of her dying, and I work myself up into a panic.”
“I’m sorry, Hadley.” The tendons of his hand flexed. It looked like he was about to reach out to comfort me, but changed his mind at the last second.
I nodded. “Thanks. I just can’t picture my life without her. I want her to be there for the things that matter. Like if I ever got married or had kids,” I told him. “She’d be such a wonderful grandmother.”
He smiled sympathetically at me. I needed a subject change before I turned into a walking ASPCA commercial.
“Do you picture yourself ever getting married? Would you want kids?” He’d always been such an enigma to me. I decided to try and satiate my curiosity while he was still being relatively open before the inevitable shutdown occurred.
“I haven’t really thought about it that much. I think I’d have to find someone I’d actually want to marry before considering it. It would definitely make my mom happy, though.”
I tilted my head. “Did you want to marry Nicky?” I hoped I wasn’t overstepping.
“No,” he said, shaking his head.
I couldn’t read his expression properly, so I pulled myself up to a sitting position. “It must be hard having to work with an ex,” I said. “I’m not sure I could do it.”
He stretched his long legs out on the grass in front of me before answering. “Some days are worse than others. We seem to manage for the most part.”
Since he didn’t immediately shut me down, I decided to push a little more. “How long did you work together before you got together as a couple?”
I knew I was being nosy, but his romantic life was just another facet of Alexsander Strovinski that I was deeply curious about for reasons I wasn’t quite ready to admit to.
“A few years,” he answered simply.
“And what? All those late nights in the lab you realized you were made for each other?”
“Something like that,” he answered vaguely.
With that response, I figured he was ready to drop it. But to my surprise, he continued after a beat. “She sort of… propositioned me one night. She told me she knew I wasn’t seeing anyone and that she wasn’t either. She said it would be mutually beneficial because our schedules were too busy to ever meet anyone else or go out on dates.”
“Wow, that’s not the romantic story I was hoping for.”
“No, I guess it really isn’t. But she was right. We never had time to meet anyone, especially back in those days. And I liked her well enough. Over time though, her feelings grew, and she wanted more from me than I could give her.”
I tilted my head. “What do you mean?”
He looked off toward the lake like he was thinking carefully about what to say next. “Work always comes first for me. It always has. I can get obsessive about it. It’s sort of been the story of my life—work coming between me and the person I’m dating. I thought my relationship with Nicky was the perfect solution. I thought she understood, but I guess I was being selfish. She needed more from me and from our relationship than I could give her, so I eventually broke things off.”
Well, now I just felt sorry for her. She was a rude toad of a human being but giving your heart to someone and having them reject it really hurts. And on top of that, having to still see them and work side by side, day after day, I could see why she’d be jaded.
He inclined his head toward me. “You must think I’m an asshole.”
I shook my head. “No, you did the right thing. It would have been worse for you to string her along when your heart wasn’t truly in it.”
He sighed. “I don’t recommend dating coworkers.”
I shrugged. “Who knows, maybe you’ll end up back together someday.” I felt a knot twist in my stomach at the thought, but second-chance romances were a personal favorite of mine.
He gave me a disparaging look. “I sincerely doubt it.”
“You guys still spend time with each other outside of work… There must still be something there.”
He looked away again, his eyes squinting in the sunlight. “I’ve tried very hard since our breakup to make sure she wasn’t being ostracized by the group to the point of doing things I wouldn’t normally do.”
“Like what?”
He chewed on the inside of his lip. “I never want anyone to treat her badly simply because we’re not together anymore. It’s difficult because we all spend so much time with each other. So when plans get made, I make it a point to have her included.”
“I get it.”
I felt like I was getting a rare insight into who he was. Despite his somewhat cold demeanor toward me in the past, I had still always suspected he was a good guy. Now, I was beginning to think he was one of the really good ones. I don’t think many men would go out of their way to make sure their exes were being treated well by mutual friends after a breakup.
“What about you?” he asked, straightening slightly out his relaxed posture. “You never wanted to marry New York man?”
I shook my head. “No, we weren’t together long. And we weren’t really in love. Well…” I stopped short of finishing that sentence. I had assumed Garrett and I were on the same page, but after our conversation, I realized I had underestimated his feelings.
“Well, what?” he asked curiously.
I guess I had to confess.
“When I told him I was moving here, and that I didn’t think long distance would work for us, he didn’t say too much. He agreed with me, as a matter of fact, and even hugged me and wished me luck. He didn’t seem upset, so I definitely thought we were on the same page. But when I first got to California, he called me and told me he loved me.”
His face was set in stone. “He had never said that before?”
“Not once. I don’t even know if it’s true or if he thought maybe I’d change my mind and head back to New York if he said it.”
He paused, his expression becoming thoughtful. “Would you have stayed in New York if he meant it?”
I shook my head. “No. But I might have tried to make long distance work. I didn’t even want to try though, which told me everything I needed to know about the relationship,” I said. “But he told me on that same phone call that he was going to fly out here to visit me. He made it a point to say that my mom would be better in no time, so we’d be back together again in New York soon enough.”
“What did you say?” he asked, leaning forward, causing his forearm to brush against mine.
I quickly crossed my hand over my arm, hoping to conceal the goosebumps that had suddenly made an appearance.
“I said my mom was going to be here for a while, and I didn’t expect him to wait for me.”
“But when she does get better, you plan to move back and pick things up with him?”
