The Scientist

Chapter 19

T he treatments were working.

After only a few weeks, Dr. Gremillion had told us her numbers had dropped drastically. Her body was responding to the chemo just as it should. This drug was taking a much harsher toll on her body, however. She could barely keep anything down lately and started to lose even more weight. We had to be extra cautious because it also wreaked havoc on her immune system. She stopped going out in public completely, and I wore a mask and kept my distance as best I could any time I was at her house.

Carl came over often and took the same precautions. My respect for him was at an all-time high. He hadn’t tucked tail and ran when my mom started to become more frail. If anything, he seemed to be just as worried as I was and was so gentle and caring with her. When she made it through all of this, I knew they were going to become even more serious about each other.

I hadn’t seen much of the guys lately. I was spending most of my time outside of work checking on my mom and taking care of things for her. But I was really starting to miss them. Stuart had texted me that he was throwing a party this Friday for the big Stanford vs. Berkeley football game. I knew they both could not have cared less about football, so I saw it for what it was—an excuse to throw a party. I checked with my mom, and she said that she and Carl could use some alone time. Bleh . So, I decided I was going to attend.

I’d been thinking a lot about my relationship with Lex. Uncertainty lingered over where we stood now, and whether there was anything beyond friendship from his end. But I’d made my decision. Life was too short, and I didn’t want another day to go by without him knowing how I truly felt about him… even if he didn’t feel the same way.

Friday night rolled around, and it was freezing out. So much for the vaunted California weather I was promised. I dressed in Stanford colors and threw on a large jacket and ran over to their house, banging on the door for someone to let me in before I froze to death.

“You made it!” Stuart said excitedly as he opened the door. He pulled me in for a hug that wasn’t playful. It was reassuring and kind.

Lex walked up behind him, appearing just as happy to see me. He didn’t make a move for me as we stood locked in a silent gaze. The world around me began to blur, the sounds fading to the background as I drank in the sight of him. It bordered on painful just how badly I wanted to reach out and touch him.

“How’s your mom doing?” Stuart asked, snapping me out of it.

I blinked rapidly a few times, trying to clear my thoughts before turning to him.

“The treatments are working,” I answered with a smile. “Her numbers are a lot better, but she’s been much sicker.”

“She’s going to beat this,” Stuart said solemnly.

I nodded in agreement. The alternative wasn’t something I could fathom.

I followed them inside the house, where Lex stopped to help me remove my overcoat. The soft brush of his fingertips across my arms sent goosebumps in their wake as a nervous flutter beat through my chest.I needed a drink ASAP to settle these nerves, or I’d never make it through this night.

I looked around to see they had quite a few people in attendance for their “football” party. Most of the guys on their research team were there as well as some other faculty members, none of whom were watching the game. I also spotted Nicky in the corner talking to Jace, sipping a beer, and looking at me like I had the plague.

Glad to see everything was back to normal .

“We were just about to play another round of beer pong. You in?” Stuart asked.

“Beer pong? Am I at a frat party?” I asked, chuckling.

“Most of us didn’t have a typical college experience. We’re trying to do things right this time now that we’re back in college again,” he said, smirking. “Look, we’ve got the football game on and everything.” He pointed to the TV that no one was watching. “What do you say?”

I smiled. “Alright, I’m in.”

“Awesome!” he said. “Since it’s your first time, you get to choose your partner.”

“Whoever I want?” I looked around, pretending to be sizing everyone up.

“Whoever you want,” Stuart repeated. “But just so you know, I’ve been undefeated this entire—”

“I choose Lex,” I said, cutting him off. I turned to look at Lex, my face splitting into a wide grin. Surprise flickered across his expression, but he smiled back at me.

“What?!” Stuart said, outraged.

“Lex doesn’t drink,” Nicky spat from the corner, obviously listening to every word.

“I’ll play,” Lex said, his eyes never leaving mine.

Nicky scoffed and walked away to join the others in the living room.

“Really?” Stuart deadpanned. “ You’re going to play?” His tone was doubtful.

“You said she could choose whoever she wanted. I’m respecting the rules.”

“That’s right,” I said, smirking.

“Whatever,” Stuart said. “He’s never even played before. I don’t know why you’d choose him over someone like me with a proven track record of success.”

“Simple,” I stated. “Height advantage.”

Lex’s grin widened, and everyone around us began laughing. Stuart resisted at first as he stared me down, then a slow smile spread across his face. “Good to have you back, Betty.”

“Thanks,” I said, feeling choked up all of a sudden.

