The Trauma Response (Give a Bookish Girl a Biker #2)

22. Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter twenty-two

I t’s still a couple hours before dark, and the park is empty. We managed to snag the best bench in the area, and Whits brought that mystery book with her, so it seems the logical thing to do is to sit and read while we wait for God to give us another show of his majesty. Not that the area surrounding us isn’t already spectacular. Early summer in the mountains is just as beautiful as every other season, and the park is brimming with wildflowers and berry shrubs offering a sweet aroma with every breath.

There’s a light breeze that lulls me even deeper into relaxation while Whits reads aloud. Every so often, she runs her right hand over the pages and smiles. With her left, she practices gripping the book, performing a task while ignoring how it feels…or doesn’t feel. Just when I begin to doze off for a bit while waiting for sundown, she giggles. I startle a little and blink a few times, working through the haze of almost falling asleep despite my deep interest in the novel.

“Here, lay your head in my lap and rest. You’ve been awake for a long time. I can read something else and wake you when it’s time for the aurora.”

Who can argue with that offer?

“As you wish, my lady.” I shift sideways and lay back, settling my head on her lap. She rummages in her bag, grabs a smaller book, and begins reading. I close my eyes and breathe in the sweet scent of the park again. Several moments pass while her faint breathing and the occasional turn of the page intermingle with birds chirping in the distance. And then a whisper light touch flutters over my hair. She brushes her fingers through it absentmindedly, but it’s almost as if it’s second nature. She never did this when we were kids, but then again, I think our friendship now is even stronger than it was then. The lines are blurrier. Each action is confusing—is it friendship or more?

But my heart is clear. I love her. I’m not sure I can let her go, and with each passing day I’m beginning to realize I might stand a chance at winning her heart. I peel open my eyes. She’s biting her lip, eyes darting over the pages, falling deeper into the story with every word. She’s so engrossed, I shouldn’t bother her, but I have to know. I need to know where this attraction between us is going. My heart will break if she wants nothing more than friendship, but it’s better to know now than drag out the potential misery.

I curl a finger around her book and pull it down so she’s forced to look at me.

She blinks back to reality and narrows her eyes. “Hey, I was at the good part. How dare you interrupt me just when he’s about to finally kiss her.” With a frown, she pulls her book back in front of her face.

I cross my arms over my chest. “Fine. I won’t tell you my secret then.”

Whits peers around the book with raised eyebrows. “A secret?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, do tell.”

I shake my head and close my eyes. “Nah, your book is more interesting I’m sure. You should get back to the kissing scene.”

She shakes me in her lap, lobbing my head back and forth. I laugh and open my eyes. “What are you doing to me?”

“You can’t tell me you have a secret then hold out on me, Cai. Spill it.” She closes her book and puts it on the bench beside us.

And just like that, all of my bravery flies right out the window. Her baby blue eyes look down at me again and all I see is the teenage girl who had my heart all through high school. Her hair frames her face in wisps and I can hardly control the urge to kiss her. When the silence goes on too long and our staring into one another’s eyes shifts towards awkward, she looks away and her cheeks redden.

I clear my throat but it doesn’t earn her attention. “About what I said that night at Brokedown, you know, about imagining kissing you and the CPR thing?”

She squeezes her eyes shut and smiles before redirecting her gaze to me. “Cai, I liked you too.”

I have to restrain myself from bolting upright. I slowly sit up and turn to take her in. “You what?”

“It’s true. I always thought you were cute and kind of perfect. I mean, I wore your jersey to all of your hockey games because I was trying to give you a clue. I liked you. A lot, actually.”

Dumbstruck does not begin to encompass my emotional status right now. “You liked me? Your brother’s best friend? The guy who annoyed you all the time? The one you had to rescue because I was an idiot?”

She huffs a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, you kind of were an idiot for accepting Jackson’s dare, but yes. I was terrified after you fell. I almost lost one of the people I cared about most, and I nearly told you how I felt at the hospital but then your parents showed up.”

