11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter eleven
I ’m already on my second book, and there is every reason to believe I’ll finish it tonight and dive into the next. I’d all but forgotten how much I loved reading for fun, but it’s all coming back to me. The joy of reading something I choose instead of for work or educational purposes inserts a little jolt of excitement to my recently dulled life. I miss the urgency and thrill of working on patients, and if I’m honest, I miss the sense of importance that came with my position.
But now, I need to focus on what comes next, learn to get over myself just a little—because let’s be real, no one needs to have an overinflated ego about saving lives. It’s all God, and I was merely the instrument He used to heal patients.
Turning the pages feels less and less frustrating, almost as if the rest of my body is compensating for the loss of feeling in my hand by appreciating new things about the tactile experience of reading a printed book. The sound of the pages turning, the little crinkle of the spine, the smell of fresh ink. It all contributes to the utter enjoyment of a book. But the e-reader Cai insisted on getting me is also nice. I can hold it with one hand and snuggle up in bed.
My brother’s knock on my front door startles me mid-chapter. I place a bookmark and head down the hallway to my room to grab my purse. “Come in,” I shout, ready to get to this lunch we planned.
Jackson lets himself in and hollers, “Deni is waiting in the car. You almost ready?”
I emerge from my bedroom and smile. “Yep. Where are we—”
“What happened in here? What happened to you?” He glances around the room and I remember the last time he was here—yesterday—it was a disaster. Then he sent Cai over and everything did a complete one hundred and eighty degree turnaround. Like my life always does when Cai enters the situation.
“Isn’t this what you wanted? Me clean, the house clean, a sunshiny smile on my face?” I put my hands on my hips and raise both eyebrows.
“Well…” He glances around again. “Yeah, but how did it get this way? So fast? I guess I didn’t expect you to actually listen to me.”
Shaking my head, I drop my hands and head to the door. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t send Cai here. You know good and well I’m not stupid. He showed up, cleaned up, took me out for a while, and I realized life isn’t so awful after all.”
Jackson’s grip on my front door lessens and his cheeks redden. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted my sister back, and I was afraid for you. Can you blame me for going nuclear and asking him to do his best?”
I roll my eyes and pass him, headed to his car. Deni waves and her bright smile lifts my spirits. Her curly dark hair is pulled out of her face, showcasing those gorgeous brown eyes. Once I’m in the back seat, she shifts around.
“I’m so happy we’re going out. It’s been forever. I was thinking that new place we keep saying we’ll try but never get around to it.”
“Oh, that’s a good idea.” I fumble the belt a few times then give in and use my right hand. It’s slightly frustrating but I try to smile through it and learn to deal with it. It isn’t just the loss of feeling, but forgetting that even though I still have grip strength, it’s hard to measure how much is needed for basic tasks.
“Everyone ready?” Jackson asks and checks the rearview mirror.
I feel like a child under the supervision of my father, but I try to shake it off with a little smile and a nod. We head out of the neighborhood and onto the main road, and Deni chats us up. There isn’t much time for Jackson or me to comment, which is pretty par for the course. Once Deni gets started, she doesn’t know when to stop for a breath.
We make it to the restaurant and inside before she finally opens the floor for someone else to speak, but I don’t mind. I adore my sister-in-law, and any chance I get to listen to her talk about her work as a director for a non-profit organization that tutors children, I’m enraptured. She loves her work, and I get it. I felt the same way about mine, but this time there is a little sour note to it that I can’t shake. Maybe it’s because I won’t have that same passion in common with her anymore, or maybe I’m still tired from the late night with Cai. I can’t say for sure, but I’m already exhausted and ready to flop on my sofa again.
When orders are placed, we take turns talking about the interesting things in our lives. Except I have nothing better to talk about than my dead plants, my stack of new books, and one night spent out with a friend. The rest is a hot mess of me trying to figure out my life again. Each time the focus is turned to me, I scramble to find something to talk about that isn’t about the worst few months of my life.
And then Jackson mentions my ex. “I’m glad you got rid of that what’s his name. He was not good enough for you.”
“I remind you that he broke up with me, then I got into a horrific car accident.” I roll my eyes, wishing he’d picked literally any other topic. Any other ex even.
Deni waves her hand at Jackson and says what I was thinking. “Maybe we talk about something else. Like what we’re going to get for dessert because this looks amazing.”
She points to a triple layer chocolate cake that will take me out for the count. But we’ve been in this noisy restaurant for an hour, talking about all of the crummy things in my life on repeat, and I’m anxious to get back home and refocus. If they want me back at one hundred percent, then I need some more time to reflect and think, to work through stuff and make new plans.
“Whew, it looks really good, but maybe to go. I’m ready to get back home,” I say, hinting that it’s been enough time amongst the people and I need to recharge my batteries.
“Tulip, we’ve been out for all of ninety minutes. I think you can suffer through dessert.”
Jackson’s attitude immediately puts me on edge. It’s barky, reeks of an issued order, and I’m not in the mood for that. There is a very real chance that I am about to overreact, but this thought occurs to me about three seconds too late and I grumble.
“Yeah, and I’m sorry if I’m still getting into the swing of things. You can’t throw me into the deep end and bark orders at me, then expect me to wiggle around like a little puppet on a string for you.”
Jackson sits back in his seat with his face scrunched up. “What? What does that even mean? All I said was that it’s been ninety minutes. You stand up for hours upon hours doing surgeries, and you can’t sit for an hour and a half with me?”
