Chapter 10
Iwas in love with Rowan Ledger. I was a daft idiot. That”s what I was. How the bloody hell had I fallen in love with that prick?
I”d let him touch me, be intimate with me, and the only reason for that was that I was in love with him. I would never have allowed a bloke to get that far with me otherwise.
I felt foolish, and dropped my face into the pillow. I was leaving tomorrow. I”d never see Rowan again. This was it. The end of a love story even before it began. I should”ve let him take me against the wall. I would at least have some good memories then and not just regret.
You”d let a man use you like that? Yes. Lord, you”re so pathetic, Isha.
I felt the first brush of tears at the impossibility of my situation. I sobbed into the pillow, wishing things were different. Wishing I”d met a nice man in London, a simple man, someone who wasn”t Rowan.
But I saw him. His layers. The wanting. The not having. The desire to set his brother free. The ass! I wanted to tell Rowan that I never dated Ace, that it was all fake, but I didn”t think he would believe me. He”d think I was lying to get with him.
I heard the door to my room open, and I knew it was him, even though my face was buried in the pillow. I could sense him, feel his eyes staring holes into me.
I heard a rustle of clothes, and then felt a dip in the mattress as he got into bed with me. He tugged me to him, his chest against my back. A tremulous breath came out of me, and I let the tears fall.
”Shh.” He pulled me into him, and I turned and buried my face in his chest. ”No more, sweetheart. No more. I can”t stand to hear you cry.”
He stroked my back as he held me, his hands gentle as they slid under my tank top. He pushed his hand under the elastic of my pajama shorts and cupped my ass, pulling me closer.
”It”s going to be okay,” he whispered softly. ”I”m so sorry, sweetheart. Please stop crying.”
It took a while before the tears stopped. I couldn”t understand what was happening.
”I never cry, so it”s…I don”t know what”s wrong with me.”
He chuckled. ”Maybe because you”ve been spending too much time with an asshole like me.”
I nuzzled his chest, and I felt his lips move against my hair.
”Why am I feeling like this?”
”Like what?”
I shook my head, unable to explain the storm inside me. ”It”s confusing.”
”For me, too.”
I lifted my head to look at him in the moonlight streaming through the windows.
”What are you confused about?”
”Wanting my brother”s girlfriend. Wanting you. Wanting to fuck you. Wanting to take care of you. It”s not who I am.”
”You want me?” I’d guessed he did, but I wanted confirmation.
”I do.”
He took my hand and slid it down his body. He put my hand on his erect cock and squeezed. He was wearing boxer shorts, and he felt full and warm as I stroked him.
”Fuck yeah,” he murmured. ”Can you feel how much I want you?”
”Yes.”
”Do you want me?”
I didn”t answer. I couldn”t. I was shy and unsure.
”I”ll find out.” He slid a hand between my thighs. My shorts were loose, and his hand was on naked pussy. ”So, wet.” He slid a finger in, and I flinched. ”And so fucking tight.”
I tugged at the elastic of his shorts and touched him skin to skin. He was silk and velvet. This was the first penis I”d touched in my life. I stroked him, and he groaned.
”I don”t want to come in your hands, darlin”.”
The idea thrilled me. ”Would that be so bad?”
He thrust his finger inside me, and I gasped. He did it again and again. His finger found my clitoris, and as I massaged him, he kept pressure on me.
I felt the top of his cock grow wet, and I circled the head.
”Taste me,” he growled.
I didn”t know what he wanted me to do, but I gathered some of the liquid, and brought it to my lips. He watched and his breathing became erratic, his fingers on me insistent.
”How do I taste, baby?”
”Salty,” I murmured.
He bent to kiss me. He then brought the hand that had been at my pussy to my lips and coated them in my fluids. He kissed me again. This time, he stroked his tongue into my mouth, licking, tasting, plundering.
”I want your hands on me,” he ordered. ”Make me come.”
I knew what a hand job was, though I”d never given one before. What if he found me lacking? Sudden fear clawed through me. I stiffened.
”Shh.” He immediately could feel the change in my body. ”What happened?”
”I don”t know what to do,” I confessed.
”About what, darlin”?”
”How to use my hand.”
He gazed at me and nodded. ”I”ll teach you.”
”Okay.”
He took his shorts off, and then pulled my tank top over my head. He then peeled off my pajama shorts. I didn”t stop him. I wanted this. I wanted him. This was my last night at the ranch, and I wanted to know what it felt like to make love with a man I was in love with. Maybe I”d never get another chance to fall in love. I knew it didn”t happen all the time. I knew it was rare and precious. I”d loved no one in my whole life except Yasmine. And now Rowan. What a bereft life it had been, but now it was like all the colors of the rainbow were within reach.
He pushed away the covers, and turned on the bedside lamp.
“No,” I whispered.
