The Un-Apparent Heir: A Royal Family Saga Romance (Spare Change Book 4)

7. Life and Death

Lucy woke early feeling an urge to vomit. She crawled out of bed and into the guest bathroom in the hall where she lost everything left in her mostly empty stomach. She supposed she should have eaten more. These days, food sounded unappetising.

They were stranded in Chicago, dealing with a storm that took days to clear. Lucy, Winston, Sanne, Paul, and Malcolm were due to depart for the airport in the afternoon. Lucy’s mother’s apartment was either in the basement of Jenn’s home or a storage locker. Winston, George, Patrick, and Paul all pitched in to help without question or hesitation. Lucy’s mother was grateful, even if the situation with George and Patrick confused the hell out of her. At least she was kind. Lucy assumed Dwight was rolling in his grave knowing that queer men had helped bail his widow out by packing their worldly goods.

Lucy felt a little better. She decided to get food in her belly, passing a line of massive windows showing the thick January snow cover on the street and walkways below. Lakeshore Drive was dead in rush hour. Everyone was home bundled up. Lucy popped a bagel in the toaster and flipped on the tea kettle. Tea appealed this morning. It would feel like home. Still waiting, she went to check on her son. He was sleeping in the room with Charlotte and Leah. The only way to get him to bed was to put him with little Charlotte. Lucy’s heart melted as she saw the two curled together. Charlotte, despite being a few years older, was a sprite of a thing in comparison to the chubby monster that was little Malcolm.

Lucy pulled the door behind her and felt the urge to vomit. She rushed down the hall, nearly running into Patrick. She bobbed and wove, barely making it. Patrick waited for her to come up for air, standing with a glass of water.

“You alright? You didn’t even drink last night, kid.”

Lucy sat back and shook her head. “I dunno. I think I need to eat something, but the smell of the bagel set me off.”

George appeared, loudly asking, “Who is hung over this morning?”

“Lucy is sick, George. She didn’t drink.”

“Go away, George!” Lucy groaned.

“What’s wrong?” George asked. “Wait, wait, let me guess. Winston knocked you up again!”

George had little self-awareness, delighting in pregnancy predictions. He thought he was a uterine oracle. It annoyed his family’s women.

“Winston will sock you and I’m not going to stop him, dickhead,” Patrick spoke up. “Have we learned nothing from Lucy’s first pregnancy?”

George crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

“Let’s settle you on the couch, okay,” Patrick helped Lucy stand with a tender and nurturing voice.

Patrick tucked Lucy in on the couch and brought her tea, which helped. Sanne soon rose, plopping by Lucy.

“What’s the matter?”

“Lucy has unexplained vomiting and no other symptoms,” George said.

“Georgie, don’t start,” Patrick grumbled.

George said no more, but like a defence attorney trying to make his case by planting an idea before an objection, the damage was already done.

“You’re pregnant?” Sanne asked, excitedly.

“No, God, no. I hope not,” Lucy said.

“When was… you know… your last?” Sanne asked.

Lucy couldn’t answer. She didn’t want to admit she didn’t know. She and Natalie usually overlapped. It was how she knew she was pregnant the last time. And why she once suspected she was pregnant after she and Winston first hooked up. But since starting fertility treatment, Natalie was all over the place. Lucy didn’t remember.

“She doesn’t know because she’s pregnant,” George said.

“George, I’d watch your mouth before Winston lays into you,” Lucy warned. “And even if I was, why would I tell you?”

“Touché,” Patrick snickered.

A baby stirred in the other room. Lucy knew it wasn’t hers. George dispersed to scoop Leah up before she woke the others. When he returned, Malcolm followed, half awake. He immediately raced to Lucy and crawled into her lap. He buried his face in her chest and clung like a little monkey. He’d do this for a bit before he finally came to. The trouble was, it hurt.

“Can we get him some milk?” Sanne offered.

