thirty-seven
The tunnel leads beyond the gates of the estate. We’ve been underground so long that the sun has now risen, marking the third day since Jeremy was taken.
The archangel’s newfound energy has begun to deplete. His sword no longer glows, and neither does my skin. He isn’t as weak as he was, but he’s certainly not at full strength. But we don’t slow down, moving quickly towards Queenscliff and away from the horrors of the estate.
The pain in my shoulder never returned, even as the flush of the archangel’s power left my body. I trace my fingers over it, trying to feel for the wound.
“You won’t find anything.”
My head snaps towards the archangel. His attention is focused on the woods ahead.
He’s healed me before with his light, when we were at the Luminary. I thought he was going to kill me then. I wonder if this discovery will take us back to that.
“Your sword healed me?”
His shoulders square and his eyes narrow, but he only nods.
There’s silence for longer than is comfortable.
“I won’t tell anyone.”
His eyes snap towards me, the harshness in them replaced by surprise.
Blue glistens in the corner of my eye: a lake hiding amongst the trees. I don’t say anything, but I walk towards it. I’m covered in blood, human blood. It sticks to my skin like the memories of the people I left behind.
I peel off my clothes and stumble towards the water. All I can hear is their pleas for help. All I can see is the look in the girl’s eyes as she watched me turn away from them.
“Slayer?”
The archangel’s voice is somewhere far away, calling me back, but I hardly hear it.
The water is cold, the icy chill of the autumn breeze like needles along my exposed skin. It doesn’t stop me. The numbing sting is oddly refreshing while I fight the shadows in my mind. The ones that whisper to me about all that I’ve done.
There were children there waiting to become a meal. Men who cowered in the corners. Women who looked as if they’d accepted their fate.
And I slaughtered ten of the guards who tormented them. To what – make myself feel as if I’d saved them? Take away the guilt of leaving them to fend for themselves? I try to tell myself that they made it out, that Rosemary was waiting for them and will guide them to safety. I set them free. I did all that I could.
Though that’s not really true. I could have gone with them. I could have helped them fight the remaining guards. I could’ve at least made sure they made it to Rosemary safely.
I dive under the water, letting it wash over my skin, then I breach the surface. The water around me bleeds red as my skin cleans.
I can’t look away from it, from the blood that flows through the lake. A tear falls down my cheek. Then another, and another, and another, until my breaths become shallow, my shoulders slump forward, and my hands come to my face.
Warmth seeps in from behind me as the archangel stops at my side. He hesitates, listening to my sobs through the sound of lapping water. Then he places a hand on my shoulder, squeezing lightly.
I move my hands away from my face cautiously. My sobs start to slow, and the tears dry on my cheeks. Moment after moment, I start to feel whole again. The guilt fades, the pain dulls, and I feel… clean. Fresh.
I look over my shoulder at the archangel. His hand still squeezes softly. His eyes are flooded with emotions that I felt only a moment ago, the blue almost invisible amongst the silver flames.
My heart squeezes. I find myself at a loss for words. I manage to nod at him before diving beneath the surface again to feel the peaceful quiet of being underwater.