The Trauma Response (Give a Bookish Girl a Biker #2)

9. Chapter Nine

Chapter nine

M aybe Jackson had a good idea sending Cai to dig me out of my hole of depression. Cai always did calm my nerves and remind me that even the worst of things usually have a silver lining. It doesn’t even matter that the guy showed up at the behest of my little bro, he came. He cared. He conquered. And now I’m sitting in the front seat of his car with a massive pile of books and a somersaulting stomach because I’m about to go riding on the back of a death rocket with him, heading to meet his friends.

When we finally arrive at his place, I barely have time to take in the garage before he’s instructing me on what to do.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he asks, glancing at my hand.

I blink a few times and try to orient myself. “Uh…yeah. I can hold on just fine.”

“I meant in general. I know you’re outgoing and like meeting people, but I’d understand if you’re not ready to meet my friends.” His hopeful tone says he really wants this, and I find I’m eager to oblige even if I am a little out of my comfort zone. Once upon a time, I did like being around crowds of people. Might as well get back to it with people he already knows and trusts.

“I’m good. I promise,” I say and smile to convince us both.

“Okay, well I know it’s hot out but I’d like you to wear this for a little added protection.” He opens a leather jacket for me to put on.

Fortunately, it’s gotten dark out and the temps have lowered. Otherwise, I’d probably die of a heat stroke. I slip on and zip up the jacket, already a little too warm, and Cai steps up to me with Chantelle’s extra helmet in hand.

“This has comms so we’ll be able to talk while we ride.” I let him slide her helmet over my head, which is a feat with my ponytail. “I think…one sec.” He reaches around behind me and lowers my ponytail so the helmet will fit better. It’s wise, but all I can think about is the warmth his closeness brings to my already overheating body. A sweat breaks on my forehead, but fortunately he mistakes it for the hot jacket. “Sorry, it’ll cool down once we’re riding.” With that, he places the helmet again and gently tightens the chin strap. “You good?”

“Yeah, I think so.” The comms crackle but he seems to hear me even though he’s not wearing his head protection yet.

Cai slips his black helmet over his head and connects the straps. “Hear me okay?”

The comms come to life with the deep, melodic tone of his voice. My knees waver a little at the sound of it so close in my ears. I’m in trouble. Super deep trouble. Old feelings flood forward again, reminding me that I once held a candle for this man for so long, it practically melted down to a stub before we finally split for college.

“Yeah, still good,” I manage but with a wobbly voice. “I’m a little nervous.”

Cai grasps the bottom of my borrowed helmet and touches his forehead to mine. “You’re good. I’ve got you, beautiful.” With that, he slaps his visor down and my heart skips another beat. Wow, this whole biker vibe suits him really, really well. Despite knowing it’s Cai behind that darkened visor, I’m still caught up in the mysteriousness of it all. I can’t see his face, have no idea what expression he’s making, but I’m sure I have googly eyes and a drooly mouth. Which is made worse when I remember my visor is still up. I pull it down and point to the bike.

“Okay, how do I get on this beast?”

Cai slings his leg over the massive bike and stands it upright. “Just do what I did and put your feet on the little pegs back there.”

I look over the bike and finally find the pegs. “Those? How am I supposed to do that? I’ll fold myself in half!”

He chuckles, tone rumbling. “Maybe, but you’ll be snug as a bug behind me.”

I shake my head and swing my leg over, almost hurtling myself over the other side. Cai catches me by my calf and rights me all while keeping the bike upright. I find the pegs and realize this whole experience will be a lot more intimate than I’d planned. I can’t stay on the little seat. I simply slide back down until every bit of me is against him, which he doesn’t seem to mind since he grasps my hands and wraps my arms around his waist.

“Hold on tight, lean when I lean, and try not to scream into the comms. If we stop, use your hands to brace yourself on the gas tank here.” He presses my hand onto the tank to show me where to put them. “That way you don’t smack your helmet into mine. Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be. I’m trusting you with my life, Cai.” It’s meant to be a joke, but he tenses. Three full breaths pass before he clears his throat and starts the bike. It roars to life beneath us, deep and loud. He kicks up the kickstand, but before we take off, he settles his left hand on my knee and squeezes it.

“I’ll never let anything happen to you, beautiful. You have my word on that in every way.”

I swallow hard and wrap my arms around him again. “I know,” I whisper, which must ease his mind. He slides his hand off my knee and grasps the handlebars.

