Chapter 33
W hen Lex got home a week and a half later, he came straight to my house from the airport, sweeping me up in his arms as soon as he walked through the door.
“I missed you,” he said into my hair before kissing me in a way that sent waves of desire straight through me. I was so happy to see him. I didn’t want to ruin our moment together, so I tried to put everything I’d heard on the back burner.
“Are you hungry?” I pressed my lips to his again. “I made some dinner for you.”
“Yes, starving. Thank you,” he said, smiling. “I just have to send a few emails really quick.”
“Okay, I’ll go heat your food.” I was trying to act normally, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what Nicky had told me.
I knew what the right thing to do was, but I also knew I was going to have a hell of a time convincing him of it. I just needed to reason with him that this wasn’t just about us.
I walked back into the dining room and brought him his plate of lasagna. He thanked me and started telling me all about his trip back home. “…and my mom was crazy about you. All she talked about the whole time was how I better bring you next time I come or don’t bother coming at all.”
“That’s so nice,” I said, chuckling. “I would really love to meet her in person.”
“Well, maybe we can go after the next semester is over. During summer break, if your mom is doing better,” he suggested. “What do you think?”
Crap . I didn’t know if this was the right moment, but I figured it was now or never.
My stomach tightened. “I think we need to talk.”
His eyebrows furrowed, and I could see the worry on his face. “About what?”
I figured being direct was the only way to handle it, so I took a deep breath. “Did you get a job offer from Empros Pharma?”
He seemed stunned for a moment before his face twisted with anger. “Who told you that?” His voice was calmer than he looked.
“Does it matter?” I asked gently.
“No, it doesn’t,” he answered sharply. “Because I’m not taking it.”
He grabbed his plate and started to stand when I reached out to stop him.“We need to talk about this.”
He brushed me off. “No, we don’t.”
He was being stubborn, but I wasn’t going to give up that easily. “Is it true that this is the biggest deal anyone in your field has ever been offered?”
His eyes narrowed. “So?”
“So, if it’s going to make such a huge difference in the careers of your entire team, not to mention all the lives you could impact with your work, how could you not consider it?”
“I have considered it!” He stood up abruptly, the chair scraping loudly across the floor. He stood there seething for a moment before he shook his head and said more calmly, “I can’t do it, Hadley.” He brought his hands up to cup my face. “I won’t leave you. And I know you can’t leave your mom.”
“It would just be for a year,” I said, trying to sound confident but my voice broke on the last word.
“No,” he said softly but resolutely.
“Lex.” I covered the hands he had on my face with my own. “This is everything you’ve been working for. You could change so many lives.”
“It would change me completely not to be with you.”
“They don’t just offer this sort of thing to anyone. You’ve worked so hard,” I whispered. “You have to take it.”
He shook his head. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“I know it would be hard, but we can make this work. We’ll do long distance.”
He recoiled from me like I’d slapped him. “You can’t be serious,” he said, his eyes widening in disbelief. “You wouldn’t even try long distance with your ex when you lived in the same country. How do you think it’s going to be when we’re an entire ocean apart?”
“That’s not fair, Lex,” I protested. “I love you. You know it’s not the same.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that you’ve said multiple times that you don’t believe long distance ever works for anyone.”
I shook my head. “It’s different with us,” I reiterated. “Besides, what’s the alternative?”
“I stay here,” he answered simply. “Just like we talked about. I continue to do my research here … with you.”
“You aren’t thinking about the big picture. This job could cut your time in half if you have access to their equipment.”
He narrowed his eyes, clearly unhappy that I had these sorts of details. “You don’t understand.”
“Explain it to me then.”
He raked his hand through his hair. “The job I have now already pulls me away from you, and it’s nowhere near as demanding as the one at Empros will be.”
I moved to stand directly in front of him, so he’d have to face me. “I get it will be hard, but this is the opportunity of a lifetime for you. You can’t refuse it just because we don’t want to be apart. It isn’t fair to anyone.”
His expression shifted, eyes wide and searching. “Are you saying you’ll be okay with it? With us being separated indefinitely?”
“Of course not, but you have to consider what it would mean if you don’t accept this offer—It would mean delaying your life’s work, your ambitions, everything you and your team have worked so hard for all these years,” I said, my voice steady but filled with quiet urgency. “And I can’t be the reason you turn your back on all of it.”
I watched him, waiting for him to understand, the silence hanging heavy between us. His eyes worked over my face. “And if I say I won’t go? What happens then?”
“You have to,” I said, trying to make him understand there wasn’t another way. “I can't let you stay here, only to have you look back in five years and resent me for standing in the way of all the amazing things I know you're destined to achieve.”
Lex straightened, his features hardening. “It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.”
I placed my hands on his chest. “I’m just trying to make you see that what you and your team are doing is bigger than the two of us.”
His hands remained at his sides as he peered down at me. “Is that the only reason you want me to go?”
My brow creased. “What else would there be?”
“You haven’t been thinking about going back to New York?”
“What?” My cheeks burned from the accusation. “Why would you say that?”
“I saw the paperwork. I know you renewed the lease on your apartment in New York.”
My pulse quickened. “It’s not what you think,” I rushed to explain. “I’ve been subleasing the apartment to a friend.”
He didn’t say anything, but I could see the thoughts racing through his mind, the doubt plainly on his features.
“I’m not leaving. I renewed my contract with Stanford last week. I’m all in this with you,” I said emphatically. “You have to believe me.”
Lex's expression softened, but only slightly, as he stepped back, running a hand over his face. His anger had simmered, but there was still a shadow in his eyes. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
“What does that mean?”
“I just need some time to think,” he said, fisting his hand in his hair. “You’ve obviously had time to think about all of this, and I need to do the same.”
He grabbed his coat off the chair and started making his way towards the door.
“You’re leaving?” I asked, my voice breaking.
He nodded. “I have to,” he said as I followed behind him. “You’ve asked me to think about this pragmatically, but I can’t do that when it comes to you... I never could. But especially not with you right in front of me, making everything else seem insignificant.”
I choked back the tears. “But you’ll come back tonight?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I just need some time... Is that okay?”
I nodded, a lump forming in my throat. “Just… try not to take too long.”
He leaned in, his lips brushing softly against my forehead, a moment of warmth that lingered just long enough to feel like forever, but before I could blink, he was gone.