After the cups were set up, Lex and I stood across from Stuart and Peter. Our team went first, with Lex lining up and sinking the first shot.

Stuart rolled his eyes. “Beginner’s luck.”

I sank the second shot, and we watched as they both drank the contents of the red cups. By the fourthround of us both making all of our shots, Peter turned to Stuart and said, “We’re fucked.”

“You think?” Stuart said in annoyance as he drank his fourthcup of beer.

I giggled, looking up at Lex, who was looking back at me with a soft expression, almost as if he was enjoying the sound of my laughter. I got distracted by the warm, tingly feeling that was spreading through my chest. I missed my next shot, causing us both to have to drink several cups of the lukewarm beer as Stuart and Peter went on a three-shot winning streak.

“This is disgusting, by the way,” Lex said as he downed his beer, grimacing the entire time.

I laughed. “Sorry,” I told him sincerely. It really was gross.

The game was pretty evenly matched after that as we all started to get more tipsy, but our team eventually won, with Lex sinking the final shot in the remaining cup. I yelled out, throwing my hands over my head in victory. I jumped into Lex’s arms, and he caught me as I laughed, feeling so carefree and happy.

He chuckled at my exuberance before he put me down, a sweet smile on his face. We were so close, I got lost looking into his lustrous brown eyes. Somehow, I’d forgotten how beautiful they were. They seemed to be shining so brightly tonight.

“I have a confession,” I said, low enough so only he could hear me.

“What’s that?” he said, still smiling.

“I didn’t choose you just because you were tall.”

He tilted his head. “No?”

“Nope,” I answered, shaking my head. “I figured the KGB had special training in hand-eye coordination.”

His grin stretched even wider across his face as he started to laugh from deep within his chest. The sound reverberated in my ears and in my heart.

I had to tell him. Tonight.

“Lex, come look at this.” One of the guys was calling him over from the living room to look at something on his phone. He shot me a sidelong glance before he walked away, a small grin lingering on his lips. I chewed on my lip nervously as I headed toward the kitchen to pour myself another drink. I was going to need the liquid courage if I was ever going to tell him.

The sharp fear of rejection was something that was front and center in my mind. The more crippling fear, though, was the possibility that our friendship might be ruined once I confessed. If he didn’t feel the same, then things might never go back to the way they were if he started to feel uncomfortable around me. Stuart came in as I was mulling it all over.

“I’m happy you came,” he said. No joking, no teasing, just genuine kindness.

“Thanks, so am I.”

“And I’m glad your mom was able to get into the trial,” he added.

I smiled. “Thanks to Lex.”

I could tell by the look on his face that he already knew, but he tried to play dumb. “What do you mean?”

“It’s okay,” I told him. “The nurse at the cancer center let it slip that some famous researcher got the trial expanded. I used my considerable powers of deductive reasoning and figured out who it was.”

He gave me a half-smile. “He told me not to say anything. He didn’t want you to know.”

Lex had told me as much the night I cried in his arms. He wouldn’t even talk to me about it, seeming uncomfortable whenever I attempted to tell him how grateful I was. He refused to even acknowledge the role he played in helping her get into the trial anytime I brought it up.

“I know,” I said. “Did he have to go through a lot of trouble?” I’d been wondering if it was as simple as the nurse made it seem. When I asked Lex about it, he brushed me off, telling me not to worry about it before changing the subject.

“Not really. The company sponsoring the trial was happy to get a big name like Lex’s attached to it.” He looked away as he said it, so I had a hunch there was more.

“Is that it? He just had to let them use his name?”

He shrugged. “Pretty much.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he sighed. “I mean there’s a little extra paperwork that’s needed.”

“How much is a little extra, exactly?” I asked.

“It’s no big deal.”

“Stuart,” I pressed.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“He doesn’t have time for dinner most evenings. I hate to think of him taking on any more of a workload when he can barely keep up with what he has on his plate now.”

“He’s fine. We’re all helping.”

My eyes widened with surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I mean he came to all of us and asked if we would help.”

“The whole team?”

“Yes. He said this project was really important to him and asked if we would help take some of it on. He never asks us for anything, so everyone said yes right away. No one even questioned it. I’m the only one who knew it was for your mom.”

I started to tear up immediately. “Thank you, Stuart,” I managed to choke out.

He pulled me in for a hug and said, “It’s nothing. I’d take on a hundred times this amount of work if it meant your mom got better.” He sounded like he was getting choked up himself.

We stood like that crying silently together for a few minutes. I wondered what I ever did to have such amazing friends.

“Well, don’t you two look cozy,” I heard the unmistakable sound of Nicky’s voice say as we broke apart.