It didn’t escape me that he said when she gets better and not if.
“Not exactly. I know I’ll be back in New York eventually, but I won’t be getting back with Garrett.”
“Does he know that?”
“He sort of hung up on me before I could say those exact words.”
“You haven’t spoken to him since then?”
“Just a few texts asking how my mom was doing, and I asked about his sister. But no, nothing else about our relationship. I’m hoping he realized it’s over between us.”
Because I guess the whole breaking up thing wasn’t clear enough.
He was quiet for a few moments, and I took the opportunity to admire his profile as he looked out on the lake.The cool breeze pushed around his dark hair, and my fingers itched to find out if it was as soft as it looked.
Eventually, he turned toward me. “Make sure he knows,” he said in a low voice that made my toes curl.
I looked into those crystal clear brown eyes, wishing I could know what exact thoughts were crossing through that brilliant mind of his. It was easy to imagine there was something between us, especially in moments like this when he was being open and vulnerable with me when no one else was around. It suddenly dawned on me that the only time he was ever this way with me was when we were alone. I had to look away as my thoughts took a dark turn. Was he embarrassed by me? That was a depressing thought.
“What is it?” he asked, picking up on the sudden change in my disposition.
I thought about brushing it off and telling him it was nothing, but I really wanted the truth. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” he said curiously.
“Why are you only nice to me when we’re alone?”
His smile faded, and I could almost see the conflicting thoughts warring around in his mind. I expected him to play dumb or deny that it was true, but he didn’t.
“I don’t mean to,” he said, his shoulders hunched. “I promise I’ll do better.”
I wanted more of an explanation but didn’t want to push too hard. “So, we’re good? Friends, even?”
He wrinkled his nose a bit like the thought was distasteful, but then he smiled and said, “Yeah… We’re friends.”
I smiled back, thinking how silly it seemed to need a declaration of friendship, but with him, I could never be sure.
“Great, because we’re going to have to get really close to each other very soon.”
A flash of intrigue played across his features. “Why’s that?”
“Closeness is essential when friends are engaged in the ancient and noble art of piggyback rides.”
He looked at me for a beat before his head fell back in laughter. It was such a beautiful thing to witness. His laughter had the same velvety richness to it that any bass singer would be jealous of.
He stood up, extending a hand to me, and I took it as he pulled me up.
“I may be able to manage on my own two feet if you can stand my snail’s pace for the rest of the way home,” I said, limping along.
“Kind of an insult to snails, don’t you think?”
I swatted his arm playfully. When we made it back to the townhomes, I saw Stuart sitting on the front porch of their home, drinking coffee. The second he spotted us walking back together, a huge smile spread across his face.
“And what are you two up to at this early morning hour?” he called out as we approached.
“Engaging in multiple forms of torture, apparently,” I answered.
“How so?”
“First off, I was attacked by a giant bird in my own home. Then Lex decides the best way for me to shake off the unfortunate incident is to take part in a grueling five-mile hike around Stanford.”
“It was an innocent baby robin,” Lex stated. “And we maybe made it a mile before she collapsed.”
I opened my mouth wide, pretending to be shocked. “ Innocent ?! That lunatic of a bird would have given even Edgar Allen Poe nightmares.”
Stuart laughed, while Lex just smiled and shook his head.
“Sounds like you’re having a rough morning,” Stuart said.
“I am,” I said, pouting a bit.
“Would coffee help?”
I perked up. “Coffee always helps.”
“I just made some,” he said, walking up the steps.
Just as we were about to follow him inside, I spotted pink hair flying down the center walkway. She was looking between Lex and me with a scowl on her face.
“God, it’s too early for Satan’s spawn,” Stuart groaned.
“You’re going to be late.” Nicky aimed her comment straight at Lex. “The whole team needs to be on time today if we’re ever planning on finishing this experiment. Or don’t you care about our work anymore?”
She glanced at me with that last comment.
“Calm down. We still have another thirty minutes before we start the simulations,” Lex replied, seeming irritated.
Normally, it was hard for me to tell what he was thinking. But lately, the subtle changes in his voice or shifts in his expression was something I was starting to pick up on.
“It’s my fault,” I said, hoping to run interference. “I asked Lex if I could join him on his run this morning, but I slowed things way down with my general out-of-shapeness.”
I was thinking that might smooth things over, but it only seemed to irritate her more that I spoke at all.
“Dr. Strovinski has an extremely important job that has to be completed on a strict timeline. He doesn’t have time for distractions.” She gave me a look of such contempt that I pictured steam coming out of both ears.
“What about me?” Stuart asked. “Does Dr. Benowitz have time for coffee or am I not an important part of the team too?”
“You could shrivel up and die, and we’d all barely notice,” she said scathingly.
Stuart’s head turned to Lex and me. “You ever meet someone and think the world would have been a better place if their mom had just swallowed?”
“Sounds like you all really need to get to work, and so do I,” I said quickly. “See you later, guys.”
I waved and walked off hurriedly, but I heard the bickering start back up again. Normally, I’d be annoyed when someone acted like such a petty asshole, but all I felt was pity for Nicky. Especially now that I knew the story behind their relationship. I’d probably be a little insane too if I had to work with someone I once loved, and they dumped me because I asked for more from them. And not to mention the fact that she can’t get away from him without giving up a career that she worked hard for. Lesson to take away from all of this is to never, under any circumstances, date your coworkers, people.