“And one of those biscuits, yeah,” Lucy said. “Thanks.”

“I got it,” Patrick handed George a bottle. “Stay, Sanne.”

“Mama, drink,” Malcolm whinged.

“I know. Uncle Patrick is bringing one,” Lucy said.

They’d taken to just calling them Uncle Patrick and Uncle George. It was somehow easier.

Lucy again felt the urge to vomit. She foisted Malcolm on Sanne with nary a word and darted to the bathroom again. This time, Winston saw her in the rush down the hall. He stood in the door, waiting.

“Winston,” Lucy panted, trying to recover. “I need you to procure a pregnancy test.”

Winston cocked his head. “How?”

“I don’t know but I think I’m pregnant. So does everyone else,” Lucy finally admitted what she suspected was true.

Ed returned home,having been gone all day. Natalie was asleep in her room at Kensington Palace. He filtered to his own. They rarely slept apart unless one came home very late and didn’t want to wake the other. Or, in this case, there was something quite wrong. Ed realised he’d left in a rage, unable to make sense of things. Natalie was upset, having every right to be. She grieved on her own.

Everything they wanted flew away like a receipt in the wind. Ed drove, went for a swim, and took a walk. He’d then angered his detail by going to the cinema—a risky move that would get reported back to his wife and father-in-law—but he didn’t care what happened. Everything was bleak and painful. The worst part? He’d disappointed the person he loved most. There was nothing he could do to fix this. She deserved better.

Ed drifted off to sleep. He woke to the sound of the telly in their sitting room down the hall. As he approached, he could hear Mayday on the TV. Natalie swore she watched to prepare for the things she could solve in a crisis. Somehow, better preparing herself for an air disaster was comforting. It disoriented Ed. He hated that show, but he wasn’t about to police his wife’s viewing habits. She tried to survive, too.

“We’re at the Mayday point now?” Ed asked.

Natalie shrugged.

Ed sat on the couch, far from her. He gathered she was still very cross.

“Are we speaking now, Winslow?” Natalie asked flatly.

“I am sorry, baby. I am,” Ed said. “I didn’t… I couldn’t cope. I felt like such a failure—still do. I knew you’d need space and there was nothing I could say to you to make it better.”

Natalie turned. “No, I needed you—more than ever. I was stuck here alone. I had no one. Lucy is in America. Sanne is there, too, and I can’t speak with her at all. I… I needed you and you deserted me. I get that you are upset, but this affects me as much as you. And my body is still shot to hell over this, Edwin.”

“I know, baby. I am sorry. I thought you would want space.”

“The thing is… you never fucking asked me.”

She was in tears now. Ed scooted closer, picking up tissues. She dabbed her eyes.

“I love you, Natalie. I didn’t mean to desert you. However, I cannot help but think that you… you’re better off without me.”

“Don’t say that!” Natalie shouted, her voice ringing through the room.

Ed turned off the television. “Sorry, I cannot hear how the NTSB handles a crash right now.”

“Edwin, I love you. I promised you I always would—in front of billions of people. I meant every word I said. So what? We must make some uncomfortable contingency plans. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you—to grow old with you and only you. Do you understand that? My feelings for you haven’t changed. I need you more than ever. And you need me more than ever, darling.”

Ed teared up. “Natalie, I had one job.”

“You have one job. Your job is to love me beyond measure and support me. I have the same job. I didn’t realise not having children meant we couldn’t love one another anymore.”

Ed was now in full-on tears.

“Stop doing this. Whatever this is… you’re pushing me away. I don’t like it, Winslow. We’re a team. You must have my back. I need to know I can trust you. Right now, I cannot do that. I am worried for us. We cannot lose one another in this, Ed.”

