Chapter 32
Hawk
L oud panicked shrieks scratch at my brain as we approach the steep cliffs towering over the sea. Jagged rocks hang over water so dark it might just be squid ink, but the dramatic scenery doesn’t help me ignore the calls for help coming from the River of Souls.
We’ve left the Nocturne Court behind us, but since the nearest city where we can regroup lies farther along the shore of Grief Ocean, Sylvan decided we ought to follow the coastal path. We travel through the woods, of course, to minimize the chance that the glow of my animalistic form attracts unwanted attention, but apparently the harbor close to the palace is the sole port in dozens of miles and the coastline itself is sparsely populated, due to the activity of dangerous sea creatures.
According to Sylvan, we should encounter more people once we travel past the Hannal Straits, but while we will have to survive on simple travel rations and make do without a warm bed until then, at least we won’t have to worry about being hunted down.
Then again, my pretty prince won’t need a bed, since he has my soft warm fur to sleep on. He’s currently enjoying a ride on my back, and I swell with pride that I can provide that for him without effort. He did his best during the three-day trek through the swamps, but his legs are short, and therefore, covering large distances costs him way more effort than it does someone my size.
Being able to change into a different creature still feels like a dream. Like the werewolves from Twilight —No. I’m not like the werewolves from Twilight . Then again, what do I know? I only watched the movie because one of the guards in prison was obsessed with it and brought us a copy. It beat staring at a wall for three hours.
Sylvan’s upset about losing the mask and my shadow, but I’m rather excited about all the things I’m discovering about this new form. My senses have sharpened, I don’t get cold, like, at all, and ended up lending Sylvan my coat, because the harsh coastal winds no longer bother me. I expected the drawback of ripping my clothes every time I grow, the Sunwolf form, but it seems to grow around me somehow, which leaves them intact.
Other than witnessing Fenren’s gruesome death, it’s been kind of a good day, at least until we approached the River of Souls and noticed the insistent howl coming from the fjord ahead.
[ What are those voices? ] I ask telepathically, because that’s something I can apparently do now.
Sylvan strokes my nape with his gentle fingers. I love him so much I have the urge to wag my tail every time he does that. “It’s… the souls carried by the river. If you want, we can climb down and see it from up close, but it’s not a pleasant place.”
I miss a step but regain my footing, saving us both from tumbling to the black moss under my paws. Memories of choking, oily water, of floating without purpose, and the growing sense of doom flood back, and I shake my head. But a part of me still wants to see the place where I could have ended up, so I approach the cliff and peek past the edge, at dark, dark waters rolling forward and pouring into the ocean to our right.
A shudder goes along my back, but I don’t avert my eyes, and try to recognize human-like shapes below.
[ What happens to them once they reach the ocean? ]
Sylvan hums. “We believe they are consumed by Heartbreak, the monster from the deep sea. But I doubt they are conscious at that point. Their darkened hearts fuel the beast, and every time it gains enough strength, it approaches the Nocturne Court. We do not know its true origin. Whether it is a hateful creature with a mind of its own, or an event comparable to a violent storm, remains a mystery. I’ve been studying alternative ways to fight it, trying to find out what else it could be vulnerable to.”
I look away from the river below and seek another way past the chasm. Once I spot a stone bridge with torn flags floating in the air on either side of the fjord, I trot along the cliff, eager to leave this cursed place behind me. [ Is it really so difficult to pull out a soul? ]
“Oh, they are all desperate to get out, but have you ever tried saving a drowning man? They are so overcome with the need to save themselves they will pull you in if you are not strong enough. Many have tried using rope and the like, but no alternative method proved effective. You need to catch the soul with your bare hands. And that’s why my sister died. She overestimated her capabilities and chose a soul that easily overpowered her. I’ve heard of elves getting lucky in their attempts, but oftentimes, other souls will hang on to the one you’re trying to free. Let’s just say, I never even considered attempting the feat myself. Yet all royals, even those without Companions, are expected to fight Heartbreak when it approaches. And I… I fled. I brought shame upon myself while my brother died defending innocent lives.”
I sense his grief and shame so deeply it tears a howl from my throat. Poor Sylvan does not deserve to blame himself. [ What’s the point of facing an enemy you can’t compete with? You would have died for nothing. ]
“At least I would have not dishonored my family. My mother thinks honor is for fools, but she finds it important we maintain its facade in public. I failed. I think…” He squeezes my fur. “I think she’s angry I’m the one who came back instead of my brother.”
