Chapter 41
Sylvan
I didn’t spend much time in the dungeon, but every wall reminds me of the moments my beloved and I have stolen here. I should run upstairs and warn the shadow-wielders that the beast is on the loose, but my feet first take me to the pool. I dip in both my hands, hoping that some of Hawk’s essence still lingers.
But he is gone, and unless I reach him first, Kyran will have his soldiers hunt down my husband as if he’s a rabid animal.
My chest overflows with fear and grief. Soon, so do my eyes, but I cannot waste precious time feeling sorry for myself. Hawk is somewhere out there, frantic and hurting, and each passing moment lessens the chances that the man I fell in love with is still asleep somewhere within the Sunwolf.
I force my legs to move despite wishing to cry as I curl into a ball. The winding stairs make me dizzy but I speed up the closer I am to the top. My heart gallops in my chest as I think over everything I can still do to save Hawk. I don’t even know if the collar will work, or how to approach the Sunwolf with it. I’ve had the most basic training a prince needs in hunting or riding a kelpie, but this is way beyond my skill level.
By the time I emerge from the building, I’m panting.
All eyes turn to me expectantly, because they see I’m still holding the collar.
“I… He… He’s gone,” I choke out between one breath and another, and a hum goes through the ranks. The elves have started preparing food, but my emergence makes them all still. At the bottom of the stairs, Kyran shakes his head before jogging up to join me. His features are clouded as he and Tristan stand before me, but neither of them is out of breath, as if the universe wants to show me proof of how inferior I am to them both.
“Are you certain?” Kyran asks, and Tristan unsheathes his sword, lovingly stroking the flat of its blade.
“Gone feral, like we expected.”
I’m nauseated when I think of the dark metal edge anywhere near Hawk’s body. I push it aside, fighting tears.
“He can still be collared!” I raise my voice, because I can’t pretend to be calm any longer when Hawk’s life is at stake.
Tristan frowns, and the moon behind him adds more dimension to the strands of blood red hair that have come loose from his braid. “He’s no longer a person! He's a threat to every shadow-wielder in the realm, and you’re hardly a warrior!”
“That’s enough,” Kyran says curtly, but Tristan won’t be silenced.
“Before you spell that out, yes, I am angry at him for attacking me. But that is not why I want the beast gone. Sylvan’s not trained for fighting. If he goes after the beast, he’ll die for nothing. We’ve had our differences, but he’s still my cousin, and I don’t want that to happen. Reluctantly, I’ll even say he’s the most tolerable Goldweed I ever met,” he adds with a frown.
I take that in but find it hard to focus on anything but Hawk’s plight. “Am I not at risk of execution anyway? If there is any chance that Hawk is still inside the Sunwolf, I must try to bring him back. The collar offers me that chance,” I finish meekly, because it’s all in Kyran’s hands. If he chooses to imprison me right now, I won’t be strong enough to fight him.
His thick, elegant brows lower as he takes in his men, who listen to our exchange, no doubt ready to set out the moment he says the word. It might be Hawk who is to be hunted down, but I sense an invisible noose around my own neck too, because without him my own life will no longer be worth living.
I’m shocked when that thought crosses my mind, but right after comes the realization that it’s not a dramatic exaggeration. I would survive without Hawk. In fact, my life might even return to its pre-banishment state, but how could I forget everything I’ve lost after finally tasting the bond I never expected to forge? It would be a life without purpose, without meaning, drained of the one true joy I’ve ever known.
I need to reclaim Hawk and I’m ready to die trying.
“You do realize a loose Sunwolf threatens the whole Realm? We need strong shadowcraft to defend ourselves,” Tristan says.
Kyran exhales and meets my eyes. “I’ll give you an hour’s advantage. Then, I’ll send the hunters after him.” He gestures at the biggest of the hunters, whose armor is likely heavier than my whole body. “Dame Lorena, you will accompany Prince Sylvan to make sure he doesn’t flee when faced with the beast.”
I should consider that an affront, but I just grab Kyran’s hand, then bow to kiss a ring on his finger. “Thank you for the opportunity. I will not fail, My Lord.”
There’s a brief moment of silence before Kyran speaks. “Good luck. May the sun never burn you.”
I have no reason to feel touched. It’s just one of those things people say, but there’s something about the raspiness in Kyran’s voice that makes him sound genuine. I squeeze his hand and touch it with my forehead before straightening my back. I planned to respond with resolve, but my throat feels tight and raw, so I nod at him, then at Tristan, and finally meet the gaze of my guardian.
The giant woman in front of me squeezes her gauntleted hand into a fist and places it in the middle of her chest, knocking on the breastplate made up of dozens of scales. “Lorena Sheerwhisper of Ocalot Deep,” she says, introducing herself to me before focusing on Kyran. “I shall do as you command, my lord.”
I wait as she receives the same customary blessing I have, and moments later we head for our mounts, watched by dozens of eyes. The knight pulls back her dark hair and mounts the large horse capable of carrying both its mistress and her armor while I use a discreet ladder to reach the back of my kelpie, Octo.