“Why didn’t you tell me later?”

She shrugs. “I guess I was insecure. Besides, I’m a woman who likes to be pursued. A girl’s gotta know a man is willing to put in the work for her.”

Before I know what I’m doing, my hand is on her cheek, caressing just under her eye. “I’d move mountains for you if I could, Whits. I just didn’t know you’d want me to.”

“I know that,” she whispers, her voice catching.

My lips part again, but I want to be completely sure before diving into this kiss. This years too late, long awaited, probably phenomenal kiss. “Are…you…saying if I made a move right now I wouldn’t get shot down?”

“I’m saying you should kiss me, Cai.”

I drag her closer to me and palm both cheeks while her hands wander up my back to settle behind my neck. I’ve put out a lot of fires, some so big it took hours. I’ve performed feats of rescue that most people would be terrified of attempting. I’ve spent my life seeking out danger, if only to save people from death’s dark hold. And none of that, none of that ever scared me. But the thought of messing up this first kiss with Whits is terrifying.

“Cai,” she breathes and her eyes flutter closed. “Don’t overthink it. That’s my calling card. I’m the overthinker. You are brave and charge into things when other people run away, remember?”

“I’m not running away, I can promise you that.” I press a little kiss to her nose and nuzzle her cheek. “I just can’t believe I get to kiss you after all these years, and I want to savor every second of it.”

I tilt her head back and stare into her eyes. Where I expect to find trepidation, I find trust. Complete and full, unquestioning trust. There is not an ounce of Tallulah Whitmore that does not trust me implicitly, and that is a gift I find I treasure more than anything else in the world. Her lips spread into a sweet smile, and she absorbs the moment with me.

But sometimes beautiful moments have a way of getting interrupted, and there is no chance I’m letting that happen to this moment, one I’ve waited for half my life.

I claim her lips with mine and my heart soars when she melts into me. Her soft and gentle touch, the way her fingers run through my hair, it all takes me into a euphoria I don’t want to leave. Everything about this kiss, the sweetness in the air, the darkening sky, it all falls into place for me. God’s timing is perfection. Whits might suffer still more with the aftermath of the accident, but I’ll always be here for her. I know, deep in my heart, I need her too. I need her to fill the void and cold in my heart whenever I enter my empty home. Whenever I need to hold someone to ease my pain after a hard call. We need each other, always have.

Whits sighs into our kiss and allows me to deepen it, falling and falling more into our own little haven. She drags her hands from my hair and presses them to my jaw, down my arms to my hands. When she squeezes them, she releases from our kiss.

“Wow,” she whispers. “Way better than I imagined it.”

I can’t stop myself from laughing. “You did not imagine kissing me. Don’t try to flatter me.”

“Didn’t I? You weren’t the only one who thought about that, before and after the CPR incident.”

Resting my forehead on hers, I groan. “Tell me you are joking because I’m not sure I can take it if you admit you wanted to kiss me, and I missed out.”

“Well, I did.”

I pull back and shake my head. “Figures.”

“I wish I had never let you get away, and kept you in my life at all costs,” she admits. “I was crazy for putting school and work before you, and I want you to know…” Her cheeks flame and she lowers her gaze. “Ugh, I’m so stupid.” She turns away from me, slides off the bench, and wanders off but I manage to slip a finger through her belt loop before she gets too far.

“Hey, where are you going? Are you blushing? You never used to get embarrassed with me.”

She turns around and covers her face with her hands. “I did too, I just hid it well. And I’m incredibly embarrassed right now.”

“Why?”

“Because I just admitted I have feelings for you and did back then too. I don’t know. It seems so weird to be embarrassed, but I can’t help it. I feel like a teenage girl again.”

“Yeah, well, I have feelings for you too. Then and now, Whits. Deep feelings and I’d like to explore them with you if you’re interested.” I offer my hand palm up for her to take. She slides her hand over mine and releases a heavy sigh before connecting her gaze to mine.

“I am. Definitely, I am.”