I whine. [ That’s terrible! Your mom is even worse than my family, and you’ve met them! ]
“I see it.” He sighs as we travel under the cover of trees. “Since I met you, all I could think of was that your presence at my side would force her to respect me in some fashion. Then, I obtained the Sunwolf Crown to further put myself into the annals of history. After years of being constantly laughed at and demeaned, I craved the taste of victory, but should spite really be the point of my existence? Your approval, my darling, is worth more than even the crown of the Nocturne Court.” He leans down and kisses me between the ears.
I’m overcome by a wave of joy and leap up as soon as he pulls his face away from my skull. I now understand why dogs enjoy being scratched there, because it’s the best . [ That’s their loss and my gain. You are so smart, you know all those alchemy things, and about animals and places. You can do anything you put your mind to, ] I communicate to him as we reach the bridge. It doesn’t appear to be used or frequently maintained, but nothing happens when I cautiously take my first step over the chasm, so forward it is.
Fortunately, there are walls on both sides of me, which block out wind and at least some of the noise coming from the river.
Sylvan shifts and grips my fur harder. I kinda love that I get to feel his ass and thighs all the time when he rides me. It’s kind of pervy, so I won’t comment, but it is what it is. Soon enough though, we’re on the other side, and my prince speaks again.
“I’ve been thinking about something.” He strokes me again, and I wag my tail so hard it smacks a bush and several birds fly out of it with a screech. Sylvan just laughs. “Watch it! They might have eggs in there.”
I howl in apology, but I don’t think the birds take it the way I mean it. They're small, pale blue and, as Sylvan told me, people call them mourners, because they come in several pastel shades, which in this reality isn’t a color scheme every little girl wants in her bedroom, but shades people wear to funerals.
Sylvan has shown me so many interesting things since we started this journey. Somehow, he knows the names of all the flowers, herbs, and little critters we encounter, but also stories related to each and every one. I appreciate having him as my guide through the Nightmare Realm.
[ Tell me ,] I demand as we leave the bridge behind.
“I realized I was so focused on my goals and how you fit into them, that I forgot to ask what you want, my love. We are at a metaphorical crossroads. My past hopes and dreams might be in ruins, but we get a fresh start, and I don’t want to make plans based on my own vision. I want a life to satisfy both of us.”
I twist my head as we follow a stone-paved road with numerous weeds growing between the cobbles. As dramatic as the views of the coast are, it’s a relief to step out of the cold wind and be once again surrounded by thick trees covered with vines shimmering like glitter.
I’m touched that he wants my input, that my needs are so important to him. He is the sweetest creature I’ve ever met.
[ I... want us to be safe and comfortable. Where would be a good place for us to settle? ]
Sylvan chuckles and points to a tall, partially crumbling tower above the tree crowns, not that far away from us. “I don’t think we can count on safe and comfortable tonight. See those ruins? Three centuries ago, a pack of werewolves used to live there, and my ancestor led the fight to get rid of them. You’d think that’s a good thing, since they were a nuisance to the elves in the area. But it turns out, they kept worse monsters at bay. The bassal kind. In their absence, the forest has become even more dangerous, and this castle has not been inhabited since. We will be safe once we reach a city.”
It’s like he’s waving a treat in front of me, and I turn because I just have to see those ruins. I speed up, mindful not to throw off my rider, but the closer we are to the tower, the faster my heart is beating. Soon enough, we dash along a crumbling wall and reach a gate that hasn’t been closed for decades. Only one of its wings is still present, partially buried in the damp ground and rusting, but what counts is that nothing’s stopping us from entering. I carry Sylvan down the rocky path leading to a garden overgrown with thorny bushes.
The place is like something out of a gothic fairytale, but I already have my prince.
“What is it?” Sylvan asks as I smell one of the many blood-red flowers dangling from a wide tree.
[ I’m just curious. I wanted to come and see this place. Your whole world is so new to me, and everything is exciting. And werewolves? Makes me think. Am I a werewolf? Should we look for them? Would they accept me? ]
Sylvan chuckles. “You are not a werewolf, Hawk. If you wish, we could track down a pack of werewolves, but I do not think it wise. It’s best no one knows about the return of the Sunwolf. We are hunted because of my crimes, but while the Lord of the Nocturne Court can ignore my existence, he cannot afford to do the same if he finds out about you.”
The garden is denser close to the tower, as if the forest around us has managed to leave its mark on every single structure. When the stone walls of the castle finally emerge from beyond the trees—two floors with rows of empty windows and foliage crawling up every surface, I’m struck by the wild beauty of this place.
It’s like finding the ruins of some lost civilization.