“I didn’t say that, and thanks for bringing up my failed career.” I cross my arms and let the words fall out of my mouth with all the snark of a prepubescent child.
“Well, forgive me, your highness. I forgot the world revolves around you and has to come to a screeching halt when you decide to lock yourself away for weeks at a time. Heaven forbid you look at this situation in a positive—”
“If you give me some line about positive thinking, I will reach across this table and—”
“Whoa, hang on. You two don’t yell at each other like this. Let’s take a breath and calm down,” Deni says as she places a calming hand on each of our arms. She’s the logical, rational one here, so when she stands, I’m a little worried about what is about to happen. “I’m going to the restroom. You two calmly talk this through, and we’ll head out when I get back, okay?” With that, she waltzes off and disappears down a long, dimly lit hallway that leads to the restrooms. Jackson and I wait a few beats before either of us speaks, which is probably a good idea. A nice cooling off period. Once I feel a little more settled, I swallow my pride and make the first move.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m frustrated that you won’t give me time to grieve in my own way, okay?”
Jackson flattens his napkin under his palm and nods. “I’m sorry, too. It’s hard for me not to fix things for you even though I know you are entirely capable of doing it yourself. You might be my big sister, but I’m still supposed to look out for you.”
“I know, and I love that about you. Your whole life, you’ve been my shadow, taking care of things I can’t. And if it wasn’t you, then it was Cai. You knew well enough to go to him, and he helped me out. All I’m asking is that you give me space to get back on track without constantly questioning my advancements.”
Jackson breathes out a long, low sigh. “You know, it’s never been easy for me to fail at helping you, only to watch my best friend swoop in and make it all right again.” He shakes his head and leans forward with both elbows on the table. “I guess some things never change.”
“I admit, it is kind of nice having Cai in the picture again,” I say.
Jackson narrows his eyes and chuckles. “You spent one day with him, and I haven’t had a chance to hang out with him at all. I’d hardly say that qualifies as back in the picture.”
“Well, I think it’s a good start. I doubt he’s going to drop out of it. Besides, he even said when he dropped me off last night that he’d like to see me again. And you, too, obviously.” Yes, obviously. He meant both of the Whitmore siblings, not just me. Whatever crush he had on me back then is surely over now, and any thoughts to the contrary will probably leave me broken-hearted. Cai absolutely meant he wants to hang out with us both as friends again.
“I’m pretty sure he’s more interested in seeing you than me, Tulip.” Jackson smiles and chuckles again, but it’s the sort that tells me my brother knows things I don’t…or didn’t.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I reach for what’s left of my glass of water and sip it down to distract myself from my brother’s unwavering stare.
“Please. If he has to choose between us, he’s choosing you. Don’t worry though. I’m used to it.” His grin spreads wider.
“Did…did you know he had a thing for me back in high school?”
He narrows his eyes again and shakes his head. “Uh, yeah. I think even Mom and Dad knew. He was my best friend. He never told you because he was so shy. Besides, I told him I’d kill him if he messed around and broke your heart.”
I swat my brother and frown.
“All joking aside, he really was too shy for his own good back then. He liked you a lot, even tried to muster up enough courage to ask you to prom, but he chickened out and went alone, sulked in a corner all night, and went home early.”
“Hmm, good to know.” I release a deep sigh and shift the subject. “I really need to find a job. Something to hold me over until I know more about my hand.”
“When is your next appointment?”
“Next week with the neurologist, the physical therapist, and a meeting with my boss. So much can go wrong, but I have a little hope left.”
Jackson reaches over and squeezes my right hand, the one I can still feel. “I know you do, and I’m happy. I missed my annoying big sister.”
I pinch his arm like I used to when he bugged me as kids. He yelps and wiggles free before pulling his phone from his pocket. His thumbs fly over the screen, and since we are supposed to be having sibling bonding time, I’m suspicious about what seems to have taken priority over me. I’m also over-peopled and ready to head home.
“Uh, what are you doing? I’m ready to head home. And what is your wife doing in there? Building a new bathroom?” Deni is usually part of this trio of awesome, but she is notably absent…probably because she wanted Jax and me to talk things out a little more after our little shouting match.
He says nothing but keeps typing, so I lean forward and glance over his phone. “Jackson Whitmore! Stop telling Caius every detail of our conversation!”
“Stop exaggerating. I merely said you’re looking for a job and asked if he knew of anything. That is hardly telling him our entire conversation, you drama queen.”
“I am not a drama queen. Don’t you dare tell him we were talking about him liking me.”
“I would never. Besides, we’re all grown up now and you can tell him you like him back yourself.” His lips twitch, but he’s not getting anything out of me. I wait silently while the little dots of impatience light up on his phone.
It finally dings and Cai’s response pops up.
Cai
I’m on it. I might know of something. Gimme a little while to call a friend.
Jackson responds with pleasantries while I scowl.
“You two are still so annoying. It’s like no time has passed at all.”
Deni exits the restroom and glances between us. I tap my brother’s hand and he chuckles before putting his phone in his pocket. This seems to ease my sister-in-law's worry enough that her smile reappears and she joins us.
“We all set?” she asks, a double meaning if there ever was one.
“Yep, take me home so I can finish my latest book and wait for Cai to work his job magic.” I tease my brother, knowing it is highly unlikely that Cai will suddenly find me a job.
And if he does, I’ll tackle that bridge when I get to it.