The Un-Apparent Heir: A Royal Family Saga Romance (Spare Change Book 4)

8. The Ugly Truth

Lucy carried a burden home to London. Winston knew better than to celebrate their newly confirmed bundle of joy. Last time, Lucy greeted two pink lines with joy. This time, she had too many plates spinning to want this. She was leaving her family to pick up the pieces. Her escape felt selfish, but Natalie needed her. Everyone needed her. Could she manage her job? How would she tell Natalie what was going on?

She and Winston returned to London to find that Ed and Natalie had gone on holiday—perhaps to escape the two-week wait until they figured out if they were pregnant. Finally willing to talk, Lucy climbed into bed.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Winston,” she said.

“Lucy, obviously the timing is shit, but we’re going to have this baby.”

“Sure,” Lucy said. “I’m not excited about it, but I will surely adjust. It’s just… I wanted to have my work. I wanted to stabilise on that front. If Natalie is pregnant, I will take maternity leave overlapping with hers. Someone must cover for her while I want to be home with my new baby. What will we do? And how will we explain this to Malcolm? I wanted more time with him.”

“Lucy, it will be okay. You can make anything work. But… maybe it’s time to think about stepping back.”

Lucy hated those words. That ugly truth. The elephant in the room.

“Winston, I cannot just go without work.”

“What is the concern? Lucy, neither of us must have a job. The estate can be our work. That’s what it will be as Mum retires, anyhow. I am not saying you cannot help Nat. You could do what Mum does and be a lady-in-waiting, but you don’t need the money. And this is a lot for you to manage. You’re already struggling.”

“Thanks for making me feel like shit.”

“I didn’t mean to, Lulu,” Winston said, voice soft. “I have always supported you. I always will but I want to provide for you and give you the world. I cannot help but think that is the best thing for you. It’s not forever. We can have the kids and then… who knows? But you don’t need this stress.”

“Because what… you can save me? And what if you tire of me, Winston?”

“What do you mean?”

Lucy took a deep breath, tears welling. “Winston, I trusted someone once not to fuck me over. I was left in a precarious situation. When people break up, they become assholes. I would have to return to work—with no work history. You’d get the children, take them to Scotland, and I would never see my babies again. That’s my fear.”

Winston squeezed her hand. “I promised you I would always take care of you. Lucy, that is in life, I am not running off and deserting you. You’re my wife. You’re the love of my life. And you’re Malcolm’s mum. I would never, ever want that for you. I would never leave you like George did. That’s not fair for you to put on me?—”

“Winston, I came into this marriage with nothing but my salary. You understand how nervous it makes me.”

“I am asking you to trust me. That is all, Lucy. Not because I want control or because I’m being selfish. It’s because I can offer you that life. If it makes you more comfortable that I step back, then that’s what you should do.”

Lucy knew he wanted her to do it. And perhaps it was for the best? He’d had this beautiful childhood growing up in Scotland. He’d had a mother who devoted every ounce of herself to her boys. Would Lucy not want to do the same? Selfishly, she wanted to keep working, but this was the golden parachute few women got. He’d given her no reason to not trust him.

“I will think about it,” Lucy said. “Because everything seems like it changed in a flash. But I make no promises.”

“It is your choice,” Winston assured. “I leave it up to you.”

Natalie pulledLucy into her office around nine AM after she and Ed returned from their impromptu holiday. While her head was clear and she felt a bit better, she dreaded this talk. Natalie debated whether she could tell Lucy the truth, but Ed encouraged her to confide in her closest ally. Lucy could help manage the fray.

Lucy appeared, sitting on the couch. She immediately read Natalie’s tone upon shutting the door. Her body language changed. She shifted in the seat, perfectly crossing her legs at the ankle. Lucy could be so alarmingly proper at times. Her rigidity could surprise even Natalie. It was no wonder she could have been hand-picked for George any day of the week despite her humble beginnings. She was a dead ringer for Natalie’s mother in mannerisms.

“Look, I don’t know how to say it,” Natalie said. “So I will just say it. Ed and I won’t be having a baby.”

“What? Not now, but?—”

“Never, apparently,” Natalie said.

Confusion spread across Lucy’s face.

“Ed and I had three embryos make it to three days. On day four, none survived. We were told our only option was sperm donation, but even then… and it’s not an option… well, they didn’t want to put me through another cycle. I’m sorry I’m not being more tender here. I know you lost your father but… my head is all over the place and?—”

“Stop.” Lucy squeezed Natalie’s hand. “Yes, I lost my father. Yes, it’s all shitty right now, but Natalie… this is awful. I am so, so sorry. What can I do?”

“I don’t know,” Natalie said. She didn’t want to cry. Surprisingly, she didn’t feel tears at all. She must get through this so Lucy could be on Team Support Natalie and Ed. She trusted Lucy.

“Well, whatever it is, Winston and I are always here for you. And your parents will be, too.”