“Oh Nicky, you bring such joy to a room… specifically when you exit,” Stuart said, trying to covertly wipe his eyes.

She had a smug look on her face as she fixed herself a drink. “I’ll leave you two alone,” she said, walking back out the door.

Stuart rolled his eyes. “You ready to get back out there, Betty?”

I dabbed at the last of my tears and straightened my shoulders. I came to have a fun evening. No more waterworks tonight. “Let’s do it.”

I followed Stuart into the living room, where Peter was setting up the cups again. I did a quick scan of the room but didn’t see Lex anywhere.

“I say we have a rematch, Betty,” Stuart said. “Although, it looks like your partner may have run off scared. You’ll have to pick again.”

I laughed. “Okay, let me just go to the bathroom first.” I started to head down the hallway.

“Dan just went in there,” Peter said. “He might be in there a while, too… I saw him eating a bowl of Sanjay’s vindaloo earlier."

Yeah, definitely didn’t need that visual.

“Just use the one upstairs,” Stuart offered.

Thankfully, the upstairs bathroom was unoccupied, because I’d had way too much beer at this point. After I washed my hands, I was about to turn the knob when I heard Lex’s voice say, “What are you doing up here?”

My brain automatically thought he was talking to me, so I cracked the door open, ready to explain myself, when I heard Nicky respond, “When did you get so jumpy?”

I closed the door again as softly as I could. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help it.

“What do you want, Nicky?” Irritation colored his tone.

“Why are you being so uptight? I just wanted to talk to you.”

“About what exactly?”

She made a noise of derision. “God, you don’t even realize how much you’ve changed,” she said. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?”

“Playing beer pong?” Her tone was full of disgust. “In the eight years we’ve known each other, I haven’t seen you take a single sip of alcohol. And now you’re suddenly playing drinking games?”

“I know you like to think you know everything about me, but you don’t,” he shot back.

“I’m not the only one who’s noticed. Everyone on the team can see how different you’ve been acting these last few months. You rush out the door every evening after work to have dinner with a certain neighbor.” The disdain in her voice was evident. “Every other project we’ve worked on, you would stay later than everyone else and be back the next morning before we even got there. Hell, some nights you wouldn’t even leave the lab at all.”

“You’re mad that I don’t sleep over in the lab anymore? Is that what you’re saying?”

She scoffed. “What’s happened to you? You used to take this seriously,” she said. “You’ve been so distracted lately, you even mixed up those ion permeabilities yesterday.”

“Everyone makes mistakes, including you.”

“I’ve never seen you so much as put a decimal in the wrong place.”

“Are you done?”

“No. I want you to admit it,” she said, her voice growing darker. “Admit that the reason you’ve been acting so different is because of Broadway Barbie down there.”

“Don’t go there,” he warned.

“I knew it,” she said with a snicker. “What is it, Lex? Is it that you think you actually have a shot with her? Pathetic.”

He didn’t say anything.

“I promise you’re not that girl’s type. Barbie wants a Ken who watches football in his spare time. Not one who’s trying to discern membrane capacitance.”

“You don’t even know her.” His voice sounded calm, but I could tell she was getting to him.

“I know her type—chest full of silicon, face full of botulin.” She laughed derisively. “Apparently, it’s you that I don’t know because I never took you for the kind of guy to think with the head that’s not on his shoulders.”

I pressed my ear to the door, waiting for Lex to say something back to her, but it was dead air.

“Honestly, what do you even see in her?” she continued. “Our team is doing real work here, trying to make an actual difference in the world, and what is she doing? Singing show tunes and writing crappy pop songs for the glitterati of Hollywood. You know… the kind of shit we used to make fun of. But here you are fawning all over her with the rest of those idiots down there. When are you going to wake up and realize that she’s not waiting for you, Lex? She’s waiting for the latest sale at Sephora.”

I waited for him to defend me… to say anything at all as the seconds ticked by, but he said nothing. Not a word. His silence spoke volumes, and I’d heard enough. I swung the door open to see them both standing in Lex’s doorway with twin looks of shock.

“Don’t mind me. I was just leaving,” I said to them. Lex stood there stunned with his mouth slightly open, eyes wide with surprise. I could barely look at him, I was so hurt.

I turned to Nicky. “Give my compliments to your hairdresser, Nicky. The pink really distracts from the horns you have growing underneath.”

I looked to Lex and said, “I’ll let you get back to your conversation. You two actually have way more in common than I thought.”

I started for the stairs.