“I want to see.” He looked at me from head to toe, and I fought the urge to hide my breasts and the patch of hair between my legs. I knew other girls waxed it all off, but I didn’t. I trimmed and kept the area clean, but I’d never felt the need to go completely bare. It wasn’t like I was having sex, and Yasmine, who did the full Brazilian, had told me it hurt like a bitch.
”You”re so fucking beautiful.”
I looked into his eyes and felt the truth of his words. I”d never felt beautiful before. But this time, I did. I smiled, and he smiled back.
He kissed me gently, warmly.
”Teach me,” I requested shyly when he lifted his head.
”I will. But first, it”s your turn and mine.”
I didn”t understand what that meant until he parted my thighs and set them up on his shoulders, exposing my pussy to him. I was embarrassed but also turned on.
”You”re glistening and pink,” he murmured, and then his mouth was on me.
I knew what oral sex was. Yasmine waxed poetic about how Derek ate her. But everything I”d heard about it didn”t hold a candle to the real thing.
He”d barely licked me a few times when he took my clitoris in his mouth. And the quakes within me set off. I couldn”t stop the shaking and the orgasm. This was more powerful than anything he”d manage to elicit before.
”Fuck yeah.” He licked my juices, and I moaned and whimpered. It was too much. I was sensitive; everything was in technicolor behind my eyes.
”Isha, look at me.”
I opened my eyes and tried to focus.
”God, you”re sexy.”
”I am?”
”Yeah.” He straddled me then, and took my hand and put it on his cock.
”Can”t I also do what you did?”
He narrowed his eyes, and then chuckled. ”You want to blow me, darlin”?”
”Yes, please.”
”So prim and fucking proper even when you”re saying you want to suck me off.” He kissed my mouth, and then lay on his back, propping himself up with pillows.
”Go for it, sweetheart.”
I sat up and looked at his erection. I had no idea if this was big or small, or average. Probably a regular size. Most men were regular size, and women all over the world gave them blow jobs and didn”t choke on their cocks. I could do it, too.
”Baby, you don”t have to do this, you know.”
”I know. I”m just…I want to.” I leaned down and licked the tip. I”d tasted him just moments ago, but this was a hundred times better. I sucked at the top of his engorged head, and he groaned, his hands in my hair.
”Now, open wide, baby, and take me in slowly.”
I did as he asked, watching him as I did. His eyes didn”t look away, and I could see how he felt. His arousal and his affection.
”Just like that. Now hollow your cheeks a little. Good girl.”
Good girl? Why was that so sexy? It shouldn”t be. I wasn”t a girl, I was a bloody woman. But it was sexy as hell.
”Now, keep taking me until I hit the back of your throat.”
I did, and then had to let go as I gagged.
”I”m sorry,” I said as I tried to catch my breath.
”Is this your first time blowing a man?”
I nodded.
”Ah…you sure you want to do it?”
”Yes,” I muttered, annoyed with myself for not knowing how to do this well. I went right back to it and heard his laugh. I figured it out by trying different ways of taking him deep, and from his softly delivered instructions.
He clutched my hair as I found my rhythm, bobbing my head up and down.
”Isha, I”m going to come in your mouth if you don”t stop now.”
I felt intensely powerful because his breathing was labored, and he couldn”t keep his eyes open. He”d given me such pleasure, and I wanted to return the favor. I wanted to please the man I loved.
His hand gripped my head tightly, and his hips jerked up. I was at his mercy now, and I loved it. I loved the feeling of being controlled by Rowan.
I felt his semen hit the back of my throat and fill my mouth. He groaned as he came. I couldn”t swallow it all, and it trickled down my chin, and when it became too much, I spit some out.
When he was done, I looked at him apologetically. ”I couldn”t take it all in.”
He smiled at me as he caught his breath. His finger traced the semen flowing down my chin onto my breasts.
”You did very well, darlin”. Best head I”ve ever had.”
There was a change in his tone, but I couldn”t focus on it because his fingers were squeezing my nipple.
”Lie down, Isha.”
He left the bed then, and I wondered what was happening. He went into the adjoining bathroom and came back with a glass of water and a towel. He gave me the water.
”Drink.”
I did as he asked and whimpered when I felt the warm towel between my legs. I was swollen and sensitive, and the warmth felt good. He”d made me come with his tongue and teeth. I wondered how it would feel to have him inside me. But he”d already come, so I wasn”t expecting him to get erect again. I knew my biology.
He came back and, this time, wiped my face and breasts. He took the glass from me and set it on the bedside table.
”You okay?”
I nodded.
I thought he”d leave, but he didn”t. Instead, he lay on his back and held me.
”Ah…is that it?” I asked, baffled.
”Is that what?” I could hear the amusement in his voice.
”We done?”
”For tonight. You want more?”
”Ah…,” I yawned.
”Get some sleep, darlin”.” He dropped a kiss on my forehead.
And with my head resting on his chest, my arms around him, I floated away.