I'm dizzy, as if I’ve had my skull bashed with a club, but I can’t push back the inevitable by excusing myself with a headache. Considering the danger the Sunwolf poses to shadow-wielders, Kyran’s decision to offer me a whole hour to find Hawk is an unexpected kindness. He is offering me more mercy than I deserve, given that my family attempted to assassinate him not long ago, and I shall not squander this chance.
I lead the way out of the improvised camp, through the overgrown gardens, and past the open gates of the abandoned castle, but once I’m no longer distracted by the curious soldiers and their noise, I stare into the dense trees ahead.
“Can you still sense him?” Dame Lorena asks, stopping her mount next to mine.
I blink, surprised she wants to speak to a traitor like me at all. I know her face, as I’ve seen her at court, and in the nearby villages, but this might be the first time we are interacting. After all, the fighters, even the low born, knew the lackluster extent of my shadowcraft. I have once overheard a group of guards discussing it over wine, and their claim that I'm not worthy of my birth stings to this day. But Dame Lorena’s eyes don’t hold any resentment, as if she’s content with her lot in life and doesn’t wish for anything beyond it.
I wonder if there’s perhaps an unusually large amount of human blood in her line. She’s not Hawk’s size, but almost as tall as him, and broader in the shoulders than most of the male elves I’ve seen. It’s no wonder Kyran sent her out with me. If she can wield the massive sword attached to her back with the same ease she guides her horse, then hers might be the blade to end Hawk’s life. If I fail him. Which I will not.
“Yes, I can sense him, but he deserves a chance. Don’t harm him,” I say, sliding my gaze over the thick grip of her weapon.
She regards me with the emotionality of a statue. “I shall do what needs to be done for the greater good. If he doesn’t recognize you—”
“You wait,” I tell her firmly and raise the Umlaris Band in my hand. “The real him might still be in the Sunwolf.”
“I cannot let him harm a member of the royal family.”
“Have you never loved?” I ask as worry and frustration grow in my chest like a tide, but my words make her avert her gaze, as if I’ve struck the right chord. I don’t need her to answer. Whoever she had feelings for is no longer with her, whether they’re alive, or dead.
“What happened to them?” I ask.
She exhales, looking north, toward the ocean. A shadow passes over her features before she speaks. “Heartbreak. He died when the monster attacked. He did his duty and protected the people. And so will I.”
My lips go dry, because the tragedy is still very fresh. Memories of the dreadful day three months ago pass through my mind in a whirlwind of terror. I ran and lived. Her lover stayed and is with us no longer.
Guilt creeps up my chest, because she must know of my shame, but time is ticking. “Then understand that I am ready to give my life for my Companion. I don’t care what happens to me, but give him a chance. Do not protect me.”
A band of iron locks around my chest as she chews through my words. In the end, her gaze meets mine, and she nods. “I won’t.”
“Thank you,” I tell her in a soft voice. Emotion makes my head spin again, but I have wasted enough time already. The wind carries the ghost of a familiar scent, and I close my eyes, sinking into moonless darkness as I seek my Companion’s heartbeat. The smell curling around me does not belong in this realm. It’s dry, warm, burned in my heart with the heat of the sun rather than fire.
The Sunwolf.
My beloved.
I lean forward in the saddle, and as the breeze dances around us, I realize Hawk is straight ahead. His heart beats calmly, as if he were resting, and maybe it’s just a miscalculation on my part, but he doesn’t feel far away.
I open my eyes and nudge my kelpie, releasing a sharp cry. Octo leaps forward, turning the dry ground muddy wherever his hooves strike it, but as I lead him past a thatch of black raventalon bushes, we emerge on a path of trampled greens and broken branches. The fresh odor of plant blood tells me the destruction was recent.
Joy spreads in my veins when I realize Hawk has been through here, and I follow, riding my kelpie faster than I’ve ever dared. The newly formed passage through the woods lets me spread my wings, and dash forward like a shark cutting through the waters of Grief Ocean. I vaguely hear the thump of horse hooves behind me, but I’m not going to wait for my escort and chase the sensation of delightful familiarity induced by the scent of sun-kissed rock.
He is so close, my Hawk, I just know it. My man. My husband.
A choked laugh tears from my throat when I circle a cliff, and once Octo heads in this new direction, a warm glow shimmers beyond the trees ahead.
Sunlight.
I feared its power when my younger sister Vinia used it to diminish my shadowcraft further. I still fear it now. But its presence means the Sunwolf is here, and I tighten my hold on the Umlaris Band, ready to do whatever it takes to get my love back.
For he is my everything. My starshine. The only moon in the sky above me .
I duck close to Octo’s thick neck as he jumps, cutting through the trees, but then we’re in a clearing, and I lift my head to stare at the stream cascading down a series of steep drops. The waterfall flows into a pond, which then drains into a narrow river that carries on all the way to the ocean, but I have but one focus.
