12. Good News, Bad News
“Idon’t think he wants to put baby Niall down,” Natalie laughed.
She and Lucy relaxed in the garden behind the Lauderdale family castle while Ed and Winston took the boys on a walk. Ed carried the baby in a sling to give Winston time to wander with Malcolm. He felt some jealousy like any toddler might.
“It’s honestly adorable. Is that the only way to make Ed go willingly on a hike?” Lucy joked.
“Possibly with a baby as motivation.”
“It’s good to see both of you happy, Nat.”
“It hurts some days,” Natalie said. “But we get a surprising amount of joy from these kids. And the peace we feel when they aren’t around. Being around Paul and Sanne and then you all, it’s clear things are chaotic.”
“It is, but we are also fortunate.”
“But I get to have wild, crazy sex whenever I want.”
“God, I long for those days,” Lucy sighed. “Maybe again someday in a hundred years.”
“It’s okay. When we return to Balmoral, the other niblings will be there. Leah is wild. Charlotte is adorable. I cannot wait to take them up in the Cessna. George and I are so excited.”
Lucy smiled. “That’s precious. They are so lucky they have an aunt to spoil them—as are ours.”
“We’re good for that. When are you coming back to London? Or up to ours?”
“Oh, Nat, we just had a baby. My body was split in two and my pussy is in pieces. Please don’t ask that.”
Natalie snickered. “Okay, okay. But in a few weeks? I miss you desperately. Or maybe later in the autumn, you can bring the beasties down to Wales?”
“I would love to. I’d love to go back to London forever,” Lucy said. “But… it’s good for the children up here.”
“What is good for their mother is good for them,” Natalie said. “Winston can journey back and forth, as his mother always did. You shouldn’t take it upon yourself?—”
“You know it’s more complicated than that, Natalie.”
“I know.”
“Me being home and Winston being close is what the boys need. And I remind myself it’s not forever. It’s the childhood I wish I could have had. It’s so important that they get everything from me.”
“Understood.” Natalie dropped the rope.
It was more important that she listen to Lucy and take her lead.
The truth was, she worried for Lucy. Her friend was always a city girl. She worried for Lucy’s mental health. She was so depressed after Malcolm. Natalie admitted that Lucy looked much better this time. She knew what early motherhood looked like, perhaps? Natalie still fretted. Her friend was isolated. Unlike Natalie who thrived in the countryside, Lucy didn’t love the slower pace. While Natalie had the same concerns about Ed moving to Wales, he was happy with a backyard pool.
“Always know if you need me to knock some sense into Winston on your behalf, you can ring me and I will drop everything, alright?”
“I know,” Lucy laughed. “You are good for that. And if you won’t, Rita probably will.”
“At least your mother-in-law has your back. Lean on her. She’s a good person. Let her take Malcolm and bond with Niall. Wall yourself off as much as you want. Last time, you worried about that. Know that we all support you, Luce.”
“I know. Thanks for reminding me, though. Please promise me you’ll call me every week.”
“I will call you daily if you want,” Natalie said. “I have missed you so much. Thank you for being patient with me, friend.”
“I love you forever,” Lucy said. “I cannot quit you. Thanks for being there when I need you.”
Natalie was grateful for her friend’s patience. If there was one thing Lucy was good for, it was that and loyalty. She remained friends with George after all they’d been through. She stuck by Natalie in her time of need. They always joked that after their husband died, they’d live to be a hundred together. Perhaps, theirs was a great love story on its own?
Sanne and Paulfound parenthood downright idyllic until their families left them to manage a newborn alone. Even with Paul’s amazing dedication, it was rough. Sanne wondered how the fuck they managed to pull off the charade of being grown enough to manage a newborn. And, what was worse, she was more homesick than ever on no sleep.
Then, something terrible happened.
At three AM, Sanne’s phone buzzed. She side-lay while nursing Keir for his second evening wakeup. It was only nine there, but odd she would ring at this hour.
“Linny, hey,” Sanne whispered. “Sorry, I’m up with the baby but Paul’s asleep.”
“Sanne, I need you to come home. I know you just had the baby, but I need you here.”
“What happened?” Sanne’s heart nearly stopped.
Her sister’s tone of voice was frantic. She was never like this.
“Mom… Mom was in an accident. And… she’s just… she is barely alive, and I don’t know if she will stay alive and…” Linny started sobbing. “I need you here. Now. I wouldn’t ask if?—”
“Oh, okay.” Sanne was shocked. “Let me wake Paul. We will try to get there as soon as possible, okay?”
“Okay. Please, Sanne. I am so sorry.”
“No, sweetheart, I’m sorry I’m so far away. I promise to get there soon. Tell Mom to stay strong and promise Mamma I’m on my way.”