“I know… in reality. Ed is so embarrassed. He doesn’t want to tell his parents the truth. I don’t blame him. And I don’t even know how to begin with mine. The line of succession is again fucked. I was supposed to save it?—”

“Natalie, you can’t help this. What are you supposed to do? Divorce Ed and marry a man you don’t love for the sake of having children? No one would dare ask that.”

“The press will eat me alive, Luce.”

“Fuck the press! And… maybe it’s best to head it off at the pass with a statement.”

“Ed and I discussed that,” Natalie said. “He thinks it’s up to me. He’d rather not, but he also realises if we never say anything, I will spend the next five or so years fielding constant demands about our plans to start a family. The press will question the survivability of our marriage. It will eat us alive. We aren’t ready yet.”

“I respect that.”

“I need you to hold the wall for just a bit longer. Keep the waters at bay. I hate to ask, but I trust you and… we need a few more months to figure it all out. To figure out our next steps. We must grieve. And we just aren’t sure how we will proceed.”

“What do you mean?”

“Not as married people. We’re utterly committed to one another. I wouldn’t want to go on without Ed. It’s not that. He is feeling so dreadful, so guilty. I don’t want him to. No, how to go on as married people desperate for a child, but childless? We need to make ourselves happy and find fulfilment. We need to bring a plan to Dad. Full stop. We need time to do that.”

Lucy nodded. “Okay. I can respect that. Strategy. Setting yourself up for success.”

“Exactly. Thanks for understanding. There is one more thing, though.”

“What? What can I do?”

“I need you to run interference for us with Sanne and Paul. Much as it pains me, watching Sanne grow into a fully pregnant person is killing me. Watching Paul go full-on adoring dad is going to enrage Ed. It’s not that we aren’t happy for them or don’t love them. It pains me to be so selfish, but… we’ll only kill ourselves and make things worse with them.”

“Maybe tell them?”

“I don’t think I can. Not now. Maybe in a bit? Either way, we’d like to not do joint appearances for now. I hate to say that I don’t want to be in the same room as Sanne or not be joyful about this niece or nephew. That sounds horrid, but… right now the pain is so deep…”

Lucy nodded. “So, should I minimise situations where you might interact with babies and toddlers across the board?”

Natalie winced.

“Nat, I’m asking because I can do that, not because I am judging you.”

“I would appreciate it. Pregnant people, too.”

Lucy nodded and sat there, looking at her hands. Natalie couldn’t figure it out. She suddenly couldn’t understand Lucy’s almost cool demeanour. She’d expected the same maternal, steadfast Lucy Chandler she’d known for nearly a decade.

“Lucy, what is wrong? Is this about your Dad? Do you need to talk about something?”

“I wasn’t going to. Not now, but… if I lie to you, it will worsen, and I fear I will hurt you. Like, it will hurt like hell and I’m sorry.”

“Nothing you could do could hurt me. You never have. You never would. You are my best friend?—”

“Natalie, I love you. I always will and I will whether I’m near or far. You know that. However, I need to tell you something. This was not the plan. It was not what I wanted. I’m sad about that but hearing that will not help you.”

“What, Luce?”

Lucy’s eyes welled up with tears. “I’m pregnant. It wasn’t planned. I just… I feel terrible. I don’t know how far along I am. Don’t ask. I wanted you to be the first to know, okay? Because if you cannot handle me being around… I will take my leave. I don’t want to hurt you. I would never want that.”

Tears hit. Natalie’s circumstances were hard. The idea of being surrounded by happy pregnant women—especially reluctant ones—was horrible but losing her best friend was worse.

“Natalie, I will wait until you tell me what you want, but I can clean things up, stay out of your way, and leave before I start to show.”

“Leave? Lucy… how can I do this without you?”

“You will and you can,” Lucy insisted.

Natalie cried. “You are the only one who gets me sometimes—apart from Ed. But with girl things, with womanhood and the patriarchal bullshit, who can I go to? And I don’t have Sanne now. I don’t have you. Oh, Lucy, this hurts.”

“I am so sorry it hurts. Trust me when I say it breaks me, too. But I think it is best. Say what you want. I will not be offended.”

“I cannot sack you for being pregnant, Lucy.”

“I would never make you make that choice. I will resign and give a final date of leave. Natalie, I am ready to be there for you always—even if that means we cannot physically be here. I won’t talk about the baby or Malcolm or?—”

“That’s so unfair, Lucy! I cannot ask you not to talk about your baby. Malcolm is my godson. He’s precious to Ed and I. I’m a monster, aren’t I? For even considering it?”

“You aren’t a monster. You just experienced a great loss—a heartache. This is so hard. I would not want to add to your pain. Trust me, I do not even know what I am going to do. I mean, I’m having the baby, of course. I will be happier when I’m less stunned and adjusted to the idea. I am not even letting Winston talk about it right now. I’ve told him I need time. So, if I need time to grieve the loss of all this normalcy, my job, all of that…”

“Lucy, it’s so unfair.”

“Life is fucking unfair, yes,” Lucy said, through tears. “I am sorry, sweetie but my gut—as your best friend—is that this is what I must do. Call me always. Anytime. I will always show up for you. You know that.”