He nodded. “I am sorry. You’re right. We must trust one another above all else. But I cannot feel like you would be better off cutting your losses?—”

“Cutting my losses? Ed, I don’t think you get it. I had love before you. I was willing to accept it without children. Yes, I want to be a mother. I am heartbroken. I know you want to be a father so much, but… I have never loved anyone like I do you. I’m with you because I cannot imagine my life without you. And if you go on and break my heart because you think you are sparing me, you couldn’t be more wrong.”

Ed collapsed, holding onto, and burying his head into her shoulder. She held him tight. She let him get it all out. Natalie let him be vulnerable for the first time in a long time. She was his safe place to land. She was right. They needed one another more than ever right? She was the only person who would tolerate him losing his mind like this.

“I just don’t know how to survive this, Natalie. How do we move on?”

“I don’t know, but I know we can. It’s not the life we imagined, but did we ever imagine running into one another and falling deep in love? Did you ever imagine you’d be married to me? I never imagined anything like this, but I also never imagined anyone would love me the way I love you. I didn’t imagine I could ever love anyone so hard or want someone so much.”

Natalie’s words were beyond sweet and everything he needed. It didn’t make up for Ed’s pain, but she told the truth. She let her walls down.

“We need to see a therapist,” she said. “We need a plan for life. And we need time to make it work. I don’t want to rush into this next phase in our life any more than I planned to rush into having a baby. If we’d have nine months to plan for a baby, let’s give ourselves that benefit for planning the life we never imagined.”

“I know you’re serious if you’re willing to see someone, Nat.”

“I am dead serious, darling. Whatever we can do to grieve the life we thought we’d get. The thing is, we can let this ruin us and get us down or we can see the future as open-ended. It is now what we make of it. It is how we imagine it. Let’s give ourselves time to do that.”

“How can you remain positive?”

“Because I trust that the universe knows better than we do. This is ultimately the most pain I have ever felt, Ed. Even becoming the heir… it doesn’t compare. We should open a bottle of wine tonight and get very drunk. Let”s drown our sorrows and figure out how to muddle through this until we can move on and make our lives beautiful again. We will figure this out, Edwin.”

“We always do,” Ed said. “I love you so much, Natalie. I need you in my life.”

“Good. We need one another. Let’s always remember that. We’re on the same team with the same mission. And that mission, ultimately, is to keep the family afloat. Without unity, we’ll never make it.”

She was right.

“You know, this is why I’d follow you into battle right?” Ed chuckled.

“I am told I am good at making a speech.”

“You are unbelievable. I know you are hurting and this is you being vulnerable, but… I needed to hear this, baby.”

“I know. I needed to say it—for us both.”

“I have an idea.”

“What?”

“We have a bit of our holidays left, right? Let’s get away.”

“Edwin, I don’t feel?—”

“It would be good for us, Natalie. Wherever you want to go. Where do you want to go? Where do you want to fly?”

She thought a moment. The wheels were turning.

“Fancy a complicated landing in Madeira?”

“I suppose I could,” Ed chuckled.

“Then, let’s book it,” Natalie said. “If you don’t mind me still being a bit grumpy from all these miserable hormones. Honestly, part of me is grateful I will never do it again, Ed. I’d do it again if I had to. For you, but… it was the most unimaginably terrifying and painful thing I have ever done.”

“It was terrifying for me, too. Nat, I was worried I might lose you. It is better, as you say. Maybe so much better? If anything ever happened to you, baby, what would I do? I need you. I want a baby, but I need you always. You are the reason I am hanging on right now. I know you need me.”

“I need you, but I want to see you happy again. You have been miserable since our first appointment, Edwin. I want to see the light in your eyes again—to thrive again. And while it hurts like hell—it always might—life is fucking complicated. I still wake up some days bitter about what I lost when George removed himself. When he left, everything changed. I still resent him sometimes. Then, I think about how happy he is now that he is himself. I think about you and how blessed I am to have you. Edwin, it gets better. It must.”

“I will struggle with Sanne and Paul’s kid.”

“Weboth will,” Natalie said. “But… it”s going to be okay if we stick to our mission.”