“Hadley, wait!” Lex said, trying to step around Nicky, but I could see her blocking his path.

“Where are you going?” she cried.

I was down the stairs, grabbing my jacket before he could say another word.

“I’m leaving,” I told Stuart when he looked at me questioningly. “Thanks for having me.”

The cold air stung my face as I ran across the walkway back to my house. The tears started to well in my eyes. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I felt like such an idiot for letting myself believe there was something more between us when the truth was he couldn’t even be bothered to defend me against his snake of an ex.

“Hadley, stop!” I heard Lex calling from behind me. I hurried to fish my keys out of my pocket to get inside, so he wouldn’t see my crying. When I finally wrenched the door open and went inside, I caught a glimpse of Lex running across the walkway in nothing but his jeans and a navy, button-down shirt. He wasn’t wearing a jacket in what felt like 30-degree weather. I closed the door and leaned my head back against it. The guilt was riding me hard as I thought of him out there in the freezing cold when a second later, there was a loud knock at my door, making me jump.

“Hadley, please open up!” he called out, continuing to pound on the door.

“There’s nothing we need to talk about, Lex. Go back home and get inside.”

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me. Please, just let me explain.”

My first instinct was to ignore him or tell him to go to hell, but I sighed, knowing I didn’t have it in me to leave him out there to freeze. I opened the door to see his body shivering and steam filling the chill air from his heavy breathing.

“Jesus, Lex. Get in here.” I grabbed his arm, pulling him inside. “Honestly, what were you thinking running out there without a jacket in this weather?”

“I don’t care. I needed to talk to you,” he said breathlessly. His cheeks were flushed from even that brief time in the cold.

I crossed my arms, feeling protective of my heart. “There’s nothing left to say.”

“Hadley—” he started, but I didn’t want to hear whatever excuse he was going to give me.

“Look Lex, what you did for my mom… there aren’t enough words to express how truly grateful I am for what you did for us. I’ll owe you in every lifetime, but right now, I can barely stand to look at you.”

He flinched, his eyes lowering to the ground. “I’m so sorry about what she said.”

My anger and hurt boiled over. “I couldn’t care less about what she said! It’s what you didn’t say. You just stood there and let her say hateful shit about me,” I fumed.

I spun away from him, bringing my hands to my hair just as the tears started to fall. “God! I’m such a fucking idiot,” I said more to myself. “The worst part is that I was planning on telling you tonight and in the end, it would have all been for nothing!”

His brows knitted together as he stepped closer. “Telling me what?”

I could feel the alcohol still coursing through my veins as I paced back and forth across the entryway of my home. I had wanted it to help give me the courage to tell Lex how I felt, but now I was fighting to get control of that filter that drinking always made me lose.

I stopped and turned toward him. “Can you just answer one thing for me?” I swiped away the trickle of tears. “Why did you do all of this? Stuart told me how much more work the trial is for you… Did you just feel sorry for me?”

“Feel sorry for you?” he questioned, disbelief evident in his tone. “Is that really what you think?”

“No! I thought—” But I couldn’t finish.

“What? You thought what?” His voice was low and tortured.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, shaking my head.

“You thought what, Hadley?” he pressed. His tone was desperate, and I knew it was no use hiding anymore.

“I thought this was real!” I cried, gesturing between the two of us. I put my hand over my heart, pressing it against my chest, trying to soothe the hurt. “I thought you felt the same way. I thought you wanted me as badly as I want you. But now… Now, I just feel like a fool, because I don’t think you ever wanted me.”

I was unable to stop more tears from falling, so I turned away, trying to hide my face.

“Don’t say that,” he said sharply. It came out barely above a whisper.

“Why not? It’s true,” I said, unable to meet his gaze.

“No, it’s not,” he said roughly. He took my face in his hands before tilting my chin up toward him so that I was looking him squarely in the eyes as he said, “It feels like that’s all I do. From the moment I met you. It feels like all I do is spend my time wanting you. Every second of every fucking day. I’ve never wanted anything so badly in all my goddamn life.”

He was breathing heavily as he said it, his eyes boring down into mine.

For the second time tonight, I’d heard enough.

I didn’t think. I just acted. One second, I was standing there, and the next, I was closing the distance between us as I crashed my lips to his. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me in close. It was better than I could have ever imagined. His mouth fit perfectly against mine. One hand was pressed against the small of my back while the other drifted to tangle in my hair, securing my mouth to his. The kiss deepened, and I couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped. The sound only seemed to ignite him further as he pulled my body even closer to his. Our tongues tangled and the faint taste of the beer we’d drunk combined with the stronger flavor of something minty lingered on his tongue. I wanted more of it. I wanted more of him.