Natalie nodded.

“I need a moment to adjust. You must give me time.”

“I will. And I’m not… I will come back around. I will be back here for you. I promise you.”

Lucy nodded. “I know. And I hope someday you can be around Malcolm and this new baby without pain—as well as Sanne and Paul’s. I am sure you will. You love your family but must protect your heart right now. You lost the life you thought you had. Much like when you came into this job… you gotta find yourself—yourselves—together. I don’t want to distract from that. I will take your cues. I’m always here. I’m not leaving your side, Natalie, but we need to hire a new person to take over.”

Natalie nodded. Everything hurt and felt wrong. She couldn’t stop crying. Lucy held her, rubbing Natalie’s back. It would all work in the end. Natalie was unconvinced she could do it without Lucy but couldn”t survive Lucy”s pregnancy. Her friend was right. It would be infinitely more painful if she stayed on. They would both suffer. It was better to hire another buffer whom Lucy approved of and who would keep things safe.

“Winston, where are you?”Lucy sobbed into her office phone uncontrollably.

“I’m at Mum’s like I told you,” he replied. “Are you okay? Has something happened to the baby?”

“I need you to come and get me,” Lucy said. “Take me home. Put me to bed, whatever.”

“Are you okay?”

“No,” Lucy sobbed. “No. Um… I think I just broke up with my best friend and resigned from my job.”

“What?”

“It’s complicated. I can explain, but I need you to come here.”

“I will leave Malcolm, okay? He’s napping.”

“That’s fine, but then it’s twice the work driving?—”

“Mum or Bruno can bring him. I will be just a minute.”

Malcolm was at his mother’s London home, the family seat. He wasn’t far. Even in London traffic, it wouldn’t take long. The gate rang Lucy upon his arrival, prompting her to grab her things and dash. She boarded the car, still crying.

“What happened, Lucy? You’re not making sense.”

“Natalie and Ed cannot have a baby. It’s a long story, but they aren’t able to. It’s over. And she wanted to avoid pregnant women—including Sanne. I understand and respect that. But... I told her the truth and she would feel better if I quit my job.”

“Lucy, that’s unfair. She’s your best friend and boss, but… she cannot sack you! It’s against the law and you are the best person for the job?—”

“It’s not that,” Lucy shook her head. “I offered, she took it. You don’t understand. Natalie is in miserable, unbelievable pain, Tony. This is the best for her and me, too. It might end us if I stick around. I wouldn’t want to. It’s just a sign that it is time.”

“But, Lucy, you two love each other.”

“I know. And I always will. It’s not that we will never see one another again. She cannot imagine a world in which they aren’t there for Malcolm. She doesn’t want to hurt me. This is something I offered. I was compassionate. It is the best I can do.”

“It feels very unfair. Let me talk to her.”

“Do not talk to her—or Ed! If he says something, that’s fine. But right now is not the time to mention this. Let’s give them space and support them when they tell us we can help.”

“Well, maybe it is for the best,” Winston sighed.

“What?”

“Mum wants me to take a more active interest in the estate. I don’t need to be present, but I told her you were pregnant, and she suggested we move back?—”

“Tony! I didn’t tell her you could tell her!”

“She’s my mother! Jesus, Lucy! You act like you’re ashamed to be carrying my child!”

“That is unfair, and you fucking know it!” Lucy sobbed. “Stop the car.”

“What?”

“Stop the fucking car!”

“I am not stopping the car!”

“Stop the car or so help me!”

Winston stopped the car and Lucy hopped out.

“Where are you going?”

“I will take the train home. I’m not going to deal with this. I just poured my heart out and lost the job I’ve worked my entire life for. Here you are trying to move us to Scotland like it’s no fucking problem and will solve everything. And then you accuse me of that? Winston, you don’t get to do that!”

“Lucy, I am sorry. Please, get back in the car.”

Lucy shook, cried, and felt the urge to vomit. She leaned over and let the contents of her breakfast leave her body on the roadside.

“Oh, fuck.”

Winston hopped out into London traffic and ran around to help her back into the car. She wanted to shout and tell him to go fuck himself, but the truth was, Lucy needed him more than ever right now. He was wrong, but she knew he was upset and wound up. He tried figuring this out, too.

“I am sorry,” Winston said as they sat with their hazards on. “You’re right. That was low of me. I’m just… you threw a lot at me, Mum dropped this on me, and… it’s all very complicated.”

“I know,” Lucy murmured. “And maybe your Mum is right. We can wrap things up here. And think about moving North. It would give Malcolm a childhood I never dreamed of. Malcolm comes first.”

“He does, yes,” Winston affirmed. “I love you, Lucy. I am trying to be patient. I always have been, but I want to care for you and give you the best life. I don’t want you working yourself to death and being miserable. And it sounds like things at work are just about to get worse and worse.”

“For a bit, yes. I will hire someone. I have an idea who might be good. I will train her and resign before I show too much. I will keep my distance from Natalie in the meantime. We won’t mention the baby. It will be okay… I hope.”