“Hold on tight.” He pulls the throttle and the bike darts forward. I squeal despite being told not to, but it makes Cai laugh.

He eases me into it, gently taking the turns much slower than he’d probably like. A few miles pass and my breathing slows to a normal rate, but my heart still pounds. I’d bet my bottom dollar that has nothing to do with the adrenaline spike of riding the bike and everything to do with Cai’s soft humming and the way his abdominal muscles flex beneath my palms. Even with feeling only in one hand, it’s got my mind swimming. I can’t imagine feeling it with both. I’d probably swoon and fall off the back of the bike.

When we ease to a stop, he sits straight and rests both hands on my knees. “You still good?”

“Yeah. Getting used to it. It’s actually kinda fun?”

“Is that a question? Kinda? I’m going easy on you. Actually, Ava is probably angry with me for going so slow.”

“Ava?” Who the heck is Ava? And why does white-hot jealousy surge through my entire body at just the sound of another woman’s name on his lips?

“The bike, of course. She needed a name, so I chose Ava. She’s not quite used to going so slow all the time. Feel like taking the interstate?”

Ava. The bike. Whew, thank goodness. I mean…oh, okay. Definitely not worried. No reason to be worried since I’m not planning to date anyone anytime soon. Not so soon after getting out of a relationship.

“Whits?”

“Oh, uh, maybe on the way home? Let me get a little more used to it.”

Cai nods slightly and the light turns green. We’re not far from the tavern, so an interstate ride would be a detour anyway. We make it to the next red light when another bike pulls alongside us.

“What’s up, Hotshot?” I hear over the comms. “When did you get a backpack friend?” The guy’s tone is flirty and slightly accusatory as he rotates his head to look at us. At least, I think. It’s hard to tell which of us he’s looking at through the dark visor he wears.

“That’s my friend, Thor. Thor, this is Whits, my childhood friend I told you about.”

“Ah, nice to sort of meet you, Dr. Whitmore. I guess I’ll meet you officially at Brokedown.”

The light turns green and Thor jets off ahead of us, laughing the entire time.

“What are you laughing about? You know I can outrun you any day,” Cai teases, but only receives more laughter in response. It’s borderline maniacal but is soon cut off by a woman’s laughter. Chantelle pulls up beside us on her bike with who I assume is her fiancé on the back. She nods my way and we continue down the road in a small pack. Three other bikers have joined us and we all turn into the parking lot of Brokedown Tavern.

Cai parks alongside the others and taps my thigh. “You first, beautiful.”

On unsteady legs, I slide off the bike. Cai guides me so I don’t trip, then swings his leg over and immediately takes my left hand. The only sensation I have is the pressure at my wrist, but I say nothing. I like him holding my hand like this, even if I can’t fully feel it. I know it’s there, it’s affection, and I find I might be craving it more than I realized.

“Yay, you made it!” Chantelle says and nudges me. “Did you love it?”

“I didn’t hate it,” I mumble and try to remove the helmet with one hand. Cai releases my hand and gently unclasps it for me. My hair is messy and flies everywhere, but it’s nice to breathe fresh air again. “It was different for sure.” I don’t dare mention there seems to be something different about this friendship between Cai and me than there was years ago. For one, there’s more touching.

“Since Cai seems to want to keep her all to himself, I’ll introduce Dr. Whitmore to everyone,” Thor teases. “You seem to know Chantelle, and that’s her guy, Jude. This is Christian and his wife, Roxy. And that’s Des and Holt. We’re something of a biker group I guess, but we tend to stay on the right side of the law.”

“Tend to?” I raise an eyebrow and smile.

Thor grins and shrugs. “Can’t say I follow it completely, but I do my best.”

“Everyone knows you stay on the straight and narrow, my friend,” Holt says.

Des merely smiles and observes.

We stand staring at each other for a moment before Holt says, “Well, I’m starving. Can we move this party inside?”

Cai’s fingers slip through mine and he pulls me along into the tavern. Inside is dim and a little loud, but it has a cozy feel that I immediately like. Once we are seated and the waitress takes our drink orders, Chantelle pipes up again.

“You look so cute in my helmet. I might have to let you have it,” she says.

“Aw, I thought the purple sparkly one was all mine,” Jude teases.

“You wish you could rock the purple sparkles.” She kisses his cheek and nods toward me. “She pulls it off better than you, for sure.”