I let my hands drift over the hard muscles of his chest that I’d been itching to touch since the first day I’d seen him shirtless. As I frantically explored every inch of that beautiful chest, I could feel him backing us up until my back hit the wall with a thud. His hands moved over my waist and hips as his body pressed further into mine, all while kissing me like he was born to do it.

I lifted my leg to hook around his hip and he took the hint, grabbing me under the thighs and lifting me as I wrapped my legs around his waist. We were more evenly matched in height this way, so I took advantage and swept my tongue across those perfect lips, savoring the taste and feel of him. He let out a hiss, and I moved my hips to press our perfectly aligned pelvises together. He pressed his hard length back into me, and I gasped.

Our bodies moved together like they were already thoroughly familiar with one another. I didn’t think I would ever get enough of this. Every touch, every taste had me wanting more. I never wanted to come up for air.

The sound of kissing and heavy breathing filled the room until suddenly I heard my phone ringing loudly from my back pocket. It wasn’t my mom’s ringtone so I ignored it, unwilling to move even an inch away from him. He was content to do the same as his tongue never ceased the sweeping motions across mine. A minute later, however, his phone started to ring just as loudly, and we both paused, realizing the same person was probably calling us and was probably going to keep calling us. He let the call go to voicemail as he set me down, looking irritated.

I smiled. I had a pretty good guess of who it was.

Our gazes were locked, and my eyes drifted to his swollen lips. I already missed the feel of them on mine. He was breathing heavily as he asked, “What are we doing, Hadley?”

I put my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. “Well, I’m no biologist, but I think it’s called kissing.”

He stepped closer. “I mean about us.” I could see the intensity of his emotions crackling right below the surface. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”

“Me, too,” I said. “I had it all planned out. I was going to tell you how I felt about you tonight, but then…”

The memory of what had happened outside the bathroom with Nicky came crashing back.

“But then I fucked it up,” he said, finishing my sentence, looking regretful.“I’m sorry. I know I should have said something to her, but I was barely listening after she said I was pathetic for thinking I had a shot with you. I believed her. I never thought this would happen.”

“Why?” I was genuinely curious.

“Have you seen you?”

I exhaled a laugh. “Yes,” I said. “And I see you. You’re unbelievably handsome, freakishly intelligent, and you have the kindest heart. I’ve wanted this for a long time now. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

He was looking at me like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. I was looking at him like I wanted a repeat performance of what we were just doing. We started to draw closer together. As we leaned in tentatively, there was a loud knock at the door, making us both jump.

“Lex, you in there?” It was Stuart, and I smiled widely when Lex let his head fall backward, hitting the wall behind him with a thud.

“He’s not going to give up,” I said, still smiling.

He gave me a frustrated look. “I know.”

“Maybe we should let him in.”

“I’d really rather not,” Lex said.

I giggled at the look on his face, and his features softened.

“This won’t be the last time we do this, I promise,” I said. “No need to rush things.” And I meant it. I wanted to do this right.

He let out a rough exhale before he finally nodded. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

“That depends,” I said.

“On?”

“If we can go somewhere where Stuart can’t find us.”

His mouth split into a breathtaking smile. He was so incredibly beautiful. I bit my lip, wanting to grab his face and pull it back down toward mine.

“Deal,” he said. “But you need to stop looking at me like that, or I’ll never be able to walk out this door.”

“Hadley, it’s Stuart,” Stuart called out like I didn’t know who he was. “Are you guys alright?”

Lex gazed at me for a few seconds longer before he finally opened the door to find Stuart standing there, shaking in his huge overcoat.

“What the hell is wrong with you two?” Stuart yelled, running inside. “Hadley, you ran out of the party without any explanation, and this moron ran out into the frozen tundra wearing a T-shirt. Are you two fighting?”

“No, we’re fine,” I told him. “Just a misunderstanding.”

“Come on, let’s go home,” Lex said, still sounding frustrated. He grabbed Stuart’s arm, pulling him back toward the door.

“Wait! At least let me grab you a jacket or a blanket,” I called to Lex.

“I’ll be fine.” His eyes moved tenderly across my face as he said it. “I’ll only be outside for a few seconds.”

“Lex—” I started to complain, but he cut me off.

“So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Definitely,” I said, smiling. He grinned back at me before walking out into the freezing night air.

“What are we doing tomorrow?” I heard Stuart ask as they jogged back to their house.

I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. It was really happening. I wore that same smile to bed that night, all the way into the next morning.