“Oh-okay.”
Sanne hung up. She sat up, angering Keir, who screamed for the out-of-reach nipple. Instinctively now, Sanne picked him up and latched him back on as Paul stirred.
“Does he need a change?” Paul murmured.
“No,” Sanne answered. “Okay, probably, but that’s not what is happening. Paul, Mom is sick. There was an accident and Linny says it’s bad. We need to go home. Now.”
“Sanne, it’s like three AM.”
“Linny was begging, Paul. I need to get home.”
Paul sat up and stared. “How bad?”
“Linny seems to think Mom is going to die. It’s bad.”
“Fuck. Okay. Um… well, let me make some calls. You nurse him. Just… focus on the baby.”
Sanne stared at Keir, now wide awake and angry. She shook but didn’t cry. She was panicked—on the wrong side of the ocean, far from those she loved most. Or so she’d thought until now. She was torn between the need to reach them and caring for the soul who depended on her for everything. Keir’s needs kept her grounded. She wouldn’t put the baby down.
Sanne heard Paul argue with someone in the other room.
“Well fuck you!” He shouted. “I need a plane then. I need a fucking plane. I will hire it?—”
He listened. “No. Fuck no. I am not flying separately. What the fuck, Dad?”
Paul rarely lost it or raised his voice. He was the calmest, gentlest soul. But now, he was being downright aggressive. He never spoke to his father this way. She held her baby so close, feeling every need to block out the world and protect him, Paul did the same. Everything he held dear was in that cottage and it all needed to make it back to the States.
“Well, fuck you, Dad. Really. I will be sure to relay your lack of fucks to give! Fucking protocol! Fucking?—”
He was cut off. “Mum, I don’t… Mum, don’t listen to him. Do not…”
Paul’s voice broke. “Mummy, please, can you not just… override this?”
He pleaded with her. He wanted so badly for something he couldn’t have.
“Why? What do you mean we’ll talk about it? This is not how protocol?—”
He was in tears. “Okay, what the fuck ever. But this conversation isn’t over.”
He hung up and returned, “I have failed, Sanne.”
“Paul, you haven’t failed.”
“I’ve failed you. I’ve failed him. I cannot?—”
“Paul, I need you to use your words, okay? Like, I cannot think right now.”
“I called Natalie. She said she wasn’t authorised to take us. What the ever-loving fuck? Like, is she punishing us for the baby? And then I called Dad and he said not only could she not take us, he could send a charter for you and the baby because you’re nursing, but he cannot authorise me to fly with you. He flat-out will not allow it. Protocol this and that. What the fuck?”
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly. I don’t know.”
“Paul, this is crazy!”
“I know. Protocol dictates the heir, and the spare cannot travel together—but he’s not the heir to anything. Keir is just a baby. He’s just… Natalie and Ed will have a baby soon and make this all pointless.”
“We can hope. He must just be careful.”
“Well, I’m not going to fucking let you fly alone. I’m going with. I’ll take the heat later. Fuck my dad!”
“They deliberately defied my orders!”Robbie was hopping mad over breakfast.
Ed kept his head down. He and Natalie remained sympathetic to her brother’s desire to go rogue. Without knowing the details of their inability to produce an heir, Paul couldn’t know how essential following protocol was. Two, Ed knew he’d never let Natalie fly home alone under such circumstances—let alone with a newborn. It felt inhumane. He was on Paul’s side.
“He had no right, Vanna!”
Robbie protested because his wife wasn’t willing to say she agreed. Ed and Natalie sensed the tension.
“Dad, just let it go,” George said. “I will try to calm him down while we’re over there.”
George and Patrick were in residence at Balmoral but agreed to return. Natalie and Ed were prohibited from entering the States, as was Robbie. If Paul was there, they couldn’t be stateside without authorisation. This did not meet the bar of approval. Ed sensed his father-in-law’s anger was misdirected. He was frustrated with the same system that prevented him from doing what he needed to help take care of Sanne. He loved her like he loved his kids. Vanna, especially, was very quiet. She wanted to run there. Ed could tell.
“Let it go,” Natalie restrained herself, remaining livid.
“I don’t want to hear your opinion on the matter, young lady. I don’t need?—”
“Robert!” Vanna shouted from the foot of the table. “Do not refer to her that way. Do not fucking admonish her!”
The Queen rarely spoke in such a manner, but Robbie hit a nerve.
“Calm yourself. Everyone here is in a panic. Sanne’s mother is likely braindead, they have a month-old baby, and Paul did what you would have done. So stop it.”
“Vanna, you know?—”
“Dad, fucking stop!” Natalie said.