Quiet fills the table again and I realize I’m the one making things awkward. If these are Cai’s closest friends, then they probably know about our childhood and my accident. Since I want to get to know Cai in his environment again, I decide to put back on some of that old sunshine personality and do my best to win them over, get people talking without the stiff tension among us.

“So, how did you end up becoming friends and riding as a group?” I ask, curious to fill in the gaps between the years since I’ve known Cai.

Cai takes a breath to tell me when one of the guys pipes up. Holt chuckles and says, “That’s easy. He and Thor are besties. Connected at the hip and all that.”

Thor shoots Holt a glare at his use of the word bestie, but his lips turn up into a grin again. “Nice try, but it wasn’t me who brought him in. He was a stray who followed us home after that bike show, what, maybe a few years back now? He’s cute like a kitten, so we keep him around.”

Des raises an eyebrow. “A stray?”

Cai eyes Thor. “I think I brought you in, my friend.”

I laugh and ask Des, “What’s your version?”

He shrugs one shoulder. “Don’t ask me. He was here when I started riding with them. I assumed he was childhood friends with someone in the group.”

“I keep telling you all, Cai responded to that accident I had a couple years back. We chatted about bikes, and I invited him to ride one weekend,” Christian says. “That’s how he joined us.”

Chantelle scrunches her nose. “That’s the least believable option.”

“How is that the least believable?” Christian asks and sips his water while Roxy listens intently.

“I don’t know. It just is. Besides, we all know I’m the one who brought Cai into the group. We met at a Dragons game, remember? You were working that night the mascot’s fire-breathing stunt went a little wrong and caught the curtain on fire.” Chantelle sips her drink, fully confident that she is the reason Cai rides with them.

Cai merely shakes his head and chuckles.

“Well, which is it?” I ask. “And also I need to hear the story about the fire-breathing stunt gone wrong.”

Cai side eyes me with a stinking smirk and says, “Well, one of them is right and the rest do not pay attention or listen to anything.”

A hail of straw wrappers, French fries, and napkins fly at Cai at his refusal to validate the winner of the impromptu how did Cai get here guessing game.

“Well, however he got here, we’re sure glad you saved his life all those years ago. It sure wouldn’t be the same group without him,” Holt says.

“Yeah, Hotshot keeps us laughing. Usually,” Thor adds. “Thanks for saving his life when he was young and dumb.”

I arch an eyebrow and lean closer to Cai. “You told them about the pool accident?”

“The rundown, yeah. I left out some of the most embarrassing details.” Cai’s cheeks brighten, which is not lost on the table of friends.

Thor lets out a low laugh. “What did you leave out? Did you steal a kiss during CPR?”

Oh my gosh. My jaw falls open, and I snap it closed as fast as possible. My own cheeks heat even as Cai’s get redder. “I most certainly did not. I am a gentleman, you know. Besides, of all the ways I imagined kissing her back then, trying to kill myself first was not one of them.”

“Ah, but you did imagine it, didn’t you?” Thor asks but by his tone I know he’s only joking. At least, I hope he is because this conversation has taken a shocking turn. Shocking I tell you.

“Okay, okay, moving on. I can’t stay long. I’ve got a shift in the morning,” Cai says, shutting down all talk about our childhood together and this imagining he mentioned.

The conversation drifts toward Chantelle’s book signing and other topics, but I can barely pay attention to any of them. I’m too caught up on what Cai admitted, almost like it was nothing. Was it easy to admit because he doesn’t feel the same way about me now? Of course he doesn’t. It would be crazy for me to assume such a thing, but to discover he thought about kissing me when we were teens throws me for a loop. I tried so hard to get him to notice me, and he never seemed to see past me as Whits, his best friend’s sister. Except after his accident. That night at the hospital when he lay in the bed waiting for his parents to arrive, he reached for my hand and thanked me for saving him. The softness of his voice and the closeness of the moment almost had me admitting my feelings for him, but I chickened out.

But what if I admitted it now? What if I told him that I had the biggest teenage crush on him back then? Would it matter now? Do I want it to matter now? I chew my lower lip and focus on Cai, how he interacts with his friends, that glorious smile that pops out when someone says something funny or laughs at his joke. The way he looks back at me every few seconds and his eyes soften the same way they did back then.

Do I want it to matter? Yes, yes I do.

Because I never fell out of that silly crush on Caius Gray.