[ If werewolves exist, does your world also have vampires? ] I ask, remembering the themed room at The Burning Corpse. [ Are they natural enemies? ]
Sylvan laughs, and I just love that sound so much. I might not see his cute face right now, but I imagine it with ease. “Where did that idea come from? Yes, vampires exist in the Nightmare Realm, but I have never met one, and I don’t really know where they might reside. Or maybe they’ve gone extinct? Some say they live on the Darkmoon.” He leans over my head and points to the sky. “Others say that they retreated to some far-away land beyond the Grief Ocean.”
I look up so fast Sylvan has to grab my horns to avoid falling off. [ They live on the moon? What? ]
“We can find out more, if that’s your wish. But first we need to find safety. And I have to admit, I worry how we will survive the journey to the nearest city. We lost close to everything during our journey, even your redpole. In fact, we will need to forage for our meal tomorrow. Elven settlements may be safer than the wilds, but we will be paupers. I was not prepared to have to earn my keep.”
[ I could work as a pack animal, ] I point out, placing my paw on the mossy steps leading up to the main entrance into the castle. A crest is carved above the door, but vines have obscured it too much for us to spot any details.
Heat flashes through me out of nowhere, making my heart beat faster, but I shake my head, and it passes as abruptly as it overcame me.
Sylvan laughs. “Don’t be ridiculous, Hawk. I just told you we need to lie low. Even the markings on your face might get us unwanted attention.”
[ Okay, but I could keep you safe in the forest, you know so much about all the alchemy thingies. You could gather the expensive shit, and then we’d sell it. Easy. And in no time, you’d have a little shop, we could live above it, and… whatever else you’d like to do between fucking and eating crispy delicacies from all over the Nightmare Realm. ]
Sylvan strokes my neck. “Actually, that doesn’t sound like such a bad plan. I love to learn, you know? I’d love to have time to read, research, find out more about the creature you’ve become. And maybe find those vampires for you, if you’re so keen.”
I yelp in agreement just as we face the damp-scented doors, and my call resonates through the hall ahead as if it were an oversized megaphone. Several purple shapes emerge from the building, floating through the air in jerky, rash movements. They screech, and I turn my head after them as my stomach growls.
Sylvan sighs and slides off my back, his gaze following the bat-like creatures now perched high in the nearby tree. With long ears and powerful hind legs, they look like winged hares, but their purple fur and beady eyes make it clear they aren’t of my world.
My coat is so long on Sylvan, it drags over the stone floor as he steps forward. “I used to love them. Hot, crispy, salty wings. An absolute delicacy. But since Lord Kyran’s Dark Companion, Luke, has adopted one and treats it like a baby, the court is banned from consuming bats. At least, since I was banished shortly after that ridiculous decree came to life, I didn’t have to bear it for too long. Imagine having to smuggle them in.” He laughs and stretches his body. I’m glad to see he can make light of the situation.
I don’t get the desire to eat bats out of all things, but he stares at the flying critters with such longing I wish I could catch them all for him. [ Then we’ll have to find a place where they’re a cheap, popular snack. ] I want to tell him more, but the strange heat dashes through my body again, and I groan, lowering myself to the cool stone.
Is that what the hot flashes my mother told me about feel like? Could it be that my hormones are changing because of the transformation?
“Everything all right?” Sylvan asks and kisses my skull, just above the hole I have instead of a nose. “I have some ideas as to which cities we should consider settling in. I only read about them, but unlike vampires, I’m sure they still exist.”
[ Tired ,] I say, and as a burning ring closes around my chest, I shed the wolf skin. Moments later, I open my eyes with my forehead pressed to a patch of moss.
Sylvan scoots down to me, and the touch of his cool fingers on my nape is such glorious relief. “Of course you are, you carried me all day. I slept on your back, but you barely got any rest. Let’s see if it’s safe inside. The dungeon used to hold werewolves frenzied with bloodlust, but I doubt any could have survived since this place was abandoned.”
His smile is so bright when I look up at him that despite the fatigue and the damn heat inside, all I feel is love. “Or we could have a small house in the woods close to the city. We could trap those bats and then sell them from a little stall in the market.”
Sylvan grabs my hand and leads the way, unafraid of what might be lurking inside the ruins. “I like that. You would have an easier time sneaking away to roam if the Sunwolf needs to stretch his legs. We will take a boat and leave these shores behind. I know of an elf that could take us across the water. She’s usually moored not far from here.”
He turns to kiss me as we enter the cool mansion, and for once, I don’t miss the sun. In fact, I welcome the chill of the abandoned castle.