Ed noticed she looked about ready to cry. “Just fucking stop!”
“You all are on some roll, aren’t you? All of you?—”
“Maybe we’re fucking right?” George asked. “Jesus! Can you admit you’re scared, not angry? You do realise those are two different emotions, right? You and Nat have that in common. The difference is she has more self-awareness.”
Robbie looked upset and fell silent.
“This is all because of me,” Natalie said. “And I feel terrible about it. It’s inhumane. It’s unfair to Sanne and Paul and most of all, Keir. I fucking hate myself. You getting all wound up is not helping, Daddy. It’s upsetting everyone. We are all broken and all feel terrible. Let it go. Let Paul take care of his family. Mum is right. You were a good father and husband—a dutiful one. Where do you think George and Paul get it from? You would have done the same. Don’t be like Grandma Maggie and get holier than thou just because you’re sitting at the head of the table and feel the need to bring up protocol. Fuck protocol. Family comes first. Personally, if I were you right now, I would have not given a flying fuck.”
“Well, you’ll see when you are me. This isn’t about you.”
“It quite literally is. I am the reason?—”
“Stop saying that,” Robbie said. “I won’t hear about it?—”
“It’s fucking true!”
“Nat.” Ed reached for her hand.
Natalie swatted him away. “No. Stop it! You don’t get to silence me any more than he does.”
“Nat, this is my fault if anything?—”
“No. It’s not. Just… fucking stop.”
She left, slamming the door.
“Does someone want to tell me what the fuck is happening?” George asked. “Because I missed something.”
“Paul and Sanne do not know that Keir will be king. Paul is now Natalie’s heir. And it’s all my fault—not hers—but she’s feeling like a caged animal unable to swoop in and do something to help. This is quite literally an insult to injury. It is killing her. There is nothing I can do to help. I”m the lowest low—a total piece of shit,” Ed said.
George looked confused. “What?”
“We cannot have children. Robbie knows that. Vanna knows that. No one else knows.”
“What!? Why didn’t Natalie tell me?”
“She wasn’t allowed to. George, do not make this about you!” Vanna said sharply. “This is deeply painful for the two of them. Moreover, they’ve had to hide it for the past two months—and now more—because they wanted to give Paul and Sanne time to soak up their new baby. Which was beyond thoughtful, but is now quite complicated.”
“Shit,” George said. “There has to be something you can do. You’re a straight couple.”
“George, stop,” Patrick said. “Leave them be. If they say they can’t--“
George’s voice broke, “Well, if we can, they can, right? Right, Ed?”
“Unfortunately, no. And it’s all on me—not Nat—but damn if she hasn’t struggled. We both have. It was the end of the line. She could have died from the fertility drugs. Of nearly 20 eggs, only 3 turned into embryos, none survived. Not one. The only option we would have had was to use a sperm donor.”
“But she can’t,” Patrick said. “Fuck, Ed, I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks. This is very painful for us, but… Natalie wants to take care of everyone. She feels responsible for Paul’s pain. Telling him no last night… that she couldn’t fly them… was painful.”
“I wish he would have rang me,” George said.
“You’d been drinking. You wouldn’t have been helpful,” Robbie said. “Don’t you think I thought of that, Georgie?”
“Stop sniping, All of you! I am swimming in testosterone!” Vanna said. “It is unhelpful. Natalie is in hell, as are Paul, and Sanne! That poor woman! And all you can do is whinge, Robbie! No. Stop it! You know better.”
Vanna stood, hands still on the table. She stared at the other end where her husband sat.
Voice sharp, she declared, “If Sanne loses her mother, I will attend the funeral in your stead. Ed will go with me. I know you and Natalie cannot, but it will break Sanne and Paul if we do not show up for them. And I cannot for the life of me think of a time I would need a sign of solidarity more than after just having a baby and losing a parent.”
Robbie, intelligently, said nothing in disagreement.
“I am okay with that,” Ed agreed. “Glad to join you, Vanna.”
“Good. I don’t suspect Hannah has long. We will make arrangements when we know more. George, in the meantime, just… take care of them when you get back there.”
“I will, Mummy,” George agreed.
“Now, I am going to go take care of my baby before she loses her fucking mind,” Vanna said, leaving and also slamming the door.
“Dad, I think it is best if you just… say no more on this topic,” George said.
“Yes, I think so as well. I won’t argue with her. Neither of you are expendable, but my wife is probably right. We must show up for them right now. I will drop the matter. I’m not angry, I’m heartbroken—for Paul, for Sanne, for Ed and Natalie. The whole world is closing in right now. I would love for it to look differently,” Robbie said.
Silently, Ed agreed.