The Sunwolf rests on a pile of rocks under the falls. His golden fur emits a glow I find familiar after three months in the world of humans, and as his light shines through the rushing droplets, fantastical patterns are cast everywhere around him.
“Hawk? Can you hear me?” I ask, hoping he answers me through our bond like before. When nothing happens, I reach along the thread that connects my soul to my Companion’s and call out to him.
No answer, but the Sunwolf lifts its monstrous head and pushes it through the waterfall. I ignore the hoofbeats of Dame Lorena’s horse catching up to me, and instead lead Octo down the slope and to the river.
He recognizes me, I’m sure of it. My kelpie isn’t happy to come this close to an unknown beast, but I pat his neck to calm him.
“It’s me, Hawk. I know I promised to forsake you, but I would not,” I say, staring into the onyx voids the Sunwolf has for eyes.
But the calm I felt at the sight of him drains out of me almost immediately, because there’s nothing there.
No understanding. No connection. No soul.
My heartbeat speeds up as the Sunwolf bares its crystal teeth.
I open my mouth, unsure what to do next when an arrow swishes close to my ear and hits the beast’s leg.
“No!” I scream out before even the Sunwolf howls with fury.
“He is lost,” Dame Lorena cries, riding along the clearing. She’s keeping her distance from both me and the beast, but it’s clear she’s going for the kill.
Terror seeps into my bones, and I snap the reins, making Octo fight through his reluctance and dash straight at my man. “Stop! I command you!”
The knight ignores me. Another arrow flies the Sunwolf’s way and misses, but as Dame Lorena gets closer to the bristling creature, she grabs her sword and pulls it out of the long sheath on her back. Octo’s hooves hit the water, but I can’t use the collar for as long as my supposed protector interferes.
If she won’t stop when commanded, I will make her. I pull up all the shadow I have at my disposal and create a dark wall right in front of Dame Lorena’s horse. I scream from the effort I feel in every muscle and tendon. It would still not be enough to physically stop a galloping horse, but the illusion it creates is enough for the animal to rear as soon as its muzzle pushes into the barrier. The knight tries to hold on to the reins, but with the sword in her hand, she’s off-balance and topples to the ground with a yelp.
I look back to see that she’s down when her spooked horse bolts between the trees, then turn toward the Sunwolf, but his dead eyes don’t look my way. They’re focused on the barrier I’ve created. It’s no longer needed, so I huff in exhaustion and let it slide into the water. This is my chance. The Sunwolf wants to hunt down my shadow, and while I’m terrified to lose what little power I possess, I’ll be the bait, if it means getting Hawk back.
I smack Octo’s backside so he gets close to my beast, and I climb to stand in the saddle in a feat I didn’t think myself capable of. But if I am to put the collar on his neck, I need to move fast. I reach to my side and unclasp the straps holding my breastplate in place, then shrug it off, ready to leap.
Black eyes widen as the wolf opens its jaws. His glow brightens, making me narrow my eyes to protect them, and I tighten my hold on the collar, focused on the creature keeping my man hostage. I’m about to jump off the kelpie’s back when the Sunwolf lets out a growl. Octo steps aside, then bucks, and I shoot out of the saddle before I get to make a controlled leap. The brilliant, rainbow glow of sunlight shining through water spins around me as I fly through the air, unable to confirm where the ground is anymore.
Colliding with the stones is a painful affair, and I grunt when something in my recently injured shoulder moves, blinding me with pain.
Yet I get to my feet. I try to work out where I am when the Sunwolf comes at me. His massive jaws filled with sharp teeth open… and close on my leg.
I scream out when pain rips through me like lightning, but I barely have time to process the torment when he pulls me up in the air as if I’m merely a plaything. And even though my bones are getting crushed like twigs and hot blood splashes my face when he swings me from side to side, all I can think of is that I’m close to where I need to be.
“Hawk! Please! It’s me!” I yell, half-gone with the agony in my leg.
I will die here . That thought hits me when I sense my shadow dissolving on his tongue. The only reason I’m still alive is because he wants my shadow first.
So I give it to him. All I want is to hold him one last time.
Panting, I grab the hard edge of his skull head and look into the void of his eyes. My stomach muscles burn, and my crushed leg is numb, but I grasp the connection between us, so strong and alive despite shadow being drained out of me along with blood.
I let him feel my heartbeat.
“My love,” I choke out and stroke the golden bone. “Let me do this for you. Let me give you the safety you wanted.”
A soft grunt comes out from deep in the Sunwolf’s chest, and I’m lowered to the moss. The beast lets go, then pushes its bloodstained muzzle under my tunic, pushing up the fabric. Hot air dances against my skin as he smells me, and I float in the shimmery blur where everything has soft edges. The pain is gone, and all I feel is warmth so intense I wish to strip my clothes.
My eyes are about to close when I realize the Sunwolf’s throat is right above me, so I open the Umlaris Band and push it up, into the thick coat. Each inch forward is like a separate battle, but I know I can do it, and when the dark collar locks with a soft click , I can finally rest.